Life without someone by his side was different. While he had his father, there was one person missing by his side. Growing up, he heard so many stories about the man who gave birth to him.

Xu Wuhui spent much of his childhood in confusion. He had always wondered where his mother was, where the man who gave birth to him went. During that time, Xiao Lan never told him. She merely stifled a cry with her eyes growing red.

Xu Wuhui remembered when he was younger, how his father held him in his arms. The man's handsome face was covered in sorrow as he looked at him, the strong man showing signs of weakness as he embraced him.

At that time, Xu Wuhui was only 2 years old, he didn't know why his father seemed so weary. He remembered the name that repeatedly left Xu Yongheng's mouth, Bai Mengxiang.

Later on, Xu Wuhui discovered why this name felt so familiar to him. With that name, he began to discover the information that was hidden from him.

At the age of 4 years old, he finally understood everything about Bai Mengxiang, his beloved mother, a man who he had never seen. It was only years later, a decade that he began to realize how his birth had killed a man who everyone loved.

It ate him inside, but Xu Wuhui never said anything. His life was given in exchange for the death of someone closest to him. He wouldn't give up his life so easily even with the guilt he felt.

Now, at 15 years old, Xu Wuhui was slowly taking over the royal court, aiding his father who was in sickness.

Xu Wuhui rubbed his temples as Xiao Lan called for him.

Xiao Lan was Bai Mengxiang's maid. After his death, Xiao Lan dutifully took care of him, as if repenting for not being able to save Bai Mengxiang. She was older, much more mature now. The woman didn't smile often, her expression stoic and cold. But when she spoke about Bai Mengxiang, her smile was too bright, warming the cold expression that settled on her face.

"Your Highness," Xiao Lan slightly bent her back as she called out, her voice was even and steady, no longer cheerful like in the past.

Xu Wuhui looked up. Dressed in a golden robe, the crown upon his head of white was intricate and beautiful. The man's black and gold robe showed his body that was both strong and sturdy for a man of his age. Xu Wuhui's face was a mix of Bai Mengxiang's most prominent features, yet, his eyes and brows were handed from Xu Yongheng's genes. Like Bai Mengxiang, many called him calm and gentle, but just like Xu Yongheng, he was stubborn.

"His Majesty called for you." Xiao Lan's face was expressionless, standing up to reveal her ageless face. She looked the same, but the wrinkles by her eyes aged her more than it should have. Dressed in a dull color, the pins in her hair signified her status and power.

Xu Wuhui paused in the middle of his writing, setting down his brush. "Then I should get ready." Standing up, he fixed his sleeves and robe.

Xu Yongheng was sick. It wasn't easy to see, but the man was approaching death at a fast pace. He had held on for a long time, perhaps waiting for Xu Wuhui to grow up first before handing the throne to him.

Xu Wuhui knew about what Xu Yongheng had done to Bai Mengxiang. It was hard not to know. But he couldn't even hate the man. After all, in this world, Xu Yongheng had suffered too. Xu Wuhui didn't understand the man's circumstances, but he could also see the man who suffered his punishment silently, bearing the pain day by day.

As Xu Wuhui walked, passing the maids and eunuchs, another entourage appeared from out of the Emperor's royal chambers.

"Long live Her Majesty, may you live ten thousand years," Xu Wuhui bowed towards Mei Lin as Xiao Lan also did the same.

Mei Lin smiled, stopping as she looked at Xu Wuhui, "Your Highness, you came quite faster than I expected." Her voice was warm and gentle. After all, even when Bai Mengxiang was alive, she had no wrongs, being the dutiful empress she was. Even now, that didn't change. "His Majesty is currently painting, you may step in."

"Thank you, Your Majesty." Xu Wuhui was respectful towards this woman, the only woman in power in the harem now, especially after the harem had been dismissed soon after Bai Mengxiang's death.

"Of course. The Empress Dowager has been wanting to meet you. If you have time, do visit her too. After the Imperial Noble Consort's passing, the palace has never been cheerful. His Majesty is still punishing himself and the Empress Dowager is also lonely without the Imperial Noble Consort." Mei Lin couldn't help but sigh. She was older now, but she carried herself with a dignity and strength that couldn't be rivaled.

Xu Wuhui smiled lightly, "I will do so, Your Majesty. Then, please excuse me first." Saying this, he nodded his head as Mei Lin smiled.

