July 3:

Runt been reading in his book, and he thinks he has found the bestest fix to Megacorps problem! I be all reading and this book starts tellin' me all about pacas. Pacas be fuzzy animals with four legs that carry lotsa stuff long time! They eat grass, and grass be everywhere. The Dark Knight in ma book thinks paca's not be as good as horsies, because horsies carry boss men super swell. But he say they be cheaper then horsies, eat less grass, poop less times, and good for carrying stuff here and there and everywhere.

Pacas be exactly what megacorp is needing! Don't need no horsies to carry boss men, but megacorp has lotsa stuff it needs carried! Pacas be perfect.

July 4:

Paymaster come by axin' bout rent! Runt is forgetting about rent. Ever'body is always making fun of Runt for this, 'cuz Runt does not get it too well. Rent is one Per Sents of what ever you make every month. Runt is not sure what a Per Sent is, it always be changing. One month, a Per Sent be five fuunds, next month it be ten Fuunds, and the month after that it be seven Fuunds! Runt has never understood how this be workin'.

So I always ax Paymaster what Rent is, because Paymaster is mega good with numbers.

One thing Runt does know is that if you don't pay your rent, you get E-viktid from the Dark Evil Empire, and you taken in a big four wheel and dumped outside in the Borderlands.

From what Runt has heard, the Dark Evil Empire is the only place that has rent. Ever'body everywhere else has these things called Takses. And if you don't pay your takses, the gov'ment spends money to keep you locked up.

Runt think this is mega dumb! If gov'ment wants money, why it be spending money on people who don't have no money!?! It don't make no sense! Why not just take people who don't pay and dump them outside?

July 6:

In one week from today, Gratch get's his first Letter of Mark for the whole platoon. Letters of Mark be like a big list of things our platoon can do to get paid. Once we get the letter, we no longer getting paid every two weeks, we get paid on Commission. Commission be a way of doin' things where you do one job, and you get paid when that one job is done. Boss Men got many different types of words and stuff for explaining all the different commissions, but us Warboys make it mega-simple. Either you get Merc Work, or you get Search Work.

Merc Work is usually protecting one thing or another thing. Like if we get a job to protect a bunch of Four Wheels moving stuff from one place to another, and if all the trucks make it there A -ok, we get a big paycheck.

Search Work is harder, you gotta search for something and blow it all up to pieces. It can be a Good Guy, lotsa Good Boys, or some really expensive stuff that the Good Guys do not want blown up. Search work means going out past the borderlands, so it be mega- dangerous. But Search work also pays super lots &and lots, so you can get really rich really fast if you good at doing Search work.

If we wanna get paid more, we can bring in Chips. Chips be special pieces of plastic that Good Boys keep inside their heads. Every Good Boy you kill, you get Five Fuunds.

Runt is scared. Letter of Mark means we be getting into the fight soon. I forget all about the fight.

Later:

Boss man came by and said a robot told him that some warboys been stealin' gunz. I tell him right away that Gratch did it! Gratch only gave me super small, wimpy gun! Gratch say that he never stole nothing, I got the gun I was supposed to get. Not true, I say, he be lying! Robot even TOLD me I supposed to get a bigger gun! Gratch say that quartermaster Noog told him small warboys get small gunz, while big warboys get big gunz. I yell he is lying.

Boss men be looking for Noog, but they can't find him nowhere. Why don't they know Gratch did it? Gratch always been super mean, always wanting to trade Runt and always saying Runt never be good for nothing. I know Gratch did it. I tug on Boss Man's shirt and tell him this. He still don't believe me.

July 7:

They found Noog hiding an entire crate of fuunds! He been taking Warboys gunz and selling them to anybody who wants them!

Boss Man came up to me and say I should prolly say sorry to Gratch. I tell him “No Way!” He tell me it be the best thing to do, but I tell him how Gratch always been mean, aint ever bein' nice.

So Boss Man takes me and brings me to Gratch. And he tells me to say sorry. I say “No!”

Gratch tells Boss Man I never be sorry for nothing, tells Boss Man I ain't never been good for nothing, tells him I always get the worst score for every test, tells him that I'm gonna get the whole platoon killed!

I start crying. Can't help it, Gratch just be so mean! Boss man tell Gratch to shut up right away. He waits for me to stop crying, and tells Gratch he got it all wrong. He tells Gratch I been working hard on everything, that I be getting better at everything, and says that I always do my job whenever I am told, no matter how hard the job be. He tells Gratch I aint never bein' lazy, that I always be working extra hard!

Gratch gets mega angry and says I always been thinking he is stupid, that I laugh at him even when he is doin' best he can.

I say I never think Gratch being stupid, just that he is super mean. He says I do think he's stupid. He tells Boss Man how I always say smoking smokes being stupid, how card games being stupid, how drinking booze be stupid. Gratch do all these things, how can I not think he is stupid?

This makes Runt think. Runt has said all these things. I am never being careful about anything I say. I never think I be needing to be careful 'cuz I just say what I be thinkin'.

I tell Gratch I am sorry, that I don't think he is stupid. I just don't like smoking smokes, drinking booze, or playing cards. Boss Man leaves.

Me and Gratch sit for a long time, but we don't look at each other. I ax Gratch “Why you trade for me? I be so small, why you trade another War Boy for me?” He tells me he trades for me because I know how to write.

