-From your POV-

It has been two weeks since I moved into the new house. The current arrangement was that all four henchmen were there during the day to do whatever I needed or asked, and then one would sleep over night to make sure nobody tried to break in or anything like that. I had full restocked my weapons room full of my favorite guns and knives. I even had two of the men clean out the pool in the backyard and build a standing target for throwing knives. Life was quiet. I had taken two jobs up and made 150 stacks off them and would occasionally see my dad in between both of our schedules. I hadn't seen J.

Like, at all.

For two weeks.

We hadn't spoken on the phone or texted either. There were a couple nights that I went to the club, but he wasn't there. The house was much cozier than his was, but it was so much more quiet. The only time there was real noise was when Blue came over. See, I liked all four of the men I had; they quickly became loyal to me because of how I treated them. I let them come sit at the dinner table with me, we'd watch TV together in the down time, I let them use the pool and any other amenities, I wasn't strict about their hours or workloads, all of that. I was essentially a cool boss. But Blue? Blue had been trying for two straight weeks to become friends instead of boss and employee. Every time he had the night shift, he would try to keep me up all night talking. Sometimes I would entertain him and tell stories while I drank a bit, but then I would eventually retire to bed and leave him by himself. I didn't want to give him the wrong idea about us. I liked Blue. But not like that; I didn't want to complicate things. The entire reason why I moved into this house was because I had complicated things. I crossed the line. I was the one who kissed J. I was the one who had him sleepover in my bed. I was the one who initiated all of our kisses. It was me initiating them, but it was his fault for making me go crazy.

I got out of my bed and went to the kitchen to eat. I was starving. It was early winter meaning today, one of the men would have to put the cover on the pool. For the past two weeks it hasn't been that cold, but the past three days were freezing so today was the day. Blue had the night shift so he was at the house, of course, but when I went downstairs I was surprised to see he already had an entire spread of breakfast out on the counter. He was cooking something in the frying pan when he looked up at me briefly and smiled. "Good morning, boss." he said.

"Morning. What's all this?" I ask as I walk closer, examining what he's made so far.

"Breakfast." he said.

"I see that, but why? You've never done this before." I said.

"What I can't flatter my boss?" he says with a smile. I just chuckle and shake my head.

"Blue, your crush is endearing and flattering, really, but I think you underestimate me." I say as I grab orange juice from the fridge and a glass from the cabinet.

"How would I underestimate you? I think you're actually quite powerful and smart, madam." he says. Madam. Blue and his cute Frenchisms. He spoke French and still had the Montreal accent and had a habit of saying Madam. I didn't really care in the beginning, but he was slowly turning it into a pet name. A weird pet name. I mean, who makes a pet name that acknowledges your pet is above you? I just sighed at his remark. Blue was dangerously cute. Like, his personality and his mannerisms were adorable but then his physical appearance was hot. Like boy next door type good looking. He wasn't much taller than me, maybe only 2 or 3 inches, and had brown hair that was on the longer side, just falling past his ears when it was wet. He had really dark brown eyes and a very light stubble going on, framing a well chiseled jawline. I had no idea what his body looked like. I had never seen him naked (obviously) and didn't plan on it.

I set my glass of orange juice down at my seat at the table and grabbed a plate and began piling stuff on it. Quite honestly, it had been a long time since I had a grand breakfast like this. At Joker's house, I often just made my own small breakfast or woke up at lunchtime, and before his house obviously prison wasn't serving a spread like this. I piled the plate with pancakes, hashbrowns, bacon, sausage, an egg, and half a bagel. I know. A lot. I sat down and Blue did shortly after he made his own plate. He looked over at my plate and smiled. "I take it you don't have grand breakfasts like this very often?" he said. I took a bite of the hash browns.

"Correct. Haven't had a breakfast like this in at least over a year." I say as I continue chewing.

"A year? What were they feeding you at the last house?" he asked me. I took a drink of the orange juice.

