Author's rant

Wheeeee, I messed up. But if I fall 8 times, I'll get up 9. Question is if you're there to point and laugh with me.

Anyway, if you find stuff that's out of place or plain weird just comment and I'll fix it. (Spelling errors, weird grammatical structures - even repetitions or anything of that sort. Inconsistencies, and whatnot) And holy moly did you find something off. I have re-coursed the story for now. The way it was meant to be.

Feel free to give me responses and I will try to improve. I've had reports of my character not quite fitting to his status, I'll try to see if I can fit in a little less gullible and a little more "I can actually command people and negotiate with terrorists and win" - I'm not entirely sure how to do that though.

I really enjoy feedback, since I'm basically like a blind guy trying to hit a target at a firing range - I can only adjust when I get someone to tell me if it sucked, and even better if they tell me which way to turn the gun. An example of this is that I have literally no idea if any of the jokes I ever made was any good, and if this chapter is funny. I'm currently trying out a whole bunch of stuff, so a little feedback is great!

Actual Story:

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The party quickly went into town.

The houses weren’t particularly large, but they were quite numerous. All of the houses were gray stone houses. A small wooden palisade surrounded the town.

They quickly went to the local healer.

The healer’s place was a small stone hut with straw roof and a sign outside containing a drop of blood on a bandage.

“Welcome” a friendly female voice said. “What do you nee-...” her eyes locked onto Kaneis.

“Black hair, blue eyes… Are you a Mavros?” she asked.

“What? uhm” Kaneis said.

“Sweet draconia’s blood, you are traveling with vampires!” the healer exclaimed.

“What? No!.. no vampires, no Mavros. What are you talking about?” Kaneis said.

“GUARDS!” the healer yelled

“WOAH! hold up lady! We mean no harm. I just really need some help with my shoulder.”

“GUARDS! GUARDS HELP!”

Ryko looked at Lamia. Lamia nodded.

Ryko stepped towards the healer and raised his arm.

SMOCK!

The healer went to the floor, completely unconscious.

“We will leave money for the supplies. Let’s get you fixed up while she is counting sheep.” Ryko said.

Kaneis looked at Ryko and shrugged with the healthy arm “Hm. Effective… I do wonder what that was all about, though.”

Ryko quickly grabbed some supplies, and applied them to Kaneis’ wound. “It’s not magic, it would have been a bit better if the healer wasn’t asleep.”

“Asleep… huh?” Kaneis said silently.

Moments later Kaneis had applied full herbal remedy for his wound, and they left a coin on the counter. “Thanks for your hospitality” Ryko said almost ritually.

The three of them left, and quickly went for a peek at the billboard, looking at the bounties.

“Yep, that’s you alright.” Ryko said, as he looked at a bounty notice

Bounty Notice

Any man tarnishing the Hero’s reputation is to be captured immediately for a grand bounty of 200 pieces of silver

Signs to look for:

Black hair

Blue eyes

Calling himself Mavros

Wielding a mace

Odd behaviour

Wounds

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Seriously, I should have waited with this chapter a bit longer. Posting when tired is bad karma. Some nice guys called me out on a grave mistake, there's a few things I've totally misjudged on this chapter.

things apparently weren't as excruciatingly boring at this time as I had feared (I had planned a few plot reveals in a roundabout way. Going back to voltimum is clearly, as some have pointed out below, not what any sane person would do)

The story goes on!

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"That's the oddest bounty I've ever seen" Kaneis said. "It seems they are targeting just about anybody looking like me"

"Perhaps they are." Lamia answered. "But maybe the right question is why there's a bounty on you in the first place? I mean, if they already did what they wanted to do with you... Why would they need to set up a bounty?"

"... Perhaps they thought I was dead, but found out I wasn't?"

"From what you told, they could have easily finished the job in that wastepile..." Lamia answered.

Kaneis pondered for a second. "So what you are trying to say is that Bell must have saved me, like your father suggested at the castle?"

