"Remember this is your performance at a very large area with thousands of people who are here to see you. Without BTS. Meaning you have to bring it. Vocals, Stage Presence, Looks, Attitude.. all of it" Brandon tells me as the staff were placing the sound and proof pack into my outfit.

I was now backstage minutes from going onto and performing my soul out. Today was very important for me, tomorrow is the release of "Me Like Yuh" And "Black Women".

This is my moment.

The audience screaming brought me out my thoughts when I turned to see seven boys walking from stage to back.

"Yeah" one of the shouting causing all of them to clap and cheer. I swallowed hard realizing who they were.

The members of Monsta X themselves. It was like I was about to fan girl. If you didn't know Monsta X was one of the first boy bands/music I began to listen to when I first joined BTS. Along with Shinee, Super Junior, and 2pm.

One of them noticed me and nodding causing me to smile and nod. The rest of the members also turned and greeted me. I smiled slightly waving at the seven members.

"hey" I finally spoke.

"Two, three! Uh- Monsta X" They all say in sync greeting me properly afterwards they all glanced at each other smiling, most likely looking like they were about to laugh.

"hello, my name is Normani. Nice to meet you all" I say they called clapped at my regular ass greeting.

"Nice to meet you. We are Monsta X" One said causing me to smile as if I didn't know who they were.

"I know. You guys are so talented, I love your music" I complimented them all.

"Ohh!" They all said nodding looking at each other as I smiled.

"Wow, you're so beautiful" one said causing them to turn to the member, also causing me to blush.

"Chang-Kyun!" One said nudging him.

"Thank you" I nod.

"Well, let me introduce us. My name is Shownu. I'm the leader of this group" He stood tall with his black hair, and brown eyes.

I nod.

"This is Wonho, Chang who likes to go by I.M, Kihyun, Hyungwon, Minhyuk and Jooheon", The leader of the group introduces the rest of the members as they smiled and waved at me.

I nod processing the information.

"You guys may or may not know me from BTS" I say awkwardly. As many times as I introduce myself as apart of BTS, it just feels weird without them.

"I'm pretty sure everyone knows who you are. You're a very famous" Shownu says causing me to laugh and smile not really sure how to respond to that.

"Normani... times up. Show time!" Brandon tells me walking towards me causing me to nod. I noticed my back up dancers preparing to go on stage.

"That's my que to go. It was really nice meeting you guys" I say smiling as they smiled back.

"Before you go can we take a picture?" one of them says.

Absolutely.

"Totally. Sure" I say shrugging. I watched as Chang handed the phone to one of the staff people, as I walked towards the group of seven, squatting down so I wasn't blocking anyone of them.

I stuck up my piece side making a ducky face and posed.

"One.. Two... Three" the man said snapping the picture. I smiled as the picture was over, "thank you" I say to the staff worker.

"Good Luck on stage" Shownu tells me smiling encouraging me.

"Thank you. Don't forget to tag me when you post", I tell them laughing before turning around and walking towards the stage lift.

-

The Korean Music Festival was everything I had hoped it to be in fact it was better. I performed in front of so many people and fans who love me.

I loved the energy and reaction I was getting. And what made all this even better my parents were front row in the crowd watching me.

Being able to do something that I love that makes others happy or inspire others is a dream to me.

I smiled as flashing lights and screaming fans as I exited the limo.

"NORMANI!"

"Normani!" They screamed trying to get past my bodyguards.

"We love you Normani" voices from every direction shouted as flashes from camera went off multiple times.

I smile slightly as I entered the building. The sound of a live audience screams instantly. I walked backstage to see on the producers, giving me a mic.

"now... for what you all have been waiting for give it up for BTS's very own Normani Kordei!" a voice says causing the live audience screams to intensify.

My hit song, "Dancing With A Stranger" player as I smiled softly walking past the producer who guided me to walk the right way out onto the stage.

I smiled walking onto the set as my supporters and fans screamed at me. "hey" I say into the microphone waving at the live audience.

I saw Andy smiling ear to ear. It's insane the last time I saw him was almost 6 to 9 months ago, when I first started in BTS.

I sat across from Andy smiling softly, I placed the pillow from behind me over my legs to cover them.

The music slowly fades and so does the audience screams.

"MANI!" He shouts in excitement.

"ANDY!" I shout into the mic back showing the same excitement. He smiles.

"Wow. How have you been, Normani? The last time I saw you was I believe almost 8 months ago with boys when you first started in BTS. And now? Now your dominating the music industry, traveling, performing with different artists, you even have a Netflix film and album coming out tomorrow? and your fans are growing more numbers every single day. How does it feel?" He asks.

I nod processing also remembering to smile as well.

