"What do you mean she left?" My voice louder then the others as Brandon, Normani's Manager was explaining to us why she wasn't in the dorm nor at practice this morning.

"It's like I just said. Normani will be back in a few days or so. So just continue your daily schedule without her" he tells us like that was going to be easy.

"But the collaboration with Got7 is literally three days away", Tae mentions.

Brandon shrugs before making his way to the door, "did she say why she left?", I asked him.

Please don't say because of me.

"Personal issues"

He says before exiting the room, as the boys turned to me. It was most certainly because of me. I used to use that "personal issue" excuse all the time with Lisa.

"What the hell happened between you and Mani?" Jimin asked.

I turned to him crossing my arms, "nothing. You know how she acts. Maybe she's on her time of the month again" I say in denial.

"Yeah. We thought that last time and look what happened" Suga points out.

"What did you do?" Jin asks me with him arm folded.

"I didn't do anything"

"So what happened after you followed her out the room yesterday?" J-hope asked.

I felt like I was being cornered. As much as I was closed to the guys and talked to them about everything, Normani and I was never a discussion and now that we were I felt like they deserved to know everything.

"We just talked."

"About?" Suga asked.

"About everything. BTS. Her"

"And?" Jung-kook adds.

God.

"And us" the words escaped my mouth and I couldn't get the time to process.

They all look at each other in confusion, like I knew something and they didn't.

"What do you mean by "us?"", Jimin asked.

"There's something you guys should know about Normani and I" I tell him.

"NORMANI!"

"NORMANI.. WE LOVE YOU!"

"WHERE ARE THE BOYS?"

"NORMANI!"

I thought back to when I got back into L.A.

The airport was literally the worst. So many people waiting there for my arrival.

I mean before joining BTS it was never like this. People knew of me, but never crowded an entire airport to see me. It was like my 3 months in Korea changed a lot for me.

Before BTS I could literally walk down the street like a normal average person without having multiple fans come up to me. But now? Now I couldn't even go to the store without someone following me.

It was a good feeling but also it made me very anxious and nervous which isn't good for my anxiety.

But overall I think I needed this. A couple days away from BTS, RM and Korea itself.

It honestly felt good to be home. It felt better then good. It was needed. I haven't seen any of my friends or family in months.

"So why did I have to find out from the internet that you are the eighth member of an international boy band?" Lauren asks me bringing me out my thoughts as I sat in her large living room.

"Yeah about that.. I was so busy with so many interviews, performances, and practicing. I barely had time" I try to explain.

"I'm just glad to see you. How long as it been?" She asks smiling.

"Too long"

"Yeah. So how've you been? You know living on the opposite side of the world, with seven boys. How is that working for you?" She asked smirking, making me laugh.

"Uh- it's... very different"

She smiles ear to ear, making me roll my eyes. I already knew what she was thinking.

"I bet it is" she smirks before taking a sip of her coffee.

"What?" I ask her as she raises her eyebrow and turns to me.

"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all", she pauses before placing her mug down, "anyway... how is it? The music industry in Korea any different from the music industry here?" She continues turning to me.

"Completely different. It's so different from here" I tell her.

"I want you to know I'm proud of you and your success. After word got out that you were the eighth member of BTS everyone here literally lost their shit, including me. At first I thought it was like a prank or something but when I saw your debut with them.. I was like wow. This bitch really pulled a Camila on us" she says causing to bust out laughing.

"What? I'm serious" she tells me.

I laugh harder holding my stomach, "I know. That's why I'm laughing" I tell her honestly.

"But yeah it's crazy. It literally happened so fast. One minute I was here struggling to get my solo image out there, and the next... I'm internationally known by millions across the world" I continued.

"And the boys? How are they treating you?" She asked.

"They're all so sweet and kind. They are so protective and respectful it's adorable. I love those boys with everything"

"so... out of the entire group which one do you have a crush on?" She asks me causing to blank out.

"What?"

My voice sounds shaky more then ever.

"Mani, I see right through you. You like one of those "sweet... kind.. protective and respectful" boys and I know it. So which one is it?" She asks smirking.

She knew me so well.

I roll my eyes in denial.

"I don't like them like that. I consider them like my b"— she cuts me off before I could even finish, "I swear to god if you say brother, I will slap you" she says and I have a feeling she's serious.

I sigh. "Fine. Just know it's complicated"

"When are you ever not complicated?" She asks. I scold her, "not me. My relationship with- one of them" I try my best to explain without letting her know exactly who it is.

"Enough about your love life. The real question is why are you here? Don't you have a performance with them in like a couple of days?" She asks.

Damn. Word got around fast.

I go to Korea for three months, I come back and I was like Beyoncé.

"I think I need a break" I confess.

"From Korea?"

Not just Korea. Everything.

"Everything, Lauren. I don't even know if this is what I want anymore"

"So that's it? You're just going to give up?" She asks.

"No one said anything about giving up. I'm just taking a break"

She scuffs, and removes her hair from out of her face. "Mani, your a performer... a singer... in a international boy band... you don't get breaks. Either you do your job or your don't" she tells me honestly.

Which was true.

"Well, I just have a lot to think about"

"Mani, you do realize your the luckiest one out of all of us, right?" She asks before grabbing her phone off of the coffee table.

I arch my eyebrow.

"You finally get a shot at a successful career, something all of us have fought so hard for, and when things get tough you wanna run" she explains.

I wouldn't call it running. More like sprinting.

She had a point. I out of 4 girls including myself was making it somewhere, while Ally, Dinah, and Lauren were barely making streams from Spotify.

It was like I was being ungrateful.

"Those seven boys were there for you when no one else was. When no else believed that you being in the group would work. But it is. You're getting the recognition you deserved since fifth harmony. If you run away, it means you give up. It means your letting those who hate and underestimate you win. You deserve this more then anyone else I know. Don't you ever tell yourself otherwise" she tells me.

This is exactly why exactly I came to lauren first. I knew she'd give me the advice I need, and I'm so glad I did. Because she just made everything clear to me.

I knew what I wanted, and what I didn't.