Today was the day. The day Luke was leaving me to go on tour. I didn't want to let him go again so we both promised to keep in touch. I'd never done long distance and the whole idea of it gave me anxiety.

"I don't want to get up," I complained to Luke, knowing that if I got up then he would get up and leave me.

"Come on, baby. We still have all morning to hang out." He mumbled into the crease of my neck. I lay on top of him, probably crushing his organs as I did so. "I would love to lie here with you all day but you know I can't."

I made a puppy dog face at him which made him groan and complain because I knew he hated it when I did that face. It made him feel guilty, which of course is the idea.

"Stop it!" He covered his eyes, making me pry them away from his face. "You know that's my weakness."

He flipped us both over so he was on top but he didn't crush me like I did with him. I laughed at the little grunt noise he made while he moved us. He had his hands wrapped around my wrists, locking me down on the bed.

"Don't make Daddy angry." He whispered into my ear, gently kissing it.

"What if I want to make Daddy angry?" I asked while smirking.

"Don't play with me, Princess." Luke sighed, letting go of me and getting off the bed. He searched through his suitcase for his last set of clean clothes. He didn't expect me to play along with his teasing, he needed to get ready.

All I wanted was for him to stay with me forever but that wasn't realistic. None of my hopes and dreams were realistic.

"So where are we going this morning?" I asked him to change the subject we were both thinking about.

"I think the boys and I are taking you and Becky out for breakfast." He shrugged, trying to squeeze into his ripped skinny jeans. I sighed, fiddling with my fingers and keeping my head down. I didn't want to be mad or upset at Luke, it wasn't like he wanted to leave me for so long.

Luke sat on the side of the bed, cupping my cheek and staring into my eyes. He had the kind of eyes that you can't forget. They're so bright and beautiful even when he's woeful or angry. I wanted to take a photo of them just so I could look at them whenever I missed him.

"You make leaving you impossible." He laughed, placing his forehead against mine.

"I'm sorry," I whispered before leaning in and placing a soft kiss on his lips. "I'm just not ready for you to leave again."

"This is hard for me too but we have to keep going, okay? I need you."

"Come on guys!" Calum called for us. Luke left the room, leaving me to get ready before we left for breakfast.

-

"Michael, stop stuffing the pancakes into your face. You're gonna choke." Ashton advised Mikey while grimacing. Mikey just shook his head, continuing to eat.

We were at a cute little place that we usually came to for breakfast before the boys went on tour. The waiters knew us pretty well which made ordering pretty easy. Luke was being really intimate with but I knew why. He even paid for my food, even though I tried to tell him I had money and I could pay for it myself. He made it harder for me to say goodbye.

"Luke, cover Gabbie's eyes," Calum mumbled as subtly as he could but I could hear every word.

"What? Why?" I immediately scanned the cafe for a reason as to why they would want me to not look.

"Oh fuck," Luke swore under his breath, covering my eyes with his hand.

"Luke! Stop." I groaned, licking his hand to make him move it. "Who are you looking at?" I asked, following his gaze towards a girl with curly blue hair.

"It doesn't matter." He shrugged, looking back down to his plate.

"Is that one of your exes?" I asked him even though I was sure I already knew the answer to it.

"Can we just ignore her, please?" Luke held my hand while he spoke. "It's just Sophia." He said as casually as he could. I tried my best to keep a calm face but I probably looked constipated.

"Oh, that one." I wasn't sure what to do or say so I kept my head down in silence, hoping she would walk past us as quickly as possible. I mean, surely it would have been embarrassing for her to see us.

However, much to my despair she caught a glimpse of Luke and practically galloped over in her 5 feet heels. Her hair resembled a Barbie doll's as it shone in the bright lighting of the cafe.

"Luke! Hey." She gave Luke a side hug, making my blood boil through my body. Stay calm. Luke awkwardly laughed and scratched the back of his neck which was something I'd never seen him do.

I couldn't help but feel insecure about how different me and Sophia were. She had beautiful clothes that looked designer, whereas I had clothes I bought from Primark or online. Her face was already the kind that you could tell looked amazing without makeup but her makeup added to the beauty. I could barely apply my mascara correctly.

"I thought you were back on tour!" She exclaimed in the sweetest voice imaginable. That was the worst part, she didn't even seem like a bad person. She was beautiful and kind which made me wonder what Luke really saw in me. I did break his heart after all...

