Taehyung:

I have been enjoying every moment with Kookie. The call from Suga startles me a bit as my mind quickly revisits the unpleasant dinner event with Suga yesterday evening. I had planned to talk with him but not today.

Kookie and I have just started our relationship and I was not going to take any time away from Kookie. I was troubled by Suga's behavior. He can be inappropriate, outspoken, and blunt however, he is not purposefully malicious.

He does not hurt others with intention. I take the call more out of curiosity than concern for him. Suga is a grown man and will have to deal with his feelings.

"Hi, Suga. How are you?" I ask as I enter the kitchen and sit on a tall stool at the marble island. I don't know what to expect from this call but if I know Suga he is likely feeling guilty and remorseful. It's clear that the evening ran off the rails and it was him driving the train.

"Oh, uh, hey, Tae. Uh, I'm okay. How's Tannie doing?" He says in a quiet and tentative voice. I'm very familiar with this tone from Suga. It's the tone he uses when he wants to share something difficult, such as an apology.

"He's doing quite well. He's been out for a few walks today and has a full belly," I say leaning forward and placing one elbow on the island.

"That's nice," Suga says softly followed by an awkward pause.

"Uh, you okay, Tae?" he says as his voice drops to the level of a whisper. He sounds sad and I'm sure he is feeling some regret. I feel a bit of my sadness rises and bite down on my lip.

"I'm doing well. Kookie and I are watching a movie and just hanging out on the couch with Tannie," I say as I hear him chuckle softly.

"I bet Tannie is loving that, sitting on your lap, and watching tv like the old days," he says as I smile at the memory of myself, Suga, Zeus, and Tannie on my lap while watching a television program. This was our routine most nights following dinner. It is a sweet memory.

"No, he's sitting on Kookie's lap being petted, I think he's catching up on my time away," I say rather nonchalantly.

"You better watch out Tae. Tannie is going to toss you aside as he does me when you come in the room," he says with a chuckle as I remain silent. I'm still upset about the way he treated Kookie, and not yet ready to let him off the hook. I am not going to allow him to just dismiss his actions. I do however want to hear more.

"Uh, is Kookie okay? Does he hate me?" He asks as I startle somewhat at his direct statement. I expected there would be more hedging. For or a few seconds, I am not sure how to respond. I swallow after an awkward pause and start to answer his question.

"Suga, Kookie is doing fine, and I don't know how he feels about you. We haven't talked about you or yesterday's dining incident," I say pausing to give him an opening for a discussion on yesterday's debacle. I gather that this is what he wants to talk about given his apprehensive tone.

"Yeah, that was, uh a little over the top wasn't it?" he says and nervously chuckles as I raise an eyebrow to his use of the word little' as if to minimalize what happened and how he treated Kookie.

I bite down on my lip as I practice restraint. I know he's uncomfortable and I believe he's feeling some compunction. Consequently, I will give him some space to talk about this without overreacting, if possible.

"So, what happened Suga?" I probe and wait for his response.

He pulls in a deep breath before speaking. "Tae, I-I'm s-sorry," he stammers as he maintains his quiet voice.

"I was rude and inappropriate. Look, I've been thinking a lot about what I said and what happened and I-I'm just not sure what's going on. But I'd like to have an opportunity to apologize to him if he will allow me to do so."

"Oh yeah, and to that brother, however, he should be apologizing to me. So when can I apologize? I'd be willing to talk to him now if it's okay with you," Suga says as I feel my irritation grow. I let out a long sigh of frustration before speaking reminding myself that he is trying to make amends for his behavior.

"I'm sure Kookie would accept your apology. That's just the type of guy he is. But that's not good enough for me. Just to let you know he agreed to be my boyfriend and we're in a committed relationship as of last night. As you know, I have cared for Kookie for some time and now I feel a responsibility to him. And you are talking bullshit," I say keeping my tone down while sharing honestly and directly with Suga.

Suga responds with an annoyed growl.

"What more do you want me to do?" He huffs with annoyance. "You want a public apology from me? Fine, I'll do it, and apologize to that hellcat of a brother of his. Is that's what you want?" Suga exclaims as his voice rises in tone and volume.

"No Suga, what I want is for you to honestly tell me what's going on with you. What is it you are not telling me? Something triggered you because who I saw yesterday was not my brother. Kookie's a good person and I know that you know that," I say through gritted teeth as my phone goes silent on the other end.

"Tae, I-I was just off and uncomfortable. You know I don't like all that Hollywood shit. When I get uncomfortable, I can be snarky and rude. I'm trying to say I'm sorry here," he says as his voice becomes harsher and I roll my eyes knowing he's holding back.

If he is unable to deal with what triggered him it will just continue happening and I won't allow that. Suga should know that. He knows me better than anyone else.

"Suga, that's not good enough. This is not you, and I want to know the truth. Kookie is going to be a part of my life and I will not allow you to disrespect him!" I shout.

