I return home wearing BamBam's jacket. I open the door before taking off my heels that were literally killing my feet.

Bam and I private dinner date was needed, not only did I get to know BamBam more but I got to see sides of him he's never really shown me.

It didn't take long for millions to find out I left the awards early to go on a date with BamBam. Before I even left the restaurant I was already trending.

Many thought we were dating, and usually I would care. I would want to clear up any thoughts of Bam and I being more then just friends.

But after tonight I realized something. You only have one life. So you might as well live it with no regrets.

NamJoon and I can't work. I should've listened to myself the first time, when I told him that we should just be friends.

Instead I let my feelings get the best of me, and I let them cloud my judgement. I can't do that. I should allow Joon to do that to me.

It took all of me not to just cry in the award ceremony when I saw him kiss her. In front of everyone.

It was like my heart shattered. But the sad part was I wasn't even mad at him. I was more mad at myself, for getting my hopes up. For allowing myself to think that him and I could ever be together.

"Your home" Yoongi says walking out from the kitchen with a bowl of food.

Why'd he do surprise? It wasn't like I was going to sleep over at Bam's house again.

"Yeah"

I say locking the door, before turning back to him as he walked into the living room where Taehyung, Jimin and JungKook sat watching tv.

I follow him to greet the boys.

"I'm back" I say announcing my appearance.

JungKook turns and smiles at me, "your performance was amazing. You killed it", he tells me causing me to nod and thank him.

"Almost made me believe you would be better in a girl group" Jimin says making Tae and myself laugh.

I look around, "where's everyone else?" I asked them.

This was so awkward. They knew where I was, and didn't ask me if I was okay, or how'd it go, or why'd I go.

Somethings up.

Yoongi was about to answer my question when I hear a female laugh from down a certain direction of the house.

I arch my eye looking at Yoongi, as he sighs before turning up the television. Obviously annoyed.

"Is there a girl in the house?" I ask.

My question was answered when I turned to see Lisa on top NamJoon back laughing as he carried her.

"Don't.. drop me!" She laughs loudly in the most annoying and obnoxious voice ever.

Once he notices he quickly puts her down, causing her to be confused. I swallowed hard and bit my tongue.

All the emotions I felt tonight sitting there and watching them kiss rushed right back to me.

"I didn't know you were back" he says.

Before I could respond his delusional ass ex stepped in. "hey! I heard you and Bam went on a date. How was it? Tell me everything" Lisa voices asks me walking towards me.

He words made it sound like bam and I dated, which wasn't true.

"It wasn't a date"

"That's not what the media thinks", she smiles and shrugs.

I force a smile, "Well the media also thinks you and RM are together but your not. So your point exactly?" I ask letting her get completely under my skin and showing the side of Normani, that I don't wish on anyone.

I notice Tae nudge Jungkook.

"I'm sorry if I offend you girly, I just- I cut her off, "believe me when I say it wasn't you who offended me", I say through my teeth, clinching my jaw trying to control my anger.

She looks at me puzzled.

"Wow. Would you look at that? I need more food. Mani could you give me a hand in the kitchen please" Yoongi asks me stepped in between Lisa and I before I say or do something I might regret.

I turned around rolling my eyes walking into the kitchen with Yoongi who glared at me.

"What the hell is your problem?" He asks me.

"I don't know, man. I don't know" I say pacing back and forth trying to think, to calm myself.

"I understand you're upset but lisa isn't the person you should be mad at, so don't take it out on her" he tells me.

He was right.

But still.

"No, you don't understand. No one does and it's sucks. I-" I pause before feeling unwanted tears to form in my eyes.

No. Please not the water works.

Please. God. No.

"Mani" his voice was in a low and soft tone unsure how to react to me, a girl... break down in front of him.

Yoongi being the man he is, isn't used to a girl or anyone for that matter to break down in front of him.

"I'm so done" I tell Yoongi before wiping my remaining tears.

The truth?

The truth.

