Step after step after step and stop

A glimpse of light that's blinding

in a place of no escape,

it's there

it's close

The end of misery and the end of pain

I stand before the sight of tranquility

Step after step after step and fear

how could this be?

I am right back where I started

Step after step after step but quicker

I fight against the darkness's gravity that's pulling me away from the presence of relief

I make sure now

Im acting different now

A different person now

careful

The path I drag my feet on, Ive changed it now

Leading me in the hands of freedom

Step after step after step, I still end up

right where I said I wouldn't be

step after step after step I'm crying now

the path is lost but I just run

The light gets lost but I still sense it

germs of despair are creeping in

Infected by the sickness that belongs in the past

no matter how much I scrub, my skin stays filthy

Every step I take leads me back to pain

Let me go, I want to leave

It doesn't matter what I do,

I thought I knew what I deserved

So how did I end up here again?

Where are you?

Notice I'm not asking who

I know you

I hear your laughter; rotten candy

it turns my stomach, your voice a reminder of a taste I've always craved despite the will to change the old habits

My heart twists too, it's learned to fear your name,

while still squeezing what's left of old love,

repeating what it knows

an automated response to a presence like yours,

a confirmation

That no matter where I go

I'll always lead myself back to you

No matter where I am

My heart's a child that's conditioned to give you every piece of me

Step after step after step after step

It doesn't matter anymore

I close my eyes

I let me go

I spin around you

The cycle you have trapped me in

I follow it and I don't fight

I follow it though I can't breathe

I let your gravity move me, not enough for air

but just enough to keep me spinning

I thought about it and you're right

This cycle is where I need to be

This cycle loves me, that's why it holds me

My heart has little left to give

But wants to give it all to you

My body needs this cycle in me

Round and round it makes me go

And I'm not crying anymore

I let the cycle be my rhythm

I lose myself at every turn

A few more spins, I'll truly lose it

My heart can't take this loop for long

And you are very fucking cruel

to watch me die on repeat

I thought I freed myself from you

but now I know I'm trapped in here

I think it ends but never does

That's the problem with a circle

the end and start, they don't exist

this endless journey of repeat

is your way of punishing me

For ever getting close to you