To say I didn't expect him to pull me into his room and kiss me, would be the understatement of the century.

I was paralyzed on spot.

The sensation of Zander's lips on mine after what felt like eons was drugging, a headiness sweeping me away from reality.

His arms grab my hips pulling me to the hardness of his body. I take in a shuddering breath, knotting my own hands into his hair instinctively. My eyelids flutter shut as our tongues tangle, his grip growing firmer on my waist.

One of my hand descends from his hair, running them down the length of his chest, over all those hard muscles. Zander groans as his arm twines around my mid before lifting me up from my toes.

On reflex, I wrap legs around his waist like that first time we kissed, like that time in the lake. . .

A scorching warmth shrouds me at the memory of the lake. Zander freezes as if by some bizarre coincidence, he too is thinking the same.

His lips lift from mine and he pulls back enough that his gaze is now leveled to my face. We're both breathless, eyes a dark desire-hued shade, my hands in his messy hair, his lowering down to my bottom.

"Damn, I missed you." Even his voice is a rough whisper as if he's trying to fight off something.

I could say I was too....in a way.

I stare like a fool, my heart drumming, my mind still in that hazy state. Zander's grey eyes meet mine and narrows the slightest bit when I remain silent as ever, just gawking at him.

"What, pray tell," He tucks in a strand of my hair behind my ear before tilting my face up to those penetrating dark orbs, "Is so shocking except my handsome face?"

The grin he throws my way is complete feline and that should've had me rolling my eyes, but instead it pricks at my heartstrings.

This is not right. . .

I. . .why did I even. . .

I should've known better than to heed to Derek's words. I hadn't thought it'd get so complicated, that I'd feel so conflicted to tell Zander why I was really here.

Why did he have to kiss me?

I was supposed to let him know what I felt and then end it forever. So that. . .

"Actually I. . ." I begin.

My words drawl when I spot the stark curiosity and softness in his gaze. His fingers idly play with a lone strand of my hair while those eyes are settled on me in an intense stare. I blink at the way he's looking at me, as if my every word would carve his heart, mend it to my will. As if he was giving me the power to either make him or break him.

A sickening dread clawed my soul, burned my throat. Don't look at me like that. Please don't. I'm just a selfish bitch. You deserve so much more.

As if sensing my gloom, Zander holds my face, "Hey, Fishy, what happened?"

"I'm very bad at expressing my feelings." I blurt out of nowhere, my voice a low faraway whisper.

Zander's brow raises a fraction bit in amusement but he coils the strand of my hair around his finger and asks softly, "Are you?"

"No, I mean." I start ranting so that I don't have to focus on his eyes or the way my body hums to the emotion clearly glinting in them, "I try my best to express my feelings for someone but it always comes off as insensitive because I just don't know how to say the words out loud, how to convey that they matter to me. I'm terrible with words. Whenever I try to speak what's on my mind, it makes me feel strange. As if I'm over sharing. And then I start getting overwhelmed. Then I stop speaking about deep emotions altogether and act like a careless bitch who can't even react properly to someone showing their concern to me."

What in the world are you spewing, Marilla?! You weren't here to tell him this. Tell him what you're here for.

Zander's eyes soften and his thumb caresses my cheek, "The one who truly care would understand without you having to explain anything, Marilla."

I let out a humorless laugh as a lone tear involuntarily slides down my cheek as if mocking me.

Layla didn't understand that I never would've truly enjoyed myself without her. She didn't understand that I could never hate. She didn't understand that I'd look for her.

Just as I, despite claiming to know my sister so well, didn't once think that maybe she didn't really go away. Maybe something happened to her. Maybe she had a reason behind the sudden hatred she had for me. I never even tried to figure out how or why Layla really left.

Now because of that lack of understanding, things are so messed up. I don't know what to do.

At one point, I want to forget about everything and focus on what I want. But then that gnawing guilt hits me. And then I get back to thinking maybe Layla deserves one chance at happiness. Even if it's idiotic. Even if it'd leave me in shreds.

"Ursula sold Layla to the slave establishment, Zander." My eyes well up as I stare straight at him, "She hates me because I thought she fleed the kingdom when actually she was forcefully sold away. She hates me because she'd hoped I'd trust her despite what anyone claimed, that I'd find her if not anyone but I didn't. She was suffering for seven hundred years while I just lived in the comforts of my castle doing baseless searching. I missed her everyday, I looked for her everywhere. Heck, I even broke all my rules and went as far as seeking a black witch to find her, but I was too fucking late."

Zander goes still as ever, his eyes glint with a thousand emotions—guilt, sadness, rage—but all he does is swipe a thumb across my cheek whisking away the tear that fell. As if he knows I have more to say. As if he's telling me he'd hear the end of it.

"Just like every other thing, it was my fault Layla never even got to live a decent life. Ursula sold Layla because she tried to kill me. I was the reason of her torment. I always take everything away from her, don't I?" Another tear slides down my cheek, "First her deserved birthright, her throne, her court, her dreams, then I stole her happiness away, then I was the reason she lost her freedom, then when she finally found love after every torment, turns out even the person she loves is my mate, who's destined to be with me and not her. I'm such a fucking thief, aren't I?"

