I slam the door behind me trying to block out the laughter. I'd never been in this position before where my mother was the one acting like a child. My mom was usually the one who knew how to handle herself.

"What's wrong with you?" I snapped. "Do you think this is funny."

"We were just having some fun Alex, relax." She laughs lightly throwing her shoes across the room. "I really think all the medications gone to your head."

I hold back the tears. "Don't you understand that this is hard for me too? For some reason you keep thinking your the one dying!"

"Don't be dramatic, you're not dying."

I hold my hands out to show her. "The doctors said if the tremors continue it meant the cancer was spreading."

My mother opens her mouth to speak but doesn't say anything. Even if she was drunk she knew what this meant. Call me dramatic it's not like I was wrong.

"Have you been taking your medication everyday?"

I nod my head, watching as my doctor wrote a few things into her clipboard. My mother was waiting outside for me still hungover from the night before.

"Patients usually don't experience this sort of nerve damage unless they've developed PN which is a term for a type of nerve damage. This could be from one of the medications we'll just have to find out which one it is."

"How?" I ask.

"Well first we'll cut off a certain pill for a few weeks and see if that's had any effect on your nerves and so on so fourth."

"But I need my medication without it I could be in a lot of pain." I say my nerves getting to me. "There's nothing else you can do?"

She shakes her head. "I'm sorry Alex, chemo isn't and option at this point and if we tried it could possibly leave permanent nerve damage."

"I wasn't thinking about chemo." I said. "I just want to know how much longer this is going to take."

Dr Miles gives me a sympathetic smile. "Cancer isn't fun and it's not short either I suggest you rest and enjoy this time with your family and friends. It'll get harder before it gets easier I know you can do this your very strong Alex."

I don't say anything. What am I supposed to say? Fuck cancer?

"You can wait in the lobby with your mother and we'll bring you back when we get the MRI room ready."

I find my mother outside with a huge pair of sunglasses on. She questions me about what they said and I tell her everything. Then I walk away and find Clarity where she's always lurking. At the vending machines.

"They added gummy bears." She says dropping a few into her mouth. "Want one?"

I shook my head. "Hey do you remember Gavin Cambridge?" I asked her. Clarity had gone to school with us in middle school so I'm pretty sure she could remember him.

"Gavin? Yeah I do I hear he's a total heartthrob now." She smiles at me. "Why do you ask?"

"Well for one he's my neighbor and we've been getting really close-"

"Close as in close?" She says wiggling her eyebrows.

"Close as in hanging out more days of the week than we'd actually like." I chuckle. "And I haven't told him about my CML."

"Really why haven't you told him?" Clarity wonders.

"Because I don't want him to treat me any differently and he'll never forgive me for not mentioning it any sooner."

"Well that could happen or he'll understand." She adds. "I know I'd want to tell someone I cared about if I was sick, even if that meant losing them."

After a long wait the doctors eventually finished up examining me and told me I'd have my results in a couple of days. They looked a little worried so I feel like they must have seen something in that machine. It's not like they'll tell me, they'll keep it from me until I rip it out of them.

"Ugh Carver and Beckham want to hang out tonight." Gavin groans, he's sprawled out on my couch and I'm cozily snuggled in a blanket on the other couch. Are parents had left for their business trip not to long ago and it seemed pretty unsettling.

Gavin and Sarah probably argued the other night just the same as my mother and I had. They didn't even turn back to tell us goodbye. I couldn't complain I was still pretty angry with her.

"You can leave if you want." I say pulling the frame of my glasses further up the bridge of my nose. "I'll be fine here."

Gavin sits up and leans toward me. "I'm actually not in the mood to go to some party where Georgia tries to aggressively sit on lap every chance she can get."

I let out a loose chuckle. "What's her deal anyway if you don't mind me asking?"

"Well we hooked up a few times and she got attached, she knew I didn't do the whole relationship thing." He laughs at the thought.

"Right, Mr Player." I roll my eyes at him. Just as Gavin is about to make some snarky comment the thunder outside roars. It had been pretty ugly outside all day and now it just got a whole lot worse. The lights flicker and soon turn off completely. Not again.

"The flashlights are in the kitchen." I said sitting up from the couch I slowly walk into the kitchen and sort through a few cabinets to find them. "Here." I say shoving it into Gavins chest.

I'm suddenly blinded when a bright flash shines onto my face. "Shit didn't mean to do that." Gavin laughs.

"Liar." I tease.

"I thought I was a player now I'm a liar?" He asks.

"If the shoe fits."

"Hey I have and idea." Gavin smiled seeming enlightened by his idea. I never knew whether to trust him but I somehow did anyway.

"Okay. What is it?" I asked.

Gavin pulled my arm as he ran to the back door. "Wait." I said.

"Let's go outside." He implied.

"But it's raining and there's lighting out there." I tell him.

"Are you scared of a little lighting?" He taunted.

"A little lighting? That's millions of volts striking through your body Gavin, yes I'm scared." I said.

"You'll be ok. Trust me." A can see the tiniest hint of light in his eyes and it actually takes my breath away. I nod my head and feel him take my hand in his. I soon feel raindrops hit the top of my head as we take a few steps outside.

I knew the possibilities in this moment I could get struck by lightning and die or I could enjoy this time and see what the hell Gavin has planned.

I look up and smile at him while laughing at how incredibly stupid we were being. I looked up at the sky as the rain drops fell on my skin.

Thunder roared sending chills down my spine. "I want you to shout." Gavin said breathing heavily from the rain pouring down his face.

"What?" I said over the thunder.

"Shout, cmon no one will hear you." He said smiling at me.

"I can't." I muttered under my breath.

"Alex."

I took a deep breath in nodding before letting it all out with one loud breath. Everything since my father was sent to prison since I was diagnosed with leukemia. I did it. I wasn't alone either. I had Gavin.

"Wasn't that nice?" Gavin said smirking.

"A little."

We could hear the echoes of thunder in the distance and the strike of lightning, it somehow all became are music. This weird silence wasn't silent at all.

"We should get inside." I said, the thunder was becoming more threatening. I just hope my mom doesn't mind the huge puddles of water we left behind on are way in.

"Here." I said handing him a towel. "Don't sit on the couch with your wet clothes." I scold.

"Yes mam." Gavin says mocking me in the process.

I run a towel through my hair that's soaking wet. "I'm gonna go change the bathrooms down the hall if you need it." I say walking to my room. I change into another set of sweatpants and a comfy sweatshirt before meeting Gavin back downstairs and just as I reach the bottom I see a bare back facing me.

"Sorry I didn't know you were-" I'm cut off when I turn around to crawl back upstairs.

"I don't care if you see me." Gavin laughs. "You can turn around now."

I look back at him. "I just thought you'd want the privacy."

"I guess I'm just used to desperate girls watching my every move." He sighs at the mention. "Not that I'm saying your desperate or anything." I think he's trying to be nice for once.

"Sounds exhausting." I joke.

"Don't push it Alex, I thought we were actually becoming friends."

I shake my head. "No chance in hell."