《The Christmas Wish》Chapter 17
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I turn and make my way back to the control room where Jin and Namjoon are waiting. They look at each other and then me. Namjoon has a big, silly grin plastered on his face as Jin smiles at me and raises an eyebrow. I'm composed and have recovered from Tae's kiss as I look at them both with a flat expression.
"We need to talk, now!" I demand as I walk towards Namjoon's office located across from the control room.
They follow. I enter heading straight for his single cup expresso maker and grab a coffee cup along with a bottle of water as they enter the office behind me. Jin takes his position on the couch with his clipboard, while Namjoon moves behind his desk and sits.
"Why the hell don't you ever have any French vanilla pods, Namjoon?" I ask in frustration while I place a hazelnut pod in the coffee maker, position my cup, add water and press the on button.
"Could it be because, maybe, I don't like French vanilla?" Namjoon says with a chuckle. I turn to face him and roll my eyes as I hear Jin snicker.
"Please get to it, Kookie. You need to get ready for the show. We have 45 minutes before you go on," he says dryly.
"Don't you think I know what time I go on!" I shout as Jin sits forward on the edge of his seat.
"Everyone, settle down," Jin says. "Kookie, I know you're upset. Let's talk about it," he says pulling his clipboard to his chest.
"Oh, my God, this is about the damn dog thing!" Namjoon says and quickly waves his hand in a dismissive manner that angers me. I bite down on my lip and narrow my eyes.
"Joonie, stop it," Jin says as I feel a burning sensation start to build in my chest.
"You had no fucking right to do the Uno thing without letting me know, Namjoon! I was blindsided! And almost-" I stop right there not wanting to share more with him.
"Almost what, Kookie!? Almost made a fool of yourself in front of your new boyfriend!?" He sneers following it with a sigh to convey his annoyance.
"What!? My boyfriend?" I repeat, not sure how to respond. I don't want to hear Namjoon negativity and teasing. I then quickly turn my head towards Jin widening my eyes and looking at him angrily.
"You told him!? I thought I could trust you!?" I say gritting my teeth.
"Told me what!?" Namjoon questions as Jin sighs loudly and sinks into the couch.
"I have not told him anything Kookie, although you just did." Jin states increasing his grip on his clipboard as he barely perches on the edge of his seat.
"So, you do have a thing for him!" Namjoon says gleefully as if he just won the lottery. "What was this walking you down the hall? Did you both sneak off for some play time?" He says as he scoffs followed by a chuckle.
"No! absolutely not! I j-just showed him t-to Jin Lin's office," I stammer as Namjoon laughs out loud while my eyes rapidly blink.
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Jin lowers his head as I hear the coffee maker beep and I startle. So Namjoon knows, I don't give a fuck. Why was I trying to hide this from him anyway? This is my life and I must find a way to take control of a situation that is quickly spinning out of my control.
I press my lips together tightly, turn to remove my cup of hot coffee from the coffee maker, and carefully set it on the table as I feel a bit of a small tremor. I then take a packet of sugar and powdered creamer quickly adding it to my coffee as my hands nervously shake. Finally, I take a seat across Jin and cross my legs.
"Look, Kookie your personal life is yours. I just ask that it not affect the show. Don't you understand what I'm saying?" Namjoon prompts as Jin nervously rubs his knees.
I take a sip of the hot coffee and then slowly place it on the coffee table in front of me. "I understand what you're saying and I'm going to tell Taehyung the truth. I'm going to tell him tonight at dinner," I say firmly with a callous smugness as Jin looks up. I just want to be honest Tae.
"What the fuck Kookie? You can't do that!" shouts. "There's too much at risk."
I reach for my coffee and slowly bring it to my lips and take a slow sip.
"Those are my intentions, so now you know," I rise to leave with my coffee. "I'll be in my office getting ready for my show."
"Kookie, don't leave. Sit and let's figure this out," Jin says as he looks cautiously at Namjoon.
"Jin, I thought you had my back," I say dismissively as I turn my back to them both having no intention of explaining myself further.
"What did I-I do ?" Jin stutters. "But, there's more to consider here. Please sit and listen," he says as Namjoon leans forward, resting his elbows on his desk, and then releases a long, audible exhale.
"You're the one that decided to get a boyfriend Kookie," Namjoon spits. "The show was fine," he says repeatedly drumming two fingers into his desk as he narrows his eyes.
"As executive producer, I make the final decision about this kind of stuff. We don't make changes based on your dating patterns. And you know this Kookie. Do what you must. Have an affair, go on a vacation with him. But don't you fuck with this show. You have a contract!" Namjoon exclaims as he brings his fist down on the desk as I immediately halt in my tracks.
"Joonie! Don't go there!" Jin shouts and quickly looks at me checking for my reaction.
"What!?" I gasp in surprise. Namjoon and I have had our fights and disagreement, but he's never threatened me. It is a harsh insult given that we started this show together. "You'd really hold my contract against me?" I demand clenching my fist tightly.
