《Love & Murder: An Eliza Winter Mystery》Confessions
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Eliza hears Colin shouting to her as she runs toward the trees. A part of her wanted to scream at him for taking Adelaide, demand he tell her every detail of their night together. But the other part of her wanted to show him that she didn't care about what he did. That he didn't matter to her, so his actions couldn't affect her. A war was raging inside her and she wanted to get far away from him before one side could take over.
As she plunges into the tree-line, she hears him getting closer to her. She can't out run him forever. Especially in the day dress she's wearing that restricts her movements. She also knows deep down she's never going to be able to focus solely on Penelope when her head is swarming with questions for Colin.
When she comes to a stop in a small clearing, she feels the trees casting shadows around her, making the woods feel eerie. She hears Colin's feet snapping twigs and crunching dirt behind her, so she spins around to see that he too, is catching his breath.
"You're not one to shy away from conflict Eliza, why are you hiding something now?" Colin states, breathing heavily and clearly confused at her behavior.
"Lady Eliza," she childishly retorts and Colin frowns, "Oh, we're back to that are we?"
"I am the daughter of an Earl, you should treat me as such!" Eliza snaps and Colin throws his hands up, "And I am the son of a Duke, but here you are yelling at me!" Words escape Eliza. She stares at him blankly and all arguments she wanted to throw at him suddenly vanish.
"What?" Eliza whispers while staring at him with wide eyes.
"I don't care about the titles Lady Eliza, if you don't call me Lord Bradshaw, I won't throw you in the bloody chokey!"
"That's not..." she says while shaking her head, "I didn't know..."
"Didn't know what?" Colin asks, wondering what has her anger melting away.
"I didn't know you were the son of a Duke!" Eliza says frantically.
"Of course you did, why else would you be calling me Lord Bradshaw," Colin says flatly while putting his fists on his hips.
"I was aware you were a lord but not a bloody marquess!" Eliza says with embarrassment. "I've been throwing around your Christian name like you're a bloody commoner!" She's glad to be away from ears that would have blushed at her profanity.
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"What does it matter? What changes now?" Colin frustratingly says.
"Everything!" Eliza says breathlessly. She shakes her head while on the verge of tears, "I can't believe I was so stupid to believe that you...that we...that I..." she starts pacing.
"My father being the Duke of Fife changes nothing Lady Eliza. Not a damn thing," Colin spats and Eliza stops. She lets out a laugh, confusing Colin further.
"I should have listened to your cousin. He told me this was all a ruse and I brushed him off. Now I know you're too good for me."
"Andrew?" Colin says and then more sternly asks, "When did you speak to Andrew?" Eliza finally stops pacing and throws her hands up while shaking her head. "What did he say to you?" Colin asks again and his tone makes Eliza look to him.
"That I was crazy to think you were interested in anything more than this case. That I was a pawn in a game I didn't understand," Eliza says while fighting back tears. "Well I can tell you, Crazy Eliza has a new meaning to it!"
"Don't call yourself that! Andrew knows nothing!" Colin spits and Eliza realizes she has nothing to lose at this point. She might as well lay it all on the line. She never had Colin in the first place. She realizes that now, so she might as well say what she wants to say.
"He knew more than I did! He knew I was silly to think that you and I could be anything more than partners on this case," Eliza says, glaring at Colin. "He knew that you would do anything to solve it."
"My career is important to me Eliza, but not so important that I would feign an interest in you to gain information," Colin replies, more softly this time. His tone makes Eliza's heart race and she finally asks, "No? Did you not take Adelaide Greensbury to the charity dinner last night?" Colin freezes and she watches him blink back his surprise. He releases a loud sigh and then says, "I did take Miss Greensbury, but it was not my choice to do so."
"Not your choice? Whose choice was it?" Eliza asks, her tone laced with anger.
"It was her father's," he answers and she shakes her head again. She starts pacing and Colin adds, "The Chief Inspector asked me to take his daughter to the charity event. Mingle with some important people from Scotland Yard and get my name out there."
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"And having the Chief's daughter on your arm would certainly get you noticed," she says lightly, still showing her annoyance.
"That isn't why I agreed to take her," Colin admits and Eliza's eye roll has him adding, "She's close to one of the suspects. I used it as an opportunity to ask some questions that wouldn't raise eyebrows."
"So, you admit that you do use women to gain information. I'm sure Adelaide had no idea that that was what your intentions were am I right?" Eliza snaps.
"I..." Colin starts, "Okay yes...I may have used Miss Greensbury for information, but I never once used you." Colin pleads but Eliza is having none of it.
"It's pointless if that was your intention. I've given you nothing to work with."
"Not that I'm saying I used you for information, but I will say you're smart and if it weren't for you, I wouldn't have figured a few things out," Colin says but Eliza laughs.
"Like what? Did anything come of Lord Cavanaugh and his reaction to seeing me in his home yesterday?" She asks.
Colin shakes his head, "Well no. You see he was worried you'd tell his wife that you spotted him leaving White's. He was supposed to be at the office."
"See, and now I am leading you to a dead end in Kent. If anything, I am hampering your investigation and I should let you do your job. I'm done." Eliza states and then starts walking back through the trees to get back to the meadow.
"You might be done, but I'm not done," Colin says while following behind her. "We're not done." They cross back into the wide field and Eliza stops before marching up the hill. She looks to Colin and her abrupt stop almost has him knocking into her.
"I'm done chasing fantasies and maybe's and could be's," Eliza says softly. "You falling in love with me was a fantasy and it's time for me to head back to reality."
"I have no intentions of trifling with your feelings Eliza! I am falling in love with you goddammit!" Colin practically yells. "Why is that so hard for you to believe? Because I am a marquess? Because you are connected to a murder case I am working? Because you have a past that follows you around, one that you allow to follow you around?"
"I do not allow people to whisper awful things about me!" Eliza snaps back.
"No, but you allow people like Adelaide and Bridgette to get inside your head and cause you to doubt yourself. You're trying to tell me that it doesn't make sense for me to love you but why? You are a daughter of an Earl. You are beautiful and funny and witty and charming so please, tell me why it's so hard for you to believe that I am falling for you? I took you to the opera!" Colin says while gesturing towards her, at his wits end.
"For your job," she replies, choking back tears.
"I told you that was only part of it. I am here in Kent aren't I?"
"For. Your. Job," Eliza says slowly. "You're only ever around me when your job is involved."
"It's a convenient excuse to see you," he says, suddenly exhausted. "Look Eliza, I can tell you've decided that my intentions with you are false. That you believe I say all this in jest. Nothing I say can convince you otherwise, so if you want to walk away, that's a choice you'll have to live with." She looks to him and can tell he's over trying to convince her, that he's frustrated with where this afternoon went. She knew she was being dramatic. Ladies did not shout and accuse men of dramatic things. This was not a way to secure a husband, nor the way she wanted to treat Colin. But she is conflicted. A part of her wants to believe that he's genuine. That he could fall for her. But then what? She just has to allow him to play other women when it's convenient for a case?
She suddenly looks to him and asks, "Did Adelaide know you took me to the opera? Did she mention it to you at dinner?"
"Yes, she knew. Why?" He asks, wondering where this line of questioning is going.
"When it came up, what did you tell her?" She asks while folding her arms across her chest. He looks to her, caught off guard and then she lets out an incredulous laugh. She shakes her head and then asks, "Did you tell her you took me because of Penelope's case? Or did you tell her it was because you were courting me."
Colin suddenly won't meet Eliza's gaze. He drops his head back and puts his hands over his face. As she spins away, she whispers, "I'm a fool."
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