Back to school has brought about manic panic-induced studying. I've got a few more months of focus and working my fingers to the bone before I can get out of this town. Mrs Stentham, the guidance counsellor, has already helped me fill out a few scholarship forms to a few colleges... I've taken the bull by the horns and applied to a few dance programs around the country. I've sent applications to schools in Oklahoma, Pitsburg, Indianapolis and Houston. Of course, they're not where I want to go just back up options...if I don't get into Julliard. A school for which I very nearly missed the application deadline. I was so pent up on prolonging sending it off I nearly missed the frigging deadline but before the holidays it was in fact sent off... and now we wait as time trickles by excruciatingly. I've double-checked about fifteen times just to be sure I had actually sent it off and I wasn't dreaming.

I don't know what I'd do if I didn't get into Julliard. It's not just the program, it's being close to my momma and where she grew up. It's experiencing New York- the place I've dreamed about since I was a child and it isn't just my dream to go to Julliard, it was hers too. The least I can do is live that out for her.

Whilst I wait to see if they even want to audition me, all I can do is knuckle down... starting with this danm happiness project. We're still finding it kind of hard but Blaze has been getting on much better, he's more active with it and is finding it easier to talk about but we still haven't got much. I think it's a bit of a mental barrier for us both... only just being able to revel in some kind of happiness and Blaze giving half-assed answers.

"So I was thinking we could start the PowerPoint with the definition and maybe talk about the 'happiness chemical' element of-" I zone out to what he's saying, mesmerised by his dishevelled damp hair and piercing eyes. It should actually be illegal to look this good in a school library. He's even taken his letterman jacket off so I can have a front-row seat to his goddam arms that tense every time he moves. His chiselled face makes my stomach flip-flop over and over and-

"Blondie?" Shit is he still talking?

"Hmm?" I make a noise whilst shuffling some papers to cool my face.

"Are you even listening?" He wears a smug grin and turns to completely face me.

"Yeah... uh... chemical element..." Well, I was listening up to that point then I got distracted over how good you look today. He lets out a low chuckle.

"You know Blondie if you-"

"Sorry kids library's closing." The frail old librarian taps Blaze on the shoulder mid-sentence and points to the already slow wall clock. Blaze nods at her and she scurries off, her floral skirt flapping around her ankles, leaving Blaze with a guilty look on his face. Practice ran over so we've only had about twenty minutes to do the project, we've barely even started and we need to get a frigging move on if we actually want a decent grade on this.

"Fuck... I would say you could come back to mine but Gemmas got her friends around so they'll all be in the kitchen and I can't have you in my room...moms rules not mine." He winks making me divert my gaze to the table. We always end up around his and I feel bad because he also always feeds me- and boy, he can cook.

I can't decide whether what I'm about to say is incredibly stupid or smart...

"We can do it at mine?" His eyes visibly widen and he tries to hide the smile gracing his face. My parents are out of town today, they didn't tell me why just that they would be gone for the week so I have a free house anyway... "It's not the ritz and I have no food in the cupboards so we might have to make a stop at McDonald's... my treat..." I waffle still gathering my items off the desk and shoving them into my bag. Blaze doesn't say anything until I turn to face him, his backpack hanging off one shoulder and his gym bag on the other but the most obvious thing he wears is his toe-curling smile. He looks like he just won nationals.

"What?" I let my hair fall in front of my eyes.

"Oh, nothing... I just can't believe I'm actually going to the place where Atlas Grove habitats." He wiggles his eyebrows and I give him a playful shove.

"Said no one ever... stop being weird and let's go." I saunter past him towards the exit with burning cheeks hearing his low chuckle rumble behind me.

After a lengthy stop at the drive-through, I direct Blaze to turn into my road already grimacing at what I can see out of the window.