"Do fare well then," Mei Lin didn't take anymore of his time as she walked with the help of a maid by her side.

"Xiao Lan, is there anything else planned for today?" Xu Wuhui asked as he stepped closer to the chambers decorated with a golden lock and bright red.

"No, Your Highness. It is quite late already, all the official's matters have been settled." Then, pausing as they stood in front of the door, Xiao Lan added, "I will stay out here."

Xu Wuhui nodded, not pushing for her to enter. After all, it had always been like this. The old enmity between Xiao Lan and Xu Yongheng stemmed from Bai Mengxiang. To Xiao Lan, who had lost Bai Mengxiang, she couldn't help but blame the emperor for his befuddled state when he betrayed Bai Mengxiang. Xu Yongheng also understood that she was right.

"Father?" Xu Wuhui knocked upon the door, announcing his arrival.

It didn't take long for a hoarse voice to call him in, "Come in." It was a somber voice, low in tone.

Xu Wuhui brows furrowed slightly before returning back to normal. He should be used to this voice, but he wasn't. Day by day, this voice grew even weaker, making him afraid.

As Xu Wuhui pushed the door open, closing it as he entered, he looked around the chamber. There were many paintings, all paintings of one person. Each painting had wet marks upon it, leaving the painting like so. The man in that painting smiled, elegant and graceful, the world seemed to light up from his realistic features. With long white hair that fell down his back and bright blue eyes, the man gently smiled as he held a peach blossom in his hand. He was real. After all, he still remained in everyone's heart till this day, even his.

Xu Wuhui turned his head. By the table, a man was carefully painting. His handsome face was somber, cheeks sunken, bringing out his features even more. His black hair was already starting to gray, showing strong signs of aging even though he was still young.

"Father?" Xu Wuhui called out to the man.

Xu Yongheng looked up. His eyes were dark, refocusing on Xu Wuhui. Seeing the man, he nodded his head, "Sit down." Saying so, he then put down his brush, grabbing a smaller brush and dabbing it gently before slowly contouring in and smoothing the painting.

Xu Wuhui took a seat, not interrupting his father. For Xu Yongheng, painting was a way to cope with his pain. While painting, it distracted him. Not to mention, it reminded him of Bai Mengxiang, his dearest love.

"I am letting you take over the Royal Court." Xu Yongheng finally said at last. He was tired, his voice was slow and hoarse.

Xu Wuhui didn't seem surprised by this. After all, his father's ailing health was well known to his family. Even his grandmother was well aware that her son would not live longer than her. "I understand, Father. I will do my best to lead the court." In the end, he understood his position. Xu Wuhui was similar to Bai Mengxiang, but in the end, he was different. He was sculpted to be the next leader of this nation. He was not a soft man who wouldn't move his hands against forces.

Xu Yongheng suddenly smiled, closing his eyes as his hands stopped. "It feels like just yesterday when you were still small enough to fit into my arms. Time felt so slow back then. Now, even those things have changed." The man sighed, exhaling a heavy breath.

"I remember him clearly, I can never forget. When I remember all the moments I spent with him, everything feels perfect. But... I also understand that I've hurt him more than words can describe. I live this life, only seeking forgiveness from a man who has already left my side." Xu Yongheng slowly spoke. "Perhaps I can drag my life out for a few more years. I promised him that I would take good care of you. Only when you are married, only when you have your own children, only then will I leave."

Xu Wuhui didn't interrupt his father. Xu Yongheng was better now. Back when he had first gotten sick, the man was too weak to do anything. Like the work of Heaven, he got better even though his health was slowly deteriorating. In fact, Xu Wuhui was scared to lose Xu Yongheng. Without Bai Mengxiang by his side, Xu Yongheng had raised him as well as he could.

"Father, do not worry. Please live your life as you well. I have already matured and grown, I will be able to take over the throne whenever you want to abdicate. For all these years, you've dragged your body through countless wars. Punishment or not, I do not want to see you leave so soon." Xu Yongheng was still young. Xu Wuhui didn't want to lose him too. One was enough, not to mention, he had many memories with Xu Yongheng. Although the man gradually grew colder through the years, when Xu Wuhui was younger, the man's smile was enough to make him giggle and laugh.