Zander's both hand grab my face instantly, "You're not." He says sternly, "None of it is your fault. You didn't decide for your mother to give the throne to you. You didn't want to take Layla's birthright. You didn't ask for it. It was just thrown on you. And I see. I see how you hate it. How you hate the whole ruling thing. Because somewhere along the guilt is eating at you. But it's not your fault, sweetheart. It's not."

I don't know why but hearing those words out loud eases up something in me even if the guilt still remains.

Zander tucks away my hair behind my ear and passes me a coy smile, "The moon goddess decides who is who's mate. Now unless you're into fighting off a goddess for pairing us, you can't do anything about it either. So do tell, whether you plan on fighting off a goddess for receiving a hot mate like me? I'd say it'd be a lost cause."

That has my own lips quirking until I'm shaking my head and rolling my eyes, "You're so full of yourself."

"Learnt from the worst." He throws me a feline smile as if to say I'm the culprit here.

I narrow my eyes at that, "I don't even go around praising myself."

"Oh, please." He gives me a heaven ward look in return.

My smile widens and I know I should be saying something snarky but instead, I just take in his smiling face, his messy hair, the glee in his expression.

Something tugs at me as I bring my hand forward to brush away his hair hindering his eyes, "I think I'm falling for you. Really fast."

Zander's entire form stiffens at that. His eyes shoot to mine desperately and I feel my heart clench at the hope and anxiety in those grey orbs,

"There's a but, isn't there?" He asks running his fingers along my jaw.

I look at the wall instead of his face trying to ignore the dull ache in my chest, "Layla loves you. A lot. I've seen it. Love changes people, Zander. I think if you. . ."

Zander's fingers stops short on their idle path down my jaw as his eyes snap upto mine in sudden realization, "You want me to accept her. Forget about us." I see hurt flash his features in waves.

My lips quiver as I force myself to look at him as tears fill my eyes, "There was never an us, Zander. Was there? Even if it was due to the influence of the love spell, you atleast had an 'us' with Layla. Give her a chance. She's not bad."

Zander looks hurt beyond limit succumbing himself to stunned silence, but there's an anguish building in those orbs as if he's fighting an internal conflict. His arms go slack around me and when I speak the next words, he seems to loose it completely.

"We must be mates, but the bond can break. We can say the words. Break it. You can mark Layla and then it'll be gone fore-"

He kisses me cutting off my words.

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I kiss her. Kiss her hard enough so that she can't utter one fucking word more.

My heart clenches some more with each contact of our lips, with each movement she follows after a moment of hesitation.

Why....why would she ask me to do that.

A tear slides down my own cheek as I pull back, "What about you, Marilla? Do you really want this? You want to...." My words choke, "Reject me?"

Marilla doesn't retort, she's staring and I know she's feeling a load of things but she won't utter about it. She'll just stare and pretend she's insensitive when she's not. When she does feel so much.

"You know what?" I say hoarsely, "Order me to do whatever the fuck you want tomorrow without even considering how I might feel about it. About you. But today," I slide a finger underneath her chin to tilt her face up to mine, "Please don't push me away. Just one time, let me know what you truly want. Then we can go back to pretending it wasn't meant to be."

Marilla glances away, "Why would you want to do that-"

"Because I love you dammit!" My shoots up an octave in desperacy.

How does she not get it. I love her.

I love that snarky mouth that always has something to say, I love that ferocious spirit that wouldn't bow down to anyone, I love that fierce love she has for everyone she cares even if it ruins her at times. I love every inch of her soul. And she wants me to just forget about it. About her.

And go on with Layla? Does she think it's that easy? I might've had an 'us' Layla according to Marilla, but it was never real. Those feelings dumped on me in the name of a love spell weren't something I felt from my own heart. Weren't true.

But what I feel for Marilla. . .it is.

Marilla stays still as ever for a long moment, her eyes barely meeting mine. Although I hear the way her heart thumps rapidly against where our chests our pressed up and the way her grip on my shoulders tightens.

When she looks at me, her eyes grow weary, "Zander-"

"Don't you think I deserve just one moment of honesty from my mate before she rejects me off?"

Guilt passes her features and I see the internal conflict in those blue irises, "You promise you'll forget about it tomorrow?"

You think I can? I'm too far gone for that, you fish.

"I'll pretend." I say instead.

Marilla's eyes shut as if in acceptance, as if she could live with that, as if. . . .she too somehow wanted this, needed this before we broke apart for real. The little conclusion though, makes my heart ache more when Marilla flutters open her eyes and I see the decision in those blue orbs.

Her fingers skim over the planes of my jaw and she leans in to whisper, "Just one night."

Sorry for the super later update T_T

I don't know why this chapter took me so long to jot down. I was kinda STUCK with it and then I had piles of academic tests to add to the cart.

When I tried to write in the little free time at night, the words just wouldn't come to me. So I read two books (Crescent City and Veirty)—I just loveeee the first one and the second despite its disturbing ending was good too—instead to refresh my mind.

I guess it kinda worked so here's the chapter. I'll prolly come back to this chapter to do a few minor changes later on but for now, here you go!