《DASH》16. Living in Hell is not easy.
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Once again they sat on the balcony when Nick started to study the measurement system. Suddenly elder Agnes noticed the shock on little demon’s face, but when he came to his senses, Nick asked, “How come you have the ‘metric system’?”
Elder Agnes got confused, “The whole world has this measurement system. Don’t you have one like this in the Hell?”
Nick pondered a bit and then asked with a big smile smile, “Is this your ‘question’?”
“Lord Baal, can we make an exception to our deal?” Elder Silvio jumped in to interrupt just in case elder Agnes would mess things up. He himself was very interested in this question since, obviously, there was very little detailed information on the Hell and this was a very ‘important’ subject for a demonologist like him.
“Why would we make an exception? This would be my loss and I don’t make deals to loose out.” Nick retorted.
“In that case please give us a minute.” Both elders left Nick the in ‘care’ of elder Sonor and went to discuss with the grand elder. Under the stare of elder Sonor Nick shuddered, but then just pretended to aimlessly watch the mountaintops while waiting.
Soon elders returned and elder Silvio proposed a ‘new’ deal, “Lord Baal, what would you say if your answer was worth two books?”
Nick pretended to have an inner struggle, bet after a moment answered with a smile, “Sure, deal. Let’s shake hands to confirm it.” He wanted to make a bit fun out of the old freak again.
Elder Silvio knew the procedure, but still approached it as carefully as the last time. Suddenly Nick saw elder Sonor appearing behind elder’s Silvio back in an instant.
‘What was that movement? Seemed almost like teleportation!’ He was inwardly shocked, ‘He clearly was sitting at the door a moment ago! Is this the speed Qi masters of this world are capable of?’
Nick’s heart was beating so fast he thought it might stop, but he still was delighted with this discovery. He loved speed a lot and he wanted to be as fast and even faster, especially after gaining ability to move his legs once again!
Well, nothing out of ordinary happened. Both parties shook their hands and tense atmosphere was blown away with morning breeze.
“What we have back home is called ‘US customary units’.” Nick didn’t really need to invent anything new.
“It goes like this ...” He was talking while trying to illustrate with his little hands, “Twelve inches is one foot, three feet is one yard, 5280 feet is one mile and also 1760 yards is one mile, those are our length units. Then, for capacity we have: one cup is eight ounces, one pint is two cups, one quart is two pints and four quarts makes one gallon.”
“What a complicated system!” Elder Agnes sighed.
“Indeed it is.” Nick pretended to be dejected. He was born and raised in the USA, but his both parents were scientists from Europe. Thus during his childhood he had heard a ton of swearing about the inconveniences of American measurement system, “Living in Hell is not easy for most of its inhabitants. Not like it’s a paradise, you know.”
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“So the paradise exists?” Elder Agnes’s eyes lit up.
Nick smiled back, “Is that your next question?”
“No, Lord Baal, not for now.” Elder Silvio stopped the excited Agnes who started to pout like a little girl. She seemed to enjoy giving lessons, although her plan to play grandmother suffered a complete fiasco after Nick started to call her ‘a little girl’ on regular basis.
Days flew by and elders, even elder Sonor, were amazed by Nick’s progress. Obviously they thought it was another piece of evidence him being Primeval demon Belial.
After two more weeks he finished the first book. He had accumulated over ten ‘free’ book buffers made from hasty questions from the impatient elders, but they did not mind it and Nick didn’t as well.
One sunny morning Nick was doing his usual exercises on the balcony. He was already able to stand up, although walking was still a challenge – thus he was mostly standing up and sitting down. Also he could not do ‘normal’ push-ups, but he compensated with something that looked like such.
He did not forget this was the most convenient time for him to make his body as flexible as possible as well. Nick knew that if he wanted to achieve the same result when his body is in teen years, not only it would be much more painful, but basically impossible. Thus he visualized the exercises cheerleaders did back in the Stanford stadium and tried to imitate some. Although he used to be athletic, he was never particularly flexible. This was new experience and he did enjoy it quite a bit. Very likely it was because of the Qi procedures these old freaks were treating him to.
Nick looked over to the balcony door where elder Sonor was meditating.
‘That’s it! Qi techniques! I need some if I want to become as fast as that old fart!’ he thought.
Nick sat down and tried to look as important as possible, “Teach me your Qi techniques!”
He commanded in as low voice as he could muster. He knew this elder did not like him for some reason, but he also knew he was very fast. Also others called him the strongest Qi sword master of the continent all the time and that meant this old bastard knew good stuff.
Elder Sonor slowly opened his eyes. Then they sat there for half an hour staring at each other.
“Not possible!” Elder Sonor said and shook his head, “It will take dozens of years to learn all my sword techniques. Even if you are genius it will still take too long.” Then he closed his eyes to meditate again.