"Exactly." Lamia said. "You'll just have to find out why."

Kaneis responded "I'm not sure that's as easily done as said. She is in a city that's locked up and filled with guards. The best course of action would be to get away from Phoenicia, away from my bounty."

"So... The first step would be to be able to leave without getting caught." Lamia said.

Kaneis looked at Ryko in disbelief. “So… A robe?”

“Pffffhh haha! A robe! like a city guard wouldn’t check under that!” Ryko laughed.

Kaneis held his gaze “It actually worked for me. Snuck in ten thousand soldiers over the course of a month into a major city in the imperii magnus.”

“Wow, you are serious? No wonder you were such a mighty hero, despite being a bit of an airhead. If the people you were fighting were all a bunch of idiots, it would be too easy.”

Kaneis shrugged. “Well, at least their jokes were way better than yours.”

Lamia suddenly walked out the door without warning.

Kaneis took the first step in the same direction.

Grab

“Urgh!”

“Where are you going?” Ryko asked with his hand still wrapped around Kaneis’ collar. “Let Lamia get the stuff we need.”

“Okay, okay… Just let go. What is she getting?”

“Well…” Ryko started. “You’ll see for yourself in a moment.”

After a brief moment passed by, Lamia entered the healer’s hut with a myriad of small jars.

“Okay… Jars? This isn’t the part where you reveal you can make me tiny and put me in a jar, right?”

Ryko frowned at Kaneis. “What do you think we are? the magic fairies? No.. It’s much better”

Lamia opened a jar. “Blue maybe?”

“Uh… blue? Blue what?” Kaneis asked.

“Nah, who in their right mind dyes their hair blue?” Ryko said.

“Okay, not blue. Green?” Lamia asked

“Does the phrase ‘Grass monster’ mean anything to you?”

“Okay… Pink?”

Ryko went silent for a moment. “C’mere princess!” he grabbed Kaneis’ collar.

“Gah! What NO! let go! Who colours their hair pink?! GAH!” Kaneis’ frantically cried.

Scrub scrub scrub.

“No! STOP!”

“All done!” Lamia smiled. “You look so pretty.”

Kaneis scratched his now pink hair. “What is this stuff?”

“Dyes… Y’know from flowers… You’ll have a wonderful smell.” Ryko said.

“Bite me!”

“Ooooh, don’t tempt fate.” Ryko replied.

“I’m telling you, you’re gonna be the green flower-boy now!” Kaneis stepped towards the jar

Ryko stopped him with a hand to his chest.

“Don’t be such a baby about this. We will arouse too much suspicion. We will both have bark-brown.” he said.

“Oh, but it’s perfectly fine that I’m coloured fluffy pink?!”

“Sure, if we were too ordinary we would be suspicious as well.” Lamia said while holding back a laugh.

“Gah! What kind of logic is that!?”

“We should put you in a dress.” Ryko said.

“I can go get one?” Lamia suggested.

“NO! If you as much as think about that, I’ll wipe this stuff from my hair and go on alone.”

“D’aww, you are no fun.” Lamia said.

“... Hey, how did you get the dye anyway? Aren’t they scared of you?” Kaneis asked.

“Uhm... “ Lamia started.

“You knocked another poor guy unconscious?” Kaneis said while staring at the unconscious healer.

Ryko nodded slowly several times. “That’d be what I would have done.”

Lamia just smiled. “Let’s go check if the disguise is working, shall we?”

All three of them went to the streets. Kaneis in particular drew attention... and giggles.

“Geee, thanks you two.” Kaneis said with bitterness in his voice.

"So now, all we gotta do is lay low and head out of Phoenicia." Ryko said.

And out the village, away from the giggles they went.

A while passed by while they walked

“Will this pink stuff hold up till we get out of Phoenicia?” Kaneis asked a little skeptically.

“Sure, as long as you don’t bathe.” Lamia shrugged.

