《The Magical Craftsman》Chapter 2: No Regrets
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Claire. She was the receptionist at the company Jack had worked for. Everyday, whenever Jack came to work, he would say hello to her. Sometimes, they would meet at the water cooler and have small talk for a couple of minutes before returning to work. There seemed to be nothing more to their relationship---or so she thought.
In reality, Jack had had a crush on her ever since he saw her. There was just an innocence to her that he didn't find with other women. She was always quiet and polite, a rare find in a city like this. She was also a bookworm, as he could tell from catching glimpses of her reading frequently on her downtime.
Jack had always wanted to ask her out but was too shy to do so. He was so afraid of rejection that even the thought of asking Claire out on a date had paralyzed him.
That fear of rejection was not entirely unwarranted, though. Back in school, at various points of his life, Jack had asked girls out on dates a couple of times, only to be rejected every single time. He was by no means an ugly or socially inept guy, at least not by his own standards. It's just that he always seemed to confess his love to girls that are way out of his league, as almost all of them were some of the most popular girls in school. Perhaps this was why he had gotten a fear of rejection, which probably led to his fear of asking girls out on dates.
Claire was pretty, but in a plain and simple kind of way and not in the way that wants to look good on Instagram, which was probably a good step towards the right direction based in Jack's previous experience. Also, while this may totally be Jack's misinterpretation, he could sense that Claire might be a little bit interested in him as well. There was a good chance that he may actually have a chance with her if he'd only have the courage to ask. That alone should be reason enough to act. And yet, he never did. The pressure on him was just too great.
When the cancer kicked in, Jack knew for sure that asking Claire out now would be utterly pointless. No one wants to date a dying man, unless for some weirdly specific ploy involving life insurance or inheritance, and he was pretty sure this situation doesn't count. He had hesitated for too long and now it was too late. He'd missed the train to happiness and was now stuck in the station known as regret.
Steve, being the happy-go-lucky idiot that he was, had previously suggested to Jack multiple times that he should confess to Claire regardless.
"It would at least bring closure to the both of you," Steve had said.
"I don't need closure. Closure is overrated," Jack had said. "And Claire definitely doesn't need it either. She doesn't need to know that the guy who had a crush on her is dying. How do you think that would make her feel? What would you expect her to say to me? It would mess her up. All I am to her right now was just a nice co-worker and nothing more and I prefer that it stays that way. I don't want things to get complicated between us. Trust me, it's better that she doesn't know."
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"Is that why you don't want me to tell her which hospital you're staying?"
"Yes! Can you imagine me meeting her looking like this? It would be super awkward!" Jack then gave Steve a glare. "And don't you dare tell her where I'm staying, Steve, or, I swear to God, I will turn into a cancer zombie and eat your goddamn brains."
"I don't think that is how zombies work."
"Whatever, man."
Steve placed a gentle hand on Jack's shoulder. "Jack, you are both the most courageous and the most cowardly person I've ever known. You are not afraid to speak your mind and stand up to the little guys. But, at the same time, you are also terribly afraid of the most pointless of things, like asking girls out on dates or missing out on a Steam sale. I hate to say it but you don't have much time left. So, for once in your life, you should live life as though you have no regrets, Jack."
Live life with no regrets. Jack had to mull that phrase over in his head. He hadn't considered how he would even begin to do something like that.
Jack let out a heavy sigh and slumped into his bed. "I'm sorry, Steve. I'm not sure I'm the type of guy to do that sort of thing."
"Yes, you are. You just need some assistance."
Steve wore a mischievous smile on his face. Jack looked at him suspiciously.
"Steve, what are you planning?"
"Oh, you'll see in a couple of days."
Indeed, Jack was going to see the fruition of Steve's plan soon. It was now currently the morning of the day after Steve and Alex's last visit. Claire was going to come by any minute now and he was unbearably stressed out because of it.
What was he going to say to her once she arrives? Is she going to exchange pleasantries with him and then be on her way? Or is he finally going to crack under the pressure and bravely confess his love to her? What's going to happen afterwards? What will happen if she rejects him? What will happen if she accepts him? Jack couldn't imagine which one was worse. If the cancer wasn't killing him right now, he was sure going to die from embarrassment.
A visitor came into Jack's room. It was Claire. Jack could recognize that short blonde hair and aqua-blue eyes anywhere. As always, she was dressed plainly, with a light-pink vest and a tan pencil skirt. She looked lovely as always. Jack almost hated himself for how much he was enjoying this moment, despite of not wanting it to happen.
"Umm, hello, Jack," Claire said. Her voice was soft-spoken, like an angel lulling a baby to sleep.
