《Love You In My Mind // Sirius Black》Chapter 62
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"Why us again?" Sirius asked Aberforth Dumbledore in disbelief.
"Sirius, the last time you and Freya did this was almost two months ago," Aberforth replied calmly, but with an amused twinkle in his blue eyes.
"Was it?" Sirius asked completely cought off guard. "Feels like last week-"
"Maybe you should get a job, Sirius," Marlene teased jokingly. "You're clearly losing track of time with all that free time you've got."
"I'm doing stuff for the order! And I'm helping James with his parents; I'm very much using my time."
"I was only kidding, sheesh," Marlene raised an eyebrow.
Sirius sighed. "I know, I'm sorry. I just hate being stuck indoors."
"Hey,"I finally spoke up, trying to lift the mood in a joking manner. "You're making it sound as if you don't want to spend time with me."
"I just don't like the way we spend the time together, dear Freya. You know that."
I nodded, smiling. My friendship with Sirius had never felt fake, so I had no trouble believing him. "Now, let's get to the map. As soon as we start this, the sooner we'll be done."
"Wise words," Marlene agreed. "I'll join Remus and Dorcas, then. You two have fun."
"And you take care," Sirius replied after she kissed him goodbye and gave me a brief hug.
"Of course," Marls winked. "You're not getting rid of me so easily."
"I hope so," Sirius only mumbled when she made her way to Dorcas.
Soon, all of the order members departed and fulfilled their missions. Sirius and I were left to watch the map.
"Soo," He said, not tearing his eyes away from the parchment on the table in front of us. "Any news? Or spells you've got to practice?"
"Nope, not this time," I replied cheerily, leaning back on my chair without my eyes leaving the map.
"You know, maybe we should keep tracking the order members, too. That way we always know where they are and can help in emergencies."
"Hmm," Sirius propped his chin on his hand. "But maybe that's too risky when the map gets into the wrong hands. We just want to spy on them or hand them in, but they will straight up kill us when they find us. So I don't know if we should risk them having a way to track us, you know?"
I stared at him for a little while, thinking it over. It would help us send backup to order members that needed us, but he was right, it would also be very risky. "You're right, we should be careful."
We fell into a comfortable silence, both not really knowing what to say.
We just kept looking at the map, and at some point I had gotten up and had made us some tea.
"Hey, look," Sirius suddenly pointed at a spot near north England. "That's a new spot. Someone must've hit a new Death Eater."
The dot disappeared. "He must've disapparated." I sighed and leaned back. "But hey, here's a new spot-" I pointed at London. "That wasn't there a few seconds ago. Maybe the person apparated there?"
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"They either have a meeting or they're going home. Would be good if we knew where they lived," Sirius confirmed.
"Let's wait a few minutes and see if they go away or if others join," I agreed. There were approximately thirty dots on the parchment and we had to try and keep an eye on all of them.
"This one in High Wycombe has been there for quite a while, right?"
Sirius bent over to look at it more carefully. "You're right. Let's write down the address, that's probably where they live."
I nodded and used my wand to zoom in on the little city. "Hillview Road 19," I read out loud, and Sirius quickly pulled some writing utensils closer and wrote it down.
"Nice," He said when he leaned back again. "Let's hope this gets us somewhere."
"It usually does," I reassured and brought my tea up to my mouth.
"How's your Mum?" Sirius asked out of nowhere.
My heart fluttered at the nice gesture, so I smiled at him, trying my hardest not to blush. "Fine, thanks! She's moved into a new apartment in London, and she's gotten herself a dog to keep her company."
Sirius smiled fondly. "Dogs are great."
I had to suppress my grin, remembering that he didn't know that I knew about him being an animagus. "I know, right? Plus, she's adorable, I really love her."
"Does Asklepius get along with her, though?" Sirius asked with an amused twinkle in his beautiful eyes. (Gosh, I was such a simp.)
I laughed and shrugged. "Don't know, he's never met her. Probably not, though, because she loves chasing anything that flies."
Sirius' grin deepened. "Now I really want to meet her."
"I can introduce you two eventually," I offered. From dog to dog, I added in my mind.
"Wonderful. I expect to meet her the next time I'm at your apartment."
"I've only been in there for one day, it'll stay a mess until I've got all my stuff moved out of your flat!" I protested. "I'll not let a dog in there until it's safe to not trip on boxes."
It was true. My very own apartment was wonderful, but still a mess, since I had only payed my first rent a week ago. Marls, Sirius and I were still in the process of moving all of my things.
"Okay, okay," Sirius chuckled. "But I'm taking your word for it."
"Alright," I playfully rolled my eyes. When we fell quiet once more, I briefly contemplated asking Sirius about Fleamont and Euphemia Potter.
They had caught the Dragon Pox about a month ago, which was an incurable disease.
I had never met them, but it hurt to see both Sirius and James so sad over losing parental figures.
I genuinely wanted to know how they were, but I didn't want to kill the mood, so I restrained myself from asking.