"Honestly, I don't think I can describe the feeling. But it's amazing to do something that I've always wanted to do since a little girl. And I'm honestly so happy" I say smiling softly causing him to nod.

"So let's talk about your Netflix film first. What was it like filming and working with Jay? Anything you can share without giving away anything?" He asked me.

I nod processing remembering Brandon's prepping me for questions like this.

"The experience was absolutely amazing. I couldn't have wished for a better cast and crew. Jay himself is an amazing love-interest. He's so kind and supportive. Like if there was something in the script I wasn't fully comfortable with doing he'd always make sure I didn't have to do it. I honestly just can't wait for you guys to watch it, I put literally all of my "blood, sweat and tears" into this. And I hope you all enjoy it" I say into mic looking back and forth from the live audience, the camera and Andy himself.

"And your album? What can we expect from the songs on there?"

"" is an album where anyone can relate too. Feel emotions everyone feels. Whether that be love, self-love, pain, hate. All of that" I explain.

"On a recent interview you said your favorite song on the album was "goodbye" why is that?"

"Personally, I feel like that song is a song I can relate to that most. Saying hello is so easy but saying goodbye to something that you want but you have to let go is the hardest thing" I explain nodding my head.

"can we talk about your acceptance speech at the award show?" Andy says causing the audience to clap for me causing me to smile slightly and shake my head.

"Can we get a clip of that please?" Andy says as the screen near us showed me on stage with NamJoon behind me.

I watched as I stood there holding the award looking into the audience. For some reason it was like I was proud of myself. The was the first time in a long time I stood up not only for myself but for African-American artists like myself.

Women go through things like that almost all the time, and me being able to have a voice was amazing on its own.

"This award isn't for me. I mean I don't know about you but I know I don't need acceptance from anyone. I am enough. I have been enough and I will always be enough. And I don't need an award to tell me that" I say holding the award.

This was probably one of my personal highlights of my career. I was never a person to open up about anything and being able to in front of millions of people was incredible for me.

"Therefore I dedicate this to the army, the nation, all of my supporters, family, friends, the six boys sitting over there, our leader behind me and god himself. Because you guys made all of this possible. From the bottom of my heart, I love each and every single one of you. Thank you" I finish the speech and the screen cuts off causing me to turn back Andy.

"Let's give Normani another round of applause" he says clapping along with the audience.

I smile slightly nodding thanking them all, that wasn't necessary.

"What was going on in your head at that moment?"

I brought the mic up beginning to speak, "I wish I could tell you, Andy. With everything that was going on, I felt like that speech needed to happen. Honestly, I don't think it was just for me.. I believe it's also for everyone else who has been through what I have or even worst... everyone whose scared or afraid... I wanted to be a voice for them. I wanted to be their voice" I explained causing him to nod in understanding exactly what I was saying.

"I just want to want to put out there I honestly think what you do, what you've been doing is absolutely amazing. I mean you've literally been through hell and back but no matter what it's like you keep going, and that's all that matters"

I smile "thank you. I don't think any of this would've been possible without the support of my fans, and the love from boys", I say.

"Alright you guys thanking you so much for watching. This was Normani Kordei. Don't Forget To Watch "Me Like Yuh" And Listen to "Black Woman" which is coming out tomorrow worldwide. I am Andy Trieu and I'll see you next week when we have another special guest" Andy says making this the end of today's interview.

-

I exited the limo walking to the front door when I heard my name being called from behind me.

I turned to see BamBam walking up the driveway, I arched my brow in confusion.

This dude literally never learns, doesn't his members or manager get worried that he might not make it back in time for tour.

"Hey? W-what are you doing here?" I ask him smiling.

"I have to be back at the airport in like 10 minutes to go back to the tour but I couldn't leave without our conversation not being finished from the other day" he tells me his hands in his jean pockets making his look taller then he is.

Oh god.

"Bam"

"Normani, jus— just let me finish. Okay. I need to stay this now, if I don't... I don't think I'll have another chance" he tells me causing me to nod and wait for him to continue.

"I'm so glad I got to know an amazing person like you. I feel so lucky to be apart your life, Mani. When I first met you I already knew we'd become friends but I didn't think that there'd be feelings in the middle of it. I want to be with you but I can't do that if you won't allow me too" he says confessing his love to me once more.

I needed him to stop. I couldn't hear anymore and allow him to think I felt the same why when I know I don't.

I sigh, "you don't have to say anything. I already know what you're gonna say. You would but you can't because of RM. And I know what it feels like to like someone and not being able to control it. Because that's exactly how I feel about you. And believe me I tried... I tired to stop thinking about you, stop talking about you... I tried to stop liking you but I can't" he tells me causing me to stare deep into his eyes.

