, hi my name is Alex Eastwood and I have a rare condition in which my body cells start to grow out of control. These types of cells mature partly but not completely. This is called CML; Chronic Myeloid Leukemia. Yes, cancer. It's a slow growing disease which means I'm stuck like this for a while. Well, unless I die of unfortunate causes.

My doctors have strictly stated that overtime my cancer will grow and obviously become worse. Stay optimistic they said, it'll be fine they said.

Instead, I wish I could talk about my nonexistent social life and fantasize about going to some high school party where kids had used fake ID's to purchase alcohol the day before. I wish I could do a lot of things and yet here I am. Talking to myself. Drawing in my notebook once again; living the only way I could. Indoors away from human life.

As a kid of course, I went to regular school I ate regular kid food like cookies and lollipops, until one day I just didn't seem to work anymore. I was thirteen when it all began. The symptoms start out normal, like any other cold. Gradually the cold starts to become severe. I'd wake up drenched in sweat, too tired to even get out of bed.

I started getting bloody noses during school hours. I'd cry to my mother because every bone in my body felt like it was breaking, over and over again. My appetite was gone, this caused my weight to fluctuate rapidly. My mother thought it would be best if she checked me out of school.

When we got the final results my mother was devastated. I was a child, I didn't know what all of this meant. At the time to me it was just a very bad cold. Little did I know this would become my new world.

They said the first stages of development were always the worst. I had to be put under many different medications for many different things. Most days I was to drugged up to even stay awake for long. I did undergo a few surgeries like blood transfusions as well.

I remember at one point I wanted to give up. Thinking that maybe my body wasn't strong enough for all of this treatment.

Four years later I'm just trying to live the best life any teenager could live with Leukemia. There is the fact that nobody knows I'm even living with such a condition.

I bit the top of my pen, swaying my chair a little as I looked down at my notebook. I was sitting at my desk glancing up every now and then to catch a glimpse of my neighbor. Stalker much, to my defense his curtains were never closed! He went by the name of Gavin Cambridge, it already sounds to cheesy to be true.

For a short minute Gavin passes by his window. How depressing, this is what I looked forward to each morning? My hot neighbor? He's running his hands through his hair like he's frustrated about something again.

The last time I'd ever spoken to him was in fifth grade when he threatened to push me off of a swing because he wanted it. The year I left school, eighth grade, he hadn't changed much either. Last I heard he was a quarterback on the football team but he's had too many detentions and suspensions to complete a season. He's always been a troubled kid and from the gossip my dear friend Peyton tells me he's nothing but trouble.

My eyes still wander around like I'm lost or something or maybe I'm just and idiot trying to look as unsuspicious as I possibly can. Gavin's wearing black sweatpants this morning, only sweatpants.

Let's set one thing straight though, I'm not a big extrovert like most. I lack in social skills and I'm not a people person. Gavin on the other hand aka my hot neighbor is completely opposite. You couldn't believe how many girls I see daily in that bedroom. Half naked girls, angry girls, very little minded girls. It's like a plague just breaks out whenever Gavin is near the female population, they get the miserable I want him virus.

Better than anything else I guess?

I always try my best to understand why attractive people think the whole world revolves around them or at least want it to? There was no doubt about it, Gavin is attractive and with that comes the huge ego just building upon itself. I find myself still watching him like a creep who only has three followers on Instagram; my two best friends and my mother.

"Medication." My mother says walking into my room with her tray of assortments. "Whatcha drawing there?"

I close my notebook before she can see, twirling my chair around to face her. I force a smile. "Oh it's nothing."

She begins handing me a glass of water and my first dose of morning medications. I honestly don't know what I'd do if it weren't for her. My mother's been through hell with me, I couldn't imagine the way she feels sometimes.

"I'm off to work okay? Make sure you call if anything is wrong and don't forget to finish up those few online courses." She reminds me.

I nodded my head hanging my head back on my chair as I began spinning it around again. The hours slowly passed, I would walk around my house for a few minutes until I lost my breath. Then I'd scan the fridge that contained only organic food options and every time I would feel a little more disappointed.