I took my wand again and zoomed in on London. There were a few spots, but most of them were in Diagon Alley, which didn't tell us anything about their identity.
One spot, however, was not in Diagon Alley.
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I straightened my posture. "Hey, look, that Death Eater's not with others and not in Diagon Alley. They're in a house, and have been for a little while now. It's probably where they live, let's write down the address," I squinted to read it.
"Grimmauld Place 12."
I looked up, expecting to see Sirius writing down the address. But he sat there, frozen and pale as a sheet of paper.
"Sirius?"
He blinked and looked at the map. "Grimmauld Place 12, are you sure?"
I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion because of his weird behaviour. "Yes, I'm sure, you can check it again. Why? Is everything alright with you?"
Sirius looked as if he was about to throw up. He didn't meet my eyes. "I..."
"Hey, it's okay, take your time." I stood up to lean over the table between us and put my hand on his shoulder reassuringly."
Sirius gulped, still not meeting my eyes. His reply sounded breathless. "That's the house of my parents."
My heart dropped. "Oh," slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it. I mentally cringed at myself. That was not what he needed to hear in that moment. "So you think your parents -"
"No," Sirius interrupted me. "They believe in pureblood supremacy, but they wouldn't crook a single finger for it. They agree with Voldemort, but they'd never join him."
My throat tightened at the realisation. I couldn't even imagine how Sirius must have felt. "So you mean...?"
Sirius nodded grimly. "Regulus."
I didn't want to believe it. For Sirius' sake. He'd always pretended to not care about his little brother, but I knew that he had deep down always hoped that Regulus would turn his back to the pureblood supremacists, too. Sirius must've felt as if he'd completely lost his little brother, and that thought broke my heart.
"I'm so sorry, Sirius," I whispered.
Sirius shrugged his shoulders and looked away from me, out of the window. I dropped my hand and sat back down.
"You don't have to be," he huffed. "I should have expected it. He's never wanted to let his parents down, of course he'd join Voldemort just to please all of the pureblood supremacists. Someone had to get the noble Blacks out of the mess I've created. I don't care about him, I'm fine."
He crossed his arms over his chest, still looking out of the window. It was obvious that he wasn't fine, but of course I couldn't say that.
I didn't know what I could say at all. I felt completely useless.
But I noticed how Sirius didn't write Regulus' name onto our list of suspects.
"He made his choice," Sirius continued to grumble. "It's his choice. A stupid choice, he's a prick. But it's his choice nevertheless, and I've tried to keep him away from the stupid supremacists. I did everything I could've done."
I nodded slowly. "You're right. You tried, it's not your fault."
Sirius bit his lip, and when he turned to look at me, it was with great surprise that I noticed how watery his eyes were. "Then why does it feel like it?" He asked in such a quiet voice that I almost didn't hear him.
I couldn't give him an answer to it, but I somehow still wanted to say something. I prayed that I wouldn't make things worse. "You said it yourself, it was his choice and we can't do anything about it now."
Sirius lowered his eyes and I took a deep breath. "We can only look forward now, not back. What can we do now to make things better? We have to make decisions, just like Regulus did make a decision, Sirius. Because life will always put something in our way, and the only way to handle it is by making decisions on how to live with it. Do you want to turn him in? I'll leave it up to you. You have to decide how you want to deal with this information. Just know that I'll be here for you whatever your decision may be. That's all I can do for you right now."
Sirius was quiet for a while, and I thought about my words.
I often regretted what I said instantly after saying it, but strangely enough, this wasn't one of these situations.
It was true.
People always talked about fate and destiny, and blamed them for the ways their lives turned out... as if we didn't have any say in it. But we do.
It is not fate and destiny that control our lives. By making decisions and finding ways to live and deal with fate and destiny, we write our own stories.
I was writing my own story because I, and nobody else, decided how I wanted to live with my heartbreak. Whether I wanted to fight or give up. I decided; I was in control.
I did not have to rely on fate nor destiny to live my life.
And now it was Sirius' turn to decide how his story would continue. How he decided to handle his brother.
I watched him through attentive eyes, until he slowly opened his mouth to clear his throat.
"I want him to try and find the right path, still. I want him to realise his mistakes, and I want to give him the chance of redemption. I don't want to capture him."
I nodded slowly, feeling queasy. "Are you sure?"
Sirius nodded slowly, his eyes finding the spot on the map that we knew was Regulus. "I know that what he's doing is wrong. And I know that it's dangerous to let him be, so we won't. If he threatens us and attacks us, we'll fight back and give him what he deserves, no question. I just don't want to turn him in straight away. I want to give him a little more time to think about it."
I had promised to support Sirius' decision. So I did, even though it made me feel uncomfortable.
"I'm sorry that I pulled you into this mess," Sirius said apologetically when he saw the troubled look on my face. "And I promise that we won't cover for Regulus, since what he's doing is illegal. If we keep seeing him on the map, or if others find him, so be it. He is a criminal... I just want to give him a chance one more time."
I tried to put myself in his position.
I knew that I would've done the same for Francisca. So I nodded.
"Alright."
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