"C'mon, kid. We can't be late"

"But daaaaaaaaaaaaaaad"

"Don't 'daaaaaaaaaaaaaaad' me. You have to go"

"But I don't wanna"

"Do I really have to count to 3? Are you three years old, Pete? C'mon already."

"Ugh. Fine"

Peter stood up from his comfortable spot on his bed (facedown under a stack of blankets) and began moving to the bathroom. He brushed his teeth and paused before whispering " I'll never forget you", pressing his index and middle finger to his lips, and finally touching each of his wisdom teeth in turn similar to a kiss.

It was weird yes but Peter didn't want to have the surgery and he knew FRIDAY was recording everything. Tony was probably being sent the footage at that very moment courtesy of the 'Put It On the Fridge Protocol'. Tony was a very proud father of his adopted son and kept numerous files of his achievements, photos, videos, audio recordings, and anything else he could find.

Peter sighed once more. He didn't see the point considering his wisdom teeth weren't a problem. At least not yet. But the doctor dentist guy told the young arachnid that the teeth could become problems in the future. So it was better to cut them out not and avoid unnecessary pain later. Of course Peter had retorted with something along the lines of 'there's a possibility hey won't be a problem in the future later meaning I'm going through an unnecessary surgery now'.

The doctor dentist guy didn't like Peter that much.

Peter would have to watch his back in surgery to make sure the dentist didn't try to murder him or anything.

Being the dramatic spider he is, Peter let out long dramatic and over exaggerated sighs. It got to the point where Tony was threatening to duct tape his mouth shut while Happy considered dropping him off on the side of the road.

This continued on for the whole thirty minute drive to the dentist office where the surgery would be taking place.

When the trio finally arrived at the office, Peter stopped talking for about a minute. And then he began a nervous chatter and tried to walk away. Tony and Happy of course had been expecting it and dragged him through the doors.

The other patients in the waiting room had to look twice when they saw Iron Man and his chauffeur dragging a teenage kid into their dentist office. The receptionist's eyes widened before returning to their normal size. Tony considered hiring her at the tower at that show of professionalism.

A short wait and a ginormous stack of paperwork later, a nurse walked into the room.

"Peter Parker?"

Tony and Happy had to practically drag the teenager into the operation room. It was supposed to be short so they weren't worried. But Peter certainly was.

It took a while and the various doctors were considering strapping Peter to the chair but eventually he calmed down and they began. It was only after Peter was unconscious due to the various gases and anesthetics that Tony began to worry. He knew it was only a short, simple procedure but that didn't stop him.

It took roughly an hour for all four to be removed. Peter woke up and the group began their journey back to Stark Tower. Tony had his phone camera, his watch camera, Happy's phone camera, the car camera, and a good old fashioned camera all recording at different angles. The billionaire wanted as much footage as possible. He couldn't afford to miss out on even one second of possibly priceless blackmail and maybe a try-not-to-laugh compilation.

The first incident following the surgery was Peter receiving a call. What he didn't know was that it was Ned pranking him. Tony and Happy knew about it though and were fully prepared.

Upon hearing the phone ring, Tony urged Peter to answer and put the phone on speaker before telling Peter what to say. Peter of course did whatever he was told partly because of the drugs and partly because Tony Stark.

"Spodermin hatwlawn. How cam I hell youuuu?" Peter slurred out.

Tony could barely hold the phone in his hand steady as he tried to silently laugh. He leaned over and stage whispered to Peter the correct pronunciation. Peter tried again but still failed miserably.

Ned still knew the script and delivered his lines. "Help me. I'm being murdered?"

Peter had a quizzical look on his face. "Whaddaya meaaaaaaan you're get hin mwurderderd? That's illagel!"

At that Happy pulled over off the road and left the car. Even with the doors closed Tony could hear Happy laughing. When the bodyguard returned, his face was red and his eyes were bloodshot from crying. Tony on the other hand was thankful for his numerous cameras since he couldn't stop laughing either.

The car began moving again and it was quiet for a minute or so until Peter broke the silence. The drugged up teenager leaned over, motioning for Tony to lean in. The billionaire of course obliged, excited for more blackmail material. He was expecting a whisper. Instead he received a loud shout.

"You wanna know my favwite superhewo?!"

Tony jumped back away from the loud sound but nodded nonetheless.

"Spodermin!!!" Peter yelled before pretending to shoot webs and making thwip sounds.

"Well that makes sense since you are Spider-Man"

Peter's head whipped over to face his dad. "I'm WHAT?!?!"

"Shhhhhhh. Go to sleep."

The teenager considered for a second before flopping his head on Tony's shoulder. Or at least he tried to. Instead he face planted onto his lap. It was quiet for a second before Peter once again broke the silence.

"Aren't you gonna stroke my hair?"

Tony obliged, calmly brushing through the brown locks. Peter fell asleep almost instantly and continued for the rest of the car trip. During his slumber, he mumbled a few things including "I sure hope it does," "in the frenchiest of fries", "shmaptin shmerica" and "I'm a bad bitch you can't kill me".

They finally reached the tower where Tony carried the still sleeping teenager up to the penthouse. Happy had offered but Tony of course refused. He could carry his son upstairs thank you very much.

Peter woke up in the elevator, unbeknownst to Tony. Instead of being a normal person, the younger stared at the man carrying him without blinking. Tony finally looked down to check on the kid and nearly dropped him when he saw such a disturbing image.

"WhaT THE FUCK?!"

"Language! Hey that's fun to say. No wonder Steve says that all the time. Steve is so much fun. He's a good cook. I want food. Can we have lasagna. Why don't we pronounce lasagna the way it's spelled. Lah-saw-gnah. That's fun to say. Lah-saw-gnah!Lah-saw-gnah!Lah-saw-gnah!"

The elevator doors closed and Tony (stupidly) set the drugged kid on his feet before trying to lead him to his room. It was only after reaching Peter's room that Tony realized Peter was missing. Which was very bad considering the teen was very high on laughing gas or whatever that stuff was. The billionaire instantly began running back towards the elevator to trace his steps, yelling for FRIDAY to track Peter.

"Peter is in the kitchen."

That could be very bad.

And it was.

Peter was trying to make chicken noodle soup for himself.

What the drugged kid failed to realized was he needed a pot.

He was using a skillet. Broth and the occasional noodle spilled over the side as Peter took the extremely undercooked soup off the stove. Instead of pouring the meal into a bowl, he stopped in the middle of the kitchen and dumped his food onto the pristine tiled floor. Peter simply stared at the soup for a minute or so before looking up at Tony with no emotion. The two engaged in a staring contest of sorts before Peter began to cry.

"my souuuuuuuuuuppp!!!!! it's all gone, dad! i'm gonna cry-y-y-y" the teenager sobbed.

Meanwhile, Tony just stood there, trying and failing to grasp what had happened. It took a second but he finally responded to Peter's remarks with "you're already crying, Pete. Let's get you in bed."

In the end, all Avengers at the tower were called in to help find Peter, who had somehow escaped from his room. Even with FRIDAY and Karen tracking him, it took almost an hour before the group of heroes (including world renown assassins and spies) found him. It turned out the arachnid had hidden in a supply closet on the fifteenth floor.

Of the Avengers Compound.

Which was located halfway across New York City.

To this day it is still unknown how it happened but Tony and the other Avengers just blame it on stress and the drugs. But it does make for a great story that the billionaire always tells at parties and press conferences and galas and other get-togethers and events.

When Peter woke up after his nap, he didn't know what all went down. But Tony had his recordings of every single second so it was okay. All he knew was that he would never live any of it down. Tony made sure of it.