💗

I wait on the bed, legs crossed as I watch Ashton slip on his clothes. He's so handsome in his blue shorts and cotton button down shirt. I look down at my pink dress.

"Baby, are you sure my outfit is okay?"

He chuckles and grabs my calf, pulling me into him. "You look so gorgeous, Bambi."

I grumble and push him off, standing to my feet. He laughs and pulls me back then places a gentle kiss to my nose. "You're perfect. And you are all mine."

"Thank you."

I place another kiss to his soft lips. When I begin to pull back he deepens it, dragging his fingers over my hips and to the hem of my dress. His begins a damp trail of kisses down my neck forcing a moan past my lips even though getting turned on is the last thing I need or want right now.

Reluctantly, I push him off stepping away from him before this can go any further. It's obvious neither one of us have restraint when it comes to keeping our hands off one another. A groan comes from Ashton's but he doesn't protest, understanding my rejection to his affection.

Together we finish getting ready then head downstairs where his family set up in the backyard as caterers move through the house. We are downstairs for three seconds before Ashton and I are separated to help prepare for the evening.

It's around 2:00 when people begin to arrive, which is perplexing to me seeing as the party isn't officially supposed to start for another hour. Nevertheless, they filter into the huge backyard more and more people coming as the time passes.

The second more people started to arrive Ashton found me and hasn't left my side since. I don't blame him, some athletes have no chill when it comes to blatantly flirting with a woman in front of her boyfriend. I guess most of them are used to females falling at their feet, but this female definitely will not.

We are talking with Tye and another one of his friends when I hear a shrill girly scream. "ASHY!"

Ashton's grip on my side tightens and I turn to see the woman who called out to him as she approaches.

"Hey Taylor," he deadpans.

She pulls him into a hug as his arm stays wrapped around my waist. It was very weird and I can only assume she didn't notice me. But she eventually does when she turns to me and frowns.

"This is my girlfriend, Lana," Ashton introduces.

"Hi," I greet, holding my hand out to her out of politeness. She doesn't take it so I pull back and lace my fingers back through Ashton's.

He chuckles and bends down to me, whispering in my ear, "You probably wouldn't want to shake her hand anyways."

I stifle a laugh and knock his side at the implication. Our moment is ruined when Taylor once again touches Ashton and speaks up. "I'm Taylor, Ashton's last girlfriend."

Laughing, I gently take her hand off Ashton.

"You're an ex," Ashton retorts. "Lana is my last."

Yet, you've still yet to say I love you back.

I don't know why that stupid though pops into my head. I thought my insecurities about a relationship with Ashton were gone, but as I look at the woman in front of me the stupid monster rears its ugly head. I don't like it and I know I shouldn't be giving her this power, but I can't help it.

"Taylor is an ex of mine and Tye's." Ashton clears up.

Interesting.

"Family friend?"

Tye scoffs. "Her father is a family friend. And before you think it Lana, we did not date her at the same time."

Never would've imagined it.

Before Taylor can say anything Ashton pulls me away from the conversation that seemed to be going nowhere, but downhill.

"It was nice seeing you, Ashy." Taylor purrs as I'm pulled away and into the house.

Ashton just grumbles and closes the sliding door that separates the kitchen and backyard. Cautiously, he brings his hands up to cup the sides of my neck and places his forehead against mine.

"Are you mad?"

"Of course not, Ashy," I tease.

He frowns and pulls back. "Lana, I'm serious."

"I'm not mad," I reply, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him into a much needed embrace. "She had you. I have you. As long as there is nothing left between the two of you. You're mine and I'm yours, right?"

He nods against my shoulder, holding me tighter. "You're mine and I'm yours. And there is nothing going on with Taylor and I. There never will be."

"Good," I whisper closing my knees and enjoying the closeness in his arms. He feels like...home.

"Get a room!" Tye ruins the moment.

"Aww you know you love watching us." I tease pulling away from Ashton as Tye searches the fridge for something.

Tye chuckles and turns to me with a bottle in his hand. "As much as I love watching you guys, I actually prefer doing it for myself."

"Then you need to settle down," Ashton replies pulling me along and knocking Tye's shoulder as we pass.

Is this what he's doing? Settling down with me?

Smiling to myself, I let Ashton, drag me back out to the party where we enjoy the rest of the evening.

It's around 7 o'clock when people began to leave. Mostly people who aren't close family. Ashton takes that opportunity to go for a jog. When he comes back, he goes upstairs for a shower and I continue to talk with Ashton's family until I receive a text from my mother reading:

Can you tell Ashton that I've had a headache for almost a week? I'm hoping it has nothing to do with the tumor.

Immediately, I push to my feet and run upstairs to ask Ashton about my Mom's headache. This could mean the tumor is back and if that's a possibility she needs to get checked out immediately.

"Ashton, my mom wants to know if —"

My words fall short and everything comes crashing down as I catch Ashton lip locked with Taylor. Disorientation is the first expression I see on his face as he shoves her off. Then confusion and finally fear when his eyes land on me.

I can feel my pulse thrumming in my wrist and for a second I can't think. I forgot what I even came up here for, until my phone chimes in my hand with another text from my mom.

"Lana, it's —"

"My mom has a headache," I blurt. "She's had it for a week and we are hoping it has nothing to do with the tumor or surgery."

He takes a step towards me, but I step away. "I will have a scan ordered for her and the moment we get back I will check her out."

That's all I need before I get the hell out of there. My stupid flip flops slow me down as Ashton follows behind me. I just make it to the door when Ashton catches up to me and grabs my arm. I shove him back immediately, drawing attention to us, but I could care less.

"Don't touch me."

Now I know why he never said "I love you". But he said all that other stuff about being my last, marrying me, and having kids, and—

"Lana, please hear me out." He pleads. When I turn away from him again, he says something that once again stops me in my tracks. "It's no different from you and Alex."

"I never made out with him, while shirtless. Everything sexual that happened between me and Alex was before things became serious with us. The moment that happened I cut it off.

I've never dated, Alex, but you dated her. She's your ex. You've been with her and you probably enjoyed it and probably want her back, because she can probably give you everything you want that I can't. I should probably stop saying probably."

"Lana, don't do that."

In an attempt to comfort myself, I wrap my arms around my body and hold myself tightly. Then I turn to Ashton and say words that cause him to step back. My confession that I promised I wouldn't tell.

"Alex confessed his love for me, something you can't seem to do. He kissed me and I kissed him back. So I think these are just signs that we aren't supposed to be together."

Even though I really want to be with him. I want to spend every moment with him, but what the hell? How is he going to say all these things about me being his and him being mine and then just do that.

I told him that I loved him...

Ashton's jaw twitches, but I can't be here a moment longer. Opening the door, I step out. Ashton doesn't follow, but I hear my voice called by Ashton's sister.

"Lana, honey, let me drive you to wherever you are going."

I nod and force myself not to look back at Ashton as she jogs over to me and guides me to her car. Thankfully she doesn't say anything. She drives me to the best hotel in town and offers to pay for it, but I reject that offer, telling her that the ride was enough.

With a sigh she pulls me into a hug and squeezes me tightly. "Ashton is a good guy," she whispers.

Yeah...

Today, I crawl into bed and order room service. Tomorrow, I go back to get my car. I forgot my keys when I was rushing out and when I remembered that I drove there, I did not want to go back in to get my keys. That moment was unbearable. Tomorrow I will be fortified.

Right now, I cry my heart out.