《More Angry Birds One Shots》Girls/Guys Night
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“Uh, I don't know about this, Silver," Red said nervously.
“Come on, it's your first girls night!" Silver insisted. “Just four gals hanging out in Debbie's cave, and all the men will be out of our feathers! Or hair, in Courtney's case."
“That's the thing. I've never been close to any other ‘gals!'"
“Really?" Silver asked. “You never even played dolls with other little girls?"
“Hi," a thick-browed hatchling greeted meekly to a couple other kids.
“Did you hear something?" a boy asked his friend, who shook his head.
Red noticed a group of girls playing with dolls and approached them excitedly.
“Ooh! Ooh!" she cheeped. “Are you guys playing dolls?!"
They turned around and noticed her.
“You don't have a doll," one of them pointed out. To prove her wrong, Red pulled a poorly sewn plush doll out of her hobo sack.
“This is Cuddles!" she introduced as the girls gasped in horror. “I made her. But her belly's too big, so I pretend she's an emotional eater. She gets upset because her mommy and daddy traded her for a..."
Before Red could finish, however, she noticed the girls had left.
“No... Not really," Red answered sadly.
“Well, don't worry," Silver said confidently. “There's a whole night of fun ahead of us! And there may be toast."
“Ha, ha. Toast. Ya know... I was actually being sarcastic when I said that was my favorite food," Red admitted. “Just for the record."
“What? You? Sarcastic? No way. Maybe you can teach me sometime?"
“Yeah, maybe I will when you're not too busy saving the world."
“You know I actually just finished doing that, so I'm pretty free."
“Oh, no way, because I'm pretty free, too."
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Meanwhile, on Piggy Island, Chuck, Bomb and Leonard were out in the woods. Silver told them to look out for a meteor shower that only happened once every so often. While they waited, Chuck decided to fix up something to eat, even though Bomb was already eating dirt.
“It's too bad Red couldn't come with us," Leonard said as he watched the sky. “She loves camping."
“Oh, sure, just have fun in the tent with your girlfriend while I make everyone dinner!" Chuck spat.
“Do you even know what you're making?"
“It's a salad, duh!" Chuck replied.
“That's not a dinner, that's just one course," Leonard pointed out. “And you don't even have dressing."
“No need," Chuck assured him. “I found a plant not far from here, and the leaves smelled really good, so I threw them in."
Bomb joined his friends and told them, “The dirt's not ripe here. Whataya makin'?"
“He's making salad," Leonard answered.
“Without dressing?" Bomb wondered, and decided to take a bite. “This is pretty good."
“Mon ami, do you defy my brilliance?" Chuck said with a phony French accent, and began chowing down. “I wonder why we don't have this plant on Bird Island?"
“I guess Piggy Island just has more variety," Leonard figured and ate the salad with them. “What I wanna know is what it is."
Chuck shrugged. “Eh, what harm could a leaf do?"
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“Okay, guys," Debbie said excitedly. “We're gonna have a pillow fight, watch the movie Lady Bird, tell scary stories, drink hot chocolate, play truth or dare... This is gonna be so much fun!"
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“You don't invite a lot of friends over, do you?" Red asked.
“No, just you guys," Debbie answered, blushing nervously.
“Red!" Silver quietly scolded. “Don't worry, Debbie. Our first girls night together is gonna be a blast! Right, guys?!"
“Yeah, yeah, great," Courtney said, staring at her phone.
“I'll take that," Debbie said, snatching the phone to Courtney's displeasure. “You'll get this back when girls night is over."
“Oh, you're gonna regret that," Courtney said teasingly as Debbie put it on a shelf. Courtney grabbed a pillow and threw it in the eagle's face!
“Pillow fight!" Silver shouted, and hit Red with a pillow.
“Hey, I wasn't ready!"
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Chuck didn't realize it, but a leaf actually could do some harm. Especially when it's full of cannabinoids. All three of the men were under some kind of influence.
“Stars are pretty, aren't they?" Chuck said in a daze.
Leonard nodded. “Up above the world so high, like little diamonds in the sky."
“That was beautiful," Bomb told the pig. “You should write that down before someone steals it."
“When do you think the meteors will get here?" Leonard asked.
“The meteors don't get here," Chuck answered. “Silver told me the Earth is moving into their path.