"No, this afternoon we leave," Luke explained, looking between me and the table.

"I was thinking, maybe I can come see one of your shows in a few weeks maybe?"

I knew Luke felt me tense up because he squeezed my hand to reassure me everything was okay. But it wasn't, he was leaving me for months at a time which was hard enough without worrying about Sophia being there too. What if he realized he loved her and not me? What if he needed someone to be there physically and she was when I wasn't? I overthought everything and I knew that but nothing could change the panic I had inside of me.

"I'm not sure if that's a good idea," Mikey spoke for Luke because he looked frozen.

"Oh, why not?"

Michael looked at me which led to Sophia looking at me which led to her sending daggers at me. She knew who I was, she knew it from the second she came over. I saw her glance down at me and Luke's connected hands which made me nervous for some reason. Luke continued to squeeze my hand as a constant reminder that he was right there with me.

"I've moved on," Luke stated bluntly, taking me back to when he said that over the phone to me while Sophia was in the background.

"Are you sure though? 'Cause the way you're looking at me looks the same as when we were-" She flirted with him, placing a hand on his arm. I quickly stood up without a word and raced towards the exit.

I didn't want to go back to the way I used to be, running away from every problem that occurred. But I knew I couldn't sit there and watch her hit up my boyfriend while he just took it like it meant nothing. As soon as I left the coffee house I leant against the brick wall that connected to the door. I didn't want to run far, I just needed to get outside.

After a few minutes of leaning, I began to worry. Usually Luke would have come looking for me by now, surely he cared that I left. Maybe he's done with you. I tried my best to push the evil thoughts out of my head. However, my thoughts continued to wander until a part of me genuinely believed that Luke had allowed Sophia to sit down and chat with them. Suddenly, the door opened and a familiar figure raced over to me.

"Princess, are you okay?" Luke's hand lay comfortably on my shoulder but I shrugged him off. "You cannot be mad at me for what happened in there." He spoke in a serious tone.

"I'm not mad at you. Things just got too much for me in there." I kept my head low and my voice quiet while avoiding eye contact with him.

"I didn't think she would still be here. I thought she would have travelled home by now."

"Did you not see and hear her flirting with you back there? She literally brought up the way you looked during sex, Luke." As I spoke, my arms flung around like they had a mind of their own which was embarrassing enough but I was also yelling quite a bit.

"You didn't see what happened next though, angel." He tried to get closer to me but I shuffled further to the left away from him.

"You were in there for ages after I came out."

"I told her she shouldn't have said that, especially in front of you."

"Wow, I'm so glad." I rolled my eyes at him. "You said the same thing to me on the phone when you were with her then you told me you didn't mean it. So, tell me. Did you mean it to her?"

"I can't believe we're actually doing this right now!"

"Well, maybe we made a mistake!"

Silence.

Luke looked hurt by my words, but I didn't mean it. It came out in a blur of anger and confusion.

"You don't mean that..."

"We're always fighting, whether we're together or not. Miles apart or right here, we argue."

He just shook his head and grabbed my hand, sending missiles off in my stomach. Everything he did made me weak. A touch would make me nervous and a smile would drive me crazy. Surely that meant something.

"I love you, Gabbie. I don't care if you don't think we're right for each other because I'm not losing you again. Sophia was my distraction from you. My life was hell without you and I know yours was too, doesn't that show you anything?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. Sophia made me worry that I wasn't what you needed or wanted anymore."

"Baby, it's the complete opposite. When you left I stood up to chase after you but I had to tell her what's right. I explained how she was just a distraction and that she needed to get over me. I told her that I loved you and Michael began to rant at her which is when I left."

I smiled warmly up at him, seeing him as the perfect angel he is. Pressing my forehead against his, I whispered a shy "I love you" before planting kisses on his soft lips.

- smut ahead bois - if you're gonna cringe don't read/comment cause idc -

My fingers tangled in Luke's hair as he left wet kisses on my inner thighs. He was teasing me which was one of Luke's many tricks to get me begging for more. He hovered over my heat for a few seconds while looking me in the eyes with a smirk against his lips.

"Daddy, please," I begged, trying to push his head down but he was a lot stronger than I was.

"It's going to be a while before Daddy gets to feel you again, Princess." He declared while allowing his fingers to trail up and down my body. "Tell me that you need me."

"I need you, Daddy." That was enough for Luke to start unbuttoning his jeans.

