I was curled up in bed staring at my lock screen which was a photo of Luna and I in each other's arms smiling for the camera. I was in shock, my throat was dry from puking out the alcohols I'd mixed to drown my misery in and tears were balancing in my eyes. As soon as mum left I'd tried to call Luna and had left a number of drunken messages about how much I love her and I'm sorry and could we work this out.

 Apparently she'd listened to them because she text me the contacts of a couple's therapist and said we could work through things when I send her a copy of my signed resignation from Lucas' firm and this project. I couldn't believe my three year relationship was on the line! I couldn't believe I actually had to pick between my very first kind of solo project and my lover. 

There was so much I couldn't wrap my head around and so I started drafting my resignation letter to Lucas. 

I was weeping on about the third sentence, thanking him for opportunity to learn and grow when I was interrupted by my door bell. If you absolutely must know I was a complete and utter wreck after Luna broke up with me. Aside from sending her drunken messages, I had apparently sent them to my cousin Boyd too, who had left the country for America and had been the closest to a sibling I'd ever had. You can imagine how he felt hearing me crying over the phone about how he abandoned me and now Luna had left me and I was alone and no one loved me.

 I'd apparently told him that his crotch would itch like burning fire until his death if he didn't come back. He sent me several messages back, some laughing, some assuring me that Luna was waste and I was better without her, some encouraging me to continue with the project and then finally one that was just a picture of his plane ticket. He couldn't take an early flight out because of his work but it was his way of letting me know I'd see him in a few months time. 

Unfortunately, when my doorbell chimed, I was convinced it was Boyd. I grumbled, kicking the covers off before I dragged my feet towards the door and then opened it without bothering to check who it could be. Lucas Roland was standing there, two boxes stacked on top of each other in his hands. He looks me over, I try and glare at him but a tear escapes my left eye and he sighs loudly at that. Why wasn't it Boyd?!

"What is it?" He asks pushing into the loft

"I know I look clapped mate, you don't have to rub it in!" I say back, my voice shaky and tired

I looked proper nutterz. I had scavenged the house for Luna's things, things that smelled like her, like acqua di parma cipreso di toscana and heaven, I'd found an old bra whose clasp I'd once broken in a fit to get it off her, a torn macintosh, some torn wellie socks and some tights that had run. I was in a vest and shorts and I had thrown this combination of clothing on top of my vest and shorts mostly because I had reasonably concluded that it'd preserve the smell of her more if they didn't come into contact with my skin. 

"What's wrong Funke?" He asks again, this time his hand gently wipes the tear track on my cheek, which only seems to make space for another tear to fall right onto his finger

I try and hold back a sniffle but just end up sobbing as I try and explain that Luna had left me, that I'd have to leave the project and the firm if I wanted her back...and I wanted her back because it was so painful. It hurt, everything hurt and I just want my girlfriend back! My hands were flinging in the air pointing east west and south, at things in the house and other dimensions as I wailed like a bonkers sloshed banshee. 

I don't even know what I'd been thinking plotting my own architecture firm. Clearly I didn't have the gumption for something this big. Even Angus had seen that right away! And now I'd back stabbed my boss, lost my girlfriend and I felt like a vile cretin for everything. The fact that I was howling like a nutter with snort and tears as I explained this to a man who probably couldn't understand a word of what I'm saying was making it all the much worse. I hand him my tablet to show him the resignation letter I'd started typing out, he takes the tab as I try and pull myself together, wiping the tears off of my face as I try to catch my breathe all while sobbing quietly.

He grumbles something inaudibly and then throws the tab on the couch, grabbing my hand and pulling me into his body in a hug. The human contact kills me, sobs wreaking my body loudly now as he swings me in his arms rubbing my back and promising me we'd figure it out somehow.

