What should I do now?

Had it been any other day, I would have left Ace and went ahead but now? No. That wasn't an option. I needed him. I needed him to be with me when I pour my heart tonight. Yes, I you heard it right. I planning to tell him everything. From what happened that day in Virginia to what happened when I kidnapped. And it's not because I want to tell him how twisted I am, it is because I want him to know that past haunts everyone. But being frightened from it and not moving on is the worst thing anyone could do. The bravest thing to do is to accept it and live on. And the other reason for telling him everything is that I want to be open to him. I want to clear everything and then start a new relationship. Tonight is going be the last day when both of our pasts will come in our way, in the way of our relationship.

And no, it isn't a hate relationship.

This relationship is the one in which I want both of us to figure out our feelings for each other. I am not expecting him to go down on his knees and say he fricking loves me, I don't.

But that sounds tempting. Am I starting to like him?

Maybe. But at this moment, I just want an honest relationship with him. It can be a friendship, or anything.

He is the only person in this whole damn world who actually stuck with me, even after knowing most of my past. And it doesn't matter how tough he is from outside, I know he has a heart which I have successfully managed to see. Not anatomically of course.

The day when I first met, I swear the only though running in my mind was -

"Can't I kill this Mr. Apathetic already?"

But now, almost a year has gone since I have been with him and I can't help but think -

"Can't I just fall in love with this Ace of Hearts already?"

Yeah, that does come to my mind seriously. He has definitely changed since our first meeting. From being someone who always shuts me out with a single glare to being someone who is finally opening to me - he has changed. From being a jerk who blackmailed me into this contract marriage to being someone who actually took my responsibility and made sure that I was safe - he changed. From being the antagonist of my life to being the one with whom I could be myself without the fear of him judging me - he changed.

But now that I looked at everything, I realized that it was not him who changed. He was always this man who would go to any lengths to protect his sister, who would jump into hell to save his friend and was always taking his responsibilities seriously. He was always the man who respected women in his life and was the softest person to the ones he loved.

So, it was not he who changed. It was my perspective that changed.

I started to look at him as someone who was a constant in my life. With all the changes and insecurities I have, where everyone close to me has left me - he was there. Never leaving me. No matter how much he hated my guts, how much he hated me as his wife, no matter how much I irritated him - he was always there. I troubled him, I troubled his guards, got drunk, misbehaved, misunderstood him, always ignored his good side - he never even once said that he wanted me to leave.

I made every effort to make his life hell, to gain satisfaction for myself by irritating and troubling him - he never hurt me. Sure as hell he hurt me with words and misunderstood me like hell but he never laid a hand on me. He made sure I was comfortable(at least most of the times) and took care of me even though it was just for the pretense, deal or act whatever.

And I know he cares about me. He might get irritated me by but he can't help himself from helping me. He tries very hard to show me that he doesn't give a shit about me but even a blind can see that he fucking cares about me. He is not able to accept that because of god knows what reasons but I am not going to give up on the fact that he feels something for me.

And with that thought comes the realization that one month is almost over - nearly 2 months left. How am I supposed to leave the only one who I thought was constant in my life? The bigger question is - would he want me to leave?

Would he want me to forget every thing we went through, every single feeling we have even if it is not figured out? Would he want to us to become two strangers with memories?

I don't know. I don't know what exactly he feels. But the problem is not what he feels, it's if he understands what he feels? That incessant man doesn't remember what feelings feel like - would he even know if he had some feelings for me? So the problem is not whether he has feelings - the problem is whether he will ever be able to express it?

Or does he want me to become a mind reader and know what the hell is going on in his mind?

Or maybe he thinks that I am able to understand unsaid words? Well, that's poetic but I don't understand unsaid words.

I don't want to leave him. I don't want him to leave me. I need him to be with me. I need him in my life, not for one year. Forever. I can't stand the thought of him leaving me. Where is he now also? Did he leave me?

Did he actually leave me?

I huffed thinking about all this but there was no trace of Ace around. Where did he go? I have been searching for him since the last 19 minutes but there is no t-

"Where the hell did you go?" A voice behind me made me jump as I turned around only to see a worried Ace running towards me and before I could comprehend his concern - he pulled me into him as his familiar musky scent engulfed me. Thank god I found him. Or rather he found me. He caresses my hair and face as his strong hold on me never fades. he whispered - "I thought I lost you again."

