《petrarch | h.s.》015
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~~~~~
"OUCH." She mutters as she flinches her index finger away from what hurt her. She checks her finger and sees a deep shade of red starts to drip slowly. She looks up where her previous actions were and it leads to a razor blade, must be his for when he shaves. She probably cut her finger when she was putting back his toothpaste on its place.
Finding the razor blades makes her think. History is repeating itself. She's in a different country away from her parents, has let someone close to her down, homeless and soon, jobless. Well, technically, one out of two jobs down. She has to stop working in the theater where Florence works. It'd be too awkward if they stayed as colleagues and pretend that everything's good in front of their other co-workers and the kids. Besides, she made it clear that she doesn't want to see her again.
She picks up the razor blade and stares at it while she continued to think. It's been a while since she really held a sharp object. She's been cautious even around the smallest shard of glass just to avoid breaking his promise again. But seeing the crimson blood dripping down on her finger comforts her and embracing the idea that after everything that had happened, she felt something. Pain.
Physical pain. That's the main reason why she does it anyway. To remind herself that she isn't numb. To remind herself that whenever something bad happens and she doesn't feel anything, she's still a human being because the sting after she cuts herself, is a huge wake up call for her that even if she can't feel emotionally, she can still feel physically.
She was about to make her first cut when knocks from the other side of the bathroom door interrupts her shaking hand that holds up the blade close to her wrist, keeping her stern gaze on it. "Vee, you okay in there?"
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As she thought, history repeats itself. She's in a different country away from her parents, has let someone close to her down, is homeless and going to quit one of her jobs but he's there for her again. He saves her life for the nth time around. The thought of him and right now, his voice, were enough to make her realize that she can't break another promise she has with him.
She gazes up at the mirror and sees the brown teary eyes of hers through the reflection. She looks up to prevent it from falling and blinks rapidly then looks at herself once more. When the silence is too much for making Harry worried sick, he turns the doorknob clockwise after saying, "Right. M'comin' in."
He fully opens the bathroom door and when his green anxious eyes catches hers through the reflection of the mirror, his furrowed brows relaxes. His stare on hers lingered but not for long. He looks down on her hands and sees what she's holding, making him widen his eyes but act quickly. He approaches her while her back is still facing him.
"Vesper, ev'rythin' s'gonna be alright, yeah?" He tries to comfort her as he retrieve the sharp object from her grip. Luckily, she didn't fight his touch. His hands successfully took it away from her trembling hands and places it farthest from her.
She starts to breathe heavily, as if she's trying to catch her breath after running a mile or two. His hands grabs her closed into fists ones and hugs her from behind, like how she did to him before when he needed to feel better.
Back hugs always make me feel better. If he remembers it exactly, that's what she said to him.
"Calm down, calm down..." He continues as he presses her body closer to him and leaves comforting kisses on her cheek, on her temple then on the top of her head. "M'here, Vee. M'here. M'right 'ere. Right 'ere for ya."
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It takes ten minutes for Vee to calm down which is probably one of the longest ten minutes of their lives. When she did, her eyes are now closed and taking deep and slow breaths that are lead by Harry. After that, she opens her eyes and tilts her head to look up and meets his eyes.
"Thank you. For saving me for the millionth time now." She whispers to him with her out of breath voice genuinely. "And I'm sorry. For ruining your life for the millionth time too."
"Shh. Don't apologize for somethin' you clearly didn't do." His deep voice is about to crack for seeing how broken the fragile lady he has wrapped around his arm. "Now, why don't we head t'bed, yeah?"
She nods and calmly walks out of the bathroom with him still has his hands on her arms. He closes the bathroom door behind them and slowly guides her to the bedroom. When they enter and reach the bed, he sits her on it carefully. "M'just gonna get somethin' from the kitchen. I'll be back."
He sprints out the bedroom and to the kitchen, he looks for the first aid kit that he knew this Italian five star hotel provided. He gets what he needs and quickly he finds her on the bed, still on the same place and the only movement she did was to criss cross her legs. He sits beside her and lays what he had gathered on the bedside table. She takes a look at it and shakes her head.
"No, Harry, it's really not necessary." She mumbles, referring to the mildly wet cloth, antibiotic ointment, cotton buds and bandage.
"Yeah, it is, Vee. Look." He grabs her now blood covered left hand and shows her cut to her. "I can tell s'too deep."
"I... I must've gripped on it too much before I actually..." She stops herself from finishing the sentence. When her shaky hands were hesitating to cut her wrists or not, she may have had a real tight hold of it. "I... I didn't know..."
"I know, love. Just hush now, okay?" Again, she just nods in agreement, not really having the energy to argue. "Why don't ya lay down and get some sleep already? S'been quite a day."
He didn't wait for a response and just assists her on lying. He moves to her left side and starts cleaning the blood off of her hand using the wet cloth. As she watches him, she realizes that he didn't just save her life continuously, he also keeps on making it better. Figuratively, he always seems to be kissing her booboos away. She knows she has always missed him.
And as he dab on the antibiotic ointment on her cut using a cotton bud, she comes to think that there's one thing that Harry has that she will never find to anybody else.
"S'it alright?"
It's his exceptional care for Vee.
A weak smile grows slowly on her lips as she nods. He returns her smile with a small one and brings his hand to put a few strands of her hair that covers a portion of her face from him behind her ear then proceeds to what he's doing. She wants to still watch him wrapping a bandage around her hand but her tired eyes failed to stay open.
When he did successfully finished, he debates on whether to cuddle with her just like the old times or just give her space for now since it's been years. He picks up the things he used and put it back on its place before he makes a decision. After that, he looks back at the sleeping beauty and smiles. He picks the latter.
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