"Uhh...hi," Jack replied awkwardly. Just the act of making eye-contact with her was enough to make his heart burst.
"Umm, I'm here to pay you a visit." Claire was holding up a fruits basket, much like the one Alex brought last night.
"Yeah...I can see that." Every word in Jack's throat felt like cement.
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"Umm...do you want me to stay or should I leave?"
"Huh? Umm, yeah, yeah, umm, I mean, no, umm...you should stay. Stay! Yeah, that's what I was going to say. Umm...have a seat."
"Okay."
Claire carefully took a seat besides Jack. Afterwards, both were reluctant to talk, feeling pressured by the awkwardness of it all. There was a prolonged moment of silence hanging in the air, interrupted by the occasional beeping of the medical devices linked to Jack's arm.
After being tired of the silence, Claire began to speak.
"Sorry if I didn't come by earlier. I didn't know which hospital you were staying. I tried asking Steve, but he refused to tell me, saying that it was on your request. It was only until last night that he told me where you are and to come visit you today." Claire was right. That was exactly what Jack had told Steve to do. "At first, I didn't understand why you wouldn't let me come visit you. I...I thought that...maybe you hated me-"
"What?!" Jack retorted, finally turning to look at Claire eye-to-eye as she was near the brink of tears. "No, no, no, it was all a misunderstanding! That's not why I don't want you to come visit me at all!"
"Then why?"
Seeing the few tears falling down on Claire's cheek had shattered Jack's heart into a million pieces. He'd wanted to distance himself from her in order to protect them both, but that seemed to do more harm than good. He had unwittingly gotten himself into a terrible situation and was desperately trying to claw his way out of it.
"Hey, don't cry. Please. Pretty please."
"If...if you don't like me for some reason, you can just say so."
"I do like you! I like you very much! In fact, I'm in love with you!"
Damn it! Jack had finally said it. The words were blurted out so quickly that it took a moment for Claire to register what he had said.
Claire stopped crying and started wiping away her own tears. "What...what did you just say?"
At this point, there was really no turning back, so he might as well let it all out. He took a deep breath to steady himself before continuing.
"Well, now that I've got cancer, I might as well not beat around the bush. Yes, Claire, you've heard me correctly. I am in love with you! Always have ever since I first saw you at the receptionist desk. I've always wanted to ask you out, but was too shy to do so. I fear rejection, alright? I was afraid that you might not feel the same way as I did and that I might end up making a fool of myself. I was so terrified of what you think of me that I didn't even want you to come here, because I don't want you to see how pathetic I am."
Claire was so stunned by the revelation that she was nearly speechless. "I...I don't know what to say-"
"I'm not done yet, by the way," Jack continued, which made Claire clasp her mouth shut. "I wasn't going to say any of this in front of you, but since I'm gonna die soon anyway, I might as well get everything off my chest. Because if I'm going to die, I'm going to die with no regrets.
"There was a time where I was so obsessed with going out on a date with you that I've planned out our first date inside my head with every meticulous detail. I've researched every single restaurant around where we work in order to pick out the absolute best restaurant to have dinner, factoring in distance, price point, atmosphere, food safety, crowdedness, and a bunch of other parameters I can't even remember at this point.
"I also did extensive research and analysis for the after-dinner activities and the first-date gift that I was going to give you, calculating the most optimal choices based on your specific interests."
Jack then moved his face closer to her, to the point where she could hear him whisper. Claire's face was an ungodly color of red as he speaks. "I know your favorite book series was 'Mother of Learning' by Domagoj Kurmaic, so I personally pre-ordered two tickets for us to see the premiere of the live-action movie adaptation of that series as well as waiting hours in line in order to obtain a special edition of the book signed by the author himself."
The more Jack kept talking, the more visibly shooken Claire was.
"And last, but not least, I have also fantasized about us having sex. In various places! Places that no reasonable person should ever have sex in. And I ranked them from best to worst as well!" Jack's voice was so mystifying that it made Claire's heart beat a million times per second. "... And my favorite place to have fantasized sex with you...was on top of the copy machine at our office---specifically the one next to Jared's room. In the the middle of the fucking work day! Because I've always wanted to rub it in Jared's face and also I think public sex adds spice."
After that incredibly long and heated speech, Jack was seemingly out of breath. Claire appeared to be completely dazed as well.
"Are...are you done?" Claire muttered in an even softer tone than before, her face nearly stiffened with shock.
"Yeah, I think I'm done," said Jack, all the energy drained out of him, leaving him an emotionally hollow husk.
Claire took a moment to collect herself before continuing. "This is a lot to take in. I'm going to need time to think about what you said."
With that, she got up from the chair and left, leaving Jack alone to contemplate on what the ever-loving fuck just happened.
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