The Earl of Whitlam had run me a bath because frankly he was done with how disgusting I looked, asked me to get in while he warmed the lunch he'd brought and then gone off to warm lunch. I was less weepy because he was obviously a witch and the bath felt and smelled heavenly. It was milky and warm and he'd even thrown in some of the flowers from last night and I was coming to terms with my life I suppose.

I close my eyes and wipe the tears from my face, feeling the emotions ease out of my chest, which felt oddly lighter. My hair was now up in a very loose bun that I hoped kept because I didn't want to wash it today of all days and I moved to wipe the tears from my face when I broke into a little sob in my palms.

"You'd just about make the worst villain I've ever seen." Lucas says as I choke on the sob to glare at him

"Yesterday you were convincing me you'd planned this entire thing to stab both Luna and I in the back and look at you today..." He sighs handing me a glass of juice off a tray

"This could all be a performance piece for all you know." I shakily pout back, accepting the glass

"Called what? Funke is a wreck with a guilty conscious larger than Jupiter?" He teases back and I pick a flower out of the bath and throw it at him.

He ducks as the microwave dings. My life without Luna was looking long and this toff was laughing about it! Fortunately for both of us he turns towards the kitchen just as I flash him my middle finger and call him a cunt faced twat. When he comes back into the bathroom he has two plates with him. He kicks the stool from my vanity towards the bathtub, settles on it and hands me a plate that I'm now tasked with keeping afloat. He looks about the bathroom, I'd recently remodeled it to make space for a standing tub, two sinks for Luna and I and a proper vanity that I could sit at and pretend to do my skincare routine twice a day. 

"The remodel came out lovely." He says looking to the light pendants by the vanity



"Why jupiter?" I taunt him as I look at the brioche roll stuffed to breaking point densely meaty, spiced boerewors sausage, a fried egg, German mustard and a sprinkling of crunchy frazzled onions

"Largest planet." He shrugs as I look to his plate to see what was different there.

"Is it not Saturn that's the largest?" I state spotting the sourdough waffle

"Saturn's a malefic and has the most moons but Jupiter's the largest, planet of expansion." He grumbles, placing the plate on his lap and splitting the waffle before I get to asking him to 2s me

He lifts up both halves so that I can see they're roughly equal and choose which half I want, because this wasn't a monarchy. I choose the one on the right, he puts it on my plate and I sit up and dig into the brioche roll.

"That South African place?" I wonder enjoying the flavours in my mouth

"Kudu's. Why did you think Saturn was bigger? Is that what they taught you in catholic school along with the guilt?" He wonders back, which is ultimately rude

"No, it just sounds big and heavy mate, allow it." I grumble trying to enjoy my meal in peace

"I didn't get into Harry Potter School of malefic and planetary astrophysics unlike you. Can you believe it?" I tease back

He chokes on his food, laughing at the fact that I grew up poor because as you can see he's a cruel inconsiderate right bastard!

"Is that how Eton re-branded?" He teases back and I throw a frazzled onion at him

"Prick!" I hiss at him as he catches the onion like a seal at a show and eats it.

The smug look on this tosser's face as he chews on the onion, looking like he once played Brad Pitt's younger in a straight to dvd film about being blonde and handsome... 

"GQ just did a list of 41 best brunch places." He offers, waving his eyebrows at me

"I'm not going to be able to afford lunch once I quit the job and leave the project so I can get my girlfriend back." I shrug with a little pout

I had never paid for lunch, ever. We'd kept bumping into each other at brunch spots and he'd always get the bill each time we did so at some point I just walked to where he was seating and before you know it we were running a food review of some sort just between the two of us.

"Well I'm paying and I'm not letting you quit." He shrugs back

"I want my girlfriend back." I sigh

"Yeah, I think what you actually want is for Luna to realize she's made a huge mistake and what she needs to do is support you and your dreams... You wanted this badly enough to deceive us Funke... and didn't Beyoncé herself say the best revenge is your paper?" He chides

Can you believe the audacity of this toff, using Beyoncé against me like this? The gumption!