I be all like “No way, you always think writing be mega dumb!” He tells me he just say that because I tell everybody everything he likes to do be stupid. I ax him “Why is it good that I write?” He tells me that he wants to tell the whole world about us Warboys. He 'specially wants to tell the world how swell Delta Platoon fights, how the Warboys of Delta Platoon be the bestest Warboys out of all the Warboys ever! And you can't just run 'round tellin folk you got the bestest team of warboys, you would just look silly. You gotta go out and prove you the best, and you gotta find a way to tell people. And he says that's why I got ma little writing book.

July 10:

Runt is packing up all his things to go to the Big City near the Borderlands. Runt is mega mega mega sad to go. I needs to say goodbye to Rotface and Joker. I feel so sad. Why life gotta be so dumb? Why you always gotta meet somebody super cool, just to say goodbye later? It aint fair. Life aint never fair for Runt. Ever'body be born big while Runt is born small. Ever'body super cool in training while Runt is not-cool. Ever'body makes friends mega easy while Runt gets laughed at for trying to make friends at all.

July 11:

Ummm, so we aint leavin after all. We spent all day waiting for a whoppa-choppa to get us to The Fight in the Big City but there is no whoppa-choppa for us. Gratch is super super angry. He says Mega-corp lied, says Mega-corp cheated all his fuunds away from him. Letter of Mark is gonna have to wait. Which means we is not gonna get paid. If we don't get paid, then we can't eat.

Went shooting with Joker again, and Joker be smiling and happy whole time! Is so hard to stay sad when you got somebody so happy all the time. Joker also thinks I am super neat 'cuz I can do something he aint never seen b'for!

I just be shooting, and then I start practicin' my draws, where Runt pullz out his gun all fast-like and goes pap-pap-pap! Joker sees this and he all like “Whoa, do it again! Do it again!”

I say “do what again? Whatcha talking 'bout?” and he be all like “where you do it all super fast, where you pull out your gun and aim and shoot, all super quick!”

Joker says my draw will help mega much when I am shooting inside buildings. He says I am really really fast at aiming, which is good when you all up-close, in-your-face shooting.

I also got a hug from Rotface, which smelled super uncool.

Later:

Runt has a new job! I haz a job as “record keeper” and also new job as “assistant” to platoon-leader Gratch. I am supposed to read all the things Gratch cannot read, and help Gratch get jobs for Delta Platoon. But job is mega hard. I gotta make sense of all the strange words that the Boss Men use. Why Boss Men gotta be so confusing all the time, they got so many words for everything?! Why can they not keep things all super-simple like the Warboys do?

I spent a whole hour reading about mega-super-borin' stuff called “Departure Times”. This is supposed to help us get a whoppa choppa to take us to The Fight. And I don't understand it at all! We got this thing called a ticket, see? And it says we supposed to leave on July 10, which be yesterday. But we hang around the place where all the whoppa-choppas and whoosh-birds start flying, and there is not anybody there who will take us anywhere! Is not making any sense.

BONUS CONTENT: Clarice Appleby's "New System".

The initiation of Countries, states, Government systems, and religious institutions has clearly failed mankind time and time again. What I propose is a completely new system based on the needs of the lower class. This system would be completely amorphous, it would have no set structure. Things would simply be done with common sense. No bureaucracy to get in the way. No hierarchy to abide by. A Brotherhood of Man, if you would imagine it, where everybody simply did what was best based on the needs of the Worker. If somebody needs something, we just take from those who have extra, and give to those who don't have enough. Greed would have no place in our world. And without countries and religion to divide us, there would be no war, murder, or strife.

Our system would be based on Unity. An entire world united under one banner. Where everybody works together. Where everybody is equal.

Clarice Appleby's Inauguration address

I would first of all, like to thank all of you, and the value of the democratic process, for bringing me this far. This would not have been possible had you not believed in me. And I promise that I will live up to that trust. I can promise that I will make your belief not a thing of faith, but of reality.

I come from a long line of elected leaders of Noblebright. There have been good leaders and poor leaders, and all of the options in between. But of all the leaders of Noblebright, I would like us to speak on the very first one. Adam Prime said upon the defeat of the Dark Lord, and upon the liberation of our world, that our country would be a place where everyone could live happily ever after. I would like to pause and dwell on those words for just a moment. Happily Ever After.

Those words could write a book all by themselves. Those words spoke volumes about the direction Adam thought our country should take. Happily Ever After suggests that we would be able to live a carefree existence. Happily Ever After says that we wouldn't need to worry anymore. Happily Ever After would mean that we would all be able to get what we needed when we needed it. Happily Ever After says that we wouldn't need to be so concerned with competing with our coworkers to get that promotion we've always wanted. Happily Ever After doesn't include overcrowded prisons. Happily Ever After doesn't include people resorting to crime just to get by. Happily Ever After means, most of all, that millions wouldn't be below the poverty line.

I don't believe anybody here feels as if they're living in a Happily Ever After. In fact, I feel as if the vast majority of people living in Noblebright feel as if their future is bleak, pointless, and gray. I feel as if those with dark hearts and evil ambition are the only ones to truly accomplish their goals in Noblebright.

I think it is time we accepted that a time of change is upon us. I think this is the farthest thing from what Adam Prime would have wanted. I think it is time we stopped propping up a system that has failed us time and time again. I think it is time that we realized that the proponents of this system may not have our best interests at heart.

I assure you, good citizens of Noblebright, that there is no reason to be afraid for the future that the Philanthropic Party holds for this nation. I implore you to follow me to the destiny of our people, to follow me to a better world. Follow me, and I can give you a world in which you would like your children to grow up in. Follow me into this brave new world, where we can make our Happily Ever After!