I kept pondering about it for days after that.

Was it the right decision to give Regulus Black another chance?

I felt horrible, fearing that this would have terrible consequences.

But on the other side, I wanted to be there for Sirius. I'd promised that I'd support him, so I was doing that.

Luckily, we never saw Regulus on the map again, and I noticed how Sirius always let out a little sigh of relief when he saw the list of suspects after each order mission.

As long as he was fine, I was happy.

The week after that one meeting was pretty uneventful.

Marlene, Sirius, Peter and me had painted the walls of my new apartment all shades of white, green, blue and turquoise, and I'd finally decorated everything and moved in completely.

And whenever I felt sad, Asklepius would somehow notice and flap onto my lap. He was just wonderful, really.

Now, near the end of November, only one thing really kept bothering me (Lina, but I was used to it), and I found myself enjoying the many little things I had, instead of mourning things I didn't have.

I had a job/apprenticeship I really liked, I had a best friend and I had great friends in Remus, Sirius, Peter, James and even Lily, a little. To top all of that, I had a beautiful own apartment in a nice and quiet suburb, and I found a great companion in Asklepius.

So one morning that I stood in front of the mirror, about to do my morning routine, I hesitated.

I had just performed one of my charms to give me two nice French braids and moved on to performing the usual cheering charm, when I stopped myself.

It had become a real routine to perform a cheering charm shortly after getting out of bed, but when I looked at me, looking healthy and with shining eyes... I had the sudden ambition to get through the day without my cheering charm.

I hadn't spent a single day without it, ever since I'd rediscovered the charm for me (except for the day of the concert, where I'd forgotten), so I often didn't even realise that I was under the effects. I was just too used to it.

I'd been scared that the weight of my grief would crush me if I stopped performing the charm every day.

But that morning, and I don't even know why, I felt so hopeful that I wanted to give it a go.

So I dropped my wand.

I paid no attention to the familiar numb ache in my chest and belly area, and moved to the kitchen to have breakfast.

I could do this, I kept repeating in my mind while chewing on my toast. I wanted to do it. I wanted my recovery after all, and this was just another step on the way.

I was writing my own story.

And, who would've guessed? The pain didn't disappear, but I got distracted from it as soon as I joined Marlene in the Ministry and started cracking jokes with her.

"I am so looking forward to joining some Aurors on their missions," Marlene said excitedly when we entered our class room.

"Me too, but I'm a little nervous," I admitted. Last week, Moody had announced that we'd enter a new chapter of our training, which included going on a few missions alongside the usual classes.

And while I was excited to start doing that, I was nervous to mess up.

"Oh, don't be, Frey," Marlene tried to reassure me. She lowered her voice. "We've basically done that stuff on the order missions already, so we're fine."

Maybe it was the missing effect of the cheering charm, but that didn't help me at all. "I've nearly gotten you killed once! Besides, we spy more than we attack. As Aurors, we'll attack and arrest, so the probability that something goes wrong is so much higher!"

Marlene frowned at me. "Merlin, why are you so pessimistic about it?"

"I'm not!" I talked back. Then I realised that I'd snapped, so I took a deep breath and collected myself. "I'm realistic and careful. Maybe with a tinge of pessimism, but only because it's safer to be aware of things that might go wrong! That way, you're prepared and not too shattered."

When we sat down on our seats, Marlene shook her head. "I like to stick with optimistic realism. That's much healthier."

It probably was. But optimism had never gotten me anywhere, as you may know. Optimism was healthier, but pessimism was safer.

What did I tell Remus all these years ago on one of our patrols?

You can't really dissapoint others when you already dissapoint yourself.

"You're probably right," I said to close our conversation. Then I looked at the front, waiting for the lesson to start.

When Moody came in, he wordlessly took out his wand, raising it so everyone could see.

Then he walked to the nearest shelve and put it on there, before walking back to where he'd originally stood.

Confused, we all watched how Moody raised his empty hand, his palm facing the floor. He closed his non magical eye and took a deep breath.

The class gasped when his wand suddenly swooshed through the room and back into Moodys hand.

Everyone broke into excited whispers.

Marlene looked at me, flabbergasted. Her eyes were open wide.

"Did you see that!?"

I merely managed to nod.