Xu Yongheng opened his tired eyes. While looking at Xu Wuhui, he chuckled lightly. "You are so similar to him. Although everyone said that he was gentle, he was also stubborn in his own way. When we first met, the peach blossoms had signified our first encounter. He loved those flowers. Whenever they bloomed, I would accompany him for a walk. He even planted a tree himself. He had always been the same. It was only me who changed." The man's eyes grew slightly red. As he became more emotional, his brush pushed down harder than intended.

It was the same as always. Xu Wuhui was used to this. From Xu Yongheng, he learnt about Bai Mengxiang, he learnt about his own father's regrets, the mistakes he had made, the punishment that he was now living. It was the worst punishment he could suffer. To live while the man he loved, the man he had betrayed, died instead, leaving him behind to look at his past, only regretting, unable to do a thing. It was cruel. But for Xu Yongheng, it was his only way to repent.

"I once thought about dying and following after him. I wanted to kill myself, I even tried to. But when I heard your cries, I realized that I couldn't be so selfish. He had used his life, he had given birth to you, my own flesh and blood. I promised him that I would raise you. I couldn't end my life so selfishly. You were so similar to him, it was once painful to look at you and realize that his absence affected both of us." His voice was soft, as if he was telling a story about his past, as if he was reliving every moment. He was. In a way, Xu Yongheng was reliving these moments.

As he spoke, Xu Yongheng coughed into his hand. His eyes blinked slowly, feeble breaths coming out of his mouth.

Xu Wuhui stood up at once, rushing over to his father's side, the man who was coughing up blood into his hand. It was acting up already. The medicine prescribed had no effect. Biting his lips, he helped Xu Yongheng up, "Father, take a rest first." He didn't wait for the man's reply as he helped the man stand up, directing him towards his bed.

Xu Yongheng didn't struggle in his hands, only letting him do as he wanted. As he lied down on the bed, his eyes were closed, his breath sounding harsh and sweat lined on his forehead.

"Xiao Lan, get the Imperial Physician!" Xu Wuhui didn't care for proper conduct as he called for Xiao Lan hurriedly. It wasn't supposed to act up so soon. The physician had said that Xu Yongheng would be alright with the new medicine he prescribed, but the situation seemed to have worsened.

Outside, the hurried steps were enough for Xu Wuhui to know that Xiao Lan heard his words.

As Xu Wuhui furrowed his brows, he looked at his father who lied upon the bed. This man, in front of everyone, was strong and powerful, yet deep down, he was already a weak man. He looked powerful, he looked as young as ever, save for the gray hair that was upon his head now. He was still as handsome as ever, but inside, he was already dying.

"Wuhui."

Hearing this quiet voice, Xu Wuhui crouched next to him.

"Call for the Empress." Xu Yongheng opened his eyes to look up at Xu Wuhui.

Xu Wuhui wanted to say something, he even opened his mouth, but in the end, he stopped himself. He merely nodded at this request. Thus, he covered Xu Yongheng in the blanket and stepped out.

Outside, the line of maids and eunuchs all bowed their back. "You, call for the Empress." Xu Wuhui ordered a maid near him.

"Yes, Your Highness." At his words, the maid hurriedly walked away.

"Everyone else, prepare basins of water. Get a coal burner and then notify Grandmother." Xu Wuhui quickly ordered, saying his commands as everyone moved with his words.

He stood outside, waiting. It didn't take long for the maid to return with Mei Lin, who furrowed her brows, walking with quick steps.

"Your Majesty." Xu Wuhui greeted.

"Is His Majesty alright?" Mei Lin stopped to ask him first. She looked at the doors that were closed.

Xu Wuhui shook his head. Xu Yongheng was never alright. The important figures in this palace all knew.

Mei Lin sighed as she then said, "I will speak with His Majesty first. Your Highness, you may return to your palace. Do not worry, he will live." Yet, even as she said this, a hint of sorrow appeared in her eyes, quickly disappearing.

At that time, Xu Wuhui didn't know why Mei Lin always visited Xu Yongheng after he fell ill. He didn't knew the mysteries behind the man's sickness. He never knew, even when Xu Yongheng passed away.

At the age of 19, Xu Wuhui had married Shu Huaren, a Ger, the son of a general, and the wedding was on a large scale with many attending.

Shu Huaren was pregnant three months after their wedding and Xu Wuhui welcomed a son soon later at the age of 20.

