Act II, Part III: Broken Hope

By Antuul Dralosi, Lost Soul

The only thing I really know anymore is this cave. I don’t know how many times I’ve died in this place and woken up with my head in that pool again, but I know every time I do, she’s watching me with that same disapproving glare. She thinks I’m stupid—I don’t care though. She’s not my master. She’s my ‘guide’ whatever that even means, but it doesn’t matter, because I’ve given up. I’ve finally just accepted it: this cave—this cave is my life now. And you know, that’s okay I suppose—I’m just so thirsty. I just want something to drink, but every time I make a run for that fortress, I end up back here. I’m so tired of trying. I’m so, so, so tired of trying. You can’t possibly understand what it’s like to die over and over and over with no release. It’s hell. It’s a state of pure hell to know that I’ll just keep ending up in this god-forsaken cave, because that fortress, it’s a trap. It’s not real, it’s just something to keep luring me out from this cave, but this cave is safe. I don’t die in this cave. Nope. I’m safe here. Those things in the sky can’t get me in here.

It’s funny though how my life has gone. I spent my life doing whatever it took to survive and I dreamed about having my own little space—a nice little cave of my own as you will—and here I have it—and here I hate it. I just want to get out of here. I don’t care what happens once I get out of here, I just want it to stop. I. Just. Want. It. To. Stop. But it won’t. There’s no end to this. It’s just a constant endless torment. At least when I was alive or whatever I knew as alive, I got to sleep. Now? There is no sleep. There’s just rocking back and forth here in the darkness of my cave with nothing to do and nowhere to be; I just wish I could get to that fortress. Oh I wish I could. But I can’t, because I was never meant to. It’s just a sick joke. How many times will he run for it? I can almost hear them joking about it behind my back and I don’t even know who them is, but I know they’re doing it. I know this is just some kind of game and I’m just some little pawn being forced to play in a game that doesn’t make sense. It’s comical. Hahaha, you bastards, now let me out. Let me the hell out of this sick game of yours.

It doesn’t matter though. They can all laugh at me all they want; I don’t need them, I never needed them. I never needed anyone. I always got by on my own and if they want to laugh at me here then to hell with them, because I don’t need them. You hear me, you bastards?! Do you?! I don’t need you! I never needed anyone and I sure as hell don’t need you! I hope you hear me! You’re all noth—

* * *

The cave shook and rocks fell. I think I died again because something hit my head, something heavy and then everything went black, but I didn’t wake up like no time had passed at all this time. Maybe I was just unconscious, I don’t know, but the mouth of the cave is gone and there’s caverns now that weren’t there before. I’m going down and hopefully I find something.

* * *

By Azura, I have been blessed. There’s water down here, it’s gritty with silt but it might very well be the best thing I’ve ever tasted in my life. It’s so good to have something to drink. I drank until I was on the burst of vomiting, but I still wanted to go back for more—you never appreciate water until you don’t have it.

Ustavia was perched on a ledge above me and watching me drink to my heart’s content when she startled me. “You have balanced what is within and without, Master Dralosi,” she said flatly. “Enjoy this respite, for it is now that the true tests of this place begin.” I tried to stop her before she vanished into the shadows, but I couldn’t and I honestly don’t think she could’ve saved me from what was coming anyways.

There was the loud clank of metal scraping against metal and the metallic thud as sabatons hit the cold stone floor. I hid a bit towards where I started and waited for whatever these things were to show themselves and they did. They were hulking green humanoids covered in armor and carrying axes. They looked kind of like goblins but bigger and stronger and I swear I have heard of these creatures before. Orcs, I think they were known as. I had never seen one before because as far as I knew, none of them escaped during the Landfall like we and the Khajiits did, but here they were. I wondered for a minute if they were trapped here too and had just formed some kind of gang to keep safe from other prisoners in this hell, but I stopped wondering as they closed in on me.

Now I’m sitting here where the mouth of the cave was and I can hear them talking in the caverns not far from me. I couldn’t make out much of it though because they spoke a heavily-accented old dialect. All I know is I’m sitting here waiting with a rock in my hand for the one they call Gro-Shara to come for me. I’m not waking up in that goddamned pool of water-dust again. Not a chance, so if Gro-Shara finds me, I’m going to kill him and I’m going to get out of here. I’m not going to risk this cave resetting or however the hell this place works. You hear me, you sick bastards? I’m going to get out of here. I mean it. I will beat this!

Here he comes. I hear his footsteps and his loud breathing. It’s uneven. He’s out of shape. If I get the jump on him then maybe I can—