Side Story: Angering a Certain Devil & Big Bro (in law)

(A.N. This is a story that I just felt like writing. I don't plan on incorporating it into the main story, but who knows?)

A certain iron maiden torture device was alone amongst a blazing field. Inside was the fat man who kidnapped the two Anderson sisters.

"God damn it, it's so hot in here."

"...you know that this is hell right. Saying god damn it won't do anything much."

The ones speaking were the fat man who's name was Phigny Pepepet. His nickname during high school was P.P.Piggy and obviously he was bullied. The second voice came from the iron maiden torture device.

As he grew up, he slowly turned to magician tricks, fooling street pedestrians by performing several so called miracles. Three men would always appear to watch his shows every Saturday, and they quickly became drinking buddies.

The three men were Jeff, Rick, and Buford. The three men were friends from a nearby religious city, and were completely fooled by Phigny's tricks. It wasn't hard to convince them that he was the enemy of their religion, the devil Satan. Luckily the men had a hatred for religion after being forced to go to church instead of playing games at home.

This and that happened, and soon they started to commit several religious related crimes across the country. Always, they would send a message to the police telling of their actions before they committed them, but not how.

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"Boss, we got another message from the email [Cockblock Penis Porn Luver 911]"

"WHAT! This time I'll catch them. Where are they now?"

"There at **** in the state *** which is around ten miles from us. Do you want to send the big forces?"

"Obviously, but contact their local police. Also send us some of their information on the new target. Also tell them to hide our involvement."

"Do you want to ask for some of their local uniforms too."

"Obviously."

There were many agencies after them, but the ones who always focused on this particular quartet were the detective partners Orogok and Iruom.

(Read it backwards all the Detective Conan Fans.)

"This time, we'll get them and our faces will go on the newspapers."

"Newspapers? Those haven't been in print since my grandmother died."

"You know what I mean."

Arriving at the town, they set up their operation once the Anderson family contacted them. Their operation was perfect, until they suddenly disappeared.

Hours after the operation…

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED!!! I INVESTED MY WHOLE CAREER ON THIS! I EVEN LOST MY WIFE TRYING TO CATCH THAT GUY!" Orogok shouted.

In fact, his wife actually left him because he was starting to stay over at Iruom's house more than just occasionally. Due to the fact that she dealt with BL stories during her teenage days, she immediately filed a divorce after saying to her husband, “You found yourself a good man,” with a thumbs up and a bleeding nose.

"I dunno Boss. I also risked my life for this job to." In fact, Iruom was living quite well off making quite a bit of money investing in stocks. The only reason he kept his job was because it was interesting.

"We had them all cornered, then they suddenly disappeared. The victims all claim they saw nothing, except for the short brat saying something about a "Magic Man" but they were definitely lying.

"She also said something about the devil getting the bad guys."

"Yeah right, as if mythological monsters like the devil exist."

It was at that moment that Satan released the corpse of Phigny right on top of Orogok's desk. Crashing on their files, the corpse spilled blood and guts all over the desk and on Orogok and Iruom.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

"OH MY GOD, WHERE THE HELL DID THAT COME FROM!?!"

Before them was a sight so grotesque that Satan had to add some magic making a censor over the body to protect their eyes. Still, it didn't stop the two detectives from fainting.

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"Piggy, Piggy, where are you Piggy?"

An evil voice suddenly echoed throughout the fields of fire. Terrified, Phigny escaped from the iron maiden with an unknown remarkable strength. Running away, Phigny was actually squealing as he ran, his lewd face masked behind a face of horror.

"Piggy, Piggy, where are you Piggy?"

The voice was closer. As Phigny ran, his feet started getting 3rd Degree burns, but that didn't stop him at the slightest. Unleashed by fear, Phigny was running more than he ever had in his life. But in the vast space of the field of fire, it seemed like he would run forever.

"Piggy, where are you Piggy? AH! There you are."

A large grabbed the squealing pig right out from the burning grounds. The pig was absolutely terrified. His face was covered in a mix of blood, fat, sweat, tears, snot, and terror. He was continuously praying that he would die instead of withstand this torture. Then he realized who grabbed him.

"B-B-Buford, i-is th-that y-you?"

Indeed it was Buford. Unlike Phigny, his three henchmen were complete believers of religion. Also their crimes were only for listening to Phigny, so recognized as their leader and freed from punishment due to their faith, Phigny received their punishments as well.

"Hey Boss, can you believe it? I'm actually promoted by Satan to be a demon in training. Look, here comes Jeff and Rick." Looking into the familiar face, now deformed ugly as a demon, Phigny was slightly relieved.

Two other giants came, and like Buford, they were also ugly to behold.

"Hey, so this is the next meal huh."

"Yeah, Lord Satan said to not waste food, so we should eat all the meat. Do you have any barbeque sauce?"

"W-what! Wait, don't eat me. Don't you recognize me?"

It took a while, but then Jeff answered, "Ah! I remember, you're the Boss of our previous life. The heretic."

"WHAT! This is the heretic who pretended to be Lord Satan. DEATH TO THE HERETIC!"

"NO! Death is not enough. Bring out the torture devices for Rank 6 criminals." In hell, torture was designed differently depending on the person, but they were classified into punishments ranked 1-10. A Rank 3 punishment in real life would cause the criminal to lose his sanity.

"N-N-NOOOO! Put that away from me." Coming towards the pig were zombie women, all of the women he raped in his previous life. All of them were holding questionable items, but none looked either safe or harmless.

"NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"

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(Soleil's Perspective)

Today, I got taken by weird people, making them bad guys. Then a magic man came and saved me and Big Sis. Afterwords, Bis Sis made some deal with the magic man. Now we can finally leave the mean man and woman. I refuse to say that they're my mommy and daddy.

Taking us to his house, he talked with us for a while, but I zoned out. Then he led us to our rooms and stuff. We even had a good meal, unlike that dog food my parents made me eat the past week.

When we went to sleep, I went with Big Sis and we talked for a while.

"So Big Sis, do you like Mister Magic Man?"

"N-Nooo! It's just that I'm grateful for him because he risked his life to protect us from those kidnappers."

She said a lot of big kid words, but I think she does like Mister. After all, I saw her peek at Mister so many times while blushing. Hmm, it seems like I'll have to call Mister "Big Bro (in law)."