My first official day alone I compiled a list—a bucket list of sorts—of all the things I wanted to do with my life. I was so excited to get started that I went to work crossing them off the next day. I've taken a weekend trip to Seattle by myself, bungee jumped, drove my car over a hundred miles an hour on the back roads, and spent an entire day naked watching all the chick-flicks I love. For two weeks, the list continued to grow, but as of yesterday, something changed.

The list lost its appeal. I leave items undone, put off until tomorrow. It no longer gives a new dimension to my life. I was sure that as I had new experiences, I'd find myself, and the holes caused by the loss of loved ones would somehow be filled. But I feel more lost than free.

The sun beams down on me as I make my way to the hammock with my To-Do list. I'm hoping for a moment of clarity at my favorite place. I sit sideways on the hammock and place the notebook on my lap, waiting for the answer to hit me. There's nothing but a nagging feeling that the answer is close, I just have to tap into it.

I lean back and close my eyes, wracking my brain when footsteps approach.

Asher.

He pauses a couple of feet away and crams his hands into the pockets of his designer jeans. He perfectly styled his hair, and the cloudless sky washes out his pale-blue eyes. "Hey."

"Hey," I reply.

Asher looks down and kicks the dirt. "I stopped by the cottage first, but you didn't answer. I figured you were around somewhere since your car was out front. Logan saw you at the market the other day, so I knew you were still in town."

"Your best friend has a big mouth," I say with a smile. "Do you want to sit down?" He looks as lost as I feel, and I can use the company even if it's not good company.

Asher sits next to me, and we swing back and forth, watching the leaves dance in the breeze and small animals scurrying across the woods. I brought him here a few times over the years, and we created some terrific memories in this hammock, but now, it's not the same. It's like sitting next to a stranger on a plane or at the movies. I don't mind them so much, but I still keep a comfortable distance; they're just not familiar to me.

"A.J., I know I already said this, but I really am sorry about what I did."

"I know." I wonder if he'd feel sorry for everything if he never got caught. There were a lot of shitty things he did, and he carried on just fine until I found out about them.

"I really miss you," he continues.

"We've already been over this." I'm not angry; just a little frustrated that he thinks anything will change. Maybe that's where his confusion lies...with change. It's hard to accept something is over, especially when someone was a constant. I supported everything he did and wasn't afraid to tell him my opinion. I wasn't a flunky who management placed around him to ensure he was always comfortable. I was something real, and now I'm missing.

"Can I ask you a question?" he asks.

"Sure."

Asher clears his throat. "Are you with Slone because you know how much I don't like him?"

I jump up out of the hammock, and my book crashes to the ground. "What? No!"

"Because I would understand if that's the case."

"Asher Prescott, you need to get over yourself. You've let fame go to your head. Don't get me wrong, I was crazy about you, but what you did to me and to our relationship crushed me. You ran your course in my life, and I've moved on. I'm so madly and completely in love with Kade."

My rant comes to an abrupt halt and my mouth drops open. I drop to my knees, grab the notebook and pen, and quickly scribble on my To-Do List. This is it. This is my answer, and I'm compelled to write it down even though there is no chance I'll forget.

Be with Kade.

I must look absolutely crazy as I laugh. The answer to my confusion is so simple. The whole point of all this is for me to be on my own and to find out who I am, yet I want him with me. None of this has any meaning without him. Every adventure I go on, I want him by my side. On the days when I'm bumming around the house, curled up on the couch, I want him holding me. Everything this world has to offer is positively amplified when Kade is with me.

My enlightened moment comes full circle as I question whether I'm missing the point of him leaving. He wanted me to be independent and fashion my own future, and here I am writing him in as a vital part of the equation. It's a vicious circle. I want Kade with me, but I'm supposed to put myself first and learn I can navigate through life by myself, but life seems so dull without Kade in it, and...

Closing the notebook, I look up at the man across from me. "I love him, Asher. I never felt for you the way I feel for Kade. And I'd tell you I'm sorry, but I'm not."

A new side of Asher emerges right before me as he stands. This Asher can't get what he wants. I won't be handed to him on the silver platter he's become accustomed to or bend to his will. I've made my decision, and I choose Kade over him.

Asher doesn't say a word as he brushes his hands over his thighs and nods. And with that, he walks away. This is the end. He won't come looking for me again and begging for forgiveness. His chapter in my life is written and closed.