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Yusrah could feel the depth of the void in her heart boiling,she could feel the way despite the breeze,her whole body was hot and tensed up.

It is so funny how a simple question from a four year old can make her feel this awful.It made her go back to the past,reminiscing the past is not something she loves doing often,even though it always slaps her right on her face,she still try as much as she could to block it away every time it comes running to her.

Yazeed nudged her,weakly she looked up at him.

"Who is my father Ummi?"

He asked her again,she felt like shouting at him and telling him to keep quite and get out of her sight but she doesn't even have the strength to do that.

"They said that Baba is not my father,he is my grandfather,then who is my father?" He curiously asked.

She looked into his innocent eyes,they were dripping with pure curiosity,she couldn't hold his gaze for a long time.She couldn't.It just keeps reminding her how she failed as a mother.

She was actually so stupid for thinking that Yazeed would never ask her this kind of question,she gulped her saliva to talk.

"Your father is no more here with us Yazeed." He is,but he is beyond reach.

"Where is he?"

"I will tell you some other time." She smiled "For now,would you like some sweet?" She asked trying to avoid the topic,he nodded his head and she smiled as she opened her bag and passed him two lollipops.

"I also want a father just like the other kids have,they take them to buy ice cream,they buy bicycles for them and many many things,they even take them to school.It is sad that my father is no more." He pouted his lips sadly and Yusrah drew a breath.

"Come on,it is time to sleep." She said after some minutes.

"I want to ask you something." Yazeed bobbed "Hmm?" She questioned.

"Why are you always crying?" It was just like everything stopped,the question held so much intensity that Yusrah had to hold her chest because of the way it was burning "I--I am not always crying," she replied shakily.

"Even now you are crying." He drew closer as he wipe off her tears.

"" She nodded her head and hugged him "I will never talk about my father again,I will never tell you to take me to school again, I will never tell you to buy me a bicycle again,I will never disturb you to play with me, I won't ask for sweet too,I will stio being a cry baby also,I promise to be a good boy.Just don't cry please Ummi."

"Ohh Yazeed."She said tightening her hold on him.

Am sorry for being a bad mother Yazeed.Am really sorry.

After Yazeed slept off,Yusrah gazed at him lovingly,for a moment Yusuf flashed into her mind,they look so much alike.From the nose,to the lips,to the eyes,he just have her eyebrows,even his demanour was gotten from his father.

A small smile grazed her lips at his thought but she quickly shove it out of her mind when she realized what she was doing,letting out a sigh of exasperation,she stood up and walked to the window.

The cold wind swept through her whole body making her shiver a little,she rubbed her shoulders to keep herself warm. "It is not as easy as it looks." She stated under her breath "It is so hard." She sobbed out,her voiced cracked as she let out a whimper "It is so heavy." She let her tears flow.

A mother just want her child to be happy,that is her only wish.Now that her little child have to settle for less,it is hurting a lot.

Yazeed deserves all the happiness in the world,he is the one who is getting punished for her mistake, he is just a little child who needs happiness now but all he gets is pain.

Pain of not going to school.

Pain of not having a father.

Pain of not being loved.

Pain of being taunted.

Pain of........

Yusrah gulped down the lump forming in her throat as she slide out of the room,she needed to go out of the room.

She found Zarah in the parlor alone having a phone call,her whole body was trembling and Yusrah didn't know when she let out a gasp lounging forward to her.

"Zahra," Her tensioned voice came out shaking lightly "What is wrong?" She asked and she didn't know when she got hugged by Zahra,it was a huge surprise to her but she hugged her back.

"It is fine," Yusrah stated "No,it is not." Zahra shook his head.

"I....I just had a phone call with Kabir," Zarah stated "He made me realize something which I didn't realize in all those years," Yusrah patted her shoulder trying to calm her down.

"Everything is time,we realize everything at the right time," Yusrah stated smiling a little,all she wanted to do was curl up on her bed and cry,get some fresh air out here,reminisce the happy day of her life...which seems so faraway.

It is not like she is complaining,but she didn't plan on bumping into her sobbing sister who needed a shoulder to cry on,she have to be there for Zarah.She knows how it feels to bear the pain all alone,everyone needs a listener,consoler and adviser.She is ready to share Zarah's pain,even though her own is weighing her down,she still can't help but be selfless.

"I...I am so sorry Ya Yusrah." Zahra bobbed as she sobbed painfully "Am sorry for letting you down,am sorry for leaving you when you needed me the most,"

To say Yusrah was taken aback will be an understatement,she sat there numbly,void of emotions,her eyes were just blank.

Isn't this what she always wanted?

Zarah coming back to her sense.

Why is she not happy then?

She had to process it for minutes before tears started rolling down her eyes,all the things that Zarah did to her kept coming back to her like a video slide,she kept remembering the unkind words Zarah kept spitting her way.She really wanted to be happy,forgive Zarah and hug her,go back to how they were before but Yusrah couldn't do it.

"Goodnight Zarah."

She stated as she ran to her room,closing the door shut Yusrah slided down the floor and let her tears fall.

"If not for anything,you failed me as a sister Zahra."