I can't go home and it's as if Nate reads my mind because then he says "You can stay at mine for a while, if you want?"

"Thanks." I reply and offer him one of those small smiles that you're forced to give when someone does something nice for you.

We walk to his house silently. One reason I like going to Nate's is the walk. I don't have to constantly look behind me to check if anyone saw where I live. Or who I live with. But the walk here is nice. He definitely lives in the better half of town where the houses aren't run down and the streets are safe to walk on even at night.

His mum greets us at the door. She's got an apron on and her blonde curly hair has been pulled back into a messy type of bun. She's met me before when Nate helped me with my maths paper but not the Chase that the rumours have created. That's another one of the reasons why I like coming here. I get a clean slate. I get to choose who I want to be.

"Hey sweetie." His mum, Tracy, says to her son.

"Hi Mum." He says sheepishly.

"Next time I ask you where you're going, you tell me before running off like some damn lunatic. What were you boys doing? It's almost nine."

"Yeah I know. I'm sorry. I just needed to do something."

"Well come in quickly, you're letting the cold air in." Tracy closes the door behind us. "Chase, how are you dear?" She smiles at me with a mother's smile.

"I'm good thanks Mrs Nightly." I offer her the best smile I can give at the moment.

Then Nate asks "Mum, is it alright if Chase stays over?"

"I don't see why not but is there a particular reason why? It's a school night."

"It's about his brother. He can't stay with him because he-"

"Is going away on a business trip." I finish quickly, worried he was about to tell his mother the truth. Nate looks at me confused but I continue to say "My brother doesn't want me staying alone in the house while he's gone and thought it would be best if I stayed with a friend."

"Oh I see. Then you are more than welcome to stay with us Chase."

"Thank you Mrs Nightly."

"No problem. Now, are you two boys hungry?"

Who knew having dinner could feel so foreign. I feel so out of place eating dinner with Nate's parents, so out of practice like I'm doing everything incorrectly. Leave it to me to find a way to eat dinner wrong.

I try my best to answer all of Mr Nightly's question correctly like "How are you doing with your studies?" I don't tell him I'm failing maths and when he asks about my future plans I don't tell him that I don't have any.

Once the awkward dinner is over with, Nate's mum ushers us to bed. It was late when we came back and it seems as though Nate's got a bedtime.

"I'm sorry you've got to sleep on the floor." Nate says as he lays out one of his blankets onto his bedroom floor to form some kind of semi-comfortable base. I'm in a loose pair of his pyjamas that Nate was able to fish out for me and he's in his own pair.

"It's better than staying with my shitty brother." A sympathetic look falls onto Nate's face. I hate the way he feels sorry for me. Either way I was sleeping on the floor. My bed is still in pieces from when Derek was looking for his missing drugs.

"I'm sorry about your brother." He says sadly.

"It's not your fault that my brother's a dick." I lay out a third blanket onto the floor.

"But it's my fault he reacted that way. I pushed him and then he pulled out the knife. This wouldn't have happened if I hadn't insisted that I go to your house. This wouldn't have happened if-"

"It was going to happen either way Nate." I interrupt and he stops talking. Perhaps because he knows it's true.

"Why didn't you tell my mum the truth about why you're staying here?" Nate asks as he gets into his bed.

"I don't want to cause any trouble." I say.

"But we can help you." He insists and I want to believe him, I really do but-

"You can't." I give him a sad smile just to say thanks for trying. Thanks for caring. "This is a battle that I've got to fight on my own."

But I'm not really fighting am I?

"But you don't have to. We can figure this out together. I can help you. Just let me-"

"Nate." I warn. "Drop it. I don't want to talk about it."

With a sigh, Nate switches off his bedside light and the room is plunged into darkness. Laying on his bedroom floor, wrapped up in his blankets, I stare at the dark ceiling. Finally, I let my mind go there.

I think about the kiss.

Nate kissed me today. Twice. And that's not even the weirdest part because I let him.

It was different to any other kiss I've had before. It was something I never knew I needed.

Man how I needed it.

Nate pulled me out from the dark place I knew I was going. I've never voiced those words out loud before, I've never said that I wanted to end it all but saying them aloud earlier today made me realise that I did want to do it, to kill myself. I think that's why I let him kiss me. Because I needed him to pull me out. I needed a reason to keep going and I guess now I've got one.

Him.

Even after we fought and he saw me smoke, Nate thinks I'm better than my brother and dad. He makes me want to be better.

"Chase?" Nate calls in the darkness.

"Yeah."

"You can't sleep on the floor." I can just about see his figure staring down at me from his bed.

"Why not?" I ask blankly, just to make it seem like I'm not worried he's about to kick me out.

"Because you're going to get sore."

I let out an inaudible sigh of relief.

"I'll be fine." I answer.

"I'm not taking no for an answer. We are finally going to be able to take part in practice tomorrow and we can't have you not playing. We want to win future games don't we? Now get in my bed."

"Who knew Golden Boy could be so demanding."

Reluctantly, I do as I'm told and find myself secretly grateful that I get to sleep in a comfortable bed.

His bed is big. Big enough that we can lay on our backs without touching, although sometimes we do accidentally graze each other and this type of heat rushes through my body. Which reminds me off the kiss and the warmth I felt then. And I go into this dangerous cycle where whenever we touch I feel that heat, then remember the kiss and then want to feel that warmth all over again.

Because as little and insignificant as simply brushing my pinky finger against his hand may seem, he makes me feel something.

And right now, I need something.