《XY's Muse》Chapter 6:
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Marinette was panicking. She couldn't breathe.
He asked her out on a date.
Xavier asked her out on a date.
She didn't know whether she should jump around her room squealing with joy or scream in frustration.
She didn't know what to wear.
"Tikki!" Marinette wailed, "What do I wear?"
The red kwami stared at her chosen with a bored expression. "Just pick one of those outfits."
The dark-haired girl glanced at the clothes around her room before studying the outfits on her bed.
"Those clothes aren't good enough."
Tikki flew towards a dress and pointed at it. "You're wearing that."
"But-" Marinette tried to protest.
"You're wearing that," Tikki demanded.
Marinette could not bring herself to argue with the tiny goddess. She was simply too tired. Marinette let out a yawn. "Sorry bout' this, Tikki," Marinette murmured. Tikki's sky blue eyes met Marinette's tired ones. "I just don't want to look stupid in from him."
"You're not going to look stupid."
"You sure?"
Tikki rolled her eyes. Her chosen was just so oblivious sometimes.
How was it possible for someone to be so smart yet so dumb at the same time?
Tikki had no idea. She gave Marinette a glance.
Marinette was sitting on the edge of her bed looking so defeated. Her shoulders were hunched and her hair was a mess. She was clenching her fists, no doubt believing what she was actually saying about herself.
She looked so broken.
Tikki quickly flew to Marinette to give her a hug on her cheek. "You won't look stupid, Marinette." the flying kwami assured. "And even if you do, he won't care. He saw all the posters of Adrien in your room, remember?" Marinette nodded and Tikki quickly smiled, "See, and even after that he helped you."
"I know." Marinette's voice wavered.
As much as Marinette didn't want to let Lila and Adrien's remarks get to her. It just didn't work. It still hurt.
A lot.
It didn't help that Marinette read some of the comments on her recent Instagram post. At first, all the comments she saw were so supportive. But as Marinette kept scrolling, the comments quickly got worse.
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It went from people insulting her looks to telling her that she wasn't worth it. That she should just kill herself. There were so many comments telling Marinette that she was just a waste of space. Telling her that she was useless and that no one would ever love her.
When enough people tell you the same things over and over again, you know it's true.
It only took a few minutes before Marinette was ready to burst into tears. Luckily, she was able to hold it in until the bell rang, telling the student that it was time to go home.
By the time Marinette shut her trapdoor, her face was streaming with tears. She was stupid. She never should've posted that picture. She should've never listened to Xavier. She should've just left it alone.
Marinette glared at her phone.
Stupid.
Stupid.
Stupid.
Marinette felt tears on her cheeks and knew that her kwami was looking at her with pity.
It was the same look Tikki was giving her now.
"Stop looking at me like that."
"Like what?" Tikki innocently asked.
"With those eyes. You feel bad for me. I hate it. I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling useless."
Tikki shut her eyes before sitting on Marinette's palm. "XY is right you know." Marinette tilted her head in confusion. "You need to talk to someone about this."
"About what?"
"About this." Tikki's voice was frustrated. She was a goddess. She was one of the most powerful beings alive. She was creation itself. So how come she can't keep Marinette happy? "You're not feeling okay Marinette." Tikki was close to crying now. "Please." her voice sounded so desperate it made Marinette want to give her kwami a hug. "Just talk to someone. Anyone."
"I can't!" Marinette snapped. "There's no one I can talk to. Nino and Alya won't understand. They don't know I'm Ladybug. They won't understand why I'm so stressed. I can't talk to Chat Noir because he's a jerk. He'll-" Marinette's voice lowered. "He'll try to use my emotional state to manipulate me and Xavier-" Marinette let out a harsh laugh. "I don't want to bother him. He's helped me enough. Especially since he gave me something to look forward to tomorrow." Marinette gave Tikki a small smile. "He asked me on a date."
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"Then talk to me," she whispered, floating next to Marinette's side. "Please."
Growing up, XY had no friends. He was always alone. No one wanted to hang out with him. All he had was his mom and dad.
XY knew he looked a lot like his mom. Everyone told him that.
Maybe that's why his dad hated him.
XY had his mom's golden blonde hair and ocean blue eyes. People often told XY that he had her soft smile as well.
As he grew up, his mom often told XY that he reminded her a lot of herself when she was younger. Hearing that always made XY smile. He always wanted to be like his mother.
His mother was the best person he ever met. She was always there for him. She reminded XY that she loved him whenever she could. She played with him when he had no one to hang out with. She gave him a hug whenever a kid was picking on him. And she always gave him the best advice.
XY thought he would be with his mom forever.
But she's gone now.
XY missed her.
He missed her smile.
He missed her laugh.
He missed how she always gave him a warm hug whenever he went home crying because someone told him that he wasn't worth anything.
And most importantly, he missed how she always reminded him that she loved him.
Now?
No one did.
XY crinkled his nose in disgust.
He was never close with his father. As he grew up, Bob Roth was just there. He was just another person in the house.
Looking back at it, XY wished he tried harder to have a relationship with his dad.
At least if he did, he wouldn't feel so alone.
XY stared at his arms. He could see the faint outlines of the cuts he used to make after he found out that his mom was gone.
The cuts weren't obvious. Just a little scratch whenever he felt like he needed to feel something.
The pain helped him feel better.
In fact, you could barely see the cuts now. You would need magnifying glasses to even notice that there was something on his arm.
XY let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He needed to get over himself.
He was just XY. A musician that stole music from other people. He was useless.
XY forced himself to shut his eyes. "Stop it." he murmured to himself, "These thoughts won't help you with anything." He took a deep breath.
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
In.
Out.
XY's eyes snapped open and he groaned.
This wasn't helping.
His eyes drifted to his phone. Hoping that Marinette sent him a text.
Nothing.
What was he trying to convince himself? Marinette didn't need to text him. She had other friends.
If he really wanted to talk to her, he should text her.
But he couldn't. He didn't want to bother her with his problems.
She was dealing with enough.
He was lucky that Marinette opened up to him about all the drama that's going on with the Lila girl and Adrien. But he knew that she wasn't telling him everything.
He couldn't do anything about that though. He couldn't force her to tell him everything. But he wanted to help her.
The last time they talked in person she looked so defeated. Marinette looked like she was holding the weight of the world on her shoulders.
She hid it well.
XY only figured it out today.
His reflection was staring at him through the mirror. His eyes were red and his usual golden hair was dull and messy. He looked pathetic.
But as he continued to stare at himself in the mirror, he knew why wanted to help Marinette so much.
She reminded him too much of himself right after his mom died.
XY let out a sad smile. Even though she was going through so many things, she agreed to go on a date with him.
He couldn't wait to hang out with her.
Which was why he needed to get himself together. He couldn't look like a mess in front of Marinette.
XY didn't need Marinette to regret her decision to go out with him.
He couldn't lose her.
Marinette was too important to him.
He wouldn't lose anyone he loved ever again.
1,480 words
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