"I'm sorry Kookie, but you're not thinking. You're acting like an amateur and a diva," Namjoon says as he rises from his chair and rakes his fingers through his hair as Jin sits paralyzed holding two fingers to his lips. He's never seen Namjoon and I fight like this and I'm certain he's concerned as to how far we will go.
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I feel a tightness in my chest as the pain of Namjoon's words cut through me deeply. "Damnit, Kookie, no I wouldn't, and I should not have said that. But please think," he says as his voice softens and Jin's shoulders slack.
"Kookie, please sit," Namjoon says softening his tone even further as he lowers himself into his seat. He then gestures toward the chair as Jin sits holding onto his clipboard so tight I fear it will snap into two at any moment.
I sigh deeply and pull in a few deep breaths as I move back to my chair. I settle on the edge folding my hands in my lap. I know he and Jin are right.
But I'm scared. I feel a newfound joy being with Tae and thinking of our possibilities. Suddenly, all the things that I thought were so important such as fame, reputation, and having the number one show are not as important as I thought.
The truth is, I'd walk away from it all to be with him. I shudder from this realization. It's all so irrational. I know it, but I can't stop feeling this way.
However, what is also true is, I'm part of a show, a family. If this all goes wrong, I risk not only my career but Jin's and Namjoon's, not to mention our 40 plus employees that make it all work. They depend on us for their careers and livelihood. This far bigger than just me and my feelings for Tae.
Jin places his clipboard on the table. He sighs and leans towards me rubbing his hands down his thighs. My face shows no expression while I lean forward wringing my hands and meeting his gaze.
"Kookie, I think it would be disastrous for us to let it get out that we have no Uno and no cottage in the mountains. We have already been suffering a loss in ratings and we're just recovering," Jin says softly. I press my lips together in a flat line and slowly nod my head while Namjoon sits quietly softly drumming his fingers on his desk. "I have to tell you that Tae was not very happy with our handling of the Tommie Chen incident a few days ago." Jin says as Namjoon softly nods. "He likes things straight and honest."
"What? Why, why didn't you tell me this?" My eyes widen, and I momentarily freeze. Namjoon leans forward placing his elbow on his desk and is slowly nodding his head. I had not considered that Tae's reaction could hurt the show.
"I didn't want you to be concerned," Jin says with a slight vocal tremor. "It was all settled and done. Anyway, Taehyung already has a bad taste in his mouth when it comes to this industry. I'm not sure how he would handle the truth," he says followed by a slow and audible sigh.
"I have to agree with Namjoon," Jin says diverting his eyes to Namjoon who continues to softly nod affirming Jin.
"Okay," I say. "I'm sorry. But I can't keep lying to him. I-I care about him," I say softly as I look downward while slowly rocking myself. I feel like a reprimanded child after a tantrum.
"Say whatever you want Namjoon. But this is how I feel," I say as the room goes quiet for several seconds.
I hear Namjoon clear his throat as I continue to gaze down at my shoes.
"Okay, I get it, Kookie," Namjoon says followed by a long exhale. "You care about his guy and I don't want to overlook that."
I immediately look up at him, surprised by his shift. Jin is now nodding and has a more relaxed smile as the tension in the room goes down. I breathe in and exhale feeling a bit of calmness return to my body and the situation.
"Kookie," Jin says leaning forward and lightly touching my arm. "I agree that we should stop lying and I agree Taehyung should know the truth, as you two have gotten close. But I plead with you to wait."
Again, Namjoon nods as I anxiously wait to hear more of his response. "Kookie, please keep in mind that this could become a scandal. Which would likely result in us likely losing the show and more," Namjoon states with a tone of concern and patience.
"I wish that we had not created this phony image for you. Kookie, you didn't need it. Your audience loves you. That's why this show works," he says.
I turn towards him with a dazed look. It's a comment and a response that I did not expect from Namjoon. I softly smile as a warmth invades my chest.
"Let's look at some options to fix it. Find a way out," Jin says with a heightened tone and broad grin. I know that tone and I know Jin. He's thinking and working it out in his head. I feel a sense of ease and a bit of an uplift.
"How do we do this Jin?" I say as Namjoon leans forward with the same questioning look.
"I have no fucking idea, yet. But I'll figure it out and at some point, you can tell him everything. I do have an idea on how to stop the interest in the topic, so you don't have to continue the lie, however, it will require a final deception." Jin says as Namjoon and I direct our attention to him.
"Here's what I suggest," Jin says as a grin spreads across his face.
Twenty minutes later I walk towards the set. I'm feeling hopeful, light, and happy after talking to Jin and Namjoon. Wow, things turned around quick.
I then think about something Jimin shared with me about flirting. A way to show Tae I care leaving no doubt that I'm into him. I'm so into him.
He certainly took a risk with me earlier and it was so hot and exhilarating. Should I take a risk? Yes, I'm going to do it. Well, I better do it now before I convince myself otherwise. I certainly do not intend on letting this good man get away.
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