The house was always so empty and I hated it. My father was imprisoned a couple months ago for something I just don't bother to ask about. He was never involved in my life anyway, he would only pop up when he needed extra cash. When the bills ran high for some of my treatment he didn't even bother to help my mother out, the man blamed it all on me.

*knock* *knock*

"Please tell me you brought chocolate?" I said my eyes landing upon my two best friends; Ashton and Peyton. They were the only two that I had told my condition about back when things were very tough. At the time I didn't want anyone to know, I didn't want to be seen as someone who was weak and sick even if that was the harsh reality of it.

Luckily they don't treat me any differently.

"Did you see that eye candy outside?" Peyton wiggles her eyebrows at me. "Gavin just got home too."

I begin to roll my eyes as I see her run over to the window peeking through the blinds. I was literally doing the same this morning so how could I complain? "Hey we're not here to be watching the boy next door." Ash tells Peyton. "Here's your chocolate."

"You're the best." I said.

"I still can't believe you've lived beside this guy your whole life and he has no idea what goes on beyond this house?" Peyton adds still looking through the blinds. "Or maybe he does?"

"Gavin could careless about me." I laughed. "He's hardly ever home anyway."

Peyton shrugs finally stepping away from the window to face us. "Netflix?"

Later that day my feet dangled from the exam table as my mother and I waited patiently for my doctor to arrive with my test results. Every few weeks they draw blood to see how my bodies functioning and reacting to the medications.

"Alex." My doctor greets me with a smile. She's looking over her clipboard before she pulls a chair out and sits beside me. "Seems the medication has been doing its job. White blood cells are still pretty high, have you had any red spots on the skin?"

I shook my head in response.

The doctors don't really know how I sorta conjured up this virus inside of me. They said it could have been radiation exposure or my immune system just chose to not cooperate with my body.

"Good that means you haven't been exposed to tiny broken blood vessels, under the skin." She says looking at that clipboard again. "They can cause blood clots."

Gee, exactly what I love to hear. This is why I dread going anywhere. I just always receive more and more bad news. I get it, it's all going down hill from here.

I finally took off that horrid hospital gown and followed behind my mother to the car. There was a silence that fell on us. "Doctor Miles says chemo therapy is always-"

"I'm not doing chemo mom." I said staring out of the window. "We've talked about this."

"No we don't talk about it, cancer doesn't go away Alex it spreads. The only way to get rid of it is to actually get rid of it. This medication is just some temporary fix."

I don't respond to her. Instead I think about what she said and I know she's right. But I've heard things about chemo, bad things.

We got home a short time later. I hopped out of the car my eyes looking at my next door neighbor in his driveway arguing with Georgia again.

"C'mon honey." My mother calls from the front door.

Georgia Hastings, sure she was pretty which left her attitude the complete opposite. Georgia loved to make my life a living hell in anyway shape or form. Once I left my school Westland High which was located in the state of Washington, she spread a rumor around, that I had gone to a psychiatric hospital because I was dysfunctional.

I'm glad she doesn't know I live right beside Gavin; her only obsession. Otherwise she'd keep ruining my life just like before.

I turned on the single light in my room taking off my jacket and tossing it across the room. With Leukemia you rarely ever eat because it's just another side effect, so like me I take a few bites from my mother's organic meal preparation and throw it away.

For some reason I enjoy pickles which is what my friends usually bring me. I'd be a skeleton by now if it hadn't been for all of the snacks they bring me.

I fall onto my bed reading Peyton's new message.

I rolled my eyes sitting up from my bed. Peyton's begged me multiple times to try and get out of the house. I've had hard times with my mother even letting me walk out to grab the mail when I'm home alone.

I eventually put my phone down and get undressed into much more comfortable clothes for bed. As I shut off the lights I could see Gavin in his room once again.

The guy didn't even know I existed let alone care for my existence and yet here I am mesmerizing the way angels somehow managed to create someone so perfect. It seems his appearance makes up for his ability to talk to someone without punching them.

Besides this was the most action I could ever get, a shirtless Gavin looking at me. Wait. Looking at me? I quickly stumbled back tripping over some dirty laundry on the floor.

I could feel a sharp pinch in the back of my head and then I blacked out.