"I'm not really looking for knowledge in this domain, unfortunately. Will you buy Slime Drops from me as well?"

"Of course, of course! We could always use more potions, after all."

I ended up selling the skins for 200 Gold each and the drops for 20 Gold each, bringing me up to 4020 Gold. That's some nice money, I can surely get myself some fancy pants for that much. Maybe replace the sandals with something that covers more as well, kicking with half my foot exposed feels strange.

I headed back to the Merchants' District, which for some reason is different from the Artisans' District, and I found a cobbler. It said "Comfortable" behind the window, so hopefully this'd be the one.

"Good morning! What can I do... what can I do for you?"

That was a pause. Why did the pretty shoe girl pause? Is it my outfit? Come to think of it, the old man didn't react to my head cosmetic at all. Can the NPCs see my slimy head?

"Umm, I'm looking for something that'll cover my feet more than these. I'm not really looking for protection from monsters, just sand and maybe water. Can you do that?"

"Yes, easily. You want actual shoes, then?" she said, seeming relieved.

"Well, yeah. Should be simple enough, right?"

"Of course. I might have some ready-made in the back, if they're your size. Come on, let's measure those feet."

Oh boy, this is weird. She looks and sounds just like my sister. She got all of mom's genes, so she got to be pretty. A lovely little blonde, with a flat stomach and pale skin, but I feel I'd have a hard time describing the rest of her, because she's just... her, you know? You try describing your siblings like you would a stranger. Hopefully she doesn't bitch me out like Anna does.

"Okay, take those off and put your feet on this, right one first."

She took my feet's measurements, width, length, even the height or rather thickness. I'm a size 14? Wow, I made them bigger than I thought.

"Oh, that's big. You're in luck, though. My customers tend to be on the bigger side for some reason, so I've got something your size for sure. Just give me a bit and I'll check the back."

She came back a few minutes later, holding a pair of leather shoes, tightly laced. They looked pretty modern, actually.

"Okay, try these on. They should fit you snugly, a little tight, as should be."

She was right, they felt nice and tight on me. I took a few steps, appreciating the way the sole gripped the wooden floor. It'd grip the dirt even better, I felt good about these.

"They feel nice. How much are they?"

"900 Gold."

I'm not going to complain about the price, it seems fair to me. I mean, what else would I do with the money I could've saved by haggling anyways? I headed for the door with my new shoes on, but I kept the sandals just in case there was some kind of recycling system in this game.

As I was about to push the door open and leave, it swung open and a man of similar stature to me came storming in and I pushed him instead. He fell on his ass.

"Oh, sorry! I was gonna leave and--"

"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, PUTTING YOUR HANDS ON MEEEEEEE!?"

Oh, he's loud. He looks fancy, is he a noble of some kind?

"I was going to push the door, but you rushed in. I would've pushed anyone else in that scenario."

"NO EXCUSES! THIS IS ASSAULT ON MY BEAUTIFUL PERSON! YOU DIRTIED ME!"

"Hey, if you wanna have a fucking go, stand up and hit me, alright? Also, beautiful? Have you used a mirror before?"

A strangled scream came from his mouth and he quickly rose to his feet.

"Do you not know who I am, peasant?" he was quieter, though he seemed even more furious than before. "I am William Dunning, second prince of the state of Dunburg, named after its capital, which you are currently in. Do you understand the amount of force I could mobilize specifically to humiliate you now?"

"Mobilize? I thought those muscles were real, though. Surely a man in such a prestigious position as yours has gone through some sort of training, in order to defend himself against would-be assassins. If so, wouldn't you be able to beat me yourself, lord Dunning?" I said, poking at where his abs should be.

"Yes, I would. However, that's for assassins. You're just a snarky exhibitionist."

As he said that, six knights rounded the corner of the street in a neat formation.

"I don't need to use my own strength. I don't want to, either. I'll just use my subordinates. HEY, YOU SIX! COME OVER HERE!"

"Is that prince William? YES, SIR!"

They ran over and arranged themselves in a neat line, their armor emblazoned with a styulized crow.

"You, knights of the Crow. I am William Dunning. You may never have met me, but why would I care about your order? You're Selena's knights, the ones in charge of keeping the peasants in line. Now that I've established how superior I am to you, ARREST THIS VILE SCUM!"

"Who are you pointing at? I'm over here," I said from the other direction. I'd snuck around while he talked down to the knights.

"What? You-- DAMN YOU, YOU IMPUDENT SIMPLETON! I'LL THROW YOU IN A CAGE AND HAVE SOMEONE TRANSFORM YOU INTO A DAMN ROACH, AS YOU SHOULD BE! SEIZE HIM!"

