Mature Content Warning: This story is filled with crude humor, and idiotic occurrences. Foul language exists in this chapter. There is not much else to worry about.

Author’s Notes: This story is just for fun. I am considering remaking this world setting in the future, and creating a NON perverted story. However, this story should last at least twenty chapters. I already have the ending in mind, and I am just waiting for a few milestones to occur to unleash it. You’ll either love or hate the ending. lol.

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Chapter 5: Hideous Man Beast

The qualities of a hero can best be expressed in the nature of their enemies. Who can be an epic hero if their strongest opponent is Tim, the guy at the convenience store who always keeps your change? No one, that’s who.

Scott had a truly pic level opponent. Everyone knew the bastard. It arose from its slumber every day and annoyed the hell out of everyone with its presence.

The exhausted man rolled over and hissed at the sun, the shining bastard would not let him sleep! He had spent many hours over the last few days working his avatar in Hardcore Online. Admittedly, it had been a fun game to play, but he was not having any truly hardcore adventures just yet. Sexy ones, maybe. Hilarious ones, definitely. Adventurous ones, not so much.

He rolled out of bed, hissed at his hated foe, then ate a bit of breakfast. He planned to start organizing his notes for his new story featuring his Hardcore adventures. He also had to do a little paying work, otherwise he would be homeless at some point.

Scott ate his breakfast, picked up a few freelance articles to write, wrote them, then settled in to pen his thoughts for his new story. Several hours passed in this manner before he finally decided to check Regal Road Classics to see how his latest stories were doing.

“Are you kidding me? How can they have gone down in rankings?” After checking the number of votes on his most popular story and doing a bit of math, he realized that some asshat must have rated his story half-a-star. That was an incredibly unfair ranking. His spelling and grammar alone would rate at least a full star, even if you hated the story and everything in it.

After writing up a few concept pieces for the story that he wanted to create, he finished fleshing out another chapter for one of his stories. It was a chapter of a story that involved the main character being an asshole who captured cute monster girls and made them fight for fun and profit. It was fairly popular.

“Right, now let’s check the Hardcore Online website...” Scott wanted to look into their ‘Hardcore Legends.’ section. It was the video upload section of the main site. A place where people could share their hardcore adventures and possibly earn a profit.

Scott entered his account information then spent a few minutes uploading his training session with Asuna, and another one showing the Whore parade. He added mature tags and the like, but he knew that someone would bitch. Someone always bitched.

Scott curled his wrist inward and pressed it to his chest in imagination of a broken chicken wing. He crossed his eyes and made a goofy expression. “Hur hur, I can’t fucking read a tag or take personal responsibility, and I read or saw something that my mommy says I can’t read. Duuuuuurrrrr.”

He took care of a little more business that he had to do in his life then came back to his computer to see what, if anything, people were saying. He snorted when one of the first comments was. “What the fuck, this is Pr0nz!”

“Seriously, asshole? Do you not see the fucking tags, you blind little shit!” Scott shook his mighty perverted fist at the computer screen then sighed. He logged off and decided to head off to take a luxurious bath. Getting his balls kicked on a daily basis had taken a psychological toll on the man. The training was quite interesting, but he had begun to wonder if Asuna simply liked smashing dreams. He had yet to learn the iron body technique that she had claimed that she was teaching him.

Within the confines of his bathroom Scott filled the tub with water, and turned on his stereo. He had an old school boom box style stereo that he kept on a shelf, perilously close to his bathtub. He often enjoyed playing classical music while he took a bath. Today, for instance, he had the classic music of Englebert Humperdink playing.

Scott sang along with the song while wiggling his ass back and forth. “The humpty dance, is yo chance to do the hump. Huuh huuuh, baby!”

While he danced around, the shelf holding the boom box jostled slightly. It had been loose for months and he often mentioned his need to replace the loosened screw.

After his booty aerobics were complete, Scott hopped into the hot tub of water and allowed his psychologically traumatized balls to feel sweet relief. “Ahhhh, Asuna, you bitch.”

She was a very freaky girl. The kind that you can’t take home to mother... and Scott could not help thinking about her sculpted physique as he reclined in his bath.

Time passed, and he finished his bath. He needed to head back into the game soon, and set up his schedule for playtime.

His training period was halfway through, and soon he would start to take on a few quests and requests. He had gained a few stat increases due to his various activities. He was not the most powerful level one character in the world, but he was probably the strongest manwhore on the planet. That had to count for something.

Before logging back into the game, he checked his e-mail. “What?”

[email protected]:

Hey sexy, I see that you are actually not that far from me and a few of the other girls. Would you like to meet up some time in real life? We could go through strategy and guild development.

Scott stared at the e-mail as though it were a venomous serpent. This could be a death sentence for his penis. What if the boss lady ended up being a hideous manbeast? How could he ever get it up again?

He considered it for a moment then shrugged. “Fuck it, if we all end up being hideous freaks I can flee into the night, and play somewhere else.”

Scott replied to her message, and asked what she considered reasonably close. An hour later she responded,

[email protected]:

We all live like a hundred miles from each other or less, though Tiffany lives in California. She’s my cousin and she’ll be around for a few weeks. :)

PS: She really hopes you’ll come! Oh, and Asuna will be there... maybe.

Scott rubbed his chin. In the game tiffany was a big titted blond chick who spoke in a terrible approximation of a British accent. He liked that hoe. She was fun. “I bet she’s a fucking man.”

Images of the fat man in the overcoat from his first day in the game filled his senses. Yeah, she was probably something like that.

The fact that Asuna’s player would potentially be there was also interesting. It was mostly interesting because he had not known for certain that she was a player. How was a player an instructor in a guild anyway? Was it the tits? The monks might have just wanted to keep her around more... “I bet she’s some old grandma who wants to sex up some young man meat. Pervert... Hmm.. but if she doesn't have teeth.... interesting...”

He grinned like a moron then went to log back into the game.