Chapter 15: I still love you!

Damn him for being so sexy. I couldn't help but ogle his body. He was really one hell of a handsome man.

"Are you gonna answer my question?"

"Well...actually I was just..."

Okay...what to say?

"Lost?" He finished the sentence for me.

"I-uh-no! I-" Lies please come to me? Oh god help me.

I bent down to pick up my scattered books on the floor and as I was picking them up,I noticed that my scrap book was open and some of the pages had fallen out.

Fuck!

I was about to close it when Mr Garner reached for it before I could. He also picked up some of the fallen pages,as I struggled to crawl to them and reach them before he did.

Oh god, he's gonna see all the sketches I made of him.

I stood up quickly,"Give it back now?" I tried sounding angry but failed horribly and he just kept smiling. We weren't buddies, what the heck was he doing?

"I think you'll have this after class." he said amusingly,he turned and walked to his class before I had the chance to say anything.

I saw him paging through the pages as he walked away and I bend down to pick up the rest of the books.

He turned to look at me a few meters away,"I think you're obsessed with me." he whispered smugly as he turned and walked away, again before I could say anything back.

He chuckled as he was walking away. I felt so embarrassed.

I'm so fucked.

That scrap book he took had tons of pictures of him, how am I gonna explain that? Unless, I could get him to give it back immediately after class before he had the chance to really go through it. Whatever, I was bunking his class.

I got up, picking up my bag which I had let fall off my shoulder,unknowingly. He really did have an effect on me.

#########

When I got home,I decided to settle down for a movie,thinking about how I'm gonna explain my behavior to Mr Garner if he ever asked....and the drawings.

I knew that skipping class today was a bit of a flop but I did what I had to do. I had to try by all means to keep my distance from him or what I might do might be an embarrassment of a lifetime.

I picked up my phone,texting Jess to let her know not to wait up for me after school since I'll be taking a cab. Fortunately she didn't reply to ask why but I knew I was gonna have to answer that sooner or later and I didn't want to lie to her...God my life's such a mess.

As I was about to drift off to sleep,my phone buzzed,New text message from Jess.

'I'm coming over to your house now'

The text read. I guess that was expected.

I watched the movie for another half an hour before Jess arrived,knocking on my door.

"It's open!" I said loudly from the living room and after,the door opened.

"Hey." a male voice spoke.

I turned to meet James' eyes,smiling at me.

"Uh- hi. What are you doing here?"

I thought Jess was coming over...

"I used Jess' phone to text you,she said something about you not feeling well,so I figured I should check up on you." he said shrugging,his hands shoved in his jeans' pockets. He looked really elated to see me and the feeling was mutual.

"Oh." I said.

"Oh." he mimicked me.

"Well,thanks. Can I get you something to drink?" I asked standing up and he shook his head.

"Okay then,come take a seat,don't just stand there." I smiled at him.

We sat down,not speaking,pretending to watch the movie. I guess three years is a very long time.

"So how are you? How have you been?" James asked,turning to look at me.

"Okay I guess. You?"

"Been well." he said.

We were silent for sometime,sitting awkwardly,neither of us looking at each other.

"Charles,I'm sorry I left." His voice was soft and calm,smiling sadly at me.

"Ugh,it's not your fault,besides,it's not like you didn't want to stay,so don't mention it." I knew he felt bad for leaving, but he needed it and I understood that more than anything.

He nodded,this time smiling happily,relieve visible in his eyes.

"So I figure you haven't told your friends about you being..."

I shook my head,"I just didn't see any necessity,besides I've dealt with a lot of drama at my previous school over it,I don't wanna deal with that here. I came here for a new start and that's exactly what I'm getting." I tried sounding a bit more inclined to the whole idea of a new start, but truth be told, this was all for my mother more than it was about me.

"That's understandable." he nodded.

One thing I will always love about him,he understands. In everything that I did,he was always supportive and non-judgemental.

"How's Logan? Does he still thinks he's gay?" he asked and I burst into laughter.

Logan was an old friend of ours back in our previous school.

We talked about random stuff from back in US and how life in Canada was. He was really funny and when he tried talking about my dad,I told him I wasn't up for it and he understood...as usual. He told me about his popularity in school and how hard it was for him when he first came here.

After a long conversation with lots of laughter,the room fell silent.

We stared into each other's eyes,neither of us wanting to say anything. Talk about awkward...

He shoved a strand of hair behind my ear,smiling at me lightly. I blushed at his intense gaze.

"You're beautiful." his voice was soft and calm but it had no effect on me. At least not like Jonathan's.

"I missed you Charles." he said,stroking my cheek.

"I missed you too James." i replied honestly.

He smiled at my words,still stroking my cheek. I needed him to lose the grin he had on, and I'd be a happy chappie.

"I never stopped loving you..." he said,leaning closer to my face cautiously.

I didn't say anything,just froze. Guilt overpowering me,as his lips pressed against mine lightly. What do I do? He looked into my eyes, waiting for confirmation or assurance to keep going and I was a bit clueless.

I felt like I was betraying someone,and it could only be my mate.

"James..." I said as he was about to press my face closer to his again.

"I know...I just-I'm sorry."He backed away,removing his hand from my face. He then stood up from the couch.

I kept my eyes down,not wanting to create any tension.

"I should go. See you tomorrow?"He was a bit hasty as he took a few steps back, his eyes not meeting mine.

I nodded,still keeping my head down,he seemed a bit unsure but then he felt.

I let out a breath when I heard the front door close.

This was so messed up. How on earth am I meant to tell him that I do not love him without hurting him...at least not the way he loves me.

I just sat there,not knowing what to think. James still loves me.