What? Was he thinking what I was thinking? About leaving each other after the completion of year?

"I thought you were kidnapped again. I kept my eyes off you for a second and you disappeared. I thought someone got you again." He explained still holding me burying his face into the crook of my neck and hair. He inhaling in out as if in relief. His hot breath was all over my neck and ear making me red, hot and bothered. He really was worried.

"I am fine Ace. I was just impatient and -" I was cut off as Ace pulled himself away from me and looked at me incredulously.

"Impatient? Do you hear yourself? You were kidnapped a day ago by some bastard and then when I finally freed you - you again get careless and mindlessly wander away without thinking about the things you put me through. The thought of you disappearing again and me not being able to find you scares me to death. What the fuck is wrong with you Eva Parker?!" He shouted outraged.

I looked up to see his grey eyes shining in the almost night moon. But there was anger in those eyes which were now somewhat easier to read for me. He was so damn attractive. Why am I suddenly noticing all this?

My mind was still shocked with Ace's confession about me disappearing and him scared to death. I think I have never been satisfied enough.

"Speak something dammit!" He yelled with a little vulnerability.

"Uhh...you look hot." I clasped my mouth at my words. Ace just looked at me amused and slumped in relief.

"And she is back." He muttered smiling.

"Uhh..you look hot." She said and clasped her mouth realizing her words.

"And she is back." I muttered, as a smile broke on my face in relief and amusement. As crazy as her words were, I was relieved that she is okay. I was getting so damn worried. And I didn't want to hide this. I wanted her to know this so she keeps this in mind before thinking about wandering away again.

I took her hands in mine, and she gasped in surprise at this. She can be a girl sometimes. I laughed internally at that. I dragged her as she came to terms with me holding her, and then caught up with me as we went deeper into the woods.

She is that woman who could make you go crazy with her craziness. I still remember my first meeting with her, I was like -

"Someone make her shut up already!"

But now, I can't seem to shake the thought that -

"How can someone who has been through so much be so strong?"

Many things have changed since our first meeting. I had many misconceptions regarding her. I thought she was a run away from rich household girl who was egoistic. But she turned out to be a really strong woman who had the strength to pick herself up and run away even after all the things she went through. I thought she was a girl who thought about money and herself but it turned out that she was anything that. She didn't give a fuck about wealth, she was the emotional one. I thought she was the one to run away from her past but instead she was the one who made me realize that moving on from past is about accepting what your past is.

She turned out to be an amazing woman who had the highest level of craziness but with that she had a huge heart. She would do anything to protect her brother Aaron. She would go to lengths to make sure that her friends didn't get hurt. She was messed up but she had the ability to own up to her mess and figure things out. She can be innocent but she can also be the smartest woman you will see. Hell she managed to break through my guards. She annoys me to death and irritates me like hell. But at the same time, no matter how much she was mad at me - she never did anything to ruin my reputation. She hated the idea of being my wife but never even once she did anything to make anyone point a accusing figure to me. She accepted and loved my sister like hers. She molded herself into my lifestyle. The girl who couldn't even walk on heel, learnt to dance with heels for looking as per my standards.

though she would always fall face planted if I don't catch her.

I mean she never changed herself into someone she is not, but she definitely adjusted herself to fit in my life. I blackmailed into this contract marriage, and I really am regretting my asshole behavior. But then also, she never gave me a chance to complain. She irritated me, made me go crazy sometimes, annoyed me, but in the end - she never betrayed or left me.

And the most important thing, she never judged me. I have told her about that night which I haven't even told Jennifer. I told her because I felt like she would understand. She would understand why I did what I did, why I blame myself, why I miss them, why I am like this and why I am not able to move on.

She has managed to find that part of me which I thought would never come back. She has managed to understand a little part of me but that scares me. Because the more she tries to understand me, the more I will become complicated myself to make sure she doesn't get close to me. Because the moment she becomes close to me, I would hurt her and I don't want to do that. She deserves better.

I agree that we both have changed. She has turned into a stronger woman and I know that because I have seen her talk about her past and you can see that she has accepted her past. She isn't afraid of showing who she is. But what has changed the most is that she has now understood that sharing her past doesn't make her weak. She seems to have found some stability, being in my life. And I will always keep her safe, no matter what happens.

