《Lazy Ash》68. Ice, Learn, and Royally
Advertisement
Ice
"Hmmm...You know it's odd. I never had one before but now that I do I kinda want to test it." I say outloud.
"Would you please stop admiring my sons privates in front of me and tell me who the fuck you are!?" Mom yells.
"My bad mom. I never really cared much for men never slept with one either preferred women but I must say this part of your son...Well lets just say he has a reason to have such pride in it."
"I am not your mother."
"Well yes and no. Different timelines and all that no need to go into right now."
I turn to look at grandma and smile. "Oh grandma I don't know how but you turned out to be a total bitch in four seperate timelines. Darkness ended up going to war with the clan, lighting ran, and me? Well I just said fuck it and slaughter the entire family. With exceptions of course. Everyone here besides you lived on,"
"Is that supposed to be a threat dear?" She replies.
"Oh nonononono. You made sure this body can't kill you."
Her eyes widen in surprise. My smile stayed, but I add that chilliness factor only women can put into a smile. "Oh yes he believes it's only the one and in every timeline it only has been one, but you did something extra in this timeline.' Tsk Tsk Tsk. Grandma I wonder what the vision showed you all those years back."
Her eyes narrowed and she scoffed at me. "If you know then why bolster?"
"Oh why grandma you can't be going senile can you?"
She looks at me in confusion.
"You see Ash himself may not know the truth of our family but I do. In the end we are thieves not warriors. So how is it we can step into the demi-god rank or higher? Why we steal of course! Treasures, weapons, souls, bodies , and in rare cases power."
Advertisement
I saw the faces of all my family members change. "What? Didn't see that coming now did you? Oh yes I know all about how you guys snuck into the area where War was fighting Anubis and the other gods. You know it's quite odd, more than one god died but yet there were no bodies, now why is that?"
"What is all this? None of this helps you so why speak of it?" Grandma yelled clearly a little upset. Good
"Why? Well thats not such a smart question. I am saying all of this for Ash to hear of course. I mean he needs to know that our family's "steal" is more than what it seems. That everytime time he uses it based on what he steals he actually gains a portion of strength. He mainly used it to steal bullets or other worthless items that only give him 1/1000000 of his current strength."
"He's awake inside you?" Grandma asks while trembling.
"Sorta I am leaving a kind of message he just has to find the memory, but we have talked enough its time you learn a lesson."
"If you think we are just going to sit back and let you attack our Matriarch you are severely mistaken." Lesley shouts and mom and Aunt Sophie nod in agreement.
"Oh but you misunderstand I am not just here to teach her a lesson. All of the women who cause Ash problems are here in one spot."
I see lightbulbs going off in each head.
"Aw fuck." I hear Inari say.
In a split second they all decide to attack as one. "My my all so eager! Don't worry I'll get to each of you in time."
I wave my hand and freeze all the women even the ones on the ground leaving only their heads exposed, their mouths are frozen shut though. I didn't freeze grandma though. I let her come and as her fist aproaches I place a finger on it freezing it in place. Then I give vicious backhand and smile at the sound of her jaw breaking.
Advertisement
"You might want to get creative out of all three of the elements you would think Ice would be defense supportive or something right? No darkness and lighting have those aspects covered. I am more..... aggressive."
She disapeared in a blur. But I felt a slight change behind me so I whipped my hand back and caught hers. "Now grandma I said creative. Now I am going to have to fail you on this lesson remember you're here to learn." Then I crushed her wrist.
She screamed and retreated in a blur. I calmly turned around and smile towards my grandmother. She was wrapping her wrist in a bandage.
"So you have blessed bandages seems I will need to kick it up a notch."
"I won't give you a chance bitch!" She snarls.
"Is that anyway to speak to your grandchild?"
In answer she pulls out of all things a tommy gun. "Wow grandma that's straight gangster literally."
She aims and unloads it towards me. I wave my hand to freeze all the bullets but it doesn't work. So I slap up an ice shield instead. I watch as the bullets start to crack it.
"I see a cursed weapon. Now why didn't you have these intresting toys when I killed you?"
Time to get serious I guess. I clapped my hands together and slowly pushed them out a cold breeze started building and just as my ice shield fell a full on blizzard was raging. As the bullets came near me they froze midair, cracked, then broke into smaller pieces.
"Its too bad I can't kill you." I sent all the broken bullet pieces and my blizzard at her.
