"I never realised you weren't close with your parents, I'm guessing you don't have any siblings?" I made sure to keep working through the books as I spoke.

"No, just me" Draco stood there in silence for a moment his head slightly bowed as if he was deep in thought.

"Well it's not all fun and games anyway they actually can be right pain in the arses. Me and my sister used to fight like cat and dog, my dad was forever in between us two trying to break us up" I laughed to myself as a memory of us wrestling on the floor came to my mind.

"Do you miss them?" His question took me back, no one ever asked me that. I suppose it was a given that I would but it was a question that everyone feared, tried to stay away from. I looked down to my feet as the waves of sadness and guilt flew over me once more, of course I missed them. I missed them more than I needed air in my lungs, blood through my veins and love in my heart.

"More than I could ever explain." I took a deep breath to try and shake the feeling of darkness that came over me I didn't want to sink so deep that I lost myself again. Nor did I want to cry in front of Draco Malfoy, he didn't need to see any more weakness than he already had.

Even if it was questionable that he deserved it after the agony he had put me through this last year I knew he deserved the truth even if I didn't want to give him the satisfaction. I knew I couldn't lie to myself either, it wasn't healthy to be like this. Even though I wouldn't go back on my word of wiping him from my heart, I knew that a part of moving forward was closure. Which I needed.

"I lied to you yesterday Draco." As if I could see his ears prick forward I knew I had his full attention. I could feel his eyes burning into the side of my head.

"I did think about you this summer. A lot. More than I wanted to" I looked up to him where a smirk was already forming on his face. "I thought about how much time I spent last year being upset by the things you did and said. I thought about how I knew you weren't possible of caring about me the way I needed to be cared for. I thought about how after how much pain I've been through recently that I don't need to add anymore pain to my body or I may just break." I knew it wasn't what he was expecting by the look on his face, a mixture of emotions crossing it. His eyes looked me up and down slowly before I watched him exhale a very large breath.

"You're right." He walked over to the bookcase and placed the final book on the very bottom shelf at the end. He stayed crouched for a moment then stood up firmly. He looked at me and tucked his hands into his pockets. "I'll stay away from you." He turned around and headed for the door.

Even though I knew that's what I needed to hear it just wasn't what I wanted to hear but nevertheless this is what had to happen. I needed that closure, I needed to move forward with my life, move forward from Draco.

The words 'I'll stay away from you' rung around my ears for several minutes before I got up to leave. I wondered if he would keep his word and that he did.

-

Hogwarts seemed to only get worse, Umbridge was beginning to take over. New rules in every other day, ridiculous rules! The wall outside the Great Hall was filling up so quickly we could barely keep up. I spent most of my time with Pansy now which I enjoyed. She kept me on the straight and narrow, everytime she could see my conscious drifting she would bring me back down to earth with something distracting usually some juicy Slytherin gossip that I could never turn down. She seemed to find out everything which was surprising considering she never spoke to anyone. She still spent time with Draco from time to time which was hard to watch, I just wanted to join her but I knew that wasn't the right idea. I asked her occasionally if he ever mentioned me, he didn't. Not that I was really expecting him to but each time she told me it felt like a dagger went straight through me.

I saw Harry from time to time, he seemed to have his mind in other places at the moment and until he was ready I wasn't going to push him to talk. He was mostly with Hermoine and Ron and neither of them seemed up for talking. They were all quiet really, kept themselves to themselves. Actually they didn't seem to bother with anyone apart from their little click.

I saw Draco more than my nerves wished, every time I saw him the usually screw up of my insides happened yet he always walked past so cool and collected. This was just more reassurance that he didn't feel the way I did, otherwise he'd be the same as me. A mess really. He never looked my way, never even a glimpse.

I caught myself having dreams frequently now about Draco, it wasn't really him though. He was kind and charming, never cruel. He cherished and adored me, we were inseparable. He would hold me tight and tell me how good it felt to have me in his arms, he would kiss me on the top of my forehead and pull me close. The dreams were becoming so vivid I could smell him, the combination of zest and mint concealed with his musky cologne. Some mornings I could cry from just opening my eyes and coming back to my reality that, that wasn't the Draco that roamed these halls. I was dreaming of someone else, someone who didn't exsist. Someone I would never have.

Days rolled into nights very quickly now, with everything that was going on in Hogwarts there was very little to do to break them up.

I roamed the halls for what felt like the 100th time today, I held my books tightly to my chest and looked around at all the beauty the halls had to offer that was until I spotted Ron, I picked up my pace.

"Hi! Ron!" He swung his head round and looked at me before quickly spinning his head back round as if hadn't noticed me. What was he doing?

"RON! Hey! RON!" He buried his head and began nearly running. Where was he going? And why did he not want to talk to me?