Chapter 4: Blickt der Abgrund auch in dich hinein

Something is stalking me, it is right behind me. What I don't know but it is feral, murderous and most of all rotten. No matter how fast I run, no matter how hard I try, that thing is still there hounding me. Around me, everything is breaking down, decaying into a desolate landscape, barren and revolting.

Soon, everything starts to contort into a twisted form, the ground the sky all mesh together impossibly. Soon I found myself losing all sort of footing and keep on falling up through this perverted world.

There is nothing I could do but to curl up and wish that all of this would end.

In a sudden, I slam against the cold hard floor which feels strangely welcoming after the disorienting experience. Looking up, I found myself in a gigantic chamber full of spinning gears. It is empty saves for a woman resting on the chair at the end of the room. Behind her is a giant ornate clock face, facing outside.

That looks exactly like the school clock just without the number, this one is way bigger, however. I was inside the clock tower once with Yuuko, there wasn't any chamber behind it. There were only a bunch of gears and several walkways for maintenance.

I want to make out more of the detail but can't because my eyes are drawn by the woman otherworldly beauty.

She wears a plain white shirt which conforms to her slender and finely shaped body. Her dress is also rather featureless but the simplicity works well with her angelic look. The woman has long flowing white hair that looks as if it is shining in the dim lighting. She looks up, eyes remain closed but I can still feel her gaze.

I am at a loss for words against the woman, not because of her beauty though. Oh no, it is the familiarity that makes me think. I have met with this person before but when and where I can't remember. Me, can't remember something! Is that even possible!

Noticing my confusion, a sinister smile of sort flashes on her face but it is soon replaced with a more benevolent substitute.

"Welcome to the land of the dead, my dear"

Her voice is clear and piercing an… "Wait, what did you say!" Did she say that I am…

"Don't worry you are alive for now. I am here to greet you simply as your ancestor, truly sorry that you have to hold this power of mine. To be bestowed such a fate, tragic indeed"

Fate? What is she talking about, the rot? And the 'power' mentioned, is it my eidetic memory? There are so many questions I want to ask but suddenly a force pull me back. I am dragged back to the dark void behind me. Grabbing a gear, I try to get some answer at least before being booted out like this.

"Are you talking about the rotten influence over this school! If so, do you know how I can stop it!"

White, ambient noises filled my ears and so I yelled to drown out them out.

"You faced the abyss once yet you still dare to stare at it once again? Very well, if that is your wish then seek out my canvases of power then paint your own wretched vision" She said, amused.

My grip is starting to loosen, my fingers are numb. With all of left strength left in me, I ask.

"Who are you?"

"I am Elizabeth, Elizabeth Grey. Say hello to dear brother for me when you return"

As I am dragged away by the inexplicable force, I can hear her musing.

"In the end, we will not be judge by what we destroy but by what we create"

I wake up greeted by a soft smell of fetid flesh, basked in the rotten sunlight. There were birds outside chirping happily in a revolting melody that can pierce one mind. Ah, I haven't changed out of my uniform yet, guess I could wear it for today as well.

I tried to see if it may need ironing but the exercise is near impossible with this mouldy fabric. Giving up, I lie on my bed again only to find the bouncy sensation I am all too used to being replaced with a mushy thud. This is surprisingly even softer than before, maybe a rotten bed isn't that bad after all.

That was certainly comfortable, albeit strangely but I still need to go to school, much as I don't want to. Inside of me is filled with dread of what could be waiting outside but the investigation must go on.

"Must save Aoi", I said to myself as a reminder but the words just rang hollow.

Washing my face, I look to look at that handsome devil in the mirror. A scorched face with parches of decomposing skin and shrivelled lips. My teeth - jagged and blackened, so brushing them probably won't do any good. Even the messy blond hair that Yuuko loves to ruffle have decayed into broken discoloured strands. Then there are the clear blue eyes, my greatest pride, which are now dull and full of cracks.

I am truly a mess, at least mother would still say I am the most handsome guy in the world so there is that.

The painting of Dorian Grey is still there, silent. He used up too much power I guess.