Now 21, Xu Wuhui stood at Xu Yongheng's side. Xu Yongheng had thinned down in the recent years, his black hair fading to white and gray. Though his face still looked the same, it was easy to see that he had lost weight. He lied on the bed, his breath coming out slow.

Gathered around them were the Empress Dowager, Mei Lin and also Xiao Lan.

But Xu Yongheng's eyes were slowly closing even as he smiled. With a weak voice, he said to Xu Wuhui, "Wuhui, from this day on, you will be the Emperor. Don't be a cruel man like I was and love only one person in your life. I was never able to do that for your mother, and I was such a cruel man to him. It was a wonder how someone like him could fall for a man like me." At the end he coughed as he slowed his breathing.

Xu Wuhui showed a sad smile as he watched his father. Now a man, his features had opened up so that he was as equally handsome as his father yet also as elegant as Bai Mengxiang. Shu Huaren stood at his side and grasped his hand.

"Father, thank you for everything you've done. Although I know that you blame yourself for all that has been done, I can only hope that you will be at peace and that you will meet my mother once more." Xu Wuhui said to Xu Yongheng.

The Empress Dowager was very old now, yet she still held onto her life and was very healthy. "Son, if you ever meet Bai Mengxiang, make sure that you love him with all your life."

"Your Majesty, there is no need for you to worry. I will continue my duty and watch over Xu Wuhui and Shu Huaren until the day I die." Mei Lin echoed as she stood next to Xu Yongheng.

"And I will do the same, Your Majesty. I hope that you will be happy meeting Imperial Noble Consort Bai once more." Xiao Lan also said her words to Xu Yongheng, making a vow to care for Xu Wuhui and his children.

Xu Yongheng stammered out a few more coughs as his breath began to slowly fade.

Xu Wuhui watched the man close his eyes. He, himself, closed his eyes in turn.

With that, everything settled. The preparations for Xu Yongheng's funeral was quickly put into order. Soon after, Xu Wuhui took over the throne and Shu Huaren was crowned Empress, their son, Xu Hejin, became the crown prince.

Mei Lin became the Empress Dowager and his grandmother was now known as the Grand Empress Dowager.

In fact, even when he was the Emperor, Xu Wuhui still didn't know what illness took Xu Yongheng's life.

It was only decades later when the Grand Empress Dowager had passed, only when Mei Lin was on her deathbed, only when he had sons and daughters, and grandchildren that he finally found out the truth.

Xu Wuhui was now 40. He was still healthy and strong, even with many leaving his side.

As he stood by Mei Lin's bed, looking down at the old woman who continuously coughed, his heart wavered in pain again, remembering everyone he had lost.

"Everyone, step out. Let me talk to His Majesty alone." Mei Lin ordered, her breath weak, her voice low.

At her words, everyone stepped out.

Shu Huaren looked at Xu Wuhui, who nodded his head as the man then walked away, carrying their granddaughter in his hands, leaving with the princes and princesses.

"Your Majesty." Xu Wuhui sat next to the woman who smiled.

"Wuhui," Mei Lin's eyes grew red. "We've all lied to you for so long. The Late Emperor did not pass away from an illness."

Xu Wuhui's eyes shook in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Mei Lin coughed a few times before she continued, "I told him to stop. I told him so many times, but it was the only way he could remain sane. Only by torturing himself could he live in peace after what he did to your mother. He was never sick. He had been poisoning himself. After your mother died, shortly after, he began poisoning himself. By poisoning himself, he lived in a cruel world, pain and agony filling his very bones, to the point where he could have died any moment. But he was happy. To him, it was atoning for his mistakes. And so, he lived like that. Even on his deathbed, he took the poison that had become a routine to him."

Xu Wuhui opened his mouth, but nothing came out. His hands shook, blue eyes widening.

"I hid that fact for so many decades. Now that I am about to die, I have confessed everything. Wuhui, I promised to take care of you because this position never belonged to me. Your father was going to marry your mother, but I had intruded. Thus, there was no such thing as love between us. I've always felt shamed for stealing this position because I could not rival that man. Even so, I am the one who has lived the longest." Her breath staggered as she breathed hard, her chest moving heavily.

"Your Majesty, I understand. But it is also thanks to you that I've become who I am today." Xu Wuhui was still shocked, but he was not mad. What was there to be mad about? He couldn't stop those things no matter what.