"It meant nothing."

"Yeah," Marcy says, "it meant nothing. Yes, I completely see it that way. And so does Ben."

"Marcy!" Ridley blows out an exasperated sigh. "We kissed, yes - and it was a bad, bad idea...but can't friends...experiment, once in a while?"

"Experiment?" Marcy laughs. "Experiment? Ridley, I walked in and you two were devouring each other. I'd hardly call that experimenting. More like...second base."

"Second base?" Ridley forces out an unconvincing laugh. "Marcy we were both crying and emotionally...unstable. We were a mess, okay? And, you know...shit happens when emotions are involved."

"Okay." Marcy nods and gets up. She takes hold of Ridley's hand and she squeezes it. In that moment, Ridley realizes just how old Marcy looks right now - not grandparent old, but...mature old. She's no longer teenage Marcy sneaking into houses to smuggle food from the neighbours' kitchens for Ridley when they were both starving. She's no longer ten year old Marcy who had scabby knees and a bruised eye when she was defending Ridley from her bullies. She's grown up Marcy now. Graceful, even more beautiful, motherly.

"I just..." Marcy sighs, "I just hope feelings aren't getting hurt, here, Rids."

"Feelings?" Ridley frowns. "There's no feelings involved." She bites her lip, and shrugs unsurely. "At least...I don't think there is."

Marcy tilts her head slightly and observes Ridley, a small smile forming on her lips. No longer is she the frizzy haired, slightly bug-eyed little girl who lost her temper at the slightest words anyone said about her hair. She's...she's a woman now, Marcy thinks. A beautiful, intelligent woman who needs to sort out her priorities...on her own. Marcy knows she can't always be there for Ridley, solving every problem and punching every bully out of the way. One day they'll come to a crossroads...and she needs to prepare Ridley for that day.

"Give yourself some time," Marcy says. "I'm sure you'll figure it out soon."

"Figure what-" Ridley stops talking as her eyes quickly land on the person who has entered the café. Ben stands there awkwardly for one brief moment, unsure of what he is doing, before he clears his throat and says, "Sorry...am I interrupting something?"

Marcy chuckles. "No worries, Ben," she says. "I was leaving anyway." She lets go of Ridley's hand and nods. "Figure it out," she repeats before heading straight for the door that leads her out of the café. Once she's gone, Ridley stands up, ignoring any eye contact with Ben whatsoever.

"Right," she says in a voice one might expect a five year old to have, "I'll start...mopping up the floors and you can...you can look out for any customers."

"Rids-"

"Have you realised that none of the other employees actually show up on time?" Ridley chuckles as she hastily gets a mop and a bucket and starts to vigorously wipe the floor. "I mean," she sighs, "why is it that we're the only ones who are ever here? Strange right? And the cooks are always in the kitchen, just smoking. They don't even speak to us. Come to think of it, they don't even speak English."

"Ridley?"

"Mhm?" She doesn't even look up.

"We need to talk."

"Talk?" Ridley laughs. "About how we work our butts off to keep a bankrupt café clean? Hm, Aroma's okay and all, but it's got a really low pay. I was thinking we should probably start considering a better job. I heard there's a vacancy in-"

"Ridley, you're breaking my heart."

She stops mopping.

Ridley forces herself to finally look up and look right at Ben. His face has gone pale and she can see his hands are clenched into tight little balls. Ben's shaking a little too. "Are you-" she starts but he shakes his head, immediately silencing her.

"Do you love me, Ridley?" he repeats loudly. Ridley feels numb.

"W-What?"

"Do you --" His voice breaks a little. "Do you love me?"

"I..." Ridley can't talk. What is she supposed to say? She feels like she's suddenly been pushed into the deep end of the pool and now she's drowning, and thrashing about trying to save herself, screaming out for help, but no one's trying to save her. Everything is so confusing right now, incomprehensible. Ridley can't think. She can't do this. She can't deal with this. Not right now. It's happening too quickly, too suddenly.

"Ben-"

"So it meant absolutely nothing to you?" He asks her, striding towards Ridley quickly. "That kiss? Does it mean nothing?"

"I don't-" She starts to cry. "I...what...what are you doing, Ben? Why are you doing this to me?"

Ben's eyes soften slightly and he tries to put his arms around Ridley but she backs away. "This was a perfectly good friendship," Ridley whispers. "It was so good. Ben...you...you don't know what you're saying. I'm sorry about the kiss - it, it was childish of me to egg you on. We didn't know what we were-"

"We didn't know what we were doing." His voice is hard, now, harsh. Ridley, in all the years she has known Ben, has never heard him speak like this to her - to anyone really. She feels a pang of guilt, remorse, knowing she's the cause of this.

"We didn't," she presses on, trying to sound confident and sure of what she's saying but she knows she's the one who is confused here. Ben is the one who knows what he's doing. She's lost. Ridley is stuck in the sea of her own thoughts. Yes, she's had moments where she's felt like she has more than just friendly feelings towards Ben, but she's always pushed that to the back of her mind because maybe her feelings aren't real and it's her own romantic mind, and Ben's good looks trying to play tricks on her.

"I did," Ben says and he grips Ridley by her shoulders and looks at her with a pained expression. "I've known for so long. Even before Sawyer or Cara came along. I've known and I always thought you did too."