"It's uh... it's kind of rough around here... so don't expect much..." I mumble into my hand looking at the front gardens of homes that are beginning to look like swamps. It's disgusting, the least people could do is weed and maybe plant something colourful but instead, they sit on their steps admiring their messy gardens like it's a nature reserve, whilst they kill their lungs with cigarettes.

Blazes' hand moves over to my knee and squeezes making my angst disappear slightly, I try not to look down at his giant hand on my leg but it's near impossible and I nearly choke on my sip of sprite.

"Chill butterfly, you've seen where I live. It's like something out of a fucking horror film." I look across at him, his eyes alight with humour and we both chuckle.

We trundle on down the road watching the younger kids play in the rusting playground on a tiny bit of grassless field. At least with it being late and the sun has set, you can't see how utterly awful it is around here. The graffiti and neglected homes aren't as noticeable.

"It's just up here." I point to my house and advise Blaze to park in a space on the edge of the sidewalk. As I get out of the car I spot Ramona, from a few doors down, supervising her toddler on his scooter. She waves a friendly hello just as her son threatens to take a tumble, she rushes to his aid and catches him before his skin hits the earth.

I lead Blaze silently to our front door and push my key into the lock. Holding my breath and hoping that for whatever reason my parents hadn't decided to come back any earlier from their sketchy trip. I open the door hesitantly. The bag of McDonald's wafting into the front room. It's deserted, thank god.

I let out a small sigh of relief and push open the door to let Blaze in behind me. His eyes sweep around the room with an expression I haven't seen before... it's slightly sympathetic but slightly amused.

'This is... nice." He concludes, drawing me to laughter.

"Jesus, I've never seen you so polite. It's characterless. Ugly. It was built in the frigging eighties and hasn't changed one bit." I look at the room, ugly floral wallpaper, no family photos, one brown couch and a pea-green armchair my dad spends most of his time in and a TV that looks like it was built with the house. The only bit of character is the various stains plaguing the red carpet.

"I wasn't going to say anything but..." He grits his teeth.

"Why? It's not like you to hold your tongue." I state. He shrugs with a smile and his eyes hold sympathy, it's subtle but he looks at me so delicately.

I show him a real quick tour of the rest of the house... well the checkered floor kitchen and the bathroom upstairs... constantly apologising for the state of the unkempt house and all he does is smile the entire time, nod and smile.

"I've uh... never known you to be this... smiley..." I state pushing open my bedroom door, he shrugs again almost annoyingly. I roll my eyes playfully, "And this is... my room." I drop my bag on the floor near my desk area watching Blaze very carefully. I suddenly feel really exposed.

No one has ever been in my room. You can pick up a lot from someone's room, it's where they hide all their secrets. Under the bed, in the wardrobe, on top of the shelves.

My rooms kind of messy too, clothes spilling out of my draws and my bed is completely unmade making me flush a red with embarrassment.

"Sorry for the state of my-" Without warning. Blaze launches himself onto my unmade bed and props himself up on his elbow with a smirk. Considering he's the size of a tree he looks rather ridiculous, squashed on my small double bed. He still looks hot though... he even manages to pour his dominance over my own bedroom, he's literally got control of this whole situation. I squirm in my desk chair not really sure how to approach this. "Uh... the... uh state... my room. I-I would have them cleaned if... if I knew you were uh.. coming..."

Great start Atlas. Please keep going you're doing great.

"Why are you over there. Come sit here." He sits up and leans his back against my wall under my window and pats the bit of duvet next to him.

"My uh.. chair is comfy thanks." I splutter.

"It's your damn bed blondie. How are we meant to do this project if you're over there? I'm not going to bite." He smirks again sending unruly shivers through me. I pick up my bag and walk over to my bed, trying to sit down as elegantly as I can. Then he leans in and whispers, " Not unless you want me to." My hairs stand to attention all over my body and I'm finding it difficult to bloody swallow.

I keep my eyes away from his but I know he's enjoying this torment. It's like he lives to see me turn red. Remembering I still have the McDonalds bag in my hand I quickly shove him one of many cartons of fries he ordered to shut him up and pull I out our project recourses.

