Man… That hurts… After trying so many times, I finally did it. No way I would survive after getting hit by a two-ton condensed spherical steel attached to heavy machinery, aka a wrecking ball. I’ve tried my chances with busses but to no avail, they only hurt as much as how stupidly overused they are on isekai stories. Though I do hope the goddess in front of me is actually not a half-naked pixie cut blonde woman with really red lipstick about to yell at me due to the object that kills me be the same as the title of one of her songs.

“I am not Hannah Montana”

“Yes… I can see that”

The old lady that’s talking to me looks like she’s the great-grandma of someone who's been through the big bang twice. I was hoping the goddess that will take me into an isekai world would be beautiful so that I could add on to my harem list, but I guess I drew the short end of the stick on this one. Considering her cheeks looked like they could reach the floor if she ever so slightly bent her back.

“That’s quite rude for someone who's been begging every night while they were alive to be reincarnated into a fantasy world filled with beautiful girls.”

“Ah, yes… I’m very sorry about that.”

GOD DAMNIT BRAIN! Stop messing up my chances of getting reincarnated!

“And you’re using my name in vain.”

“Well… you’re a goddess so I don’t think that counts.”

“... You’re quite witty for someone who has social anxiety.”

Oh no… the S word… The forbidden word that haunts me even to this very day. Hearing that word again makes me unhappy; quite frankly I’m disappointed, and my day is possibly ruined. If only there were a very generous goddess that would help me ease this pain, oh that would be wonderful.

“Alright! Alright! Quiet down you!”

“Yes sir- ma’am- god- goddess.”

Boy, this is it! The day I’ve been waiting for! The day where I get to be reborn as an overpowered MC in an isekai story! What kind of powers would I get? What kind of place will I be transported to? What will become of my adventurous spirit-

“I don’t think you’re going anywhere mister.”

“... what?”

“Look, us gods have been getting a surge of people just like you.” Said the goddess as she sighs continuously, “at first we were happy about it. There are an infinite number of universes that each of us gods has to oversee, but due to our limited numbers, many of those worlds got destroyed by their own people. So, the help of you humans have been quite welcomed, until that stupid ‘isekai cult’ of yours that tells people to off themselves in order to get into an isekai.”

Isekai cult: a cult where I was once a member of, of course not anymore since I've succeeded the ‘sekai change’ or so they call it. Looking back, that club was pretty insane, in a bad way, a very bad way. Imagine a plethora of unhinged people grouped together fantasizing about the other worlds. Though I was once one of them, I don’t want to go back to that time again, mainly due to the hygiene issue due to hanging around in the woods for too long without showering.

“I was okay with it, but…” The goddess hesitated for a bit while looking at me with pitiful eyes before continuing, “people like you are predictable.”

“Predictable?”

“Yes. Most of them have a certain template for their lives. They wake up in another person’s body, learn their overpowered power, take in as many boys or girls under their wing, battle the demon king, rinse and repeat.”

“Well, those are the dreams of every isekai lover, no?”

“Yes. Which is why you people are predictable and very much unbearable.”

“Why would having the same dreams and aspirations as other people be unbearable to you?”

“Imagine watching tv and every channel is filled with NASCAR, and only NASCAR. Sure there are some differences, like when is that guy gonna pass the other dude, or if you’re lucky there’s a giant crash. But at the end of the day, they’re all the same. Like I said, us gods have an infinite amount of worlds that we oversee, so looking at these redundant ‘heroes’ is like channel surfing but every channel shows the same stuff.”

I wouldn’t blame her, most of us are probably uncreative and follow a set of rules that we have learned during the isekai cult camps. But I wouldn’t blame them either, because those sets of rules will bring them the glory and freedom that they searched for in an isekai in the first place. I myself have my own set of- Wait! What is she doing with her hands!?!?

“WOW! WAIT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

“Taking you to hell of course.”

“Wha- NO! Don’t take me to hell, please! I’ll do anything!”

“Anything?” said the goddess with a sly smile on her face. I gulped, thinking of what kind of horrible scenario she would set me up for. She took a glance at me and continued on with an uncaring attitude “I don’t really want anything right now… So, to hell you go!”

