I was quiet the whole walk back to my house. Jack didn't push for me to talk about what was running through my mind. To be honest, I didn't want to talk about it anyways. All that was constantly running through my mind was the memory of my sister's last day. The whole thing made me realize that I needed to talk to someone about it, but I just didn't know who I would be able to unload that baggage on.

My quietness didn't get past Derik as we walked in the front door. I didn't even look at him as I went straight upstairs to the bedroom. Leaving the two of them to talk while I threw off my shoes and crawled under the blankets.

Derik shortly walked up and joined me in the bed. Just holding me close, not saying anything. It was nice that he wasn't going to ask questions because I didn't feel like answering anyways. Just the gesture of knowing he was there to support me was enough.

My thoughts slowly faded off of my sister and began to shift to my relationship with him. It was moments like this that made me feel guilty for not trusting him completely. For debating if I made the right choice. But I couldn't deny the feelings I was slowly developing towards David. All I could do was ignore them and try to feel something stronger towards Derik.

"Leah," Derik suddenly said, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"Derik," I responded, making him let out a small chuckle. But he didn't say anything. Curious, I rolled over to face him on the bed and see the hesitation in his eyes, "What is on your mind?"

He looked at me, unsure of what to say. It was clear that he didn't know what to say. Eventually, he finally asked, "Why did you choose me?"

Part of me wanted to get angry at him for asking at that question. But the other part told me that it was just his insecurity asking. I had no way to answer to put that insecurity to sleep. There were no words that I could say that will make him stop asking. It was obvious that he would never believe a word I say. Not when I had this connection to David.

Derik took my silence the wrong way and got annoyed. He rolled away from me and sat at the edge of the bed. Sitting up with him, I grabbed onto his elbow to keep him from leaving. I knew that I should have just let him go, but for some reason I just couldn't. This isn't the type of relationship I wanted or imagined. Constantly saying and doing things that would make him happy instead of making it a team effort.

If my sister was still around, she would be telling me to leave the toxic relationship before it got worse. But I just couldn't. I couldn't just give up on the relationship or give up on Derik. It was stupid, but it made perfect sense to me. I needed to make this all work, even in it was to constantly convince Derik that he was the only one for me. That David was no threat to him.

The question that left my mouth would have had several slapping at me for my stupidity, but I still asked it, "What do I have to do to convince you that you have nothing to worry about? I'm already going to marry you. What else do you want?"

He let out an annoyed sigh as he stared at the window. I couldn't understand why he was acting like this. Derik didn't even give me enough time to answer his question. It surprised me as he ripped his arm from my grasp, "You should already know what else I want from you, Leah," he told me as he got up from the bed and headed for the window.

The whole reaction made me wonder what his problem was. It was like he wanted me to be able to read his mind. A part of me knew he was trying to manipulate me into doing something I wasn't ready for. But the other part was trying to figure out if he told me what he wanted or not.

I'm pretty sure he wanted me to admit that I did in fact have feelings for David, just so he could fight about it. It was like Derik wasn't happy unless there was some sort of drama between. us. So instead of giving him what he wanted, I got out of bed and headed for the stairs. It was plain to see that it wasn't the reaction he was expecting.

"Where are you going?" I heard him ask as I slowly went down the stairs.

"To David, because apparently that is where you want me to be," I called back.

My foot made it to the bottom step by the time he grabbed on to my wrist. Making me look at him. With a serious tone, I explained to him, "You need to stop doing this, Derik. I chose you and that should be the only thing that matters. Stop pushing me away and expecting me to just sit back and accept it."

He didn't say anything as he slowly let go of my wrist and let it drop to his side. The look on his face was that of defeat. The feeling of guilt for hurting his feelings was strong, but I had to push it away. He had to know that he had to learn to trust me or I would start to think that I made the wrong choice. If he hadn't learned it by now, then what was the point in staying?

Derik must have sensed my annoyance because he sat down on the stairs with a heavy sigh, "I feel like I keep messing up."

It took everything I had to not say anything. This was his chance to talk and work things out. It wasn't my place to give him smart remarks. That would only make him angry and this whole mess would start all over.

"Leah, I know I'm unreasonably jealous and should trust you more. But for some reason it is hard for me to do just that," he admitted. I fought my eyes to roll because it felt like something I have heard him say already, "All I want to do is prove that whatever you feel towards David is nothing but something everyone suggested was the truth. That what you feel isn't real and that you can choose whoever you want to be with."

