I Called My Father Over Just To Talk To Him About How I Been Feeling About Him But He Never Showed Up

And Now Im Feeling Like That 12 Year Old Girl Searching For Father All Over Again

I Just Wanna Know Why Is He Distancing Himself From Me At A Time When I Probably Needed Him The Most

But He Wasn't Talking To Me And I Couldn't Get In Touch With Him With Everything Else Thats Going On I Really Don't Need My Own Father To Turn His Back On Me

Toya Was Over And We Were Sitting At My Kitchen Table

And She Was Talking And I Was Just Pissed About My Father,And Pissed About Having Cancer I Was So Frustrated

"And Now His Ass On Child Support For Good...With His Lying Cheating Ass Thats What He Get Told You He Fucked Over The Wrong Bitch"She Said As She Smiled

And Than I Randomly Pulled Off The Hair Scarf I Had Tied Around My Hair

"Oh."Toya Said As She Look And Saw I Had No Hair In The Middle Of My Head

"I Need You Cut The Rest Off"I Said

"What..No...Im Not Gonna Do That"Toya Said Shaking Her Head

"Why Not Your My Friend Aren't You....So Just Cut It Off I Want It All Gone"I Said

"Aziah Chill....You Being Real Extra"Toya Said

"Im Not Being Extra I Just Wanna Cut My Hair Off Before This Chemo Finish Making Me Bald...I Wanna Have Atleast One Choice In This Disaster...And Im Choosing To Get Rid Of My Hair"I Said

"Well Im Not Gon Be The One Cutting It"She Said As She Folded Her Arms

I Stood Up And Said "You Know What... Fine I Will Do It My Self What Kinda Of Friend Are You"

I Pulled The Scissors Out Of The Kitchen Draw

"Okay...If Its What You Want I Will Do It"She Said As She Stood Up

"Give Me The Scissors..."She Said

I Placed The Scissors In Her Hand And Said "Thank You"

I Sat Down In A Chair And She Said "I Understand Your Just Frustrated Right Now But You Have To Stop Being So Angry At The World"

As She Grabbed A Piece Of My Hair And Cut It Off And I Watched My Beautiful Long Black Slick Hair Fall To The Floor

I Placed My Hand Over My Face And Just Burst Outta Tears

I Couldn't Help But To Be Angry Look At All Thats Happen To Me Everytime I Try To Be Positive This Cancer Brings Me Down Again

After Toya Was Finish Cutting My Hair I Was Staring At The Mirror At My Bald Head

"I Can't Believe You Made Me Do This"She Said

"Toya It Was Gon Fall Out Eventually.. I Can't Wait Untill This Is All Over With I Just Wanna Be Normal Again"I Said

I Tied The Hair Scarf Around My Head

That Night When My Husband Got Home He Smiled At Me And Said "The Nation Go Crazy For The Boy"

I Pulled The Scarf Off My Head Once Again Revealing To Him My Completely Bald Head

Tears Fell From Eyes Because I Just Feel So Ugly And So Worthless

He Walked Over To Me And He Kissed My Bald Head And I Just Cry Even Harder As He Whispered "Your Beautiful"

Than He Laid Me Down Gently On The Bed And He Made Love To Me Like You Wouldn't Believe

He Makes This Ugly Girl Feels Like The Most Beautiful Woman In The Whole Entire World

He Can Make The Most Unluckiest Peson Feel So Blessed

Happy To Him Loving Even When It Was Time When I Really Wasnt Loving My Self

The Sun Is Finally And Im Up Kissin On His Tattoos And Kissing On His Sexy As Lips

Feeling Like The Luckiest Woman Alive Right Now

"Sex Is Alway The Best With You"I Said To Him

"Cause I Put Its Down Everytime...You Lucky I Ain't Put That Ass To Sleep This Time"He Said

I Giggled And Said "Its Been Plenty Of Times I Put You To Sleep"

"When"He Asked

"The Other Night...I Even Think You Had Your Thumb In Your Mouth Sleeping Like A Newborn"I Joked

"Cut It...Ya Pussy Good But Not That Good Tho"He Said

"My Shit Is The Bomb"I Said

He Smiled And Said "Its Ight"

I Giggled And Said "Whatever"

He Kissed My Forehead And Said "Im Just Playing Bae..I Gotta Get Up In A Minute I Gotta Flight To Catch I Got A Show In Dallas Than A Show Oakland Than Little Rock And Thats Just For The Weekend...Than I Come Back Here Get In The Studio With Khaled He Got A Track For Me To Get On"