"So, I just want you to know if he ever makes you unhappy, makes you cry or hurts you... I will always be here" he says confidently.

He was literally telling me that he'd be waiting for Joon to fuck up, and letting me know that once he does I could go to him.

"Bam, I really appreciate you feeling like this but there's nothing going on between Joon and I thought would stop me from being with you" I lie trying to make the situation better.

He chuckles at my response, he reaches up and pats my head.

"You don't have to lie to protect my feelings, Mani. I've always seen it. Him and you. Together. It was bond to happen. I knew it since the night of the BigHit and JYP party. God... you remember that night" he pauses chuckling.

Now that I think about it, it was always bam who was there for me. From me getting drunk. From me ending up in the hospital. From me telling the world I was a victim of racism.

"I mean I get it. You love him, and as much as you try to deny it. You can't control it. I just wish it was me instead of him" he continues.

This was the most vulnerable I have ever seen Bam. It was like he came over here and prepared for his heart to be broken because deep down inside he already knew that I was going to choose Joon.

"I should go now. The boys probably think I ran away or something" he jokes.

I nod swallowing the lump of guiltiness in my throat. I knew exactly what I did to him. It was like I led him on and played with his feelings.

The dates, us hanging out. Some of the times I only did that to get back at Joon and half of the times I only did it because I considered him as a friend.

He approaches me slowly, "I know after this things between us will no longer be the same. Not that I want it to change or to stay. I just need to do one more thing before I leave" he says looking down before looking at me.

This time his glare wasn't as if he was me like a friend should be a friend. I had a feeling like he was going to kiss me.

I breathed heavily as he pulls me into a hug unexpectedly, holding me. My head against his chest hearing how fast his heart was beating.

Seconds later he pulls away, looking down at me. He kisses my forehead softly, before smiling softly.

I could read through his smile, he was hurt. And it's my fault. I did this. To him.

"Goodnight, Normani" his words soft and low meaning he was on the urge of crying. He turns around and slowly walks away from me.

My heart drops watching as he get further and further away from me. Tears began to fall from my eyes causing my breathing to get heavy and my knees to get weak.

What was this that I was feeling? I felt as if I was a bad person for doing this to such a good person.

Bam had always looked out for me. Always been by my side. Always cared about me. Always supported me.

With every step he took away, the more and more I start to recall my memories of him. Of being around him. From me first meeting up backstage at my first performance with BTS at an award show.

From him always getting me his jacket, to making me to laugh. To making me forget about NamJoon when I wanted to the most.

"Bam" my voice calls out for him but instead of stopping or turning around he continues to walk.

"BamBam.... Stop walking!" My voice shouts causing it to crack. I swallowed hard as he continued to walk.

This wasn't a confession, it was more of a goodbye. I breathed heavily trying to process this. My emotions. How I was feeling. About him. And NamJoon.

I couldn't allow him to leave. Not like this. There was so much I had to say. So much I needed him to know.

I walked towards the end of the sidewalk watching as Bam walk towards his car parked along the other side of the street.

"Bam" I called out for him. He stops in his footsteps standing there in the street.

My attention turns two vans pull up on the sidewalk of the dorm, it obviously was the boys. The opened before the headlights even turned off.

"Mani?" The voice of the youngest member as seeing me crying in the driveway meaning something was wrong.

I then watch as NamJoon smile fades from his face when he turns his attention away from Jin who I'm assuming he was talking too.

I slowly turned back to Bam who stood there for a second before turning back around to his car.

Without hesitation I took off running towards him. Not caring. Not thinking about anything else.

Bam turns away from his car noticing I was running to him. My body crashes into his, as his arms wrapped around mine unexpectedly.

I held him back as he held me. It was strange. I didn't know why I did it, I just know it needed to be done.

I didn't care who was looking. I just needed to say this to him before he left.

"Mani" he calls me softly causing me to slowly let go off him, reminding me he had to be at the airport at a certain time.

He looks down at me, smiling. He wipes the tears from my ears before placing a strain of hair behind my ear.

"A pretty girl like you who is loved by the entire world shouldn't be crying over me"

"I-i can't help it" I explain.

He chuckles at my response.

"I have to go" he tells me, I nod.

"Wait for me" the words escape out my mouth before I could even process. Did I know what I was just asking him to do?

I literally was asking him to wait for me, or wait for the right time or wait for RM to screw up so I could go to him.

"I always will"

He gets in his expensive car and drives off, leaving me to be standing in the middle of the road watching him, as my members watched me.

I glanced up to NamJoon who himself like the others was confused. How exactly was I supposed to tell him that I told Bam to wait for me because I know some day he would mess up and I would up end running right back to Bam, like I always tend to do.