Making my way outside I can also see my burnt and decayed dormmates making their way to school. The rows of trees are now withered and let off an almost unbearable stench. The wind blowing is foul and feels like the most repulsive touches.

Around me, everyone is still walking, chatting happily to one another unaware of their rotten surrounding. So I am the only one who can see the world like this. No surprise there but there was a tiny hope inside that this is real, that it is not just me who sees the world that way. Guess that I will just have to shoulder this then as someone who is now frankly used to this.

Or maybe I am the rotten one…

As I pace my way, a question keeps on nagging me. Should I inform Akihiko of what had happened? We are all members of the Paranormal Activity club (unofficial) after all. But before, there hasn't been anything life-threatening or at least that we noticed. But now I know such a thing exists, something deadly, something that killed Aoi. Can I drag him into something like this, what if he is killed or gains this blasted filter of mine? If he dies, it would then be my fault. How can I cope with something like that!

Come to think of it, the reason why I first investigated this rot was for finding the truth. But soon, it became something routine, soon I continued to be with them Akihiko and… Yuuko.

Just thinking about her makes my heart sinks. I can't keep on walking anymore, knowing that I would meet her, I would see her with this twisted vision of mine. My Yuuko tainted by this vision! Her perfect form deformed! That pristine skin charred into cinder! Her heavenly hair reduced to a twisted state! Her deep black eyes cracked and hollow! Her sweet and playful voice distorted a screeching mess!

Just imagining that makes me sick! No, I don't want to continue like this!

I knew there must be a drawback, a side effect of diving too deep into the rot. Here it is, gazing back at me, corrupting me that rotten abyss. I should have accepted this as a punishment for my overconfidence. I know all too well.

I thought I was used to it but no… there is no way to come to term with this festering madness!

I can't stand this anymore, all the stenches, all the warped and impossibly twisted scenery, all the scorched people and their shrills. But the worst lies in the terrifying future, Yuuko. I want to stop this, all of it, everything.

Ruffling in my bag, I found it the object I am looking for. The unforgiving coldness of steel is certainly welcoming. With a smile on my face, I plunge the pair of scissors into this rotten neck of mine.

And then it was all black…

…

…

…

I wake up once again, emerge from the void only to be immediately assaulted by the foulest of noise, the most decaying smell. Around me are full of harrowing faces, charred features, hanging jaws. They hound at me, waiting to tear me apart. I try to close my eyes again but the images are still present.

Then suddenly, an angelic like voice, clear as day, shoot through the shrills the shrieks.

"All of you go to your classes before you are late. Leave him some space!"

I open my eyes and is graced by the purest of figure standing in the midst of the corruption, completely unaffected.

"You are awake now? Good, let's get you to the infirmary"

I was picked up gently, my head held in case of concussion. My small frame fits perfectly like a baby in Kumiko-sensei arms as she carries me gently away. This is the third time in the last two days that I feel compel to shed tears for witnessing normalcy. Like the last time, however, I manage to hold it in.

To be fair, from today onward, the normal of yesterday will become exceptions. I have hoped that this vision is just a temporary effect but now that is just wishful thinking. So, this will be my life from now on, if so then I will enjoy this for as much as possible.

Unmoving, I peek at Kumiko-sensei's dignified presence. It seems like against a twisting backdrop, all of her features are amplified somewhat. Even her hair, which is of decent quality, look strangely enchanting. Come to think of it, Sensei always has her hair perfectly cut, shoulder length and her bang split down to the side for a bit. A teacher once said he had never seen her donning another style out of her 16 years of teaching.

Despite being in her late thirties, Kumiko-sensei looks deceptively young. I even mistook her to be trainee teacher at first seeing that she looks to be in her early twenty. Students would jest that is one of the school 7 mysteries (if there are even enough to be 7), Sensei would say that is a discipline lifestyle. Despite that, she still needs glasses though.

Her youthful look, clear sharp eyes plus a mole in the left side under the lips make her a popular target of flirting men. Everyone was rejected outright of course but that didn't stop them. One day, they would say, someone would eventually conquer the harsh teacher.