“Who the hell wants to learn your sword techniques? Why would I need them? Let the children downstairs play with those toothpicks they call swords.” Nick said with a scorn in his voice and continued to stare at the old man.
‘Ok, seems there are Qi techniques for swords. I don’t intend to kill anyone and I don’t even intend to fight. Show me that speed move, old bastard!’
“So you want to learn my Qi gathering techniques as well as the meditation technique?” Elder Sonor opened his eyes again.
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“Sure, why not?” Nick reacted as if elder Sonor was the one offering to teach.
Elder Sonor looked at him back for a minute and then shook his head, “No.”
He was about to go back to meditating, when heard grand elder’s voice coming from library, “Elder Sonor, may I have a moment of your time?”
‘Bingo!’ Nick was overjoyed, ‘Fairy tale time! I wonder what nonsense will they want to hear now. Ok, ok, stay calm! Main thing is to not mess up on what I have already told. Also I have to somehow increase their curiosity for the future leverage. Calm down Nicolas, calm down!‘
In the library elder Sonor was looking at the grand elder dejectedly, “Grand elder, we have known each other for more than eighty years. Why are you trying to make me do this?”
“This is another unique opportunity! Think! The Qi gathering techniques are special, but there are many in the world. Well, the Qi meditation is one of a kind, but we developed it together, so it is mine too. We both made a blood oath to not disclose it to any other person, but he is not a person, he is the Primeval demon Belial!” Grand elder was trying to persuade.
“Exactly! You are trying to give a secret technique to the one of the most powerful beings in the world! Let’s just kill him! He is a huge threat!” Elder Sonor was getting angry, “I would rather give him all the sword techniques – at least those would take years to master.”
“My friend, think about it. Do you really believe he does not know you want to kill him? Your killing intent is leaking so intensely, that all the flowers in the library have withered! Why does he not care? There can be only two reasons – first, you won’t be able to kill him, but I doubt this is the case. Second, this is a game for him and he does not care if this human body dies. It is highly likely his main soul is recuperating somewhere and he treats this as his entertainment. It is not like he will run around teaching other humans our Qi techniques!” Grand elder continued to persuade, “Actually you should be more interested in this than him!”
Grand elder gave a victorious smile and sat down.
Elder Sonor was still standing there confused. After few minutes still as confused as he previously was, he asked, “Why? What do you mean?”
“Sigh, if your mind would be as sharp as your sword you would be an emperor of the unified Mainland!” Sound from the corner came. There was only one elder who did not care about insulting others. Elder Agnes slowly walked over and sat next to the grand elder, “You can use this opportunity to figure out if you can kill him and remained unpunished!”
Elder Sonor finally calmed down and sat by the table, “Old witch, when you are right, you are right. But why can’t we just give him some other random techniques?”
“Sometimes my ears are bleeding when I listen to you.” Elder Agnes verbally punched back, “We can not risk it! We still don’t know if the handshaking ritual holds similar consequences as the runic blood contract we use. What if you deviate from contract and then just die? And what if it is even worse – you live, but for centuries to come while wishing you were dead? During the last month all of us have intensely studied records on demonic powers. Actually, there is no power in this world that is more knowledgeable about demons than us at this moment! Only we know the real risks and also only part of those!”
“Exactly! I think we better think of the correct approach for this situation. For the first time we hold the initiative.” Grand elder confidently stated.
After half an hour elder Agnes came smiling out of the library with a book in her hands, “Lord Baal, shall we continue your reading? Elder Sonor might join us tomorrow or day after tomorrow.”
Nick was really surprised, ‘Shouldn't they just come out and offer to ask some stupid questions about demons, then we barter a bit and then ‘make a contract’?’
Elder Agnes noted the surprise, but did not say anything. Of course, later she reported everything to the others and then some further deductions were made translating Nick’s, or rather – Belial’s behavior.
The elder council discussed the approach to this case in full force. Although most of the other elders more or less coveted the Qi techniques of elder Sonor, all of them knew priorities at hand. Discussions continued for two days and Nick was even asked to read in his own room to be out of the way. Of course, he pretended to be furious, but in fact was thankful he could prepare some fantasy stories for the upcoming questions. The longer the wait, the more important and tricky the questions would be. It also showed that the Qi techniques he asked for were not as simple as he thought. And he had not even asked about that movement! There was a lot of bartering to look forward to.
Finally Nick was brought to the library. What he didn’t expect was for all the elders to be present. They sat around the table in their dark red robes and grand elder at the far end of the table in all black.
Nick didn’t really have a change on his little face. He just waved as a greeting and pointed to an empty chair.
Elder Agnes sat with him in hands and all kept staring at each other for ten or so minutes.
‘There is so much wrong with these people. Why would they try to look this imposing? Am I that scary?’ Nick did his best to look important as well. In any other company people would gather around and try to pamper this adorable child, but not here where everyone ‘knew’ the danger that was coming from the Primeval existence.
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