"Known...w-what?" More tears stream down her face. She's not sure why she's crying. She shouldn't be. This is so silly and stupid, and...and petty. Why does Ben insist on pushing this? It was just a kiss and Ridley doesn't know whether it meant anything to her or not -- well maybe it did, but why should that matter? It was a small kiss between two teenagers who were feeling vulnerable and lonely. It's only natural that they kissed. It was a mistake. And that's fine. They should move on. Ridley just wants to move on and forget that stupid fucking thing even happened.

"You aren't stupid, Rids." Ben does not look away. "You know what I'm talking about."

"I--" She breathes out slowly. "I really don't understand, Ben."

"Ridley, how couldn't you have known?" he whispers in disbelief. "It was so obvious. And I know you sensed it, too, and I know you're only denying it because you're just so...so scared to admit that to yourself, to me, because you have this...this idealistic view of how love is supposed to be and you're just so--so blinded by it that you--"

"You don't know what you're talking about," Ridley snaps and she pushes him away, suddenly feeling a rush of anger towards him. "You barely know anything about me, Benjamin. You might pretend to have me all figured out but you just don't, okay? You don't get me. You're only angry because you're so used to getting all the girls and now you're just butthurt that a girl's finally had the guts to reject you--"

"Oh my god, you exasperating girl!" Ben runs his hands through his unruly mop of curls and Ridley's heart constricts because she knows she's said the wrong thing, the most childish thing. and now it's going to turn into a real fight, the sort of fight that won't ever really be resolved, the sort of fight that she fears will mark the end of their friendship. "Is this what you think this is about?" he says, his voice sounding rough. "Ridley Denvers, we are not stupid little twelve years olds anymore. I have been in love with you since that fucking day you slammed that book at my face. And I hid it for a while because I never thought you'd ever be friends with me and I knew I wouldn't ever, not in a million years, have a chance with you. Even when we became friends I...I hid it from you. But then there were these moments where I genuinely thought you actually-" He groans. "You kissed me back, Rids and that...that says a lot about-" He stops talking.

What? What what what WHAT? He's loved her? For years? This is too much for her to process. What the hell? Why now, Ben, oh why now? She can't do this. She cannot. It's too strange and unfamiliar and she feels sick and now all she wants to do is stay away from Ben - maybe forever, if possible.

"Ben, I'm sorry if you felt like I...I led you on but I-" Ridley shakes her head. "I don't want a relationship to ruin our friendship. I mean, I just got out of a relationship with Sawyer - well it wasn't even a proper relationship anyway but that doesn't matter. We'll be finishing our A-Levels soon, Ben and we'll be going off to different Universities and meeting new people and I-" She bites her lip. "I just don't think it would ever pan out well for us."

"I would make it work, Ridley," he whispers and he's reaching out for her hands again and she cannot deny the way his hands feel so warm and comfortable and safe when they hold hers. "I love you, I've loved you for so long. I could make it work, you know I could."

"I know." Ridley looks at him and slowly, unsurely, she reaches out and touches his cheek softly. "I know you would. You've treated me so well, Ben. But what about me? Would I try and make it work? I don't want you putting in effort in me because I know I wouldn't do the same." It stings her painfully, but she forces herself to say the next few lines. "You deserve someone who is just as kind and wonderful and...and..." She smiles softly, "and absolutely lovely as you and I'm none of those things, Ben."

"Ridley p-please..."

"I'm sorry." Ridley is crying again. "It's just better this way. I don't want to ruin whatever is between us. I love you so."

Ben lets go of her hands. "Just not in the way I hoped you would," he murmurs, looking defeated.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be." He shrugs. "I...what happens to us, then, Ridley? Are we...I mean-where do we stand now? Are we still...still going to talk and-are we even friends anymore-"

"Of course, of course, of course." Ridley quickly wraps her hands around his waist but he stiffens, his hands still to his sides. "Don't you ever, ever, ever think for a moment that I'd stop being your friend over something as silly as feelings, Ben-"

She lets go of him and it breaks her heart to see him look so sad, so devastated. She's never seen this side of Ben before. He was always happy Ben. He was always I-don't-take-things-seriously Ben. She wants that Ben, right now and she wants him to crack a joke or something, just to break the ever present tension and awkwardness that has now settled in between them. But all Ridley gets is a sigh from broken-hearted Ben.

"I'm glad we can still be friends, Ridley." He smiles but it doesn't reach his big, blue eyes and, oh god, they look so sad and all Ridley wants to do is crawl into a hole and just die. And Ridley knows that something has changed between them and it won't ever be the same anymore, and Ben is very aware of that too. "Let's get back to work," he says quietly and he walks away without waiting for her reply. Ridley doesn't want to work. She wants to talk to Ben, but she doesn't want to, at the same time. Marcy. She can practically hear a chorus of 'I told you so's coming out of Marcy's mouth and she can't believe she didn't listen to her older, wiser, sister before. But with the 'I told you so's comes good advice and all Ridley wants right now is for Marcy to hold her and stroke her hair and tell her she's still so silly, even at this age, and give her advice and make her hot chocolate and watch Anne of Green Gables with her.

Yeah, that's what she'll do.

In a matter of minutes, she's ready to go home and just before she grabs her coat and heads out, she steals one last glance at Ben who is doing his best to avoid her gaze. "Goodbye," she whispers, though she isn't sure why she's said it because surely, surely, it isn't one of those 'Goodbye's, is it?

No, of course not, she wants to reassure herself but she can't help feel, as she walks out of the cafe , that maybe it is exactly one of those 'Goodbye's.

➜➜➜

Anne of Green Gables