"It's always about him! All I've heard about for weeks is him!" Suga yells and then there's silence. I freeze hearing his outburst.

"What?" I say not able to come up with any other words at the moment. He's jealous of Kookie.

I sit in the silence and for the first time, I realize how selfish I've been by constantly talking of Kookie and my time with him. He's been quite supportive listening to me day after day talking about Kookie. He recently had a breakup and I think I've asked how he was doing maybe twice over several weeks.

I hear Suga let out a long breath of frustration as I furrow my eyebrows. I start thinking about what he just said and how I have been absorbed in Kookie and my time with him in this new city.

"Tae," Suga says as his voice softens again as I lean into the call intently listening.

"I see things changing with you, uh, with us, since you left. I don't like that my brother has...tossed me aside. We used to see each other daily and although we had separate lives, we had our home routine that was..." he pauses and then clears his throat, "comfortable and familiar. All I was left with was a small dog and pig that doesn't like me," Suga says as I suddenly feel awkward and interject some humor.

"Uhm, Zeus likes you when you're holding his apple," I say softly as Suga chuckles.

"Yes, that is true. Over the month they've kind of uh, grown, on me. I guess I need a life, huh?" He says followed by another light chuckle. We both laugh and calm down.

"Suga, I-I had no idea. It was not my intention to toss you aside, and," I say as he interrupts me before I can finish.

" I've never seen you so excited and happy before. You found love and I should be happy for you. But all I could think about was the distance that I've felt and that I was being left behind," he says as I feel my heart sink into my stomach as he continues.

"Our home was warm and comfortable, but it has felt cold and empty without you there. I even watched a few episodes of that idiot's show. I must have missed you badly to watch that. Still can't stand those tight-ass pants," he says with a soft laugh that makes me smile.

"Suga, I'm sorry. I never considered that my focus on Kookie would affect our relationship," I say slowly shaking my head in disbelief of my lack of awareness while considering what Suga is saying. I haven't had much balance since that first night I kissed Kookie. I have talked and thought of little else. I feel my shoulders sink as I feel the weight of my guilt.

"It started the day I arrived; feeling uh, jealous of your boyfriend. I just tried to ignore my feelings. I felt scared that you would leave me. Especially when you extended your time here. So, when you reminded me later about the upcoming dinner, I said I wanted to spend the day seeing the sites. I just didn't want to see you two together. When Tannie and I arrived, I saw joy and excitement in your eyes. It was one thing to hear you talk about him but seeing the way you smiled said it all. That is when it hit me that you are truly in love with Jeon Jungkook," Suga says as I swallow back my own emotions.

He has never said Kookie's entire name. I wasn't sure he knew it. He really sees me, and I feel a warm sensation building in my chest as I continue to listen to him share.

"I didn't want to face it, Tae and in the moment, I started to feel angry and resentful. I told myself to be cool and just get through the dinner. But my feelings just intensified the more I tried to hold them in. Especially, when Tannie jumped into his arms. First, he takes my brother and then my dog too. I guess I better be thankful I didn't bring Zeus," he softly chuckles yet there is a sadness that comes through.

Suga has never referred to Tannie as his dog or talked about him in such a way as being jealous that Tannie's attention might be given to someone else such as Kookie. Clearly, Suga made it understood that they were my pets. He wanted nothing to do with them. I was shocked that he offered to care for them when I left for my trip. If anyone can work their way into the human heart it is Tannie and Zeus.

"Tae, seeing you and him together was beautiful. After you nearly knocked me over to sit next to him on the couch, I understood it. You were in love and moving on. You did not need me anymore or the safety of our home space. I knew this for sure when I saw the way he looked at you. Instead of feeling happy I felt bitter," Suga says as I nod and hang on to every word.

"Tae, I was bitter because I believed you were abandoning me, and uh, Kookie was to blame. It was so selfish of me and Kookie didn't deserve the way I treated him. Then, when that little hot tamale, Jimin destroyed me, it opened me up."

"What do you mean, Suga?" I query with curiosity placing one elbow on the island and cupping my chin in my hand.

"Tae, after I was shown the door by you, I returned to the hotel and went for a walk to clear my head. The only thing I felt was deep shame. I was embarrassed by how I had treated Kookie and ruined the dinner. Jimin was right. He'd invited me into his home and extended his hospitality and here I was putting him down. Tae, I was wrong, and I should have told you how I was feeling. But I thought I could handle it," Suga says as he lowers his voice. "I always knew one day you'd find someone and likely move away; I just didn't expect it would happen now."

He pauses as I comb my fingers through my hair trying to process what he is saying. Suga's voice is pained as I clear my throat, swallow, and find myself speechless and unable to reassure him that I will not abandon him.

"Tae, I-I love you and I just, just don't want to be without you," Suga declares , as he clears his throat.