"I like your room." He states surveying my walls whilst shoving fries into his mouth.

"Oh... uh thanks. It's pretty small and plain but... it was it it." I resist the urge to put on a funny accent for the last part of the sentence and look at my walls. Most of them are blank in case my parents come in so they can't see what I've been up to but there's one place where everything is hidden.

"It is kinda... plain. Compared to you... you're just so bubbly and this room is so..." He sounds like he's treading on eggshells.

"You can say it. It's boring and ugly." I state getting off the bed and walking over to my closet. "I keep everything 'personal' in here," I swing open the closet doors to reveal them covered in photos of this last year and some from my younger years. Blaze gets up to look closer.

Different sized shoe boxes spill out of the bottom under mountains of clothes that contain all my old dance and cheer medals, photos, recital programs. All that stuff and stuff before I moved to Atlanta. My colourful bubbly clothes sit in between all my personal items, it's sort of like this closet is a secret safe of me.

"This is way more like it..." Blazes' eyes travel around the contents of the closet and he starts chuckling.

"What..." then I catch sight of the obnoxious Theo James poster on one of the doors..."Oh..." my cheeks heat but he doesn't even look at me to further the embarrassment, his eyes just search the wardrobe.

There are pictures on the inside of the doors that Emily had taken, one in particular of Blaze and I in the tunnel before one of the games, the day he picked me up from the party.

"Is that us Blondie?" He peers closer and an even wider grin igniting his face.

"I-uh-I guess it is... I don't pay much attention to that one though," I faux disinterest pretending to walk away from the wardrobe but Blaze grabs my waist and pulls me back towards him with a squeal.

"I feel honoured to be a massive part of your 'personal' wardrobe." He uses air commas. I give him a light shove but as always the wall of muscle doesn't even flinch, instead, his fingers tighten on my waist making me shiver. "Why are they all locked in here though? Why not on your walls?"

I shrug tensely, "I just- they uh... they match my clothes..." Wow. I mentally slap myself. His eyes narrow almost accusingly at me, my heart thumps wildly under such an insense gaze but before the questions come his eyes move down to the bottom of my closet where the shoeboxes are.

"What are those?" He drops down with a thud and pulls a box out, my blood pressure skyrockets... they contain a lot of things about me and some about what happened with my birth family. I rush to grab the box from him but his finger has already pried open the lid.

On top is my first pair of pointe shoes. I sit down next to him taking them out of the box. I haven't looked at this stuff since I first packed it into boxes. They stayed sealed the whole time I was in the system and have remained that way since I moved here.

"I guess you've always had midget feet then." Blaze mumbles looking at the shoes in my hand, "Is this like childhood shit?" He bends down to look further into the back of the wardrobe where more bin bags and duffles are filled with as he so eloquently put 'childhood shit'.

My hands tremble slightly watching Blaze pick up the next item from the shoe box. His big hands hold a headshot-like picture of my momma mid-jump in a blue leotard. Feet pointed, legs straight and a dark blue skirt flying behind her. Her head is poised with a blonde bun sat perfectly in the middle of her head, her bright blue eyes send shivers racing through my body. She looks absolutely stunning.

That is what I aspire to be. Who I aspire to be.

There's a Julliard logo at the bottom of the picture meaning my momma must have been in her early twenties when life was good to her. Before all the trauma.

"Is that your mom?" Blaze asks looking from the picture to my face trying to evaluate the similarities. I'm a spitting image of my momma, I took at least ninety percent of her genes especially the dancing parts. I have to tear my eyes away from the picture when the burning gets too intense. I squish my cheeks between my molars willing myself not to cry, "Wow. You take after her... I can just see you in the exact pose at Julliard next year." He mumbles still admiring the photo, "You've sent off your application right?" I can feel his eyes burning holes in the back of my head but I can't bring myself to look at him. Not without the tears spilling down my face.