Even though I could tell through their open visors that they didn't like it, they were knights and they had to follow orders. Knowing full well I would be in more trouble should I try to run, I just stuck out my arms.

"Careful, now, I could be an inspector in disguise. Treat me well, alright? You disappoint me, Willy-boy."

"Willy? What even are you saying? Urgh, I don't care anymore, just take him with you."

One of them put big wooden cuffs on my wrists, connected by a short chain. Biiro, who was perched on my arm the whole time, squawked in protest as they dislodged him from his seat.

"Hey, watch the bird, boy! He could tear you a new asshole by sneezing, you know?"

I was escorted to the castle, where once we'd crossed the gates I was taken to the left and down a flight of stairs, into a well-kept but still very medieval dungeon. It was sinister and lit by torches, and I didn't like that atmosphere.

"Hey, it's kind of you guys to let me keep my pets. Really, I mean it. This little guy here was lonely for a long time and I'm pretty sure I'm his only friend."

"How'd you get sent here anyways? This place is for crimes against the King and his bloodline."

"Well you see, I was about to come out of a cobbler's place after getting these shoes here, and I was going to push the door but it flew open and this large fella rushed into my push. I've got quite a bit of strength, y'see, so I pushed him on his ass. That guy turned out to be prince William Dunning."

"You pushed prince William on his ass? Pff-- that's fucking gold, my friend! Yeah, prince William is well-known for being a bit of a douchebag. The only reason he's got any power is his wife, she's the Captain of the Guard ya see. He piggybacks off her success and his own, tiny achievements somehow managed to get him to lead the Knight Order of the Lion, at least officially, which also gives him loads of power over the lesser orders, like the Crows that brought you here."

"I see. So he IS a good-for-nothing useless loser."

"Wow, that's harsh. I shouldn't be talking to prisoners, so in ya go. We never spoke, okay?"

Then he left, and I was in a dungeon for political prisoners, alone with my pets. Nobody but us. I hope this won't last too long. I wasn't gonna let this stop my good mood, though. Let's take a picture to commemorate the occasion. V for victory, move the camera to the other side of the bars, and SNAP! Beautiful. Let's post it in the "People" board. Let's see... Oh, there's a "Criminals" thread. It's all people who seem to have committed crimes of some sort. There's loads of complaining, chatter, and one dude who told the tale of him literally conning the pants off someone. I doubt that.

Let's post in this thread. "I accidentally pushed a noble on his ass and he had me put in a prison that's apparently for revolutionaries and assassins. I kept my pets. Picture for proof." Posted.

Now, what should I do while waiting? I guess I'll work out. Anything to keep the boredom away. Let's see how many push-ups I can do in a row. 1, 2, 3...

78, 79, 80...

200! Holy shit, is this exercise entirely dependent on Strength? I'm not feeling anything! Ok, I'm certain that abdominal exercise is based on constitution. Let's do sit-ups. 1, 2 ,3...

Oh, I can feel it! The burn is starting! 68! 69! Haha nice. I flop with a chuckle. Sex jokes made me lose my count! Dammit... Alright, bicycle kicks. Gotta get those muscles pumpin', even the more subtle ones. Not that my exposed chest is in any way subtle. That's good, that's nice... It's good pain. I need it. I don't actually want to do anything but I know if I do nothing, I'll hate every second of it. I get bored easily, ok?

...Ah, my gut is on fire! Argh, I can't take it. I didn't count anything. Okay, a short break.

"I can't wait until you turn green, Crush. I wonder how tough you'll be."

Crush grew quite a bit, even if I didn't notice it at first. If he evolves in one or two levels like Biiro did, he'll most likely turn green. I won't be able to carry him around then, but he'll look cooler in green anyways.

The pain's faded a bit. Is there a form of exercise I can do for dexterity in a tight space? I can't run laps around here but I wanna get it up to 10 as well. I mean, it's not like I can do ladder drills or anything like that. I could try doing shadow boxing, I guess, but I don't know enough about fighting, I've been operating purely on luck and basic anatomical knowledge so far. Oh, I know! Side hops! Jumps? Whatever, that one. Let's see, I recall doing something like that in high school. How did it go? Straight back, arms to my sides, and it has to be quick. Okay, let's do that.

To the left, to the right, left, right, it feels too slow. I need to touch the ground faster. Still wrong, maybe only minimal bending of the knees? Ah, there it is. Quick hops from side to side at a reasonable height, about a meter across. Wow, this is exhausting. Hop, hop, hop, is this how rabbitmen warm up in the morning? Wow, that's mean of me.