"Do you think we're going to learn wandless magic now?! That's so cool!"

"Quiet!" Moody barked harshly.

We immediately obeyed, focusing back on our teacher.

"Now, I've heard some of you mention it already."

His magical eye focused on Marlene.

"McKinnon! What did I do?"

Marlene didn't even seem fazed by his harsh behaviour, smiling excitedly. "You performed wandless magic, Sir."

He nodded, his eyes flying over the whole class. "That's right. Now, where is the advantage and disadvantage of that?"

Almost everyone's hand shot up.

"Suitaby?"

"The advantage is that you're not helpless when you lose your wand or are disarmed. You may get it back and manage to win the fight, maybe even with the factor of surprise."

"That's right," Moody nodded. "Now the disadvantages?"

All hands lowered, except for mine and Lina's.

"Tygris."

"It's difficult, so it drains a lot of energy and might make it easier for the opponent to defeat us. It also takes long, and while you concentrate on a wandless spell, trying to surprise the opponent without drawing your wand, you could get hit already."

"Exactly. Which is why we Aurors practice it for years before actually using it. And even then: We only use it in extreme emergencies, to not drain ourselves. Understood?"

Everyone nodded and Moody continued.

"So, the most important thing to master with wandless magic is summoning - because you should only really use it in battle when you get disarmed. So that's what I want you to practice now. Everyone, put the chairs away and put your wands on the tables on the side. You'll line up opposite of them and try to summon your wand. Alright?"

"How will we do that?" One of my former Hufflepuff classmates dared to ask.

Moody shrugged. "Just practice. Wandless magic is individual magic, and its rules are different for everyone. You'll have to teach yourself."

"Super helpful," Marlene grumbled beside me before she got up and picked up her chair. I did the same, and soon all of us were lined up in front of the wall, facing our wands on the other side of the room.

What surprised me was that it was quiet. I looked around and saw that everybody had their eyes closed in concentration and their hand outstretched, pointing at their wand.

Why would they try to summon their wands quietly? This was a new aspect of magic, so we'd have to follow one step at a time.

Remembering that Moody had instructed us to follow our own rules, I had my eyes open in concentration and stood the way it was most comfortable for me. My weight on my left foot and my palm directed at my wand.

I scanned the rest of my classmates. All of them were quiet and concentrated, but nothing happened. So they were obviously doing something wrong.

What would I do if I just wanted to try something completely new, only hoping that it would work eventually?

My guess was that they were all just repeating 'accio' in their heads over and over again, to no avail.

I'd not repeatedly do the same unsuccessful thing. I'd have to slowly approach this.

After that realisation, I took deep breaths and tried to focus on nothing but this exercise.

People always told me that my weaknesses were my self-doubts and lack of confidence. So to power up and open my magic up to new areas, maybe I'd have to open myself up, too. Open up to me. Give myself confidence; believe in myself.

This is just like Charms. A different sort of Charms. But I'm good at Charms! I'd even managed the Homunculus Charm, and I'd also finally gotten the hang of the Patronus Charm. If I managed all of that, I could do this, too!

This is just Charms, and I'm good at Charms!

Similar to how I'd performed the Homunculus Charm, I took my time until everything felt right, and until I felt comfortable. I wouldn't pressure myself.

I continued to stare at my wand, focusing on myself and my magic.

I was a Halfblood, but I'd gotten my magic from the Tygrises. Growing up, my mum had always told me stories about the noble and very powerful, intelligent wizards and witches, that had travelled all over Europe, exploring magic and cultures before ending up in Great Britain.

I could be powerful, just like my ancestors. I tried to connect with them, reaching out for their magic that still lived in me. I connected myself with the deepest parts of my magical core.

"Accio." My voice sounded horribly loud in the quiet room, but I was so focused that I didn't even mind the weird looks thrown at me.

Instead, my eyes widened when I suddenly held my wand in my outstretched hand.

Oh my Merlin!!! HOW!?

My inner freaking session got interrupted by a clap on my shoulder. I turned around, only to see Moody standing there, a triumphant look on his face.

"Very well done, Tygris," he said quietly, probably not wanting everyone to know that he was capable of praising good work. "Now repeat that, until it gets easier and faster. Once you mastered that, you can move on to non-verbal wandless magic."