“I can feel it!" Bomb shouted. “I can feel the Earth moving! Oh, it's moving too fast! Chuck, slow it down!"
With that, Chuck did four laps around the entire Earth until collapsing in front of his buddies.
“How's... that?" he panted.
“Much better. Thanks."
After catching his breath, Chuck looked back up to the night sky.
“Stars are pretty, aren't they?" he repeated. Leonard let a chuckle out. “What's so funny?"
“Your voice sounds really stupid," Leonard replied. “‘Stars are pretty, aren't they?'"
As Bomb laughed with Leonard, Chuck found himself joining them.
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Despite her previous protests, Red found herself having her feathers braided with sparkly ribbons weaved in.
“This better not leave this cave, you hear me?" Red said with her teeth clenched.
“Come on, Red, you look gorgeous!" Silver tried to reassure her.
Courtney nodded. “Yeah, if Leonard saw you now, he'd just pull those ribbons out very slowly, and... well, you know."
“I'd just be glad that they're gone," Red said quietly.
“Who wants cocoa?!" Debbie asked, holding four different sized mugs. The rest of the ladies grabbed the smaller mugs.
“How about we tell scary stories, next?" Silver suggested. “The kind that make our blood run cold."
“I'm in," Courtney agreed.
“Let's do it!" Debbie exclaimed. “Red, you wanna go first?"
“I don't know," Red replied. “I've never told a scary story before."
“Tell! Tell! Tell! Tell!" the others chanted.
“Okay, okay, okay, okay!" Red groaned, and began telling her story. “Something beyond comprehension was happening to a little hatchling on this street, in this house. A bird had come as a last resort, because no one else would go near the place..."
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While the girls were getting excited, all the guys were still under the effect of Chuck's salad.
“Do either of you understand the pain that comes from bullying?" Bomb asked them. “I understand... because I've been bullied."
“I hate my name," Leonard said angrily. “It has ‘nerd' in it! Len-nerd!"
Chuck was hesitant, but found himself blurting out, “I lost my virginity to my cousin Louise!"
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“I didn't start exploding till I was twelve," Bomb explained. “Before that, it was my weight."
“You know what's a cool name? Angelo," Leonard said. “That has ‘angel' and ‘jello' in it!"
“It was Uncle Bob and Aunt Judy's wedding," Chuck began. “We all went to the lake house for the reception, our eyes locked over the pickled beetles... We didn't mean for it to happen..."
“‘Oh, look who just rolled in!' ‘Hey, it's Blomb!' ‘What size are you, two hundred?' Well, you're not you're not exactly a supermodel yourself, Roberta!" Bomb shouted as tears fell from his eyes.
“People could call me Angie," Leonard added, then said with an accent, “‘Yo Angie, how's it goin'?'"
“To this day, I can't look at pickled beetles without feeling aroused and ashamed," Chuck finished, his voice full of regret. “Oh, Cousin Louise..."
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“... until they got home, when they looked at the car door handle. And they found... a hook!"
Courtney pulled her headphones off her head and jabbed at the others. They screamed at first, until Courtney started laughing.
“That was awesome!" Silver said, still a bit jittery. Red was the only one unamused.
“Okay, my turn," Debbie said, and cleared her throat. Suddenly, they heard a strange noise.
“Very funny, Silver," Red said sarcastically.
“What are you talking about?" Silver asked.
“‘It was a night just like this," Red recited. “Two birds, a pig, and an eagle were having a girl's night, when they heard a strange noise.' I mean, come on."
“Now that you mention it, that would've been a great idea," Silver pointed out.
“Oooooooo-oooooooo-ooooooh!" the noise went. Now, the girls were getting nervous.
“What was that?" Debbie asked nervously.
“Whatever it is..." Silver said, activating her Silver Vision to find the sound waves and where they were coming from “... it's underground!"
“The caverns are down there," Debbie pointed out.
“Well, then, that's where we're going," Red decided. “Come on, ladies!"
Courtney and Debbie huddled together nervously.
“For all we know, it could be a ghost," Courtney said nervously.
“Or a poltergeist!" Debbie added.
“There's no such thing," Silver argued. “Come on, guys. Remember what happened on Eagle Island? If it is some sort of cavern monster, we can go up against it!"
“Silver's right," Red agreed. “We are all superwomen. We got this!"
“We got this!" Debbie joined in.