This is the most I've ever heard him express himself with such vulnerability. He's told me he loves me before, but this is different. I expected a different conversation with Suga. I expected to be setting boundaries, more argument, and more raised voices. But this is unexpectedly nice. I feel an opening here with Suga.

I feel contentment and relief in my chest. This is an opening to moving forward but first I must repair my part in this. I must fix the distance I've created with Suga.

"Suga, I had no idea. I-I just knew things were off. I'm sorry. I did abandon you in a way. I barely called once I met Kookie and when I did call my conversation was mostly about Kookie. I was so wrapped up in him I gave little or no thought about," I briefly pause and clear my throat because the next honest word is painful, "you. I gave no further thought to how my extended time away might impact you and what was going on with you at home. I'd never leave you, Suga. I love you and truly appreciate your honesty on this," I share in a quiet voice and anxiously wait for his response.

"Thanks, Tae, but this is my mess. I am happy for you and you deserve someone special like your hottie. And, uh, he deserves you too, Tae. He genuinely cares about you. I think he shares your deep feelings too," Suga says as my smile expands. I feel excited hearing Suga's acceptance of Kookie and our relationship.

"By the way, congratulations on your new boyfriend status. I want to support my brother, but I've fucked things up royally and I hope he can forgive me," he says as I hear his voice go lower.

"Thank you, Suga," I say as I stand and start to pace back and forth in the kitchen feeling the need to move my body as I go forward into another discussion, I want to avoid because it is too painful.

"Uh, you've always looked out for me since mom and dad died. I would have been lost without you, Suga. I think because it's been just us alone for so long, we've created this safety zone," I say as I feel an uneasiness in my stomach.

"We both haven't created other relationships outside of each other," I say apprehensively. Suga doesn't like to dwell on the past as he says, but I know it because he misses our parents and doesn't want to get close to that pain. I raise this because it is important.

"Tae that's not true. I know Kim Ju and um, Seok Lee. They're my friends. I speak with them once a week at least," Suga says defensively.

"Suga, Kim Ju works at the market and Seok Lee works at the pet supply store. You stop in once a week to get pet food and supplies. Those are not friendships," I say smiling broadly.

There is an awkward silence before either of us speaks.

"Yeah, I think you're right Tae. Why did we need those other people when we had each other?" Suga asks followed by a soft chuckle.

"I now get it Tae. As I said I've been doing a lot of thinking. I realized that I did not work at my other relationships because I always had a comfortable life at home with my best friend surrounded by sweet memories from my past. Tae, I miss mom and dad so much and with Christmas being less than two weeks away it's hard," Suga says, and clears his throat as I reach across the kitchen island and grab a napkin to wipe my wet burning eyes.

"Any challenge, change to my life, and routine is scary. I felt scared because I saw that change was coming with you and Jungkook. When I first felt my resentment, I didn't know what it was about. My behavior the other night scared me. Change is difficult but it's time and I accept that. I want to move forward, Tae," he says, and I am in awe as my mouth drops open. I'm again speechless and just sit there looking out onto the view of Kookie's terrace as I wipe my eyes again.

"Where do we go from here, Tae? How do we move forward? Uh, I do have one other question, however," he says with an upbeat tone that is an unexpected shift.

"Okay," I say slowly with caution as I lean forward.

"Do you think I might still have a chance with Jimin?"

"What? Jimin?" I say taking a moment to process what he is asking. I then release a burst of laughter.

"Bahahaha!"

"Well, I guess that's a no," he says with sarcasm as I try to regain my composure but can't. I don't want to make him feel bad, but it was such an unexpected question. I reach over to take another napkin to wipe my tearing eyes as he continues using a tone of annoyance.

"He's different! He challenged me and I, uh like that. Well not at first, but later I thought he was pretty fierce. Most people I can get to back off but not him. He just kept going at it with me and nearly tossed my ass out. I have never met someone like him," he says, and then his voice softens.

"Yeah, he certainly handled your ass last night," I say as I consider the incident and their interaction.

"He's spicy and hot to go with that spiciness," Suga says with a bit of a chuckle.

"I don't know Suga he's a wealthy city boy with two vehicles. I thought that wasn't your type," I tease as I feel a warmth in my heart for him. He does not say much about his past boyfriends other than, they're okay. I never know where he stands with them, and I don't push because Suga rarely shows his vulnerability like he is now.

"Oh, shit I did kind of say some things that weren't very cool didn't I?" Suga says with a softened tone.

"I -I uh, like him and he's r-really cute," he stutters as I get a hold of myself taking in a few deep breaths. He's serious and I want to support him. I clear my throat and swallow as I give him my honest opinion.

"Suga, I have no idea about Jimin. I do think you need to apologize and not do it over the phone. I'll help set that up. But first, I want to spend some time with you. Just us. Hanging out. Let me talk to Kookie and arrange a time for a get-together and you can apologize."

"Thanks, Tae."