I did it. I jinxed myself. I made a single joke about my luck looking up, and you, dear reader, didn’t warn me that that would make everything worse. Any of the problems I was currently dealing with, be they being stuck on deserted island with someone who I could barely communicate with, far away from my other companions and my equipment, being chased by a giant crab while searching for a way to scrounge up a bit of breakfast, being, essentially, completely naked in the wilderness and very afraid, any one of those was bad enough.

Anyway, as soon as I saw its beady little eyes poke out of the sand, followed by the top part of its shell and those claws, I was out of there, as fast as I could run. Which, if you could guess based on my short stature and the length of my legs, that wasn’t very fast. Especially in bare feet, and especially on sand. On top of that, since I hadn’t slept the best, even though I figured it went without saying, I was exhausted and everything hurt. I guess almost drowning does that to you.

Still, not wanting to chance whatever pinchy, pokey, grabby death was to befall me, I ran, silently praying to whatever god or goddess happened to be on-shift at the moment, watching my struggles, that I wouldn’t do too much damage to my ankles before I got…wherever I was going. I grimaced, trying to formulate a plan of some sort. I glanced behind me, noting that the crab was, in fact, still following me, though not at the breakneck speed I’d been expecting. It was scuttling about after me, for sure, but at a distance, as if it was trying to tire me out. It knew I stood no chance in a one-on-one match against it, so it waited to tire me out.

As I ran, one idea that occurred to me was to wake Arzias so I at least had some backup. I continued scolding myself knowing that she likely was more exhausted than I was, having spent the last who knows how long watching and protecting me, just for me to go off and upset local wildlife into attacking me. I probably should have been warned about the possibility of giant freakin’ crabs wandering this particular beach since we’d already discussed other elements native to the island, but I’ll chalk that up to Arzias not knowing I’d wander off like this.

I probably should have been paying more attention to where I was going, because I found myself at the edge of a steep slope dropping into a small cove. I quickly regained my footing and turned, trying to find a means of escape as the crab began dashing towards me, claws ready to strike. As it edged closer and I was able to get a closer look, I realized that in my earlier assessment I had underestimated this thing’s size. Easily taller than most humans, its size more closely resembled a horse-drawn wagon. Well, minus the horses, anyway. Thankfully it wasn’t a giant lobster or something terrifying like that.

Unfortunately, this silver lining didn’t help much as I was still stranded above what looked to be at least an incredibly painful tumble into the sea without much room to slip past my new sleep paralysis demon. I decided that the best option would be to try to dive under its main body segment and pray that it didn’t decide to sit on me or something of that nature.

Well…only one way to find out.

I dashed forward and dove onto the ground, praying that I would slide.

I did not.

In a panic, I quickly covered my head with my hands in the hopes that I would at least avoid any injury by being crushed as the crab passed over me, which, fortunately, was not something I had to worry about. In a flash and a half dozen stomps, the crab scuttled over me before beginning to turn back and forth, trying to find where I had emerged from under it. I had mere seconds to act before it realized that I was stuck under it. I rolled onto my back and kicked my legs out, hoping that they were at least long enough to do something to my crusateous friend.

They were not. Shoot.

Maybe I could quickly stand up and try to knock it off balance?

I rolled back onto my stomach and pulled my knees in, ready to launch myself head and shoulders first at the crab’s undercarriage.

That thing was…really heavy. My body was immediately met with who knows how many kilograms or tons or whatever of resistance, and that coupled with how quickly I stood, well…

I screamed out in pain as it felt like I ran headfirst into a brick wall, and I shortly found myself reacquainted with the cold, hard ground. I saw stars as I tried to force myself back to reality. I knew that, unless something changed now, I was probably going to die.

And yeah, I know that the fact that I’m telling this story in the past tense pretty much guarantees that I’m going to survive the journey. Congrats, critics, you’ve realized that storytelling has patterns. The point isn’t that I got out of this alive, but how I got out of it alive. Now, the next bit is a little fuzzy for me because of the likely concussion I was suffering, but as I was trying to force myself to my feet, I heard a loud hiss and then the slam of flesh against carapace. Naturally, I was confused because I definitely didn’t hit it hard enough for there to be an echo.

The hissing voice began grunting as if it were a beast of burden pushing against the weight of an entire circus, and before I knew it, I found myself out of the crab’s shadow, under the rising sun.

The crab? Rolling down the cliff into oblivion.

I tried to stand, but found my strength completely leaving me as, once again, I found myself face-down on the ground.

Really doing a bang-up job, here, Twistfall.

—

I don’t think I need to explain just how upset Arzias was at me. I mean, I knew she struggled with communicating in the common tongue, but once I finally woke back up and my awareness had returned to me, she spent a great deal shouting in her native language. I felt my eyes glaze over as not only did I recognize less than one percent of the words she used, she was ranting so quickly that I doubt I’d have even understood it if I could speak her language, though as she got whatever profanity-laced ranting out of her system, she asked again, in her best approximation of common, why I tried to wander off.

I explained, as simply as I could, that I felt bad that she’d spent so much time babysitting me while I was unconscious, and I wanted to get out and stretch my legs by finding us some breakfast. Something I wouldn’t have done if I had been aware of giant crabs wandering the island.

“It not just the big crabs,” Arzias had said, unconvinced and without sympathy. “We already talk about orkies and other lizards, and other lizards not as nice as me. Most not even bother learn common. Many get mad when people no speak our tongue.”

“All right, all right,” I said, “I get the picture. Erm…I mean the point,” I corrected myself, as Arzias muttered, “Picture…?”

“So what do we do now?” I asked.

Arzias looked around awkwardly, as if both trying to dodge the question and trying to spot any possible predators on the horizon. “Maybe we go to Arzias village, but…they could be mad. Mad that we still no have wizard, no fix volcano problem.”

“I mean, if they’re that upset, why don’t they do it?” I asked, impatiently. “Why is this all your responsibility?”

Arzias hissed a bit, not in anger, but as her way of stalling for time, as if saying, “Um,” or any other common filler words. “It a little hard to explain, but it sort of test. To see if me worthy. I have Trakban tell you when with him again.”

This was more than a little obnoxious, but I nodded, understanding. “Okay, that’s fair. Maybe we should go somewhere else on the island and try to find the others. Do you know where they would have landed? I mean, where the ship would be…stopped?” I asked, trying to articulate in the simplest, most understandable way possible.

“Well, there one place. Kind of dangerous, in orkie land, but we try,” she responded.

“All right. Lead the way,” I said.

“You hurt though!” Arzias protested.

“I’ll be fine, it’s just a headache,” I lied, actually feeling incredibly sluggish. “At any rate, we can wait until after I put my normal clothes back on. They should be dry now.”