I was so stupid to even believe him and I could ever work. If cared about me like he said he did he wouldn't have let this go on any longer. He would told everyone the truth. Instead I have to sit back and watch the media talk about them like they're are actually couple. I'm so tired of waiting for him. I'm over it.

"What are you going to do?"

He asks unsure of my actions at the moment.

"I don't know but all I know is I can't stay here. Not tonight" I say.

His expression was unreadable.

"Where you going to stay?" He asks.

"I don't know but I can't... stay here. It's just too much, and I need to just... breathe" I confess walking past him.

"Normani be reasonable" his voice raises as he follows me out the kitchen, causing everyone to turn and look at us.

"I am" I say before NamJoon stops me by grabbing my arm.

Lisa notices.

I inhaled and exhaled deeply reminding myself this was not the time nor place to cuss his ass out.

"Let me go" I tell him without making eye contact. This was honestly was so frustrating.

"What's going on?" He asks both Yoongi and I.

"She said she's going to sleep somewhere else tonight" Yoongi informs them all.

"Don't be ridiculous. You're already home" Joon says.

"I don't want to sleep here tonight" I say without eye contact.

"And why not?"

"You know exactly why" I say before glancing over to lisa whose eyes where completely fixed on Joon.

"Then where would you go?" He asked.

Oh, so now you care about me. You know NamJoon. Fuck you.

"You know where" Yoongi says causing NamJoon's eyes to spread.

"No"

"No?" I ask Joon because I don't think I heard him completely. I turn looking at him unsure of how he thought this worked.

"I said no. There's no reason for you to do that"

"I'm sorry I didn't think I was asking for your permission" I say harshly pulling my arm out of his grip.

"Normani, don't be like this"

"Don't be like what, Joon? Tell me how should I react? Please?" I asked tears about form in my eyes.

He sighs before running his fingers through his hair. His silence was more then enough reason on why I needed to left.

"that's what I thought. Look, I'll be back tomorrow morning before we have to go to practice" I say before sliding on my slippers and walking out of the house.

"Normani, wait" I hear my voice being called before I shut the door. I quickly pulled out my phone and texted Sean my driver to come and pick me up.

After sending the text, I walk out the driveway before I could walk off the property, I heard the door open and close and footsteps follow behind me.

"Yoongi, I already told you I can't. Just go back inside, okay"

I say before turning around to see NamJoon.

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms at his appearance.

"Why are you acting like this?" He asks me.

You think I want to be like this? I can't fucking help it. I remain silent ignoring his dumb question.

"Is this because of kiss? Because if it is you should know that it was only for publicity. I already told you and the boys, lisa and I are just friends. I feel nothing for her"

He tells me as if any of this information was going to solve our complicated issues between each other.

"Is that she thinks?" I ask him.

"What?" His response alone made me want to slap the shit out of him.

I sigh before explaining to him. "I'm sure whatever reason you have for pretending to actually date your ex was a good one. But her intentions aren't to fake date you, Joon" I say in a soft and low tone.

He looks at me puzzled.

I rolled my eyes in frustration. "Your ex is still in love with you. Regardless if you see it or not, I do"

"Lisa? No. Sh-she doesn't." He tries to tell me otherwise I like I don't know.

I laugh slightly, "this conversation is pointless because it won't change the fact that I'm always going to be second choice when it comes to her" I tell him honestly.

"What are you talking about?"

He was really pissing me off, "nothing. Never mind I even said anything, just go back inside" I say giving up turning around when he grabbed my arm again.

"Why do you keep doing that? I'm trying to talk to you"

"Because you don't get it, NamJoon. And I'm tired of trying to explain myself. I'm tired of feeling like this" I confess causing him to look down at me.

"You seriously can't be mad at me, can you?" He asked me, hoping it wasn't him I was mad at and it wasn't.

I was mad at myself.

"It's not you I'm mad at, Joon. I'm mad at myself because I allowed myself to believe we— this— could ever work. I got my hopes high expecting you to be there to help me up when I fall but instead you were the one who pushed me" I say using a metaphor that looked like it confused him for second.

