Blaze shuts the door with more force than what's actually necessary but alerts everyone we're home nonetheless. The harsh scraping of chairs coming from the kitchen makes Blaze tense, I squeeze his hand, careful not to hurt his busted knuckles even more- which reminds me I need to get some ice for them.

"Did you get the snacks?" Helen asks chipper as she strolls into the lobby, Shirley and Bennett tailing behind. We remain silent as her eyes move to the bags in our hands, up to Blaze's knuckles then to our faces. Mine is void with anything other than worry and discomfort and Blazes' bruised and bloody conveying nothing as he stares at the floor. Her smile quickly drops, worry then anger flashing across her face, behind her Bennett and Shirly share a withering exchange. The air drops fifteen degrees and the warmth that usually surrounds the home is retracting into the cracks in the wall.

"What happened? What did you do." She snaps, crossing her arms on her chest... oh dear...

"Mom I think we should sit down... I...I need to tell you something." Blaze breathes, his eyes flitting between his family.

"Blaze I swear to god-"

"Please...just-" Blaze sighs, frustration locking his jaw, pinching his nose between his fingers. My heart breaks watching him so confused and hurt, retreating back into himself.

"Why don't we have a seat in the kitchen?" I muster the best smile I can, Bennett nods understandingly, pulling Shirley into the kitchen as she nods gratefully at me and we traipse into the kitchen behind them, Helen grudgingly. Everyone takes a seat silently but I drop Blaze's hand and move around the kitchen in search of some ice. He looks panicked at the loss of contact, his eyes following my movements with narrowed eyes. I grab some ice from the massive freezer and wrap it in a towel hanging from a cupboard door, I can clean the blood later but the swelling needs to come down.

I walk back to his seat and place the wrapped ice carefully on his knuckles. He rolls his eyes, "I'm fine." He huffs.

"Don't lie to me, Beckett." I smile lightly pressing my hand on top of the ice towel, he curls his fingers of his undamaged hand around my own.

"Your face doesn't look broken so that's a bonus." Helen peers closer at the welts on his face, sharp, pissed tone, going into sarcastic nurse mode, "Keep the ice on your knuckles but I don't suspect they'll be anything more than bruised. Lord knows they should be by now" She mutters the last part palming her forehead as if she's sweating.

"Don't worry mom, I've got my own personal nurse here." He sends me a wink squeezing my waist and practically everyone in the room groans, rolling their eyes including me. I slap his upper arm and he mocks grimaces.

"I'm so glad you're joking about this Blaze." Helen shakes her head and wanders to the other side of the Island, her eyes dark and narrowed. "Now. What happened."

"I ended up in an... altercation that ended up... getting slightly violent..." I breathe clenching my teeth, I don't need to look up to know how disappointed my mom and grandparents are. I'm disappointed in myself, sure I can blame it on protecting Atlas and she's right I was protecting her and I always will at any cost... but I didn't need to hit him that hard or that many times, he was down already far more injured than me- that was just for... satisfaction, vengeance that he dared come after me and my family. I enjoyed watching him limp away. Sick I know.

"Blaze..." My mom whispers, exhaustion, disbelief and pure disappointment coating her tone, "Why are you starting fights again... and whilst you're with Atlas?"

I already feel bad enough about Atlas. This was exactly why I didn't want her close to me, I never. Ever. Want to put her in harm's way but seemingly I'm the world shittest boyfriend- just as expected. She shouldn't have been put in that situation tonight, seeing that blade on her skin, the way he had her pinned on the car.

I ball my fists just thinking about it, it makes me angrier than I have ever been before. Her beautiful face was the pure picture of terror, her shaking hands, paled clammy skin. The way he was pushed up on her, too heavy for her to make any noise other than a few whimpers. I wanted to kill Durant right there and then.

And she shouldn't have seen me like that. It was my most animalistic and I have no idea why she's still sat with me right now. She finally saw who the New York boy really is, the distant, cold-hearted hot-head with no remorse for who he hurts. I don't want her to be afraid of me, I'd never dream of hurting her in any way but I'm so worried even though she's not saying it, she resents me right now because I'm in no way good enough for her. She shouldn't have to live in fear anymore, she deserves so much more than that.