I hear a clacking noise. Is that the door? I'll stop working out.

"Hey, someone's coming, I think. Get ready you two."

I could hear a muffled conversation. Sounds like a man and a woman. I hope he didn't come here to show off or something.

"If he really is as bad as you say, then we'll keep him here. What did he even do to you to deserve being locked up in here?"

"He hit me is what he did! You should know how it is for me at this point, I'm getting a little scared, what with Selena spending more and more time with her men, who knows what she's planning?"

"Selena is an honest woman, William. I've supervised her training several times, she's just teaching them to fight, to maintain the law. There's nothing more to it."

"I hope you're right, Tracy. Okay, where is he?"

"I'm right here, manlet."

"Tsk. How charming of you, boy."

"I'm hardly a boy, you know. I'm 21. That makes me a confirmed adult, you whipped little pussy. Where's your vociferous shouting from earlier gone, huh?"

He finally came around the corner. "Is that a Gel?"

"Yeah, they let me keep my pets. They love me very much, just like you think your wife does."

"You keep my wife out of this, bitch!"

"It's fine, hun. Now, who's this?" She looked like a carbon copy of the big tall woman from the training center, but a little bit older-looking, like she was in her late twenties instead of her mid-twenties.

"Do I know you from somewhere?"

"You might know my sister, a lot of people do, but I assure you I have never seen you before. Now, what are you in here for?"

"I pushed him because he rushed into a doorway, then he shouted at me and had me arrested."

"And why did you push him?"

"It's not like I meant to. I was leaving the cobbler's when I went to push the door open, but he opened it and swiftly came in, not expecting me. I'm way stronger than I am tough, but my hand was right there and he walked into it. By the time I realized there was a person, I'd shoved him on his useless bratty ass."

"Why were you going into a shoe store so early, William? Did you want new ones?"

"I, uh, I lent the owner some money and she was late."

"We both know that's a lie. You wouldn't lend me a minute of your time, let alone lend someone else enough money to actually go and collect it yourself so early in the morning. Be honest, William. What were you intending on doing in that store?"

"I mean it! She owed me!"

"Were you extorting people, princeling?"

"I- YOU DARE ACCUSE ME? SCUM! YOU DESERVE TO BE FUCKING FLAYED, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!"

What an outburst. I hit it right on the money, didn't I?

"Honey, were you extorting the citizens of the very country you're meant to protect?"

"It's not extortion, they owe me! They owe me their fucking lives! I'm the one in charge of the fucking Knights of the Lion, the elite extermination unit of the kingdom! I save lives by existing, I deserve at least some recognition!"

"No, you don't. Everybody knows you piggyback off your wife's actual work. You hardly do anything with the Order you claim to run. I bet you don't even know what "logistics" means. Own up to your mistakes, you coward!"

"Guards! Help! This is a ploy! You seek my downfall, you vermin! I want a divorce, you whore!"

Then he ran away, back where he came from.

"Well, you can't be put in jail for an accident. I knew he was corrupt but I had no idea it was this bad. You... Wait, did he say divorce?"

"He called you a whore, too. Why'd you marry this guy?"

"It was arranged. I didn't have a choice. Even the night of our marriage, he never even considered giving me a child. He told me several times how terrible my choice of career was, but I never understood why."

"It's because he thinks you're ugly, no doubt. A lot of people think taller, muscular women are absolutely unattractive. They get it stuck in their mind that to be a woman, you have to be small and soft, that only men are allowed to fight."

"Oh. I knew a lot of people think that, but... I thought, since he had quite some muscle, that couldn't be the reason. I thought he'd see the value and the charm of muscles on a woman. Am... am I ugly?" she looked to me, obviously seeking an answer. I don't know what to do.

"I mean, you're not ugly... These things are subjective, you might want to go for martial-type people. They can typically be attracted to the stronger types, like you. You're the Captain of the Guard, are you not? If he divorces you as he said he would, you could try dating one of your subordinates. There's undoubtedly at least one of them who already has a crush on you. That always happens. If not, you could go to one of the Training Centers in town, the people there I know for sure spend like 90% of their time ogling the trainer and she looks just like you."

"Do they? That trainer is my younger sister, you know. Maybe I should pay them a visit, teach them not to stare so much," she said with a malicious look in her eye.

"No, don't. They're masochists too."

"Not when I'm around. She's soft on them, but I'll slap them into shape in no time. I'll drop by later, I've got reports to file and an audience with the king. Is that fine?"

"Why are you asking me? You're the one in charge."