And I have changed too, with Eva being one of the reasons of it.

I turned my head towards her, to find her already staring at me. Yeah, she could feel it too. She feels that pull too. Her vulnerable eyes were telling me that. My concern for her today, made her sure that I felt that pull too. I think it is time that I let those emotions in. Maybe, feeling those emotions make this less complicated. But first I have to tell her something. She needs to know, the last secret standing between the start of a new relationship.

I am now ready to let my emotions take control. I ready to let her in. But new beginnings cannot be begun without letting go of all the pasts and secrets. Just one more secret.

I will tell her tonight. No matter what happens.

Maybe, I will get to know her last secret too. What actually happened with her mother?

Tonight, we can spill that and start over. Maybe she will forgive me, and I will forgive myself too.

At this thought, I didn't avert my eyes as I held her stare. I am not cowering away today. She gave me a small smile and I reciprocated it with a smile of my own. We were almost there, she broke the stare as we arrived at the place of her mother's headstone she made. It was intact and as beautiful as it was the other day. Nothing changed. I loved that about this place. It never changed. Always calm.

"The calmness around this place is what makes me believe that somethings are a constant in my life. I like the feeling of having something forever." She said looking at me again, and I didn't know who was she talking about - the place, me or both. I didn't question it though.

She looked back towards the headstone on the ground and bend down to sit on her knees. I followed her actions as we sat there in silence. She looked at it, and I could see the tears forming in her eyes.

"Do you want so-" I tried to ask but she beat me.

"No, stay." She said. I nodded and sat there silently, letting her pour her heart out.

"Hey mom. I am here again. Yeah, I am alive." She said smiling sadly. "I never thought I would make it back to you. I was there for hours with him. But, it felt like days. His presence only make me want to spit in disgust. How could he do that? Why would he do that? H..he..-" She croaked.

It has to be her fucking father. It has to be that bastard.

"Zach..My own father..he kidnapped me!? Who does that ? After all these years, we thought he was dead, didn't we? But he came, he was there. In front of me. talking shit." She finally said it. I knew only that fucking bastard would have the audacity to mess with me. I am going to track him and cut him into pieces. I went closer to Eva and wrapped hands around her sideways, to give her support. She leaned onto my shoulder as I felt my shirt get wet with her tears.

"it was him only. It was always him. He is always there to ruin my life. He never leave me." She sobbed lightly.

"i will kill him with my bare hands, Shh. Calm down Eva." I gritted my teeth and tried to comfort her.

"What did he want?" I asked not being able to control myself.

"Revenge. He kept saying it. He hates you. He want you too. It isn't just me. He had said that - 'I know that bastard from a very long time. Much before you even saw his so-called-pretty face which made you marry someone as worthless as you.' I don't know if he was lying or not, but he is not someone we should take lightly. He is plotting something." She said worried. His acts were confusing her too. I thought he wanted to take revenge but instead he had left her to be rescued by me.

"But why does he want revenge? What did you do?" I asked raising one eyebrow in confusion. I was thinking hard, trying to put the dots together. But the conclusion was complicated. I don't know what to think.

"He hates me because of..that..that night. he was so scary. I didn't know what to do. I was not thinking. It happened so quickly. I don't-" She was shaking. This is something very terrible.

What did she do?

I was having too many ideas, I didn't know what to think. My mind was crowded with so many swirling thought and they were all bad.

"What did you do Eva?" I asked worried now. She was frightening me.

"I...He...Everything...She...killed....murder..blood...everything.." She gasped as panic surrounded her.

What?

"Did you murd...kill someone?" I asked hesitantly, not sure what her answer would be.

She looked at me, with storm in her pale blue eyes. "I...I...-"

But before she could say something, her eyes widened in panic. Her breathing was accelerated, her body was shaking. She was having a panic attack. She was trying hard to keep her eyes open. But she was failing....

And with that, her last secret once again started fading behind the curtains of fate, as my last secret lost the battle with time. The moonlit sky was engulfing the unsaid words of pasts and secrets as the hope of a new beginning seemed to be waiting and put on hold until the sunrise again........