"Uh... yeah... It's really unlikely to even be considered for an audition though so I sent off some to other schools too." I strain through the voice cracks.

"Bullshit. You're a thousand percent going to be asked to audition." Blaze scoffs and I hope for once he's right. It's more like a need to get into Julliard. I need to do this for my momma.

I shake myself out and snatch the box off the floor throwing it into the back of the wardrobe, "Right come on we need to get back to this project," I flow back onto the bed propping myself up on the wall needing the distraction even if it is the stupid project, "Back to the ridiculous question 'what makes you happy?'' I mock feeling even worse about doing the stupid thing. Blaze flops down next to me, his arm grazing the top of my thigh as he props himself up, looking at me through his thick eyelashes.

'You." He sighs.

"What?"

"Fucking hell, don't make me say it again." He grumbles directing his gaze to the floor, fiddling with his rings.

"No... i- uh- I don't know what you mean...?" Me? What does he mean to me? My blood pumps harder around my body creating a defining thumping in my ears. He groans and sits up keeping his eyes to the jewellery on his fingers.

"God, as corny as it fucking sounds you make me happy Blondie. Believe it or not, you've become... one of my... uh best friends..." His cheeks flush the tiniest bit but the red tinge looks anything but embarrassing on him.

Friends? Is this what being friend-zoned feels like? This is a good thing yes? I knew he wouldn't feel anything for me... all is good in the world... isn't it.

The silence in the room is slightly suffocating when I realise I've said nothing back to him, just sat here with furrowed brows... don't make this any more awkward A.

"Best friends aye-" I poke him in the chest but he grabs my hand and yanks me forward colliding with his body. Then I realise I'm on top of him, he's pulled us back onto my bed. My body freezes, my hair gently brushing against his contoured face. His darkening eyes look up at me lustfully... and his fingers dig into my waist. I can feel his muscles beneath the thin material of our clothes, his chest moving in and out very quickly, his heart beating against my ribcage.

My legs are wedged in between his and my stomach flip flops in excitement... but friends don't sit like this... and he just totally friend-zoned me...?

His hands let go of my wrist and waist before travelling around my sides, tickling me as I squeal trying my hardest not to kick him in the face.

"Blaze oh- oh-my-god, stop!" I wheeze between fits of giggles, I squirm about on top of him then he grabs my waist and flips me over so I'm underneath him, his hands move quickly to my wrists pinning me down on the bed.

I ache. My whole body aches and not from the tickling. It aches with need and... lust, a feeling so foreign that I feel overcome. He breaths heavily and his hair is all dishevelled making him look even more attractive from this angle.

"You're my best friend Atlas because you're beautiful and brave. You're so smart, talented, loyal and caring. You're my best friend because you haven't given up on me and you make me happy." His voice is low and deep, my spine quivers underneath him.

His face is getting closer to mine... so close I can feel his hot minty breath on my cheek. His eyes move from mine to my lips, which are tingling in anticipation.

Is he going to kiss me? Oh my god!

I've never been kissed before? What do I do?!

This is not friend zoning!

His lips are inches away from mine as one of his hand's cups my face urging my eyes to close. My body is erupting with sparks, electricity running wild through my veins as his bottom lip is about to touch mine... the need inside me is dominating, as much as I have no clue what I'm doing I move my head closer to his, needing the feeling of his lips.

BANG.

Blaze jerks back and I scramble to sit up... what the hell was- oh my god. Oh my god!!

My dad stands at the threshold of my bedroom, arm whacked on the now fully open door. His face is red with anger, his ears steaming creating an unbearable atmosphere in my room. My body shakes frightfully and I don't realise I'm curled up at the end of my bed as tight as I can until Blaze puts his hand on my arm. I jerk back feeling completely terrified of everything. I can't even look my dad in the eyes. He's going to kill me.