For those who don't get it, the title of this chapter is a reference to "You don't mess with the zohan"

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I got up and looked outside the store, there was a surprising amount of blood.

'Look at this, how the hell am I still alive?' (Xel)

"Arielle said it was a small gift from her, this room became a safe room as soon as you blacked out" (Light)

'I see, well I need to find a holster for the gun' (Xel)

"It's fine, just use the bag system" (Dark)

'OH! How could I forget about that, is it possible to leave it to you two to pull out the guns when in battle' (Xel)

"Of course, just let us know when" (Light)

"Alright then, so let's go!" (Xel)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To my surprise there was a group of 3 goblins nearby, as I slowly snuck up behind them I ordered Light to get me the handgun and Boey Knife. Usually I couldn't hold them so easily, but the stats seem to have enabled me to do so.

When I got close enough I pointed the handgun at the back of ones head before stabbing the second one in the back of his head.

"Gu GAH!" (Goblin)

"Night night" (Xel)

Was all I said before pulling the trigger.

"You think you're some kind of badass don't you? Night Night, pft hahaha" (Dark)

"Fuck off, theres still on... OUCH!" (Xel)

I looked down to see the last goblin shanked me in the calf.

'What an idiot, should have aimed higher or to the side" (Dark)

"Quiet you" (Xel)

I pointed the gun at this goblins forehead and fired.

"Light, heal me please" (Xel)

"With pleasure" (Light)

"So, how much exp did we get?" (Xel)

"25% for each of us" (Light)

"Fuck only 25, i'm too lazy for this shit" (Xel)

I got up and continued grumbling while looking around for more prey.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm currently near the fountain. It's been 20 minutes and I still haven't found any, wait never mind, here are 3 more. Why groups of 3 though?

"It's probably instinct to them" (Light)

'Ah, well then this time lets try out the hunting rifle'

I usually wouldn't bother, but Light is able to lead me though how it works, fire, eject, push back in, fire. The only problem is if the stats I have will have helped a bit.

I slowly climbed inside, it's fucking slippery. I knelt down and took aim. God i'm such a pussy right now, not just running up and stabbing them, but I dislike the pain.

*breathe in, breathe out* *POW*

The bullet flew and hit the goblin in the chest, taking his HP down to 2/10

"Huh, that was better than I though it would be" (Xel)

"No need to worry about it, it'll die on it's own in a minute or two" (Dark)

I fired 2 more times hitting one in the head and grazing the last one.

The last goblin looks my way, pulls out a horn, and blows.

"Fuck it's calling for help" (Xel)

I got out of the fountain walked closer and shot it in the head but it was too late, a bigger green goblin which I can only surmise was a hobgoblin was already on it's way with 3 more goblins in tow.

Hobgoblin HP: 30/30

"Shit, we fucked up" (Dark)

"How so? This is perfect! We'll be level 2 and a half when we're done with this." (Xel)

"Yeah, if we live" (Dark)

"Oh, don't worry" was all I said before firing a whole clip into the oncoming enemies

Most of the bullets merely grazed them, but it was enough to slow them considerably.

I got out of the fountain and reloaded the handgun and pulling out the knife as I slowly walked towards them.

"Light, I leave the healing to you, everytime i'm hit, heal me!" (Xel)

I roared as I ran towards them. The first thing I did was shank the goblin closest to me. I was blocked once or twice before getting fed up and firing at his forehead.

"Damn I suck" (Xel)

'Yeah you do ahaha" (Dark)

I gave up on using the knife to kill them and just used it to block their knives. When I finally killed the last goblin the hobgoblin roared and ran towards me this time.

I stumbled a bit but pulled out the rifle and aimed for a moment before firing all 7 bullets at him.

Most missed as usual but I managed to hit him once in the hand, once in the foot, and grazed him once in the cheek.

Upon being shot in the foot, he stumbled as I dropped the rifle running towards him while bringing out the handgun and firing at him.

They all fucking missed. I could understand 4 or 5 but all 9 missing what bullshit!

"Gahahaha You really do suck, ah... Well just stab him so we can level up." (Dark)

"Fine, but i'm going to put points into dex or something eventually." (Xel)

Fed up, annoyed, and tired I walked towards the hobgoblin before stepping on his weapon and stabbing him in the head.

You Have Leveled Up

Light Has Leveled Up

Dark Has Leveled Up

"God, i'm too lazy for this shit" (Xel)

When I said that I could've sworn I heard a girl giggling somewhere.