I go home.

He goes home.

And when I get to my room I see that Rachel's gone too.

What is it with me pushing people away today?

I lay in bed, drained from everything that has been going on the past few days. From bonding exercises to Chase's brother to Rachel.

A single tear slips from my closed eyes and I angrily wipe it away.

I don't understand why he's angry at me. I helped him with his maths paper, protected him from his brother, invited him to my home and he's angry at me? No. This isn't fair, I should be angry at him.

But I don't feel angry. I just feel...sad. All the progress I've made with Chase is now gone. The last thing I wanted was for us to go back to the way we were before. Our mutual hatred had impacts on our team as well as each other. I refuse to let it get back to that.

"Nate!" My mum calls from downstairs.

"Yes Mum?!" I yell back. I get out of bed and open the door so that she can clearly hear my voice over the distance of the house.

"Where's Chase?!"

"He's not coming back." I say, another sudden flurry of sadness hitting me like a wave.

"What? Why not?" She asks.

"I said he's not coming back Mum!" I yell and slam the door.

I don't know how long I've been staring blankly at the ceiling, but I do know that it's dark now and it wasn't before.

When I don't come down for dinner, my mum notices and makes her way to my room.

"What's wrong sweetheart?" She sits by my resting form and rakes her false nails through my dark brown hair. "Did you and Chase get into a fight? Is that why you're in such a bad mood?"

"Kind of." I admit.

"Want to talk about it?" She offers with a mother's smile.

"Not really."

"Well sort it out."

"Ow!" I say as she playfully slaps my forehead.

"I like having Chase around and I don't think a petty little fight should get in the way of your friendship." She says, placing my dinner on the bedside table and walking out of my room.

Friendship. In order to have a friendship you need to be friends. Are Chase and I friends? And if not now, were we friends before?

Another question to add to the ever growing list that I need to find answers for.

I've never felt so lonely resting in my large bed. I miss the warmth of sleeping next to Chase and even though it was just for one night, it was enough to make me want more.

But there is no way in hell I can stroll up to his house and jump into bed with him. There is no possible excuse for wanting to sleep next to a boy. Not if you're straight.

The thought of myself not being straight scares me. It scares me so much that I sneak out my house at eleven on a school night to go visit my girlfriend.

I don't let myself think that I'm using Rachel, that instead I miss her. But that very thought contradicts everything. I know I shouldn't use my girlfriend as validation for my sexuality, which I've only very recently started to question, but I need to get rid of these dangerous thoughts of Chase. And what better way than with your girlfriend of one year.

We're on the verge of Spring. The night air isn't as cold as it used to be so I'm warm enough with my hoodie. But only as long as I keep my hands in the pockets. The walk to Rachel's place isn't long and I see it peaking over the trees soon enough.

This isn't the first time I've snuck off to see Rachel late at night so when I tap on her window, she lifts it open, inviting me in with a smile.

It isn't hard to figure out what a couple of hormone-driven teenagers do in the middle of the night. We slept together. It's the same as it always is. Good. We cuddle afterwards in her bed, the warmth I was yearning to feel earlier is there but it isn't the same.

Rather than thinking of an excuse to explain why I'm coming home extremely late on a school night, I think about someone else and wonder why a certain boy is on my mind while my semi-naked girlfriend is in my arms.

Maybe I've finally lost interest in Rachel?

Things haven't been the same. I'm not wrapped around her little finger as I was before or want to spend as much time with her. It seems the power couple of Redington aren't as perfect as everyone thought.

Every time I try to backtrack to when I first lost interest in Rachel, the root of the problem seems to be Chase. On more occasions than one I have chosen him over my own girlfriend.

Maybe-

I've been a fucking idiot.

An absurd thought pops into my head and I decide to test the waters.

Maybe I like Chase.

I let the thought sink in and try to figure out what it means.

The signs are there, they've always been there but I just kept missing them. Or choosing not to see.

I like Chase.

It's clear now. The spark with Rachel has been burning on a dying ember. But Chase is like setting fire to gasoline.

I like Chase.

And to be honest, I have many reasons why. He's different to anyone I've ever met before. And he has this entirely different side to him that I want to figure out. I've seen glimpses of the broken boy he is and I finally have a reason for this need to help him and care for him because-

I like Chase.

The three words swirl around in my head evoking a whirlwind of emotions within me. The most prominent feeling being confusion.

Being with someone of the same gender

has never been appealing to me before yet the idea of being with Chase excites me.

Chase is a flame.

And I've got a match.

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