Gray skies greeted us in the morning and persisted throughout the day, but that didn’t stop the Callistos from enjoying every moment. Hiking, fishing, and roasting things over the campfire. Even when the rain started pouring down and the wind began to shake the trees, the smiles they had on their faces as they ran towards camp never once wavered. Even the six-year-old Rue never once complained.

The more time I spend with them the more I realize just how much I don’t understand about humans…. No, about people. I often forget that I’m human, in theory at least. I know I was modeled after humans, given their shape and form, but never seemed to inherit their spirit. The spirit that finds beauty in a butterfly’s wing, that finds joy in running in the rain, that never wavers in the face of adversity, and continues forward even when theirs no clear path.

Soaked from head to toe we change a bunker in for the night. Jeremy and Ayaka talk about how if the rain doesn’t stop by tomorrow, we’d have to leave early. I thought that this is for the best, it seemed like the world was on my side.

After telling us more stories about all the big fish he’d reeled in over the years, it was time to go to bed. I lay there counting the seconds waiting for the other to fall asleep. Hours passed and the storm continued to rage. Finally sure that everyone was asleep I made my move.

Carefully I crawled out of my sleeping bag, putting my shoes on, and slowly undid the zipper on the tent, only till there was a hole big enough for me to crawl through. The ground was wet and soft beneath me making it hard to get upright. As I tried to get on my feet I fell backward into the mud and made a loud THUMP. My eyes widened. I got up as fast as I could and ran towards the lake without looking back.

My feet sank farther into the mud with every step, the rain started to come down harder by the second. Even so, I couldn’t look back. Rain clouded my view, but I still made it to my destination. Just ahead of me, just off the path, waits for an old dock. I’d seen it on our way to Jeremy’s “secret” fishing spot. Apparently, it was old when his father was a child, and no one really knows who built it. It’s old and falling apart so no one uses it, but it’s perfect for what I have to do.

Walking out onto this dock, the rain just keeps coming down like bullets. The once crystal-clear calm lake had turned to a murky tsunami. Waves crashed violently against the shore, shaking the dock making it creek, but that doesn’t stop me from making it to the end.

Standing at the edge of the dock looking out at the raging lake reminds me of Jeremy’s story. In the moon’s rage and sorrow, he flooded the valley washing everything away. Though the clouds above hid its silver light, I’m sure it’s watching. I can only hope that, like the legend, the moon’s rage can truly wash everything away. The dock shakes, even more, I take my foot and stomp down as hard as my five-year-old body can manage. The planks below me broke with a loud SNAP! And I hit the water.

Sinking into the watery abyss, memories rush through my mind. Memories of all the lives I’ve lived, all the people who fell victim to my curse appear from the abyss in front of me. Their faces are dark and hard to make out.

“I’m so sorry! It’s all my fault! If I hadn’t been born, if I hadn’t been created then none of you would have had to suffer as you did! I won’t ask for forgiveness, I don’t deserve it, but please…. Look after them. The Callistos are kind and don’t deserve to suffer, I won’t ask for anything else just please let them live!” I pleated with the ghosts of my past.

As I did so, I felt my chest tighten, this was the first time I’d ever felt like this before. I’d been sad and felt guilt, but this was something different. Thinking about how the Callistos will react, the painful looks on their faces. I felt myself tear up. I know I’m doing the right thing and yet, my chest tightens even more. Memories of my current life flashed through my mind. Rue reading me stories, Jeremy playing with the Legos that were supposed to be Rue’s and I’s, and Ayaka singing me a soft lullaby.

I realized my contradiction. I want to save them, but I don’t want to leave them. I want to stay with them! I want to hear more of Jeremy’s stories, and I want to feel the warmth of Ayaka’s arms. I want to draw horrible pictures with Rue. But I also want them to have a future!

Falling deeper and deeper into the raging lake, I hear a voice calling out for me.

“Hana! Hana!”