I Slightly Rolled My Eyes

August Caught Me And Said "Whatcha Rollin Ya Eyes For"

"No Reason"I Said Dryly

"Stop It..Tell Me"He Said

"You Been Gone Alot Aug The Kids Are Always Gone My Mother Is Busy Planning Her Wedding And My Friends All Have Lives Im All Alone Most Days"I Said

"Babe...You The One That Told Me To Go Back To Work...Im Booked All This Month...And Like You Said I Need To Be Getting All This Money"He Said

"I Know What I Said...Im Just Tired Of Being At Home All Alone Everyday"I Said

"How You Feeling Today"He Asked Me

"Im Feeling Okay"I Answered

"Okay Enough To Fly Down To Dallas To My Show Tonight"He Asked

"I Guess So I Can Call Vanessa And See If She Can Watch The Kids Tonight"I Said

He Walked Over To His Dresser And Pulled Out Like Five Stacks Of Money And Toss Em On The Bed And Said "Take This And Get Ready For Tonight"

I Giggled And Said "Umm You Is Not In Hood Anymore You Just Can't Have Money Layin Around Like Thats What Credit Cards And Bank Accounts Are Made For"

"Its My House...I Mean Our House I Be Damn If My Shit Come Up Missing Somebody Gon Catch A Bullet In They Ass..."He Said

I Grabbed The Money And Started Counting It As Ayden Ran In Our Room

He Climbed In The Bed And Grabbed A 100 Dollar Bill

"Excuse You"I Said Smiling

"What Ya Gon Do With All That Money Ayden"August Asked

He Smiled And Said "Buy Me A Phone"

"A Phone Ayden...What You Need A Phone For Who You Gon Call"I Asked

"Vanessa"He Said Smiling

"Vanessa Is Your Nanny Not Ya Little Girlfriend"I Said

"Yes She Is"Ayden Said

"Right Stop Tryna Kill That Man Dream Don't Worry Bout It Daddy Gon Get You A Phone You Can Keep The Money Spend It On Some Candy Or Toys"August Said

"What..Hol Up Wait How You Gon Call Ya So Called Girl Friend Before You Call Your Mommy Thats What I Wanna Know"I Said

"Tell Ya Mama To Stop Hating"August Said

"Stop Hating Mama"Ayden Said

I Just Giggled

Later On That Day I Called My Hair Stylist Dreeka Over

I Was Sitting In A Chair About To Get Something Did To My Head

"What You Wanna Do"Dreeka Asked Me

"Its Not Much To Do Im Bald"I Said

"You Ever Tried A Lacefront"She Asked Me

"No...You Mean Like A Wig"I Asked

She Went In Her Hair Bag And Pulled Out This Long Virgin Brazilian Wavy Lacefront Wig

I Ran My Fingers Through The Hair And Said "I Love The Texture And The Fullness Of It How Much"

"For This Its About 4 Bands But Since You My Girl Ima Give You My Bestie Discount So Only 3500 For You"She Said

"Four Thousand Dollars For A Wig"I Said

"This Is Isn't A Wig This Hair Is Life....And Baby You Can Use Some Of This Life"She Said

"You Right...Make It Look Real"I Said

"Bitch Ima Bout Make This Shit Look Like It Actually Growing From Your Scalp"She Said

The Fact That Its Woman Who Would Really Pay Thousands For A Hair Style Blows Mind

Than Thats How I Figured Out What I Wanted To Start My Business In

One Thing About Us Woman We Love Love Love To Look Good

Whether Its Our Weave,Or Eyebrows Or Our Lashes We Always Wanna Feel Like We Flawless And To Feel Like We That Bitch Whateva It Costs

"What You Think About Me Opening Up A Beauty Shop"I Asked Dreeka

"I Think Its Dope...But If You Gon Open A Shop Make Sure You Go Some Bitches Who Really Can Slay In There Cause Don't Nobody Want A Fucked Up Ass Dry Ass Thristy Ass Weave...Its A Good Idea Tho What Would Call It"She Said

I Smiled And Said "Slayed"

Dreeka Took Me From Looking Ugh To Ooh Real Quick

She Was Right It Was More Than Just A Wig It Was My Confidence Booster Which I Needed Badly

Making Another Woman Who's Insecure Feel Beautiful Again Is My Goal

I Was On My Way To Mr.Alsina And To Show Off