Nuvoday morning, I sit groggily. I haven't been getting the best sleep this week, understandably. I'd love to say I'm used to having nightmares by now, but something about them is different every time, so no matter what, they never stop being scary. And they've really come back this last week compared to... whatever weird dreams I was having before, not that I can ever remember them when I wake up.

"Haa..." I sigh and try to push past those thoughts.

From behind me, Emily speaks up. It feels like her hands move automatically at this point, from doing my hair every day. "So, what are you up to today?"

"Nothing much, I still need to buy mira sap, but I'm free for the rest of the day."

"Mm," she responds softly, and finishes with my hair shortly after. "Until then... how about you teach me some more?"

"Sure." It'll be a good distraction from my worries. With the easy agreement, we head downstairs. We sit at one of the dining room tables while Ami makes breakfast. That's right, Marrianne isn't here today. It figures she'd be off the day before I go to battle... I keep my grumbling to myself and focus on teaching Emily more Ternian. Now that she knows the whole alphabet, I focus more on words, and try to stick with the things I remember Claire teaching me earlier on in my lessons. Like... I stay with short words, reminding myself how she won't be quite as used to combining letters as I am now.

The lessons pass quickly, with Zoe coming through here and there while cleaning, always eying us with interest, but never saying anything. Soon other kids come down too, and we finish up just before breakfast is served.

Once we're done eating, we make a quick trip to the central market, and I buy a bunch of mira sap. The lady at the stand actually looks a bit suspicious. At least I don't have to spend all of my money on it this time, since the disks I'll be using are a lot smaller and won't need as much sap to hold them together.

Now that I think about it, I had my nuvrite disks remade, even though I'll be using the alba ones. Well, at least they were cheap...

We head home, and I sit on my bed for a bit, meditating and practicing with mana. That's about all I can manage, as nervous as I am. I end up turning down Eve when she asks if I want to go play with her and some of her friends. I don't think I'd be able to focus on any games today.

Lunch comes and goes, and the afternoon too, and I keep meditating to keep myself calm. I do manage to check over all my stuff with Emily's help, confirming that I have my new metal disks, my sap, bandages, and everything else I've prepared.

I also want to make more special mana to use during the battle, and the copper slag isn't as easy to carry around as my other things, so I do that now. I have a number of chunks left from everything Eryk's given me, so I deplete all of the special light out of most of them. About two mana worth. I split it in half and convert each to a different type. Special fire and air. Fire if I need to attack, and air for defense.

I still remember how much stronger the special fire was during the last battle after it ate up all the normal mana I had inside me, so I continuously pull mana from my well and kind of just... shove it into the blobs of special mana. It seems to work. It actually kind of feels like how channeling mana feels, actually...

As I work, I can feel the blobs of special mana growing more powerful, even if they don't actually get any bigger. Which is weird because when I reach into them, all of that mana is still sitting there inside, but somehow doesn't count for how much I can actually hold within my own barrier. Mana is weird...

In any case, I feed about fifty mana into each of the two. That should make them really powerful. Just... have to be careful I don't hurt myself with them. That's why I trained with special mana as much as I could, but I still have no idea how well I'll be able to use it in combat...

I don't get to worry about that too much more, because it's time for dinner not long after.

I was right, daytime is much shorter in winter than summer. In fact, today it's actually shorter than nighttime itself. Just under four thousand ticks. About... forty six percent of the day.

Even though more than half of the day is nighttime, time for sleep, I feel like I'll still be tired no matter how much sleep I get. So, I make sure to go straight to bed after dinner. Emily joins me soon after, and I hug close to her, like some kind of attempt to get her to scare away my nerves. It doesn't work, all it makes me think is how sad she'll be if I don't come back this time. She said my life has value. It actually matters whether I survive or not. I have to make it... I have to...

The day finally arrives, and I rise extra early with Emily. It's more than a thousand ticks before first bell. I have a few reasons. Mostly, because we have to go before the caretakers arrive, which is already a while before first bell. And second, in case there's anyone in town we have to avoid being spotted by. My last reason is a bit silly by comparison, but still important for the future. I need new shoes, and that could take some time after I get to the rail unit building.

I pull off all my normal clothes and put on my robe. Now that I've worn a wide variety of clothing, I can actually appreciate how incredibly comfortable it is. It doesn't look like much, especially being kind of dirty from the last battle, but it's softer against my skin than the nicest noble clothing I've ever worn. I don't take long to admire it though, since we have to get going.

While no one's awake, we load up on air mana to help our sight and head downstairs. Sticking to the darkness inside, we peer out the windows and survey the surroundings. It is really dark today. The small moon is nearly full since tomorrow is the day of the dark moon. It's so tiny that the bare sliver of the large moon beside it provides as much light, if not more. Even with so much air mana, it's not enough to be certain when staring into the spaces where nearly zero light reaches.