"Normani"

"And you know the worst part wasn't that you kissed her back in front of millions of people. It's that you actually enjoyed it. It was humiliating. I was embarrassed and unfortunately for you I will never let you make me feel this way" I say.

As I noticed Sean pull up next to the side walk, NamJoon quickly lets me go once Sean steps out the car,

Joon eyes searches mine.

"Ms. Kordei" Sean says opening the door for me. I turned back to Joon who eyes were fixed on me.

"I'm gonna go now" I tell him as he slowly lets go of me. He didn't say a word.

Stop me.

Please stop me.

Tell me that I wasn't going anywhere. It's like he's pushing me towards Bam.

I laugh mentally.

I enter the limo, as Sean closed the door. I looked out the window to see Joon staring at me, as if I was leaving him for good.

His face showed every emotion but his words showed that he didn't care. The limo takes off and I sigh deeply allowing myself to break down.

-

I rang the door bell for the last time before standing in front of Got7 house.

The porch light came on and seconds later the door opened, I looked up to see Jackson.

"Normani?" He asks voice filled with confusion.

"hey" my voice cracks from how much I've been crying since I entered the limo. He looks at me knowing the puffiness in my nose, and my eyes red.

"What are you doing here?" He asks knowing it was pretty late for me to be anywhere besides my bed.

"Is Bam here?" I ask him.

He nods opening the door allowing me to go inside. I walk inside slowly, as he stood behind me shutting the door.

He locks the door before turning and motioning for me to follow him throughout the house.

I follow him down the hallway to hear voices in the direction we were heading.

"yo! No cheating!"

"It's not me... it's BamBam whose cheating"

"No I'm not" I hear Bam's voice.

Jackson turned the corner and I followed him, "who was at the door?" Mark asks eyes fixed on the television screen as the six members played a game.

"She was looking for you, Bam" Jackson says causing the members to removed themselves from the screen and look at me.

I swallowed hard as they all looked at me. Bam almost immediately places the controller down, gets up from the floor.

"Normani?" He asks approaching me.

I inhaled and exhaled deeply. "hey", I say.

I notice JB nudge Jae looking at me and Bam.

"Can we talk?" I ask him in a low tone, low enough for only him to hear.

"Sure"

He says before grabbing a hold of my hand, intertwining his fingers with mine.

"continue without me" he tells his members who were waiting on him, as he then pulls me out the living room and into his room.

I walk inside reminding myself that I haven't been in here in the longest. I turned once I hear him shut the door.

"Is everything okay? What are you doing here so late at night?" He asks finally.

I inhaled deeply, breathing heavily feeling unwanted tears form in my eyes.

"Mani?" He asks slowly approaching me. I shook my head letting him know that, no... I wasn't okay.

No, everything wasn't alright. I feel things I shouldn't feel for the wrong person. For this man who doesn't feel the same for me.

He's in love with someone else and I know it. There isn't another reason that I could think off for him to do this. To lie and tell the world he was with her when he wasn't.

"What happened?" He asked me knowing I'd probably tell him because I trust him that much.

I look up at him, "What didn't happen", I say not wanting to answer the question but somehow he already knew.

"It's RM isn't it?"

Those words alone made me want to break down. I didn't want to hear his name. I didn't want to think of him.

I nod, unwanted tears escaping from my eyes.

Without words being said, he walks towards me and pulls me into his arms. He wrapped his arms around me, holding me allowing me to break down into his arms.

I stood leaning into him crying like a baby, as he held me. He rubbed my back holding me, "it's okay" he tells me.

But he doesn't understand. He won't. I don't think anyone can.

We part and he lifts my chin up so I could look at him, his eyes searching mine.

"What did I tell you about wasting tears on him?" He says wiping my tears from my face, before caressing my cheek.

"I'm sorry"

He chuckles softly, "What are you saying sorry for?" He asks me.

"I shouldn't have came. You were doing something wi— he cut me off, "it's fine. Besides, I'm glad you did" he tells me smiling trying to make me feel better.

He places a strand of hair behind my ear before looking at me. And this was the first time I've ever seen him look at me like that before.

No one and I mean no one has ever looked at me like that before.