I wasn't afraid of sex anymore, not like I used to be. Luke and I knew so much about each other that we barely even thought about what the other person thought during sex.

I handed him a condom I found in the drawer and he quickly put it on. I bit my lip as he entered me, even though I had done this so many times before. A whimper escaped my lips making Luke moan softly. My hands gripped onto his neck, tugging roughly at the roots of his hair which only made Luke weaker. He leaned down and placed a forceful kiss on my lips. Luke began to go slightly faster which, of course, made me moan into the kiss. I felt the vibrations of Luke's husky laugh on my lips which tickled me and also made me giggle.

"Stop making me laugh!" I playfully hit his chest which led to him winking at me and going even faster. "Shit-" I yelled, making him raise an eyebrow innocently.

"Are you ready, Princess." He asked me in between kisses. I tried to nod but a sudden urge caused my back to curl, giving Luke his answer. He disposed of the condom as quickly as he could before flopping down next to me on my bed.

"God, I'm gonna miss that." I joked, still trying to catch my breath.

"Yeah? Well, don't go off searching for someone as good while I'm gone. It's impossible." He beamed at me, full of pride.

"Is that a challenge, Hemmings?" I asked with a cheeky smirk.

"Don't you dare." He warned me, kissing my neck again. I gently batted him away because I knew it was time for him to leave.

"Luke, it's time."

He looked at me with sad eyes which I returned. Nothing would have changed him going back on tour, I wouldn't have let him stop it- even if he wanted it to. He put his clothes back on as I did the same. I helped him pack away anything he hadn't already packed apart from a couple of old band t-shirts that he let me keep so I would always have him with me. Sweet right?

"I think I've made you soft."

"Never. I'm still hardcore." He shrugged at me, putting on the sunglasses he had just put in the suitcase.

"Oh really? 'Cause I think I've made you more emotionally available and romantic." We held each other in our arms, standing in the doorway to the living room where all the others were.

"I think you might be right. I can actually tell you, in detail, how I feel which I would have never been able to do before we met."

"I'm gonna miss you," I mumbled into his plain black t-shirt, trying to hold back the tears that wanted to escape.

"I'm gonna miss you too, but remember: I'm gonna call every day whenever I find a break in the day." He reminded me, which sounded like a great plan but in reality, it was a lot of hard work. "We will make this work." And with those final words, he kissed the top of my head and let go of me. We walked over to the boys and Becky who all looked like wrecks.

"I don't want you all to leave." Becky sobbed as we all group hugged. "I need you here with me. Gabbie can be really annoying sometimes." She joked which gained a lot of laughs from us.

"We'll visit you as soon as possible, okay?" Ashton said, mainly to Becky, as we let go of each other. "I love you."

That made Becky burst into tears and cling to Ash like it was the end of the world.

"I love you too." She slightly stuttered as she spoke but it was understandable considering the consequences. Ashton had to pry her off him before walking over to the front door where the others were waiting.

We decided not to travel to the airport with them because we thought that would be too much for us and I think it would have been. As soon as the door shut behind them, Becky fell onto the sofa and began to cry into a pillow.

"Calm down, Beck." I rubbed her back in an attempt to comfort her.

"I can't c-calm down. He's gone."

"But not forever. I know how you feel, darling, but you have to try and think of the positives."

"There are no positives!"

"Yes, there are. Like, he won't be away forever. It's only a month or so." I tried to speak like I was okay even though I was just as upset as she was. I owed it to her to be a supportive friend though, she was there when I was trying to get over Luke.

"I just want to sleep forever until he comes home."

"That's not gonna work, Beck. You just have to keep living your life as normally as you can until he comes home."

-

We had celebrated New Years when the boys were here but it wasn't much fun. Luke and I ended up falling asleep half an hour before midnight but were awoken by Calum and Michael blowing air into our faces to try and wake us up. It did work though so we got to kiss at midnight. What a great way to start 2018.

I'm pretty sure we all had one more glass of prosecco before we all passed out of exhaustion. Luke ended up having to drunkenly carry me to bed but to be honest I was just as drunk as he was. I don't remember much after that but I do remember trying to kiss Luke and missing his lips, instead kissing his chin which sent us both into a fit of giggles.

Have I mentioned how adorable Luke's drunk laugh is? It's really high and he ends up having a voice crack at the end but it's the cutest thing ever. In fact, I ended up making him laugh for me until I fell asleep because It was so peaceful.

I'm so grateful for that man.