I hear a splash above me, and I look back. To my surprise, Rue had jumped into the choppy water and was swimming towards me, at least as well as a six-year-old could. I don’t understand how she got here or how she knew that I’d jumped into the lake, but panic overtook me. Rue was doing everything she could to reach me, but it was clear that she was quickly losing her breath and I didn’t know what to do!

Before I could even think my body started to move, swimming towards Rue, but my body was weak from the lack of oxygen, not that a five-year-old could possibly swim well enough to make it anywhere close to the surface from where I was. I felt the desperation well up inside of me, I had to save her, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t get any closer to her. All I could do was reach out my hand towards her.

Then I felt hands touch my back, I looked back, and it was the phantoms from before, but they were different. Their dark faces became clear. I had expected expressions of hate or spite, but their expressions were the opposite. All of them had kind loving expressions, their hands were warm and gentle. Then they began to push me upward, saying,

“Little one, there is no need to apologize to us, we’ve never once blamed you for what happened. Our deaths aren’t your fault, you’ve done nothing wrong, and none of us regret the time we spent with you. The only regret we have is that we couldn’t tell you this sooner. If anything, it’s our fault for allowing you to bear this weight alone.”

Before I knew it my hand was only a few inches away from Rue’s and as my hand locks with hers the phantoms say one more thing,

“We know not all of the pain you’ve gone through or the trials that await you in the future, and we know that there are no words that could possibly be said to make up for all you’ve gone through. Even so, we want to give you these words. Live! Live a happy life with your family and know that we will always be watching over you, doing all we can to protect the happiness that we failed to give you.”

The dark abyss turned to white, and I blacked out. I woke out to Rue hovering over me with tears in her eyes. I sit up coughing, as Rue pats my back then hugs me. She was shaking and soaking wet.

“Hana, your ok! I couldn’t find you in the tent and saw that the door was open. I when to find you and saw you fall off the dock. I was so scared! Why were you out there!?” Rue asked, tears running down her face.

I didn’t know what to say, I could hardly believe I was alive. The words of the phantoms echoed through my mind; I broke down.

“I… I … Just wanted to…. Protect all of you! … B… bad… things …. All …m…my f… fault!” The words just didn’t want to come out and those that did only came out in bits and pieces. My mind was in chaos, my nose was running, and my eyes filled with tears.

Rue just held me in her arms as I just ranted on in broken English and mostly complete nonsense. The rain had started to lighten, and the lake was starting to clear. I had calmed down but still couldn’t put my words together. Rue let go of me and calmly sat in front of me. Taking her wet sleeve, she wipes the snot from her face. She was clearly shaken, but did her best to put on a calm deminer and said,

“I know I’m not the best big sister. I have no idea what you are upset about or what I can do to fix it, but I’m still your big sister!” She looked me in the eye her voice trembling.

“So, if something is wrong or if you’re in trouble YOU can come to me!” She shouts and her voice cracks, silence fell between us. For some reason, I busted out laughing making Rue turn bright red! I took a deep breath trying to get my thoughts in order, but before I could get any words out, Rue stood up and reached out her hand to me.

“Hana, I don’t know what you think is your fault, but I promise you, as your big sister, I won’t let anything bad happen, and if something does happen, I won’t let you face it alone. So, promise me that you won’t try to face things alone, no more, k?” She asked me, standing tall, she was shaking, but her eyes never wavered.

I took her hand without hesitation and said the only words that I could manage to get out, “I promise…” Somehow taking her hand took a weight off my shoulders, I’d never felt like this before. Glimpses of silver light catch my eye and I look just past Rue at the sky. The rain was still coming down, but the gray clouds that covered the sky were gone. A giant silver moon, with a rainbow ring around it, stood behind Rue.

Reminded of Jeremy’s story I smiled. We made our way back to the camp where Rue’s pare…., no, our parents were scrambling about looking for us. Once they saw us, they scooped us up and scolded us in a tone that was a mix of anger and worry. We left the campsite the next morning, and we proceed to come back every year and our disappearance become a family story that would be held over our heads for many years to come.