"He only did it because the guy... he uh... uh approached me first..." Atlas stammers when I don't say anything. She's careful not to delve too deep and reveal what I haven't told anyone else yet.

"What she means is this guy had a knife against her fucking throat." I spit, a collective gasp sounds around the kitchen. Atlas tenses in my hand but they had to know. I can feel my mom's eyes on me, I wonder if she thought I purposely put her in danger.

"Oh good lord, are you alright love?" My nana rushes to her and cups her neck. A deep blush settles on her skin but she doesn't pull away.

"I'm fine, honestly. It was nothing." She mumbles. It was not nothing. It will never not be fucking nothing. I can't remove the image of her pressed up against the car from my mind. The fear in her eyes is something I will never forget. That and the fact that she saved me from being seriously stabbed tonight. As stupid as she was, if she hadn't have grabbed the knife the outcome would have been a lot worse. "Blaze was really just trying to protect me." She pleads, sounding guilty. Even after everything I've put her through tonight, she's still trying to help me out. I fucking love this girl and it pains me more than it scares me. I fucking love her so much it hurts.

I fucking love Atlas Grove.

"Who?" My grandpa asks stepping closer to the island, no judgment or malice in his tone, blank expression but his eyebrows twitch in silent questions- he can see what's going on, or rather who's going on. I look at the ice on my hands, I have to tell them everything.

"It was Durant."

Silence haunts the kitchen, in the distance, I can hear Gem singing along to some Disney musical film. At least she's not in here, let her enjoy her fucking innocence without all this shit.

"Durant... Durant who... works for your...your father?" My mom's voice cracks, she's petrified. I nod. "What did he- he want? How... how did he find you?" My mom's frozen to the spot, my nanas the same but her eyes are softer and filled with pity. My moms are ice cold, blank and distant.

"They probably saw us leaving the City and followed us. You know how many people he has working for him. His lapdogs are everywhere." My dad has several hundreds of minions roaming the streets for him, some say he owns New York, that it's his playground and a few years ago I would have agreed. Fucking asshole.

"Why." Mom bites her lip, a tear rolling down her cheek.

"I'm not sure... he's... he's..." For fucks sake. Atlas rests her head against my bicep, a ground for all my frustration. I take a long breath. "He's been contacting me, sending letters, calling me, texting me..." A strangled noise escapes my mom's mouth and it cuts me inside, I can feel it stinging from the inside. My gramps looks up at the ceiling cursing under his breath, my nana just leans across the island and pats my hand, sucking in a sharp breath.

"How long." My mom whimpers, my teeth grind in the silence. "How fucking long Blaze!" She shouts, hand smacking the counter, Atlas jumps beside me. Everyone looks cautiously at my mom, she never curses... never.

"Just before the start of this school year." Her eyes widen. Fuck.

"The start of the school year? THE START OF THE FUCKING SCHOOL YEAR." She shouts turning her back on me, running her hand across her head. Laughing cruelly. "Are you insane? Are you in-fucking-sane Blaze? Do you realise how much danger you've put us all in? Me? Your sister? Your girlfriend? Your own shitting future!" I know she's scared and upset but her words fuel the rage still simmering inside of me. I fucking know. I mother fucking know I've fucked it all. She shouts at me like I don't even feel the slightest bit guilty. I hate myself for all the shit I've put on them. I hate myself for the shit I'm still putting on them, the fact I am the cause of them being in danger. "So that's it? You hide it from me-"

"I didn't want to hide it from you! I wanted to tell you mom I really did." I jump from my seat bellowing, frustration ruling my limbs, "You work so hard and you always look so exhausted I didn't want to add to your stress. I thought it would go away if I left it. I never wanted to put you in danger, you have to know that!"

She turns back to look at me and walks so she toe to toe with me. Nothing but rage and disappointment in her blue iris.Cold features. "You shouldn't have broken my trust Blaze. You didn't want to add to my stress? Well looks like you've done it anyway. Well done. I thought I could trust you, I thought you'd changed." She spits, this isn't my mom, she's just worried and hurt. I keep telling myself, willing my hurt to settle and behave rationally but I can't deny the last part hurt, it really fucking stung deep. I thought I could trust you, I thought you'd changed.

