《Family Comes First》Remember Two Things
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I let Carrie hold Hunter again. She bounced him up and down in her arms as she cooed to him. Her lips would lift into a faint smile whenever he kicked his chubby little arms and legs out.
"Did you have any younger siblings?" I asked her.
"No." she shook her head. "I had lots of younger stepbrothers and sisters though."
"Your parents aren't together anymore?"
"They were never really together. My dad left before I was born and my mom got married when I was twelve. I ended up being the third oldest of eight."
"You never got any attention?"
"Not really. I moved in with my boyfriend when I was seventeen. My mom didn't really care."
Carrie's family didn't love her. I had to sure her that this was her real family. This would be the family that would love her forever.
"We care about you," I said.
"No you don't," she told me.
"You don't think I care about you?"
"Julie, you're different." She looked up at me and her face went pale. "You're sweet and caring. You were taken like me. We're not like those monsters."
"They're not monsters, Carrie."
Carrie let out a deep breath. She held Hunter with one arm and ran her fingers through her tangled hair. Her bruised face was exposed to the thick heavy air.
"Look at me, Julie," she said. "Who does this to a person?"
"They just do things differently," I started.
"Has Jimmy every hurt you?"
"Yes." I felt my stomach twist itself into a knot. I wanted Carrie to be comfortable here, but I couldn't lie to her. She needed to trust me. "He only does it as a punishment and I learn from it. Do you still want me to help you?"
Hunter started to fuss in Carrie's arms. She tried rocking him, but he started to cry. His face was red and the tears began to roll down his cheeks. I sang to him softly as I rocked him in my arms. He soon settled down.
"I don't want Tommy to hurt me anymore," she said. She grazed her fingers along the rope burn on her wrists. "Can I ask you something first?"
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"What is it?" I asked.
"Did you ever have sex with Tommy?"
I felt my heart drop in my chest. What kind of question was that? I continued to bounce Hunter in my arms.
"W...why?" I asked trying to not stumble on the word.
"Because last night," she started to say. I could hear her voice crack. I hoped she wasn't going to cry. "When Tommy was on top of me he kept saying your name. I thought that maybe he just heard my name wrong at first. But when you told me your name I knew he meant to say Julie."
A horrible image of Tommy forcing himself on Carrie while she was tied up filled my mind. He must have been fantasizing about doing that to me for a long time. I had a slight hope that Carrie would distract Tommy from me, but I knew that would no longer happen. Tommy would go through with his plan soon.
"I've never done anything with Tommy," I told her. "You must have heard him wrong."
"I swear he-."
"Let's not be concerned with that right now," I cut her off. "I'll help you keep Tommy happy. He'll have no reason to punish you."
"Okay. Will you help me escape though?"
I shook my head. I didn't see any tears but Carrie rubbed her cheek with her hand.
"So how do I stop from getting hurt?" she asked.
"Don't ever say no," I told her.
"Julie!" She shook her head furiously. "I can't! I can't do the stuff he wants me to do. Last night was horrible. I can't just let him do it without putting up a fight."
"We're here for the boys," I said. "Part of our job is to do whatever they want. Trust me, I know it's scary. But if you just go with it, it won't hurt."
"You've let Jimmy just do stuff to you?" she asked.
"Yes, when I first came here."
Carrie bit on her lip and continued to shake her head. The tears began to roll down her cheeks. I looked down at Hunter to see him fast asleep. I put him down in his crib. When I turned back around, Carrie had her elbows on the table with her face in her hands.
"This is so fucking crazy," she sobbed. "This doesn't happen to people."
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"Carrie, it's okay," I told her. "You'll get used to this house soon."
"I don't want to," she continued to sob. "I want to leave. How the hell have you stayed here for so long? How did you have a baby with one of these men? Oh god, what if I'm pregnant?"
I ran around the table and got on my knees next to her chair. She was sobbing loudly into her hands. Her body was shaking.
"Carrie, trust me." I put my hand on her shoulder. She slapped my hand off of her. She grabbed my shoulders and pushed me down on the floor. I let out a yelp when my head hit the hard floor.
Carrie leaped out of her chair and ran towards the door. She grabbed the knob and furiously started to turn it. She cried even harder as she slammed her hand against the door.
"Please, God!" she screamed. Hunter started screaming too. She continued to slam her hand against the door. "Please, just let me leave this house."
When I got up off of the floor, I saw Carrie on her knees in front of the door. She was trying to turn the knob with one hand while banging on the door with the other.
I walked over to the cupboard and pulled out one of the large bowls. I began preparing batter as Carrie continued to bang and scream. I want to soothe Hunter, but there was no point in settling him down while Carrie was still screaming.
Hours passed by and the house was filled with the smell of fresh baked cookies. Hunter had cried himself back to sleep. Carrie was still in front of the door. She was curled up in a ball on the floor and continued to sob.
I put a cookie on a plate and sat down in front of her. I put the plate in front of her. The tears were still rolling down her cheek. She squeezed her eyes shut when she saw me.
"Two more things you should know," I told her. "Never swear and never ask them any questions."
Carrie opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. She nodded her head.
"Now, let's get you cleaned up before they come back inside," I said.
I got up off of the floor first and I leaned down. I extended my arm out towards her. She grabbed it and I pulled her up onto her feet. I grabbed the plate and handed her the cookie.
"I'm not hungry," she said.
"You should eat," I said. "Plus cookies make everyone feel better."
She took the cookie out of my hand and began to nibble on it. I smiled at her and I could see her face soften. She followed me up the stairs and then into Jimmy and I's room. She finished her cookie by the time I closed our door.
Carrie's clothes were stained in blood from last night. The collar of her shirt was ripped and blood stained her shorts.
I opened up the drawer and clawed through it. I found a dress that was much too large on me and gave it to her.
"You can get changed in the bathroom," I told her.
She nodded her head and headed into the bathroom. I brushed my hair while I waited for her. I twisted strands around my fingers. It was twice as long as it was before I came here. I wanted to ask Jimmy if I could cut it soon. I doubt he'd let me. He likes it long.
Carrie opened the door and had her clothes bundled up in her arms. I took them out of her arms and dropped them into the laundry basket. I would have to split all my clothes with Carrie, but I didn't really mind. All of my clothes were Marilyn's and they hung off of me. Carrie was a bit larger and she filled them out better.
"Sit on the edge of the bed," I told her.
I ran my brush through her tangles. Her face cringed as I ripped the brush through her knots. I braided her hair and she didn't say a word. As my fingers twirled through Carrie's blonde hair, it made me think about Lina. She loved it whenever I played with her hair.
I heard the door creak open downstairs and the boys came. I looked over my shoulder to see the sun was still bright outside. They must have come in early to make Carrie's first dinner special.
"We should head downstairs," I told her as I finished tying her braid.
"I don't want to," she said.
"Just remember what I told you and you'll be fine."
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