The noble guards are still out front, and we manage to spot what's probably a person watching the house, across the street in an alley. I can't really say for sure, but the way some of the darkness shifts makes me think so. Together, we shuffle toward the back of the house and climb out a window. Emily gives me a hand up since the window sill is taller than I am, and we're trying to be as quiet as possible.

We manage to make it out into an alley, seemingly without attracting any notice, then slip away in the dark.

We circle a few blocks further south, away from anyone watching on Main Street, and the guards at the north gate. When we arrive at North Main Street, we stay low, sticking to shadows. We both carefully scan over the surroundings for some time, until we're confident no one is nearby. I even switch over to water mana and listen for breathing, before we share a nod, and dash across the wide street, back into cover. Once we're in the northeast district, things are much easier. Plenty of roads and alleys to move through, and I can rely on my ears more, while Emily is our eyes.

We make it through the northeast district without trouble, but as I thought, moving slowly and carefully makes it take a while. We only have a bit under two hundred ticks before first bell when we reach the side of the stone rail unit building. I convert Emily's mana back to her usual mix of fire, lightning, earth, and some water, and we share a long hug.

"I'll be waiting," is all she says. I swallow.

"Mm," I nod as strongly as I can manage into her shoulder and give her one more really tight squeeze. She squeaks a little and giggles, then we finally separate, and she begins to head back, disappearing into the pitch darkness in hardly a few steps. I can still hear her a long way off as she trots down the road, but soon turn my attention to what's ahead.

I wait a little while longer, not wanting to go in too early. Once the first bell is close, but not too close in case it takes the handlers some time to deal with my shoes, I take few long breaths to steady myself the best I can. I circle to the front of the building. With a little more time, my emotions settle and fall from my face. Once I'm sure I have it right, I open up the door, and walk inside.

The awful stench hits me and I have to force myself not to retch. Gods, I can't believe I used to live like this. And this isn't even as bad as it used to be, since the rail units get washed every few months now. Scanning across the room, the new rail units are off to one side. They arrived about six months ago as babies, so physically, they're about eighteen months old. A little older since it would have taken time to gather them and get them all here, I guess. Maybe closer to two years, physically.

Two more years, and they'll be almost as old as me...

Ignoring the thought takes some effort, but I have something else to do. I find the handlers, all staring at me, and walk up to one of them. I speak flatly, no tone, no expression. "My shoes are too small." After talking to Beth, I still believe sticking with Effy is for the best, I definitely don't trust the handlers to help me, ever. I manage to spot her in the corner of my eye when she moves out from behind a couple other rail units, but don't make any motion to show the recognition.

In front of me, the handler takes a moment. He doesn't do much to express his feelings on his face, but compared to Effy, he's easy to read. Completely surprised and confused. It doesn't come out in his voice when he answers though. "Understood." He doesn't bother saying anything else, and simply leaves the room. He goes through the door that leads underground, to that wash building. And if an earlier guess I had is right, probably the second floor here, which I've never actually seen. Maybe there's a storeroom there. It would explain where all our clothes come from, and where the training weapons are kept when we aren't using them.

Sure enough, the handler comes back just a few ticks later. I take off my shoes and slide on the new ones he hands me. They're a bit large for my feet, but it isn't too bad since my last shoes were pretty tight already. I'm kind of glad I waited as long as I did, if I'd changed shoes earlier, the size difference would have made it difficult to walk until I finally grew into them.

Making sure I don't thank the handler or interact with him any further, I simply turn away, and wander into the mass of other rail units, all standing around as blankly as they ever did. Unlike the handlers, they show no response to my arrival. I resist the urge to approach Effy, and just throw her a look, meeting her eyes for a moment before stopping somewhere in the mass of bodies, where the handlers won't see me.

I close my eyes and clear my head, staying that way for the little bit of time that remains before the bell. My timing was good, the handlers are already gathering up. I only have to wait a dozen ticks before the first bell rings. They all exchange looks, and soon after, I hear the whistle. Scanning across the handlers, I can feel it coming from somewhere among them, but I don't see the strange box that they used last time, at the last battle. Even so, all the rail units come to attention, and we shuffle into our formation.

There don't... seem to be significantly fewer rail units than before, at least so far as I can tell. I heard we lost the last battle, but I guess we didn't actually lose all that many rail units in the end. Maybe it's just because the enemy got the upper hand and we were the ones who had to retreat?

I wonder about that as the handlers begin to explain the plan for this battle. Rather than splitting up like we did for the last two, we're going to stay together, and advance in one big group. I don't really care about how the battle goes, all that matters to me is that a lot of ally rail units will be around me, so I should be a lot safer thanks to that. Things are definitely looking good so far...