If there was screaming the blizzard drowned it out. Once the blizzard passed my grandmothers torn and frost bitten body lay twitching on the ground.
"Well thats one."
I look at all the pale frightened faces.
"This is going to be fun!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ash
Oh oh fuck my head hurts! I open my eyes to see a familiar white area. I feel a weight on my chest and notice Ciar sleeping. I reach to pet her.
"Good girl."
"So your finally awake."
I turn my head and see a scared shitless Uncle Tom.
"Hey whats up Uncle?"
"Do you have any idea what you did?"
"No pretty sure I don't care though she had it coming you know?"
"Oh really why don't you tilt your head back."
So I did and immediately regretted it.
"I'm uh... I'm fucked aren't I?"
"Royally."
Advertisement
- In Serial351 Chapters
The Guardians' Throne - The First Magic Swordsman
After a long time in the darkness, a lost soul is transported to another world, and there the soul is given another chance and is reborn as a boy…In a world of swords and magic, Zaos is given another chance after hearing an unknown voice asking him to protect someone. While he couldn’t remember many things about his old life, he still decided to live his new as much as possible. Even though it looked like he was destined to do something, Zaos chose to follow his own path as much as possible.He tried that… but it looked like the machinations of destiny won’t give him much option. Weird things were happening in the kingdom he was born, and before he could imagine… Zaos was throw in the middle of a war in which some were trying to revive the god of the world, and others were trying to prevent it. Zaos will fight in this war while he also looks for the person he is supposed to protect.
8 4654 - In Serial1259 Chapters
Yama Rising
The youthful Qin Ye was born almost a century ago, but thanks to immortality granted to him by the ‘fungus of aeons’ he can pass for a high schooler. He planned to live an eternal, reclusive life as a happy otaku, enjoying World of Warcraft and his favorite MOBA games, but Fate had other plans in store. Hell has broken down, and vengeful revenants stalk the mortal realms. With ghosts running amock throughout all of Cathay, Qin Ye must reluctantly adopt the mantle of ‘hero’ and bring peace to both the living and the dead, while rebuilding Hell. But this, of course, isn’t something a mere Netherworld Operative can do. For that, he’ll need to become more. King Yama is dead. Long live King Yama!
8 81 - In Serial11 Chapters
The Rektoning: DeadHeads revolt
Not all births are a gift from God, some are in fact gruesome, bloody, and involve a lot of pain and trauma. This goes doubly so if you're a not quite zombie, not quite human undead man baby called DeadHead. Stuck dealing with gods who think of humans as playthings, Demons that won't shut the hell up, and a curse that thinks it owns his body. Witness the ugly and cruel conception of a new type of hero. Spoiler he doesn't survive the birth...
8 122 - In Serial14 Chapters
Burning Moths
Tala is a libertarian agnostic.Rick is an ultra-conservative traditional Catholic.Only their hidden attraction burns brighter than their superficial hatred. When Tala abandons her Catholic faith, resulting in the end of their engagement, both their friendship and their relationship seem doomed.Can they learn to compromise, or will pain and loneliness embitter them both?___I set a challenge for myself to write a series of narrative poems. It tells the story of two university students, drawn to one another despite the fact that they disagree with each other's politics and--more recently--one another's religion. ___#20 in poetry ¦ July 12, 2022#15 in poetry | August 14, 2022#90 in spiritual ¦ July 23, 2002
8 169 - In Serial11 Chapters
Namasté (Jerrie)
Jade was sure she'd found her soul mate. However when she's found curled up on the floor of her living room with a bloody face and weeping by her best friend, she knew he wasn't the person she thought he was... With the help of her best friends Jesy and Leigh, Jade starts the New Year fresh, having no intentions of finding love until a beautiful blonde waltzed straight into her path of life. (Jerrie A.U.)
8 155 - In Serial25 Chapters
Hero- DSMP X Reader Superhero/Supervillain AU
Everyone in the world recieves a gift. Some choose to use that for evil, some for good. Some don't even realise they have a gift.Too many used it for evil, and so the League of Heroes was formed to combat the villains.Some other illegal superheroes who weren't official superheroes also appeared. They were known as vigilantes.--Y/N is the child of Schlatt, who is president of L'Manburg. As a result, they are constantly under watch by heroes, and aren't allowed to do anything by themself. All they want is to prove themself as a hero.--Book 1/3 of the 'Saviour' Series.--Love Interests for This Book: Awesamdude, FoolishG, The_Eret
8 94