Looking at her untainted self seems to have restored my sanity somewhat, thatplus sensei's feeling of gentleness soon lure me into a deep sounding sleep.

When I woke up again, I am now in the decaying infirmary. At least in this rotten world, decomposing matter is easy on the back, it feels rather funny though, a bit mushy. The bed is certainly nice but I really don't want to look at what is it like.

"President, you are awake!"

A familiar voice called out to me and at that moment everything around just fades away. There is only me and my lovely Yuuko standing there cleansing my mind with her presence.

Coming over, she sits by me who is still wondering if this is a dream or not. She pinches me in the cheek.

"What with that dazed look, sleepyhead" Her voice is to a still dazed me, too angelic to be true.

Plunging myself into her chest, I bask myself in her scent. Digging my fingers into her soft waist, I must look like a weirdo right now but it doesn't matter. With the other hand, I grab and caress her flowing hair, running the smooth strands between my fingers.

I can feel her arms wrapped around my shivering head. At this moment, I could forget everything, Aoi's death, Elizabeth and Dorian Grey, even the rot itself, everything.

"What happened, President?"

She asked softly. It takes a while for me to regain my composure but I finally do. Still buried in her chest, I explain everything with a muffled voice. And by 'everything' I really mean it, even about what happened about Aoi last night and my guilt.

Listening attentively from beginning to end, Yuuko remains silent for a while before ruffling my hair just like back then.

Before, when I wasn't used to the rot I would often collapse from the revolting taste. She would always be there to ruffle my hair, to calm me down. 'Don't worry, Yuuko-senpai is here' she used to say after those occasions. After becoming a couple though, it changed to just a 'I'm here'. I do miss the old one but of course I much prefer this version.

"President, you are a good person and nothing will change that. You just get too into it with your deductions though but I know you mean well"

"But what I did are still…"

I tried to reply but muffled my voice too much at the end here. I am acting like a child now…

"Then try to change, I'm sure if you try, the President can become much more considerate. Don't worry there are me and…" I can hear her grunted the name 'Akihiko' along with a 'tch' "… there to be with you all the way"

"True, guess I am still lucky to have you guys… although it would be great if you and Akihiko could get along though"

I can hear Yuuko voice changes, she is probably pouting.

"It's not like I don't value him being your friend. It's just that…"

"You jealous?"

I asked, jokingly. A teased Yuuko is just too cute, I want to look at her face but are too afraid. I don't want to see that horrible scenery anymore.

"No, I am not" She immediately retorted "Well, maybe a bit… but that isn't the main reason. I just don't like him and I am sure the feeling is mutual!"

"Ha ha ha, now that is true. Not sure about the first part though"

"Mooo, President you meanie!"

Ah, I really want to look at Yuuko right now. Slowly backing my head away, I can feel it is shaking again. I don't want to open my eyes. Suddenly, I can feel Yuuko palms on my cheeks. She whispered at me softly.

"Don't worry, just look at me only, President"

I open my eyes and my vision is filled with only with Yuuko smiling gently at me.

"See, it isn't too hard" She said, pausing a bit before continuing.

"On another note, I wonder where you get that recent habit of diving into another chest from?"

Ahhhh! I tried to fumble my way out of this. Yesterday with Aoi, it was because our height match like that, ha ha, that's it! Why did I have to go and describe everything like that!

"That's payback, for teasing me earlier"

Yuuko playfully said to a flustered me. We both laugh out loud. Gazing back into me, she continues.

"Your blue eyes, they are clear again!"

She seemed happy. Guess that before, I must have looked horrible. I can already imagine my eyes dead from staring at all the decay. I admit.

"I… I'm scared. I don't think I can go on, looking at this world like that all the time"

Smiling, Yuuko pokes at my forehead "Then why don't use this head you are so proud of? You remember everything right, why not applying them all over"

S…She is right, why hadn't I thought of this earlier. While I can't remember everything but common sense would just help to fill in the blank. If faced with something new, I just need to glimpse at it with the rot and tries to restore it in my mind. Let just hope that my common sense hasn't eroded too much yet.

I try to look at the space around us and voila, it is a normal infirmary. Everything, all the cabinets, the medicines, the posters they are all here, normal looking.