“... For weeks? With all this walking and fighting… together with this dreadfully warm chainmail, they may just be able to smell me up in the towers.”

Lamia shrugged again. “We’ve brought some more dye, you don’t have to refrain from bathing.

“Thank Draconia! Can i just have blond after my bath?” Kaneis asked.

“No can do, we’ve only brought pink and brown… the latter isn’t not enough for all of us.”

“You’re trying to torment me, aren’t you?”

“Yep.” Ryko said. “This way we can always find you, so you won’t do anything stupid.”

“... Have I ever?”

“You mean except for almost eating a death fruit? Oh, and letting that healer scream for the guards? Did I mention we’ve only known each other for a couple of days?” Ryko asked.

“You may have a point.”

“So… What can you tell me about your mother?” Kaneis said.

“Mother…” Lamia started. “Have pitch black hair. She has the same eyes as us, though.”

“I’m not sure appearance is going to help much, the world is pretty bit, you know.” Kaneis said.

“Right. She left when we were young. She is the one who named us. Does it help that they call her the impaler?”

Kaneis eyes grew wide. “The impaler?” “What in the world did she do?”

“She… wished for favour with Aima...”

Kaneis hesitated for a moment. “Why would a mother wish for favour with the blood god? and to go to such lengths...”

Lamia sighed. “It’s… It’s a long story.”

“We have time.” Kaneis said.

“I think it’s best you don’t pry in this too much.” Ryko said.

“Okay… I guess it shouldn’t be too hard finding someone with that kind of title...” Kaneis said. “

A while passed by as they walked in silence.

“So… How does one come from zero to hero?” Lamia asked.

Kaneis scratched his head. “It’s a long story.”

“We have time.” Lamia said.

Kaneis sighed. “Okay. I was a peasant boy in my tribe… Or more specifically, my parents owned a farm… I worked there.. But when I was 12 I was sent to military school… yeah, it’s as bad as it sounds… at least until I met her. Poenica… She was… Is.. the daughter of the chief… Man could she handle a sword.”

Kaneis sighed. “She took a liking to me, and helped me train… but not only that she was a mentor of sorts to me… Long story short, when I was 16 war broke out… a lot happened, but I ended up together with Poenica on a quest to unite the tribes… Man, the city of torpedo was a sight to behold… Have you ever seen waves lighting in the dark? It’s breathtaking. It’s the place where I truly got to know the god Torpedo.”

“That still doesn’t explain much.” Lamia said.

“I was trusted. More than could be said about a whole lot of self-serving tribal chiefs.” Kaneis started. “So I was put in charge at a final battle… This was several years after the war broke out, mind you… And yeah. I won that battle… Despite the staggering odds… So I was named a hero.”

“That’s all?” Ryko asked.

“Yep, no more, no less.” Kaneis said.

“But… Weren’t you killing thousands of warriors and murdering monsters the size of castles?”

“Not really, no… I just knew how to command my men, really.”

“But… That’s all?” Ryko asked again.

“Yep, that’s all. I’m not as great as your fairy tales makes me out to be.” Kaneis said.

“What about your past? Can’t have holed up in that castle all your life, can you?” Kaneis asked.

“Apart from our mother? Pretty much the castle.” Ryko said.

“That seems a bit dull. I guess it makes sense you are aching for adventure then.”

Both Ryko and Lamia responded with silence.

After a moment of deafening silence, Lamia spoke up. “So… What was it like in the ice?”

“Uh… I don’t actually know.” Kaneis responded. “I never registered it. When I woke up, I thought I was in the middle of a battle with a hydra… And there ‘queen’ Ruby was, about to steal my title.” The last words were almost spat out of his mouth.

"Something, I will have to fix. But I need help."

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A'right, I guess it's a chapter.

Special thanks to the people below who saved my sorry hide. I'll need a moment to fix the charred remains of my story. Sorry about this mess. I'll see if I can get a cohesive chapter up tomorrow, but I'll make no guarantees.