"Even when your crying your beautiful too" he compliments me making me smile.

"Ah.. there's that smile" he says smiling looking at me, I looked down to hide my face.

"so you staying the night?", he asked glancing over to the clock sitting on the nightstand.

"If that's okay. With you"

"Of course it is" he says telling me. I nod as he walked over to his dresser pulling out clothing.

"You know where the bathroom is" he tells me handing me the clothing. I nod softly, and before walking into the bathroom I stop him.

"Bam?"

He turns around fast, looking at me waiting for me to continue.

"Thank you. For everything" I say thanking him for always being there for me.

He slightly smiles before nodding. "I'll be outside if you need be" he tells me before walking out the room and giving me privacy.

After the long hot shower, I walked out the bathroom wearing a shirt of Bam's and his boxers that I surprisedly fit.

I walked out to see him opening the door, I turn to him as he looks at me smiling softly.

"I'm just here to get some pillows to sleep on in the living room" he points over to the bed. I turn to see the laid out pillows on his chair, I guess he wanted to sleep in living room.

"Its your room. I'll sleep in the living room" I say walking to get the pillows, when he chuckles and follows me.

As I grabbed the pillows, he took one of them out of my hand, as I reach for it he stopped me.

"No. Your my guest" he says pulling back as I reach for his pillow. "And this is your house. It's fine. I have no problem sleeping on the couch" I tell him honestly.

He reaches to get the other pillow from my hand when I place it behind my back.

I smiled watching at how determined he was to get the other pillow.

"Ha, ha. So funny. Now give it" he tells me.

"Come and get it" I tell him watching as he reached, I lean back towards the bed almost falling when he catches me causing both of us to fall on the bed.

My heart pounded furiously, my throat became dry and my breathe quickened feeling him on top of him.

Looking at him. As I laid there looking at him.

He caresses my cheek, staring into my eyes as I looked back up at him.

"Stay"

The words escape from my mouth before my brain can process what I was asking him to do.

He arched his brows, "don't sleep in the living room tonight. Sleep... with me" I say causing him to lick his lips and smile.

"Okay" he responds.

As I lay underneath him. I couldn't take it any longer, this anticipation. Me waiting on him to make the first move.

"I want you to know just because RM doe— I cut him off before he could finish his sentence by grabbing a hold of his neck pulling him down and towards me lip.

His lips smashed into mine satisfying me. Distracting me. His hands explored my still damp body as his lips still connected with me.

He lifts up still kissing me, causing me to follow not wanting to break the very heated kiss.

As he laid back into the bed, I was now on top of him and no longer at the bottom. My legs spread open over him causing my heart to pound faster.

His hands still roaming my body like I was art and he was the painter.

For the first time in a long time I was being distracted, and this time I wasn't thinking about RM or what he put me through but more like what I wanted to do with Bam.

And right now my thoughts wanted to allow him to touch me in ways I haven't been touched in so long.

We were interrupted when there was a sudden knock on the door, I quickly removed myself off of Bam.

As Bam got off the bed fixing his hair, I pretended as I was reading a book.

"Come in" Bam says. I was literally shaking, my nerves getting the best of me. Why was I so nervous, I'm a grown women, who is single and doesn't talk to anyone.

I could do whatever I want.

The door opens and Jackson walks inside, "hey the boys and I are gonna finish watching that movie we were watching the other night. Wanna join?" He asks Bam, before he looks at me.

I pretend not to see him, I pretend to be reading something when I had no idea what this book was about.

"Uh.. no. But thanks. I'm probably gonna go to bed. We have to be up early tomorrow for practice... remember? "

Bam responds.

Jackson nods and then turns to me, "how about you? We have popcorn" he says to me trying to convince me like popcorn would make me want to end what ever Bam and I were just doing.

I remove my eyes from the book, "thank you, but I rather not. Besides I was just getting to a good part of the book" I tell him lying

"Oh okay. Well, goodnight. You two have fun" he smirks before leaving the room.

The door shuts and look up to Bam who was trying so hard not to smile. I couldn't help but bust into laughter for this.