They take some time calling out different groups of rail units and telling them where they'll be in the formation. It sounds like instead of a square like our normal formation, it'll be more of a wide line. I end up being near the center, which turns out to be a good spot, since Effy is in the same area. That's probably the most important thing to hear out of all their plans, actually.

They eventually finish up, and get us all moving, through the door and down into the underground tunnel that will take us to the wash building.

It's a long walk as always. Despite the extra fire and lightning mana I make, I still wind up all the way at the back with the handlers waiting for me because of my dumb short legs that won't let me walk down the stairs normally so I have to climb the entire way down. Then I jog to catch up to the other rail units, and climb all the way up the stairs at the far end of the tunnel when we reach them.

The wash building is as strange as I remember. All smooth white stone and weird glowing lights, with the long hall down into the bathroom. I continue to trot after the others and take my place at the end of the line, slowly filing forward as each one strips and enters ahead of me. I continue to keep my expression totally blank, but inside, I'm looking forward to meeting Nana again. And having another nice warm bath. I don't... think I'm too scared of water anymore, but it's been a while since I've actually gone under, so I'll have to be careful about that...

I glance side to side when I get near the front of the line, eying the sky blue uniforms the servants here wear. It's such a different color than normal servant uniforms, I wonder how they chose it...? Then I get to the front and have to leave those thoughts. I put down my basket, pull off my shoes and robe, and hand them over. Then I scoop it back up and head straight through the curtain into the bathroom, before the handlers can stare at me any longer.

The moment I'm through, the hot, wet air washing over me, I relax and release a short breath. I turn, catching the sound of Nana's approach from her spot near the right hand wall.

"Hello, Miss rail unit," she greets me, and I have to suppress a smile.

"Hi," I respond in kind, and she begins to lead me toward the far end of the room, past all the other rail units that are already being scrubbed down in the tub. I set my basket down when we reach the end, glancing to the side, where the hot water pours right out of the wall, arcing down into the tub with a constant splashing rumble.

Nana steps down into the tub, bright yellow hair wrapped up in a tight bun at the back of her head bobbing ever so slightly, and she turns around, gesturing up at me to join her. I do so slowly, sitting at the edge of the water and letting my feet go in. Then I ever so carefully lower myself down a bit at a time, Nana's hands hovering right there to support me.

When the water reaches up to my chest, I flinch and my breath hitches. It's only for a moment though, and the images that rush back are indistinct. The feelings of cold rushing water and terror are muddled now, not as overwhelming as they used to be. I take a few deep breaths, getting my hammering heart to slow, and finish lowering myself into the tub.

"Wow, you're definitely getting better," Nana comments appreciatively. I glance around, confirming that I can't see anyone - and they can't see me - through the haze of mist around us, then show Nana a big smile.

"Yeah. Thanks for helping me last time."

"You're very welcome. Now, let's get you washed." She takes some soap and begins to scrub me, while snickering lightly. "Of course, you're so clean already there's hardly anything to do." That gets me to smile again, down into the water so she won't see it this time, since it's kind of embarrassing for some reason.

In no time, my skin is nice and sparkling clean. It really helps that I barely thrash around in panic at all now. Nana works on my hair next. It's not that dirty either, but there's just so much of it that it still takes her some time to get through it all.

"And... done," she huffs as she works some more water through the ends. "Now then, I was teaching you to swim, right? Do you want to float some more like last time?" I nod and she says, "Ok, hold onto the side now. Here we go..." With her words, Nana slowly pushes against the small of my back, getting my feet to leave the floor of the tub. I flail just a tiny bit, clenching my teeth and pushing down on the sudden rush of panic.

"Nice and slow now, remember to breathe..." Nana coos softly. Her voice helps me push through and suck in a shuddering breath. Then I let it out, and she reminds me, "Remember, don't let out all the air, you need some to keep floating..." After a few more cautious ticks managing my breath, things start to settle. Yes, I remember this feeling from last time. The warmth and the comfort floating here, with Nana watching over me. Yes, this feels nice...

A little while later, Nana gives me a gentle shake so I'll open my eyes, and slides me back down to stand again. If I was just a little taller, I would be able to stand normally, instead of up on my toes... I complain silently to myself while she's helping me up out of the tub. I make sure to grab my stuff, then hold onto her arm on our way back so I won't slip. She towels me off, helps me get my hair into a neat bun again, and I thank her with the best smile I can give.

"I hope I'll see you again next time, little miss rail unit." Nana sends me off with a giggle, and I turn away. Approaching the curtain out, I let my smile fall from my face, once more allowing my expression to turn completely blank. Then I walk out. There are a few handlers waiting just outside the door, off to my right, near the wall. I should try to start remembering which ones are which, shouldn't I? Then I'd know which ones to pay attention to...

While I'm thinking that, they glance at me, but thankfully don't pay much mind beyond that. I remember how they stopped talking when rail units were around last time, so I decide to listen in again, in case they say anything useful. But first, I need my clothes...