Strong but exhausted

***

I wake up again to the streaming light of my window.

Hunger.

It's caving into my stomach.

I missed dinner.

Again.

I groan, stretching out my arms. A scream leaves my mouth when I see a figure sitting on my bed.

"It's just me Lexie," Atlas says his blue eyes critical as they watch me bang against the headboard of the bed.

I'm panting, gasping for breath as I try to regain my composure.

"Sorry I just...wanted to apologize...for what I did last night."

He glances away, his eyes guilty as he looks out the window.

I'm still clinging to the covers, eyes wide as I take him in and the soft morning light that folds around him.

"Breakfast is about to be served. And then we'll go train."

I nod dumbly, watching as he gets up and leaves.

It takes me a few seconds more to regain my bearings.

Slowly I roll out of the bed, shaking off the studder of my heart that Atlas had caused so early in the morning.

I change into red shorts and a light blue shirt, pulling my hair back with a glittery blue band.

Looking into the mirror, I almost wish I had regular clothes- clothes that were black, white and grey and maybe had an edge of lace. That didn't look so childish. Part of me wanted Atlas to look at me. Another part didn't.

The smell of breakfast lured me down, making my feet go that much faster down the stairs as I walk into the scene of the pack eating and laughing with each other.

Some pause to take me in. Other continue with their morning, nodding or giving me a quick smile.

"Over here Lexie."

Lilah's voice catches my attention. She's pointing to a chair that is across from her. A chair that is to Atlas's left.

The seat of the Luna.

I quickly swallow back whatever fear is rising in my stomach as I walk around and sit in the chair, trying desperately to ignore the eyes of the pack.

Atlas already has a full plate, eggs and various meats resting on it.

He hands me one, setting it in front of me.

"What do you want to drink?" The question is directed at me. I hesitate, unsure of what he is doing. "Water?"

He looks at me, before setting a glass of water and orange juice down in front of me.

"You need the vitamin C." I don't really know what he means by that. I look down at my paint splattered hands. Maybe it's something to do with how pale I look. But that's just because I don't venture outside often.

"Thank you."

I'm not big on breakfast. Most of the time I'm not big on meals. I don't often eat on regular intervals. Instead I'll eat when I remember it- to absorbed and caught up with the work of my painting.

I take a few bites of the egg, feeling it revolt in my stomach, and so decide to move on to the bacon and sausage. Only a nibble is taken out of it.

"You'll need to eat more for training today."

Atlas's words are not missed by the pack. Though they are looking down and talking among themselves, I don't miss the faint way their heads turn towards his voice, trying to catch his words that he speaks to me.

"Okay."

I try to force more down, but the food doesn't settle well.

Instead I push it around on my plate, waiting for breakfast to be over.

Atlas's eyes beam into me. I feel the heat of them under me, and try to ignore it.

Soon warriors start to get up. I know from my own pack, that pack houses usually only house those who don't want to live in a house of their own. This normally consists of the Alpha, Beta and various pack warriors.

Now the Luna.

"Come on," Atlas leads me outside. I feel my chest constrict with me as we go out through the back door and into the woods.

I gasp as he takes his shirt off.

Quickly I turn the other way cupping my hands around my eyes.

"W...what are you doing?" My voice is shaking. I don't like the woods. I don't like the memories they bring. Atlas's bare skin only reminds me more of those memories. Only makes them press into me as I squeeze my eyes shut- shoving and trying to forget the past.

"I'm shifting. We are going to travel to the lake in our wolves."

"I...," I need to tell him. Tell him before I turn around and see that he no longer just has his shirt on.

"What Lexie." His voice is hard and impatient. "I'm your mate. You shouldn't be ashamed of me."

I wasn't ashamed of him.

How could he even think that?

It was me he would soon be ashamed of.

"I...I can't shift."

A dead silence rings in the forest as the words slowly sink in.

"You what."

I flinch from the flat tone of his voice.

My back is still turned to him, so I'm unable to register how he is really taking the news.

The news that his Luna is useless.

I feel hands on my shoulders, hands that press me to turn around and face him.

I keep my face down, but his fingers lift my chin up, forcing me to look into his golden-blue eyes.

"What did you say?"

I look away, my eyes darting anywhere but at his contorted features.

"I've only shifted once...when I was 17...,"

All werewolves shift when they reach the mature age of 17.

"Why."

I look up then. His face is blank. I can't read anything from it. For the first time, I don't want to paint him. I don't want to paint this blank face.

"She rejected my body."

His eyes widen in surprise, as he looks down at me.

"Why."

A question with another question.

I don't answer. Because if I do I know he will follow the same example as my wolf.

He sees my clenched mouth and mimkes my movements, his own jaw tightening as he reads the stubborn defiance faint, but there, within my eyes.

"So you can't shift."

I nod, confirming his words.

"Alright."

My head jerks in surprise as he pushes away and grabs his shirt from the forest floor.

"We'll drive then."

"O...okay."

He doesn't say a word and instead brushes past me.

I hesitate before following him out of the woods, letting go a sigh of relief to be out of the folds of the trees.

I hate the woods.

He glances back at me, his gaze taking me in before looking back front.

True to his words, he leads me to the truck, opening the passenger side for me, before getting in himself and driving down the road.