"You can trust me. I have changed!"

"NO. YOU LIED TO ME. YOU HURT ME. WE'RE BACK TO SQUARE ONE! THE LIES AND VIOLENCE! I CAN'T TAKE IT. YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED." She screams, tears rolling down her red cheeks.

"Please, mom-"

"No. The more you lie the more you- you incorporate this violence into your life, the more you say you'll change and never do- the more you prove you're just like him. Like your father. Your father's son."

Fuck.

I step back. Like your father.

My lungs crush together. A pain rips right through me like I'm having a heart attack. Noise fades out as my heartbeat confines itself to my ears.

"Blaze- I-I didn't- I didn't mean that..." She stutters through cloudy vision.

"No, I think you did," I whisper before I tear out of the kitchen. A fire burning in my stomach growing with every step. My legs burn from the fast acceleration up the staircase. My chest heaves, my heartbeat in my ears louder and louder with every step. My fists shake, I will my mind to be quiet but the words run carelessly, tormenting me.

I have caused so much pain and destruction, so much that even my mom sees me like him. Compares me to him. No matter what I do I'll never change. I was born like him. I'll die like him. Cruel, mean, violent, vicious, manipulative, nasty.

Gem shouldn't be around that. Atlas shouldn't be around that. Everyone I love deserves better. My bedroom door flings open and it only takes a second before my hands are soaring along my shelves, things crashing to the floor. I sling the desk chair over into the bed and push the desk onto its side with a crack. Items spilling onto the floor beneath the wood. I grab my pillows and rip them in two, disregarding them in the mess.

The anger pulses through me. Destroying things is what I'm good at. So let's fucking honour my only trait them.

I rip the posters from the wall, smash the lamp on the desk.

This is all I'll ever be good at.

I can see things being crushed and smashed but I can't hear them, I only hear the voices of those I've hurt.

I catch sight of myself in the mirror by the bathroom. Red, wet cheeks, black eyes, bloody knuckles and all I see is him staring back at me. My father laughing at me in the mirror, arms crossed over his chest like he knew this was going to come, like he knows who I really am.

What have I done? What am I doing?

I slam my fists into the mirror, shards flying everywhere, some penetrate my skin but I can't feel it. Ruby red trickles like a stream down my wrists onto my inked arms, hiding the artwork beneath. I deserve this anyway, I think as I sink to a ball in my room, back flat against the wall, surrounded by my destruction. I put my head between my knees and sit in silence, looking at the mess. Sobbing.

I'm not sure how long it is before the door creaks open, the hall light casting a glow over my dark bedroom. Soft footsteps fall across the floor and stop a few meters from me, her smell incases me and all I want to do is nuzzle against her neck, feel her warmth and hear her sweet voice. I want to run my hands through her hair and kiss her soft neck. I need her.

But the footsteps venture into the bathroom and turn the tap on. They get closer again and the bathroom light goes off, plunging us into darkness again. She slides down the wall next to me and grabs my hands, I try to pull away but she gives a firm tug and wraps a wet towel over them, gently cleaning the now dried blood from when I smashed Durants jaw and the mirror. Her delicate fingers move around each knuckle, carefully wiping them and drawing any bits of glass left in the gashes, the moonlight coming from the window her only light source. Once a majority of the blood is gone from my hands and arms she places a gentle kiss on the back of each hand, dulling the throb.

The air catches in my throat.

"I don't deserve you," I whisper, feeling my cheeks wet once again as sound tares from my throat, whimpering.

"Shh" She coaxes and draws my head into her lap, I let her as she places a kiss against my sweaty temple, hands playing with my hair. I can hear her steady heartbeat against her chest, her fingers move across inches of my skin. Her strawberry and coconut hair tickles my arms and neck as she leans down to press her forehead against mine.

We sit there for a while in silence, she doesn't say anything and I'm grateful for it because I don't know how to construct words right now. I have so much and so little to say to her but the longer I don't say anything the longer I have with her before she leaves. Because she will and she should.

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