I blushed at the compliment, but I was actually really really proud of myself.

Who would've believed that having confidence would actually help me with my training?

I ignored the many eyes following me as I walked through the room and put my wand back to the others.

When I got back, Marlene gave me a high five, grinning like a proud mum. "Amazing!" she whispered.

"Try to do it verbally first," I told her, smiling. "And take your time."

With that, I returned to doing the same method again and again, trying to get better and faster. It didn't always work, but my motivation didn't vanish.

After I'd managed to get my wand a second time, and after Marlene had also managed to summon her wand verbally, the rest of the class started to try it verbally, too, so it got louder in the room and a little harder to concentrate. But challenges were essential to the learning process.

When the lunch break came around, a few others had also succeeded, so we were happily walking out of the classroom to enjoy our break.

Marlene and I had just set foot out of the door when someone from behind ran into me, sending me falling to the floor.

"Hey!" Marlene scolded, but was met with deaf ears.

Lina stood tall and glared at me instead. "Watch where you're going!"

My jaw dropped in utter disbelief. "Excuse you!?"

"You heard me!" Lina snapped again, and I quickly got up from the floor, still completely shocked by her accusation.

And... angry.

Marlene opened her mouth, probably do defend me like she always did, but I was faster than her.

I didn't know what made me do it, but I walked towards Lina with firm and determined steps.

My fists were clenched when I stopped only inches away from her and glared up. "What the actual fuck, Lina!?"

I swallowed down my trembling voice and blinked away my tears of rage.

I took an angry breath. I didn't know whether it was the missing cheering charm, my confidence boost from earlier, or the fact that I'd simply finally snapped.

My usual hurt was replaced by nothing but hot, fiery anger. It felt as if the burning anger built an indestructible and strong protective wall around my usually sensitive heart.

I was so done with her bullshit.

"I've never done anything against you, on the contrary! I always wanted to please everyone, including you. I put everything into being a good friend to you. All I ever did was because I thought it would make people like me.

But now I realise that some people are just not worth changing for.

You know why?"

I took a deep breath, pleased that my voice didn't tremble anymore. I continued to glare daggers at her. "Because I am perfectly fine the way I am.

You're not, so I don't care what you think of me anymore!

If you can't grant other people their well deserved success, then that's your problem, not mine!"

I ignored Lina's bewildered expression and pointed at her with my index finger, getting more and more confident with each sentence I spoke.

"Don't think I don't notice how you treat me!

If I can't make you like me, then I might just as well give you a reason for it.

You are rude, you are unfair, and most of all, you are jealous. You're a jealous bitch, and you are the problem!

So if anyone has to change their attitude, it's you. I'm done with letting you trample all over me."

I lowered my hand again and took a deep breath to sound as threatening as possible. "Now, you either grow up or you leave me the hell alone."

I did not wait a single second to see her reaction. I did not spare a second glance to the little crowd of our class that had taken shape sometime during my little speach.

Instead, I quickly turned around on my feet and walked back to Marlene, who was looking at me with a look of pure amazement.

Her face made me smile and I linked arms with her, putting distance between us and Lina.

Marlene kept staring at me flabbergasted, but with an unmistakable proud glint in her eyes.

When we reached the foyer of the Ministry, Marlene finally found her words.

"That. Was. Incredible!!!"

She shook my arm excitedly. "I was so ready to give her hell again, but then you got up and looked so pissed, walked up to her and absolutely bloody destroyed her! AS YOU SHOULD!" She cheered a little too loudly, but again, I strangely enough didn't mind and joined in on her laughter.

"Thanks?"

"Oh, please, I thank you!" Marlene said when we stepped foot out of the ministry. "That was the most amazing thing I've ever seen, and I've seen a lot, so that's saying something!"

She shook her head, laughing again. "Holy shit, that was amazing, Frey! Absolutely fricking fantastic! Who knew you had that in you! Oh my Merlin, I feel like such a proud mum, I can't wait to tell everyone!"

"Wait, what?"

Marlene nodded violently. "Yes, of course! We've got to celebrate!"

Still grinning, she clapped my upper arm with her free hand. "You know what, let's start as a two. Lunch is on me."