With this I can see it… the world once again.

This memory of mine has been of use, that much is undeniable. But then, I have never really cared that much about it, I could probably be fine without something like that. After all, most people don't have it and deep inside, I feel guilty being born with this ability instead of through hard work.

But now, however, I am truly grateful. For this power and especially for Yuuko.

I look back at her and our gazes meet. We freeze, fixated on one another. I move my face closer to hers. Is this finally the time? I have been looking forward to this moment for so long, a chance to taste that lips of hers, of my Yuuko.

Our mood is interrupted rudely by the sound of bell ringing. Darn it.

"Well, I guess I have to go back to class" Yuuko said with a hint of bitterness.

"Me too, too bad I can't lie here all day"

The two of us laugh awkwardly and it is time for my girlfriend to return to the senior building. Before she leaves, however, Yuuko suddenly turns around.

"President" She called me and kiss on my unsuspecting cheek "See you again soon" And with that, Yuuko left me here all red in the face.

Ah, ever since this day started, I have been sent to the land of the dead. Thrown around in an environment shifting constantly. My senses were corrupted and I attempted to kill myself. But then I got Yuuko to kiss me on the cheek. These all happen before noon even.

… Guess that this morning wasn't so bad after all!

Returning to the classroom, the reception I receive wasn't really to my expectation. Or more like a few 'hi' is all that I have. Some of my classmates were there this very morning, by now everyone should have known about my attempted suicide right now. Even though I would this the non-existent reaction is rather alarming.

It's not like they were told to stay quiet even, if that was the case then it would be shown in their faces. No, this is as if no one knows what happened.

Also, the most pressing question is that how did I survive that even. Placing a hand on my throat I can't seem to sense any scar or mark. Even if I messed up people would have still witnessed the fail attempt. No, this is as if my meltdown didn't even exist in the first place. But then what was I even doing at the infirmary.

About that place, for some reason I keep on feeling like something was overlooked, but what?

Questions swirling in my place but that is when a hint present itself in front of me.

"Ah, you are here, lesson is… starting soon"

This is Mamoru-sensei's lesson, who is acting rather cautious toward me. Does he know, I wonder. I try to turn of the vision and in just a blink of an eyes, the classroom becomes hell on earth. All the things most repulsive once again envelop me. While I am fine with burst exposure like this, the transition needs to be work on. In this state, the sudden transformation is even more unbearable than the scenery itself.

At least this has been educational as now I know two more that aren't affected by this rotten vision of mind. One is Akihiko and the other is Mamoru-sensei himself.

Putting the filter back on I return to my usual seat where my good friend is sitting there with a worried face on his expression. He wants to say something but the lesson has already started and this is the one class that he can't talk in seeing that we are marked by the teacher.

Trying to be as discrete as possible, I slip Akihiko a message, asking whether he has heard about my attempted suicide or not. After reading the piece of paper, he gives me a V with his hand, that's a yes.

Due to the fact that we investigate the new buildings together, which are always full of students, we have to be extra discrete. For that, us both devised a simple signalling system using hand gestures to indicate various responses. It is quite detail when it comes to the rot, showing if it is where we are or not and its intensity or without a word.

That was a fun weekend, spent making up code and level for the rot. For example, level five is equivalent to smell like dead fish in Akihiko case. We really felt like spies, conducting the most secret of operations.

Yuuko wasn't interested though, 'boys stuff' she said.

After several exchanges, I have managed to confirm that Akihiko didn't learn of my suicide attempt through the students but a teacher instead, Mamoru-sensei to be precise. A memory wiped of sort happened, so are the people unaffected the same with ones that aren't tainted through my vision? Can those people also sense the rot?

More and more questions keep on popping up and many of them have always been there. The more I dig the more layers there are, this rabbit hole just keeps on getting deeper.

I try to put up some of our past investigation results up to confirm some suspicion but what appear are blurry messes. Ah, keeping this filter up is more taxing than I thought. There is also not enough information to make any sound theory. Guess… I will just enjoy the lesson then. Gosh, just thinking that is so weird.

To enjoy something like this…