"It wasn't what they were feeding me. I usually just made my own small breakfast or woke up too late for breakfast." I say as I shovel more food into my mouth.

"I thought there was a cooking staff, no? Why wouldn't the man just order them to cook you something?" he asks. I reflect for a quick second.

"Oh he would've ordered them to. I didn't like them doing every little thing for me. He would do it in the blink of an eye though if I asked." I said.

"It sounds like he treated you like a princess." he said. I take another sip and nod.

"He did." I say flatly.

"Then why did you leave him?" he asks me. I stop chewing and just stare at my glass before swallowing hard and looking up at him.

"I wasn't.... I wasn't dating him. You can't leave someone you were never with." I say before slowly putting more food onto the fork.

"Oh, my apologies Madam. I was under the impression-" he begins.

"Well it was the wrong impression." I cut him off. I swallow again and sigh. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. I tend to be hot-headed at times." I wipe my mouth off with one of the napkins. "Do you really want to know about Joker and I?" I ask him, crossing my arms on the table. He nods his head with wide eyes. I let out a breath and look up in thought, trying to find where to start before looking back to him. "This green haired idiot busts me out of a federal prison, right? Explains that he did it because I'm going to be his new business partner and I was totally against it. I thought he was an arrogant asshole and I thought he was bad for business. Thought 'I would NEVER be friends with this idiot much less do business with him'. Some time goes by, I mess with one of his henchmen, go to his club and mess with one of his business associates, get him really upset, discover that he's not the asshole I thought he was, regret it for a long time, get mad that I have regrets, get mad that I discovered he wasn't an asshole, messed around with him, came to the realization we aren't any good for each other, and here we are." I finish as I lean back in my chair. " I know, a lot in one story, huh?" I chuckle.

"Did you love him? It sounds like it." he says softly. I look down at my plate for a moment and start slowly shaking my head no.

"Neither of us loved each other. When you love someone, you don't act that toxic towards them. Hell, I don't even think either of us were capable of love. We were just two arrogant assholes who hated each other until we lo-" I cut myself off when I realized what I was saying. "Until we needed or wanted something from one another." I correct myself.

"So he really wasn't a boyfriend?" he asks. I shake my head no. "Okay, I was starting to believe you had a thing for gangsters or something and that was why you didn't like me." he lets out a sigh of relief. I chuckle.

"I never said I didn't like you." I say.

"Well do you?" he says. I smile and raise my glass to my lips.

"What if I say I do?" I say.

"Hypothetically?" he asks. I laugh and nod my head yes. "Hypothetically, I would ask that you give me a shot. If you didn't like it, then of course I would back down. Hypothetically not, nothing would happen." he says. I squint my eyes and think for a minute.

"You have one shot." I say. His eyes widen and he starts to smile. "We'll work out the details later." I say as I get up from the table, putting my plate in the sink and heading off to my room to get showered and dressed.

I sat in the shower thinking about our conversation. Why did you still have such a hold on me, J? We were never together. It shouldn't be this bothering. I feel like Dracula stuck in his castle.

Impulse. IMPULSE. No, no. Well....

I could hear the shrink's voice in my mind.

"See, the thing about Antisocial Personality Disorder is that the biggest signs and symptoms are pathological lying, lack of empathy, and impulsive decisions that have little or no regard to the feelings of others."

Before I could even think of anything else. I shut the faucet right off and yanked the towel off the rack long enough to wipe my face off and just barely wrap it around my body.

I walked back to the kitchen where Blue was still cleaning up from Breakfast. He looked up at me and his eyes got wide. "Boss, did you forget something?" he asks me in confusion. I walk around the kitchen counter so I am now standing on his side, his face towards me but his body still towards the sink.

"Just shut up." I mumble out before grabbing his face with my hands, pulling his face to mine and kissing him.

Impulse. IMPULSE. Impulsive bitch.