Her hands started dancing, her fingers wiggling, and her feet lifted off the ground. A magic circle, which is very cliche if I do say so myself, appeared right below me. It’s oozing blackness and wafting out a very sinister aura. Is this it? After all I’ve been through, I’m going straight to hell? No! There has got to be another way… Oh Right!

“A contract! I would like to propose a contract!”

“Hmmm?” Her hands stopped mid-air and the magic circle stopped oozing out that black stuff from before. “Interesting… I’m listening.”

“One of the ‘Ordinances of Gods’ is that gods can’t control others' lives directly, right? That’s why you bring us to other worlds, in order to help you prevent that world from falling apart. Well, I will give you my free will from time to time and-”

“Pass.”

“... what?”

“Yeah, that’s a hard pass. That ‘Ordinance of Gods’ you were talking about is obsolete. But the fact that you know that is interesting.” In the blink of an eye, she got right up on my face and peered into my soul with her burning black abyss-like eyes. “I knew it! It’s that isekai cult that teaches you this stuff isn’t it?”

“...”

“After so many eons, I’ve finally found something interesting. Boy, your field trip to hell is canceled for now; I’m going to send you to a world and circumstances of my choosing!”

“I- Wha- Th- Thankyou…”

“No, no, no… thank you.”

With a flick of a wrist, her long finger grazed my forehead, my body grew heavy, my head started to fall, and my vision went black.

+++++

I woke up to the noises of clinking armors, cheers of knights, and the sound of a very sharp blade going through thick meat. Currently, I’m floating on top of what appears to be a public execution; I can’t feel or smell anything, but I can see and hear quite well.

“Alton Crenada, The former prince of Crenada Empire, for the crimes that your family had done to the people, your head shall roll to the ground!”

A man with tattered clothes and visible fresh blood on his shoes is reading a scroll loudly to a kid, seemingly 10 years old, that’s strapped to a guillotine. Besides the man, a beautiful lady with red hair, dress, eyes, and lips is sitting very elegantly; her razor-sharp eyes are locked on the poor kid whose head is about to be separated from his body. Though there’s something clearly strange with that boy, even though he’s about to meet his doom, his body is calm and not shaking at all.

Well, that’s that and this is this! The most important question is upon me: Who am I going to be? There’s a whole lot of people gathered up here, from knights to what I expect to be high nobles due to their fancy clothing. Will I be one of these knights that will save this little boy from danger? Will I be the queen and show my mercy in front of everyone? Or will I be-

What the… I swear there’s got to be something wrong with that kid. He’s looking at me real intensely, almost as if he can see me. Though I’m pretty sure he can’t because I can’t even see my own arms right now. Gosh, he’s giving me the creeps… I have a really bad feeling about this.

While I was having a staring contest with the kid, I didn’t realize the executor had wrapped their fingers on the guillotine lever before turning it, making the giant sharp blade fall to the ground, decapitating the boy’s head. Though I do feel bad about the boy, dying fairly young like that and all, I felt a bit relieved because I will not become that-

A blue thread appeared on the boy’s corpse. I don’t think it can be seen by others because no one’s paying attention to the phenomenon. After that thread wiggled around and tried to get as high as possible, a peculiar thing happened; it started to reach over to me at a speed faster than my dad when he got caught wanting to run away after buying some milk from the apple store.

+++++

What was once a field filled with laughter and joy after defeating the tyrannical rule of the last Crenada Empire’s emperor, is now filled with the silent terror of people watching something truly horrifying in front of their eyes. The arms and head of a boy that had keeled over and put into a basket jumped in front of everyone’s eyes; it started to march towards the lifeless body of the boy and positioned itself. After a while, the screeching sound of two very hard objects can be heard; the unnerving noises were the bones of the head and arms aligning themselves and conjoining with their old homes. With that, the boy who's lost his life has risen back to life out of nowhere.

“Tha- tha- tha- BLACK MAGIC! THAT’S THE FORBIDDEN MAGIC!”

“WE MUST PURGE HIM! BURN HIM TO THE GROUND!”

“OF COURSE! IT DOESN’T MATTER IF HE’S A KID OR NOT! THE SON OF A TYRANT WILL DEFINITELY BE A TYRANT ALSO!”

The boy, Alton Crenada, hearing all of this, can only pull up a wry smile and whisper under his breath, “Yeah, I guess this is what you would call ‘interesting’ you psycho of a god.”