As much as I wanted to believe those words, I just couldn't. Maybe it was the gene telling me that what he was saying was untrue. That my feelings for David were real and it was something I just couldn't deny. But my thoughts were cut short as Derik suddenly stood up and led me to the wall on across from the stairway.

My back gently hit the wall as he caged me in between his arms. Determination filled his dark brown eyes as he stared at me. Making me fully focused on him and his closeness.

"I've held back because I was waiting for you to be ready. But I think if I wait any longer, he is going to take you away from me," he said in almost a whisper.

Cupping my face in his hands, he leaned down and had his lips meet mine. Determination and passion bled into the kiss, making my heart race. My mind went blank in an instant and I could only focus on all that was going on right in this moment. Instincts told me to let him take the lead while my heart begged me to stop before it went farther than a kiss.

My hands rubbed a trail up his chest as they found a home at the back of his neck. His hands left my face as they fell to my hips so he could pull me closer. Deepening the kiss and making me lose my breath. Lust slowly rose within me as my heart slowly began to crack into pieces.

Pulling away, Derik grabbed onto my hands and then slowly led me back upstairs to the bedroom. An inner voice screaming for me to stop as we got closer to the bed. But I ignored that voice and followed his lead as his lips once again found mine. His hands becoming more adventurous as they found their way under my shirt. I felt clumsy under his expert touch.

He led me to the bed until the back of my legs hit the mattress. Wrapping an arm strongly around my waist, he guided to me to lay on the bed without breaking the kiss. Derik placed my hands where they needed to be as he gently placed his weight on top of me. Making the voice scream even louder.

I tried my best to ignore that voice as clothes slowly began to disappear. Trying to reason with it as I got closer to the point of no return. This was something that most couples do and I was going to marry him. This was something that was going to happen eventually. But the voice would respond by telling me that I didn't love him. I was giving him something he didn't deserve.

A gasp escaped my lips as a sharp pain between my legs took me by surprise. But that wasn't the only place I felt pain. My heart shattered as the voice began to cry as it asked me "why". Tears filled my eyes as Derik held me closer, whispering in my ear that it was all going to be okay. Sadly, I couldn't be so sure.

After the voice went silent, it felt like an eternity before we were finished. Rolling off of me, Derik held me close to his side. I felt his warm lips on my cold shoulder as he left a small satisfied kiss on it. Making my stomach turn with regret. It was actually a relief just to hear his cell phone ring from the pocket of his jeans.

Derik got up and went to answer it, "What is it, Boss?" What ever Boss was saying on the other side of the line must have been a long message because the silence was so long, "Got it. I'll be right there."

Listening, I heard him get dressed. The whole entire time, I pretended to sleep. I didn't want to face what usually comes afterwards. The whole asking questions if I was okay was something I didn't want to face because I wasn't doing fine. My heart was breaking because it felt like I just betrayed David by sleeping with Derik.

After he got dress, I heard Derik go down the stairs. I waited for the faint click of the front door closing before crawling out of the bed and headed for the bathroom. I didn't even bother to grab my clothes as I went straight for the shower.

Hastily I turned on the water and didn't even give the water a chance to adjust before I jumped in. My hands grabbed for the soap and quickly rubbed it all over my body. It felt like I was so dirty and that I needed to do everything I could to get clean. To feel clean and not have the memories of what I had just done.

But no matter how much I scrubbed and washed the soap away. It couldn't wash away the feeling of his hands on my skin. The feeling of his body on and in mine. It couldn't even was away my regret and guilt that I felt towards something that should have felt wonderful with the person I was dating. Instead, he made me feel dirty and wronged. Sadly, I only had myself to blame because I let it happen instead of stopping it when I should have.

As the water ran cold, I slid down to the floor and hugged my knees as tears mixed with the water as it ran down my face. The pain in my heart was just too much and the regret was crippling.

It wasn't long until the water turned off and a towel wrapped around me. I didn't realize that I was cold until I was pressed against a firm body on the floor. Arms wrapped protectively around me. I didn't even have to look to know who it was because he said that he would always be there for me. And right now, I needed him more than ever.

"I'm sorry," I said through my tears as I gripped onto his shirt like a lifeline, "I'm so sorry, David."

He didn't say anything. He just continued to hold on to me in a comforting embrace as I cried. I was expecting him to ask me why I even did it in the first place if I was just going to regret it later. Instead he sat there quietly and didn't show how much he was hurting inside. Because in his mind, I came first.