Courtney sighed unenthusiastically. “We got this."
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The boys were having their own search. While Chuck was slurping down a pudding cup, Leonard was digging through a cooler.
“Anything?!" Chuck asked frantically.
“No, that was the last pudding cup," Leonard answered.
“Oh, no, no, no, no, no!" Chuck whimpered. “What about celery sticks?"
“That's what he used to eat his pudding, remember?" Leonard said, pointing to Bomb.
“Yeah, that was so good!" Bomb said. “Bitter and sweet at the same time."
“Wait, so you're saying... we're out of food?"
“Only thing in here are blue ice packs," Leonard replied.
“I know they're poison, but they look like giant blueberry popsicles!" Bomb growled.
“God, I am so hungry..." Leonard groaned.
“Me, too..." Chuck said, then he got an idea. “See if we have anymore pudding."
Leonard stared at the smaller bird before saying, “Okay."
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“Believe it or not, I've actually been in the caverns before," Silver said as they slowly entered, each of them holding a flashlight. “When Chuck and I were kids, we would come down here and look for the treasure of the Flying Harpy. We never found it, but we did find a water spring."
“Oooooooooo-oooooooh!" the noise went again.
“There it is again!" Courtney whimpered.
“Maybe we shouldn't be down here," Debbie suggested. “We might make it angry."
“We've come this far," Red said. “And the noise is getting louder, that means we're getting close, right?"
“If I'm not mistaken, it should be down this tunnel," Silver answered, headed for a dark tunnel.
“Hey, wait for us!" Red shouted as the rest of the group followed her through.
When they all stopped at the end of the tunnel, what they saw scarred them for life.
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“Oh, I'm soooooooooo hungry!" Bomb whined as he sat by the campfire.
“Will you shut up? We're all hungry!" Leonard yelled. Luckily, Chuck was drawing a plan in a patch of dirt.
“Okay, our objective is the Piggy Scout camp to the north, chubby scout masters, couple piglets, mostly Webelos," Chuck explained.
“What kind of score are we looking at?" Leonard asked.
“Hot dogs, burgers, s'mores, I mean, it's a freakin' smorgasbord!"
“Okay, everyone grab flashlights!" Leonard ordered the birds, and they reached into their backpacks. Instead of a flashlight, however, Bomb found something better.
“Wait, can it be? Yes!" he cheered. “My mom put a giant Tupperware of spaghetti in my backpack!"
“Chuck, get forks!" Leonard said urgently.
“Who cares? Let's just dig in!"
With that, they grabbed the spaghetti with their wings and hooves and began eating. But they stopped for a moment.
“I feel like we're forgetting something important," Leonard said.
“Me, too, but what?" Chuck wondered.
Looking through his backpack, Bomb pulled out something wrapped in aluminum foil. “Maybe a whole loaf of freshly baked garlic bread?!"
“Yesssss!" Chuck and Leonard said happily. They all satisfied their munchies as the meteors soared across the night sky.
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I've had the time of my life
No, I've never felt this way before
Yes I swear---
“Dad?!" Debbie exclaimed.
Turns out, the noise was Mighty Eagle singing while standing under a waterfall. He shouted in surprise when he saw his daughter and her friends.
“What are you doing?!" Red asked angrily.
“Just taking a shower," he answered nervously.
“Why down here, though?" Silver wondered.
“Zeta doesn't like it when I sing in the shower," he explained. “So, I just do it where she can't hear me."
“We can hear you," Courtney pointed out.
“Don't worry about it, we're leaving," Red said, then turned to the other women. “We'll just have to wait till he's done."
As they all left Mighty Eagle alone, Silver turned to Red.
“Sorry your first girls night has been kinda weird," she apologized.
“It's been really weird," Red corrected. “But I loved it. Thank you, Silver."
Silver smiled. “I guess weirder things have happened."
“Like what?"
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“And the next morning... when he woke up... he looked over his shoulder and realized... dun dun dunnnnn... she was his cousin!"
Chuck glared at Leonard and Bomb as they laughed and pointed at him. “That's still not funny."
“‘That's still not funny!'" Leonard mimicked.
“She was my second cousin," Chuck corrected.
“‘And she was my second cousin!'" Leonard mimicked again. He and Bomb laughed louder.
“I hate you," Chuck told the king pig.
“Who cares? You slept with your cousin!"
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